by Mary Smith
~~
The pounding in my head woke me up. The sun was blinding me, which made me hurt more. I tried to roll over, but my muscles were so tight, I couldn’t do it. I realized that I was shirtless, and I only had my boxers on. I covered my eyes with my hand.
“Dash,” Garnet’s voice came into the room. “Are you going to class today? You already missed practice. I did try to wake you up.”
“Fuck football. Fuck school. Go away, Garnet.”
“No, you need to get up. There’s still time for you—”
“Go the fuck away,” I shouted, cutting her off, and making my head hurt more.
I heard her sigh. “I’ll come back after class.”
I heard her go down the stairs and the front door slam. My heart raced, trying to figure out what was going on.
That was right; my brother was still dead.
I pushed myself out of the bed, moaning at the muscle strain. When I looked around the room, it was clean. That must have been Garnet’s doing.
I walked over to the window and pulled the blinds shut. I was about to crawl into bed when I heard the front door again. I assumed it was Garnet, until a very sickly Daisy appeared in my doorway.
“What the hell do you want?”
She held up two bottles of vodka. “Garnet took away all of our alcohol; I thought I’d be nice.” She sneered at me.
“You’re drunk.”
“Yep, it’s the only way I could be if I wanted to come over here.” She handed me one bottle and sat down on the floor, next to my bed.
I followed her to the floor, taking a large gulp of the clear liquid. “I never thought you and I would be drinking together. Willingly anyway.”
“We’re dead, you know that?”
“Yep,” I drank some more.
For the next hour, we did no talking. The only sounds were the sloshing of the liquor in our bottles when we took a drink.
We looked at each other when we heard the front door. We knew it was Garnet. I saw the disappointment in her face, seeing the half-empty bottles in both of our hands.
“I see you two had a productive day. Did anyone decide to take a shower?”
We both remained silent. “Either of you eat, or do you plan on dry heaving on me again? Oh wait,” she snapped her fingers. “You both actually puked on me yesterday.”
We still didn’t talk.
“You know what,” she gasped, and a large smile spread across her face. She skipped over to us and fell on the floor. “I think we should just sit here and drink until our livers fall out. I mean,” she began a bunch of fake giggles. “Isn’t that what Dart would want? Dash, you don’t need to go to the NFL, and Daisy, you don’t need to be an RN. We’ll all just stay here and do nothing for the rest of our lives.”
I took a drink from my bottle, not looking at her. I could hear Daisy’s scraping her nails against the labels on the glass.
Garnet didn’t say anything else. She just got up and left.
Chapter 28 – Garnet
Even though I had my homework spread out on the dining room table, I wasn’t studying a word of it. My mind was on my boyfriend and my sister, who were both drinking across the street.
Damn, I need to go check on them. I tossed my pen down and ran over to Dash’s house. I knew they were grieving; hell, so was I. I cared for Dart, too. He was always kind and nice to me. I thought of him as a big brother.
As I walked into the bedroom, I saw Daisy was passed out on the bed, and Dash on the floor. Luckily, no one had thrown up on the floor like last night. Hopefully, they didn’t do it when I moved them.
If I was a real bitch, I would leave them both and let them drown in the pool of alcohol they’re swimming in. Sadly, I’m not that way. She was my sister, and he was my boyfriend. I needed to get them to re-focus on their lives, even if it was without Dart.
It was ironic, because no one had been able to tell me anything when Mom died, and here I was, preaching the same shit people told me.
I rubbed my temples. I knew that there was a long road ahead of all three of us. Even though, I was forcing myself to go to class, all I thought about was Dash and Daisy. I couldn’t get either one of them to talk to me except for a few sentences.
I knew one thing; Daisy couldn’t sleep here. If she woke up here, it would push her further into the drinking mode that she was stuck in. I took a deep breath and started pulling her out of the bed.
Unlike tugging on Dash, Daisy was a bit easier. I threw her around my shoulder, and kept telling her to walk. The stairs were the biggest challenge, but somehow we made it, and back to our house.
There was no way in hell I was going to get her to her bedroom. So I laid her on the couch. I retrieved a bucket and put it next to her. I got a washcloth, and I wiped her face with the cool, soothing water. Her face and nose were red from the tears she had cried. She hadn’t worn makeup since the day of the accident.
I stared at my big sister. It was hard to see her this way, but it was even harder realizing how she felt when she’d tried to help me.
This was going to be a very long road.
~~
When I woke up the next morning I put toast, a bottle of water, and some aspirin on the coffee table, and headed over to Dash’s house to check on him.
He was still on the floor in the same position he was when I left him last night. I kneeled next to him, softly stroking his cheek and jaw. Usually Dash had a sweet woodsy smell about him. Now it was masked from the stench of alcohol and not showering.
I did the same thing for him that I’d done for Daisy. I put everything in front of him and headed to campus.
Classes dragged by, and my worry for Dart and Daisy grew. My fear was they’d get alcohol poisoning or something worse. I did my best to push it out of my mind. I shook my head of all those thoughts. I hoped that they would see what they were doing.
I headed to my house first to drop off my books. When I walked into the house, I noticed that Daisy wasn’t on the couch, and I heard movement in the kitchen. Actually, I heard a lot of slamming from the direction.
“Where’s the fucking alcohol?” Daisy was yelling into each cabinet, as she opened and shut them.
“There isn’t any.” I informed her. I knew to get rid of it all when she was passed out.
“Fuck. You have no right, Garnet.” Daisy screamed at me.
“I have every right.” I kept my voice calm. “You’re going to die if you keep drinking like that.”
“Good, then this pain will go away.”
“Daisy,” I saw the tears streaming down her face.
“Shut up. You don’t know what I’m going through. I should have been with him. He asked me to go, but I didn’t because of some stupid fucking homework.”
She was yelling so loud, it was making my ears ring, but I didn’t make a move toward her, or say anything.
“Do you know what it’s like to lose your soul mate? I lost my whole world. I can’t even breathe without him. He was mine. He was everything to me. I was going to marry him. Our lives were just beginning.”
Daisy fell to her knees, sobbing. I went to her, wrapping my arms around her. She clung to my shirt, and I tried to soothe her, as much as I could.
“What am I going to do?” Daisy asked over and over.
I continued to rock her, holding her tightly. I wanted to tell her it was going to be okay, but I hadn’t wanted to hear that shit when Mom died, and I knew that Daisy didn’t either.
“Hey,” I pulled away, only a little bit. “Why don’t you take a shower? I’ll make us some soup and check on Dash. How does that sound?”
Daisy didn’t make a move.
“Come on,” I helped her stand up. “Take a shower, and then we’ll eat. Okay?”
She gave a slight nod.
“I’m going to check on Dash, and I’ll be right back.”
We held onto each other, until we reached the staircase. I watched her go up and shut the bathroom door.
I
took a deep breath, and I headed across the street. When I opened the door, the odor in the house was even worse. I knew I would have to come over and clean soon.
When I reached Dash’s doorway, he was sitting against his bed, drinking from a new bottle. He was still in the same gray t-shirt and shorts that I had put him in a couple of days ago.
“Well, you should know that the whole block can smell your dirty ass.” I crossed my arms and leaned against the doorframe.
He took another drink from the vodka bottle.
“Did you know Edgar Allan Poe was forty when he died?” I walked into the room, and sat down in front of him. “There are many theories on his death, because he was found wandering the streets. There was no true record of his death either. I bet you didn’t know that? But, I always felt that he died of a broken heart. See after his wife, Virginia, died he spiraled out of control and could never get his life back together, and he died two years later.”
“Is this supposed to be a fucking pep talk?” His horse voice asked me.
“Nope,” I shook my head. “Just wanted to give a peek into your future.”
Dash stared at me, and I saw a shocked expression on his face.
I continued. “As I see it, if you don’t pick yourself up, everything will pass you by. College, the NFL, your life, all your goals.”
“You.”
I stopped. I hadn’t expected him to say anything like that.
“I learned something today.”
I waited for him to tell me what it was.
“I’m bad luck,” I heard his voice crack. “Everything I’ve ever loved has died. So, I’m like Poe, and you should leave now.”
Well, my analogy backfired. My hope was that he wouldn’t go down that road. I racked my brain for my knowledge of Poe’s history; since apparently that was the only thing he could hear.
“First, I’m not leaving. Second, you’re not bad luck. And lastly,” I leaned in closed to him, ignoring the pungent odor. “Poe didn’t have anyone to lean on, and you have me.”
Dash didn’t break our eye connect.
“Dart wouldn’t want you to throw everything away you worked for. You know that.” I searched his face to see if he was listening to me at all, but his expression was unreadable.
“I’m making something to eat for Daisy and myself. Why don’t you take a shower and come over?” I gave him a quick kiss on his stiff, dry lips, and I headed back to my house.
Chapter 29 – Daisy
I stayed under the hot steamy water until it started getting cold. The bathroom was foggy when I stepped out of the shower. When I wiped the mist from the mirror, I saw my face. My skin looked gray. My eyes were bloodshot, and they were puffy. My face was blotchy. When I wiped the mixture of tears and water from under my eyes, I noticed my nail polish was chipped. However, the most noticeable thing was my ring.
My engagement ring.
I felt my soul being ripped from my body, thinking I’d never marry Dart. I closed my eyes, letting the memories of the greatest four years of my life wash over me.
I heard Garnet yell my name, and I slipped into a pair of Dart’s sweats and one of his T-shirts. His spicy scent calmed me as I inhaled the fabric. I felt like he was here, next to me, even though I knew he never would be again.
I went into the kitchen, and my stomach growled loudly at the aroma of the chicken noodle soup. I sat at the table, where Garnet had prepared me a bowl and a glass of water. She was across from me, sipping on her soup, but next to her was another bowl.
“Who’s that for?” I asked, even though I already knew the answer.
“Hopefully Dash.”
I let the hot liquid burn my tongue and down my throat. I hated to admit that it felt good. I took a couple more spoonfuls.
“What day is it?”
“Friday,” Garnet answered.
I nodded. “I take it that Dash isn’t going to the away game.”
“He missed the last game. He hasn’t practiced at all, and I’m pretty sure he won’t be playing in this one; considering he’s across the street drunk.”
I couldn’t believe he’d missed two games. I couldn’t even explain how close those two were, and I knew Dash might never recover.
I finished my bowl of soup and sat back in the chair. I watched Garnet swirl her spoon around her bowl. She was almost nineteen, but she seemed to look older than that.
“You’re worrying.”
Garnet looked up at me. “I love you; of course, I’m concerned.”
The hot tears left my eyes before I even realized I was crying. “What am I going to do?”
“Daisy, you know I don’t have the answer. All I do know is that Dart wouldn’t want you to quit living. I know I sound like a huge hypocrite because of the way I acted when Mom died, but Dash brought me back, and I know he was right. He told me several times I had to be me again, and I’m hoping I can do the same for him.”
I swiped the tears away. “Deep down, I know that’s the truth, but how do I get there?”
“It’s only been a week. You and I both know it’ll take time, but I’m here for you.” She reached for my hand, and I placed mine in hers.
“I think I’m going to lie down.” I stood up from the table and headed out of the kitchen.
“Wait,” Garnet ran over to the fridge and pulled out a small bottle of vodka. “Consider me an enabler.” She handed it to me.
I held the cold glass in my hands. “You know, I never once saw Dart drunk. He would have a couple drinks, but he never went too far.” I handed it back to her and went to my bedroom.
I sat at my desk and flipped open my laptop. My Facebook page loaded, and the notifications started blowing up, but I didn’t even look at them. I clicked on my albums and there they were: pictures of Dart and me.
Every time we were close to each other, I snapped a picture. I studied every one in the album. Whether we were on the couch, in my bed, in the car, or running, there we were. The love was the most noticeable thing in the picture.
The last post was one day before the accident. Dart and I were laying in the bed, he was kissing my cheek, and the caption read:
Spending the night with my fiancé.
I closed my eyes as the tears flowed quickly down my face. When I opened them, I scrolled down to the comments. Most of them were congratulations, but one of them made me stop breathing.
It was from Dart, and it was only a few hours before he died.
I love you, Daisy.
Four simple words caused me to damn near collapse in a heap. I don’t know why I hadn’t seen it before, but there it was.
Dart’s last words to me.
Chapter 30 – Dash
Ten days.
Over a week.
However you put it, Dart was still dead; and I was still alone.
I knew that I had missed two games, and I didn’t care. The only time I moved was to get more alcohol, or go to the bathroom. I did take a shower, well once.
“That’s it.” I heard Garnet stomp up the stairs. “Dash, you need to get up and get out of this house. You need to go to practice and to class. Your coach and professors won’t keep making excuses for you.”
“Get out, Garnet,” I growled at her.
“You’re an idiot, Dash Terrance. Do you really want to rot in this bedroom? Is that what you truly want to do?” Garnet’s yelling made my head hurt more.
“Go away.” Those were the only words that I knew to say to her anymore. I couldn’t say anything else; I was too numb.
“Dash,” her voice seemed gentler. She knelt down in front of me. “Do you remember when we went to the first reading together? When we were walking back, you told me that you and Dart thought about quitting football after your parents died. You remember what you said?”
I didn’t reply.
“Doing something you love will help you be you again.”
I looked away from her. Hearing the words that I’d told her tugged at my heart. I didn’t know h
ow I was ever going to be me again. I didn’t know how to be me without Dart; I had never been without him.
Garnet sat beside me, pushing her hands through her hair. From a sideways glance, I knew she was becoming more frustrated.
“Dash, you told me that you have to live with the pain. I know it’s hard, but I’m not going to watch you wither away.”
“Get away from me,” I snapped loudly at her and shot her an angry look.
“No.”
“Get out.”
“No.”
“Now.”
“No.”
We stared at each other, neither one of us blinked. I knew she was as stubborn as I was. I could even see the pain of my words in her eyes. Every day she came over here. She’s been cleaning, bringing me food, and trying to get me to feel alive again.
“Leave me alone, Garnet, please.” I was begging her to leave so I could just be alone. I was sure she didn’t realize just how much bad luck I really was. I didn’t want her to be in the path of my destruction.
She cupped my face. She looked deep into my eyes. I honestly thought she could understand what I was thinking at that very moment. “I’ll be back with dinner in a little bit.”
I watched her leave and remained in my spot. My view was always the same.
Dart’s door.
The words that I had told Garnet were the same words that Dart had told me when our parents died. He was always smarter than I was. He was always kinder than I was. He loved people better than me.
“Why?” I asked my question to the empty room.
Why did such a good person die?
Why the fuck was I still here?
What the hell was I going to do?
I felt my anger rising. It was almost like it began to boil through me. Dart left me. He left me alone. How dare he do that to me? He was my twin. He was my best friend.
That selfish prick.
I jumped up and began to pace the room. I asked myself the same questions over and over again in my head. How dare he leave me alone? He knew that I would need him.
He said he would always be there next to me, no matter what. Dart had even told me that the day he died.