“By shutting down the program.”
He wasn’t sure if she was serious or not, so he just shook his head. “Unlike you, I’ve yet to shower or change my clothes. Do you need anything before I do?”
She started to speak then shook her head. “You look exhausted. It can wait until after you’ve cleaned up.”
“Tell me what it is and I’ll decide if I have enough energy to do it now,” he suggested.
“I’d like to speak with Thea. Is it possible to contact her?”
He moved to stand behind the coach and motioned to the datapad. “Hand me that and I’ll see what I can do.”
She handed him the thin device and he activated the three-dimensional control matrix.
“That is so cool,” she muttered, voice filled with awe.
Too tired to react to her wonder, he quickly navigated through the menus until he reached the communications hub. He selected mobile phone emulation and did a quick data search for Thea Cline’s number. Pausing the datapad, so it wouldn’t react to the command, he explained, “Say ‘activate com’ as soon as you’re ready and the call should connect. If it doesn’t work, I’ll figure out what went wrong when I get back. I really need a shower.” He handed the datapad back to Rebecca, then made a beeline for the utility room.
Chapter Eight
Rebecca watched Sedrik’s broad back until the bathroom door slid shut behind him. Why did he have to be so nice? She complained and schemed and argued. He smiled, soothed and indulged. It made her feel like such a bitch with his persistent kindness. He didn’t deserve the fallout from her screwed-up life. Her mistrust and insecurities had very little to do with the battle born, and even less to do with Sedrik. Yes, the battle born had compromised her ability to elude Jim, but they had never really been a threat. She understood that now. They wanted the same thing she wanted, at least to some extent. She still wasn’t sure what she felt about the transformation project, but she knew humankind needed to understand that the real enemy was the Evonti.
She released a frustrated sigh then focused on the datapad. It was about the size of a tablet, yet so thin it could be folded in half. Lily had taken this one out of the pocket of her lab coat. “Activate com,” she said, wondering why a Rodyte device recognized English commands. Maybe it had been customized for Lily.
The transmission connected, then she heard Thea’s phone ring. “Come on. Pick up,” she whispered under her breath. She suspected Sedrik was back for the night, so this was likely the only opportunity she’d have to speak with Thea without him listening to the conversation.
The line connected and Rebecca smiled, but her relief was premature. Thea’s voice responded rather than Thea herself. “No one answers phones anymore, silly caller. Send me a text. But then my battery is probably dead anyway. Ain’t technology fun?”
The inevitable beep followed. Damn it, she thought, then said, “Hi Thea, it’s Rebecca. My call-back number is pretty tricky right now, I’ll try again later.” The image on the datapad didn’t change and faint static hissed in the background, so Rebecca said, “End com.” The static faded and the image blurred for a moment then returned to the book she’d been reading when Sedrik walked in. She had no idea how to, or even if the datapad could, send a text message, so she gave up for the time being.
Too restless to read, Rebecca set the datapad aside and stood. Her gaze gravitated toward the bathroom door. The room wasn’t large, but it was surprisingly luxurious. Sedrik was in there, naked, water rolling off his sculpted chest and washboard abs. She had yet to see the rest of him unclothed, but her imagination was more than happy to extrapolate.
Heat cascaded through her body, stimulating every erogenous zone along the way. Her logical mind understood that this was simply nature’s way of increasing the chances that she would produce offspring. Still, knowing the cause didn’t decrease the intoxicating effects of the sensations. She wanted Sedrik, wanted to touch him and be touched by him. She wanted to feel him press her down into the softness of his bed while his big body slid over and into hers. He’d fill her up, stretch her tight until she moaned with the overwhelming pleasure. Sedrik had already demonstrated that being intimate with him would be nothing like her other experiences. Jim’s mechanical approach to sex had left her indifferent. She didn’t hate the physical act, had never felt ashamed or particularly awkward. Until Jim started using sex as a weapon. But even before the physical abuse began, without a deep emotional connection, sex felt empty and pointless. She didn’t understand what all the fuss was about.
Until Sedrik kissed her.
She dragged her gaze away from the bathroom door with a frustrated sigh. If all Sedrik wanted was sex, she wouldn’t hesitate. She’d indulge her desires for as long as they both enjoyed the affair, then she’d move on so she could decide what she wanted to do with the rest of her life. The thought made her shake her head. This was all backward. Usually women wanted commitments men weren’t ready, or willing, to give. Well, Sedrik was all about commitment. He wanted things she could barely imagine, much less accept.
She heard a muffled swish, but the door to the living room remained closed. He must have exited into his bedroom, likely to put on new clothes. Was he walking around naked, or wrapped in a damp towel? Either possibility sped her pulse and spiked her libido. She took two steps toward the bedroom before she realized what she was doing and stopped. How would he react if she suggested a casual affair? Would he find the compromise insulting or…
The bedroom door parted and he emerged, pulling on a clingy gray shirt as he went. His loose pants, also gray, hung low on his hips, revealing yards and yards of perfectly toned flesh. The shirt was several shades lighter than the pants, she finally noticed once his torso was covered. He’d shaved as well as showered, but even with a smooth face and squeaky-clean body, he looked dangerous.
“That’s better.” He rolled his shoulders and stretched out his back. “Did you get ahold of Thea?”
She shook her head, quickly swallowing before regaining the ability to speak. “I hit voicemail.”
His eyes narrowed and his head tilted just a bit. “Is that unusual? Should I check in with her security team?”
“Wouldn’t they contact you if there was a problem?”
He remained tense and watchful. “Depends on the circumstances. If they’re pursing an abductor or searching for her, it could be a while before they take time to report.”
She hadn’t been worried until he brought this up. She forced away the fear. They were being paranoid. “You said she’s protected. There are a million possible reasons why Thea didn’t pick up. I’ll try again in the morning.”
“All right.” His stance relaxed and his gaze focused on her. “Do you remember the video I mentioned in the cave?”
“The transformation Jim claimed was me?” She shuddered, trying not to let the unpleasantness seep into the present.
“Would you be willing to record a short message refuting the video’s claim?”
She hesitated, more out of habit than actual fear. “It will tell Jim exactly where I am.”
“Is that a bad thing? He’ll know your safe and far beyond his reach.”
Shrugging with an indifference she didn’t feel, she said, “I’ll do it.” He motioned toward the small desk tucked away in one corner of the living room. “Right now?” She smoothed down her hair and glanced down at her unflattering outfit.
“The sooner the better. It’s already been too long.”
“Can you zoom in so all they’ll see is my face?”
“Of course.” He flashed an encouraging smile as they crossed the room. “Have a seat, and let me know when you’re ready.”
She slipped onto the chair and tucked her hair behind her ears. He reached around her and activated a holographic grid. What had Lily called it? Oh yeah, a control matrix. With quick hand movements and voice commands, he set the system up to record. Her image formed in front of her, like a mirror without the reflective surface.
It took three tries, but she finally recorded a message that satisfied them both.
“Thank you. I know this was awkward for you.” They traded places and he quickly attached the new video to the false one and distributed it across the internet. Once that was done, he took her by the hand and led her to the sofa. “Would you like something to drink? I figured I’d order our dinner from the officers’ dining room. The full-sized kiosks have a larger selection than an in-room nutria-gen.”
“I’d love another glass of blood wine, but I’m not really hungry.”
Her response seemed to surprise him and he smiled. “Lily printed blood wine for you?”
“Was that against the rules or something?” Lily had been so nice. Rebecca didn’t want to get her in trouble.
“It would have been if you were part of the crew, but you’re not.”
“A fact you tend to forget.” She looked away as a smile parted her lips. Why was she flirting with him if she had no interest in becoming his mate?
He slid his hand up her arm and rested it on her shoulder. “I’m well aware that you’re not one of my crew. I prefer to think of you—”
“Naked and waiting for you in bed?” Hearing her own words, she snapped her mouth shut. What was wrong with her?
You’re scared and confused, and Sedrik has never seemed more appealing than he does right now, her inner voice answered.
She licked her lips, still unable to look at him. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Why?” His hand slid up her neck then into her hair. “You can say anything you want to me.”
She shook her head. “It’s not fair. I’m leading you on.”
“Are you sure?” He moved closer.
His body heat sank through her clothes, making her nipples tingle. He stood so close, yet the hand in her hair was their only point of contact. Why wasn’t he touching her, kissing her?
“What do you want, love? Just tell me what you need and it’s yours.”
She closed her eyes, trembling with suppressed emotion. She’d been afraid for so long, and Sedrik made her feel safe. For years she’d known nothing but loneliness and pain. Sedrik offered companionship and pleasure.
“I don’t…I want…” Her voice broke and tears escaped the corners of her eyes. A humiliating sob rattled through her chest and she swayed, gravitating toward him like a flower following the sun. His strong arms enfolded her and his scent soothed her as nothing else could. She pressed against him, greedily absorbing his warmth and the strength so obvious in his muscular body. He was fierce and powerful, strong enough to drive away her demons and keep her safe. But that was so unfair to him. She’d be using him for protection when he deserved a real woman, a partner, a mate.
Focusing on his needs rather than her own, she blinked away her tears and opened her eyes. She had to tilt her head back so she could see his face, but she was determined to make him understand. “I don’t want to deceive you. You’ve been nothing but honest with me, so I’d like to return the favor. I want you very much. I have since you first kissed me. But my reasons are horribly selfish. I don’t think I’m capable of loving anyone. That part of me is…broken.”
“That’s ridiculous.” He framed her face with his hands, staring deep into her eyes. “I’ve touched your mind, sensed your spirit. You’re afraid to love me, afraid I’ll hurt you, but you are still capable of love.”
She sighed, weary of conflict and ready for a change. “I want to believe you. I would love to feel whole again, but I think you’re wrong.” Another surge of emotion threatened her composure and she sucked in a slow, calming breath. “You deserve someone who can love you as deeply as you’ll love them.” She shook her head, lips trembling. “That’s not me, not anymore.”
He leaned down and caressed her lips with his. It wasn’t really a kiss, more like a cat rubbing against her legs, begging for attention. “I don’t believe you,” he whispered, then caressed her lips again. “Do you feel anything for me?”
“You know I do. I want you. I respect and like you, but that’s not love.”
“Not yet.” He grinned. “I’m in no hurry, Rebecca. We can take this as slowly as you like.”
“But I don’t think I can go slowly. Being around you is too hard, too stimulating.”
He chuckled and nipped the corner of her mouth. “There’s a very pleasurable solution for that.”
She pushed back, needing to see his eyes. “Can we have sex without activating the soul bond? Is it even possible?”
His gaze cooled and his features tensed, a muscle twitching above his jaw. “Is that what you want, to share pleasure with me?”
The disappointment in his tone slammed into her, making her chest ache. She’d hurt him and that was what she’d been trying to avoid. “I don’t know what else to do, how to resolve this.”
“There is nothing to resolve. There is nothing wrong.” His words sounded hollow and the openness she’d become accustomed to was suddenly absent from his expression. “We’ve been given an opportunity to achieve something rare and wonderful. Either we take advantage of the opportunity or we don’t. It’s as simple as that.”
She brought her arms up between them, resting her hands on his chest. “That’s as close as you’ve ever come to lying to me. This ‘opportunity’ means more to you than anything else in the universe. You can’t pretend indifference now. If I choose to walk away, you’ll be devastated.”
“That can’t be the reason we move forward.” He slowly lowered his arms and took a step back. “I don’t want your pity.”
“Pity?” She laughed. “No one pities the fearsome General Lux.” He didn’t seem amused by her humor, so she took another breath and tried one last time to make him understand. “I care about you, Sedrik. I don’t want to upset or disappoint you. That’s why I’m not willing to pretend that I feel more for you than I actually do. It would be way too easy to give in to the passion, so you would protect and take care of me. But it wouldn’t be a true bonding. I’d be paying for safety with sex.”
He set his teeth and the muscle above his jaw started twitching again. Not a good sign. His gaze searched hers, intense and assessing. When he spoke a few moments later, his voice was tight, expressionless. “Let me expand the link so I can experience exactly what you feel about me. Then I’ll decide if it’s enough or if we should accept defeat.”
She licked her lips and lowered her gaze. She couldn’t think straight when she looked at him. He was too sensual, too compelling. And if he kissed her, she’d probably agree to anything. They’d exchanged emotions before, but this felt different. He hadn’t lingered in her mind before, hadn’t seen the true extent of her damage.
“Can’t we just go to bed?” she whispered then dropped her forehead onto his chest.
He chuckled, apparently understanding her frustration. His hand gently stroked her arm and warmth returned to his voice. “We’d both feel better for a few hours, but nothing would be resolved. We’re at a crossroads, sweetheart. I know what I want to happen, what I hope will happen, but you’re right. If there is no possibility that you will ever love me, it’s best if we end things now.”
An unexpected surge of panic made her entire body tremble. She didn’t want this to end, didn’t want to be so damaged, so useless, that he would sigh sadly and walk away. But they had to be sure. If Sedrik felt what she felt, saw everything she was now—and everything Jim had destroyed within her—Sedrik would understand why bonding with her would make his life miserable. It was the right thing to do, the honorable thing. He deserved no less than brutal honesty.
So why was her heart breaking?
“If we’re going to do this,” she forced the words out past her tense throat and dry mouth, “I really need that wine.”
* * * * *
Arton the Heretic turned toward the door as Kage
Razel came striding into Arton’s cabin. Kage was back in his barbarian wardrobe, bare to the waist except for the wide weapons’ harness crossing his chest, synth-leather pants and boots, plus a blood-red cape thrown back over broad shoulders. The long section of his dark hair had been coaxed into a floppy wave that rested on the center of his forehead. The rest of his scalp was cleanly shaved, drawing attention to his intense dark stare and the symmetrical arrangement of his features. Tattoos, brands, and mystic sigils covered most of his torso, which was the reason the costume omitted a shirt, of course.
“Do I pass inspection?” Kage extended his arms and turned around. “Keep staring at me like that and you’ll make people wonder.”
Arton snorted, powering down his workstation with an impatient wave of his hand. He pushed back from the desk and stood. “People already wonder about us. We spend so much time together that some are convinced there must be something sexual between us.”
Kage shrugged. “Does it bother you that others believe you’re the overlord’s pet?”
Arton tensed. There wasn’t anything sexual between him and Kage. Never had been and never would be. What others thought about their relationship was a reflection of their immaturity. What bothered Arton about the gossip was he was always cast in a subservient role. “I’m no one’s pet. Not even yours.”
With a rumbling laugh, Kage dismissed the subject and announced the reason for his visit. “I just allowed an unexpected holo-com. Any guess who instigated it?”
“I’m not in the mood for games. My irrational boss shortened the deadlines on all my objectives for reasons I still don’t understand.”
“We’ve wasted too much time here already.” If there was more to Kage’s decision than impatience, he wasn’t yet ready to explain. “Our own planet awaits. It’s simply time to go.”
Not wanting to fight with the overlord, Arton returned to the original question. “Who holo-commed you? And why is it important that I know?” That sounded less disrespectful than Why in hells’ rings should I care, but it got the point across.
Triumphant (Battle Born Book 14) Page 15