by Mary Smith
“Dash,” she said my name over and over.
“Fuck,” was the only word I said, as I pumped hard into her. I knew that we both were getting close.
The tension in my body was building. The hurt, the sadness, the feelings of abandonment were fading, as the love for Garnet grew. She was the wind that blew away my fog of depression. It was her love that was saving me.
“Don’t stop, Dash, please,” she begged, arching her back.
I continued to drive into her faster and felt myself explode around her. I kept going until a few seconds later, I could feel her wetness on my thighs.
“I needed that.” I said, as she collapsed on my chest. I kissed the top of her head.
“Me too.” She was still panting. “It’s the first time I’ve had sex with all my clothes on.”
I chuckled. I didn’t respond. That was the past, and Garnet was my future. My heart swelled with love thinking of my life with her.
Dart was gone, but Garnet remained. She hadn’t left my side. Why? Most girls would have run away, if they had seen me in this condition.
“I’ll clean up in the downstairs bathroom.” She swung her legs off me and strutted over to the door.
I walked up the stairs and went to my bathroom to wash up. When I was finished, I stared at myself in the mirror. I could see that my eyes weren’t the same. Sure, they were the same shade of ice blue, but I could see the sadness in them. It would always be there because of the loss of my family.
“Dash?” Garnet called for me from downstairs.
“Up here.” I yelled down to her. I closed my eyes, trying to remember Dart’s words to me the day he died. Garnet was still here for a reason. Why am I so scared to tell her how I really feel?
“You okay?”
My eyes connected with her soft brown eyes. She was beautiful, standing there in my bathroom doorway. Her hair was a little messed up, and her clothes were wrinkled from our quickie.
“I’m great,” I stood in front of her.
“Well, do you want to study more? I know you have an early practice in the morning. Not sure if you want to go to bed or not?”
“Can we talk first?” I needed to get my feelings in order so I could focus on the rest of this week.
“Of course.”
I took her hand and led her to the bed. This was hard. Should it be hard? Dart said he was nervous when asking Daisy to marry him, and I wasn’t sure how to say the words. I truly don’t think it was hard; I think it was just my nerves.
“Life is short,” I started. “Between my parents and Dart, I realized that. I…” I paused feeling a lump in my throat. “I’m sorry about how I treated you the past couple of weeks.”
“Dash,” she touched my cheek. “You lost your brother. There’s no need to apologize.”
“Dart would have kicked my ass knowing I was yelling at you.”
“True, but it’s okay. We’re going to get through this.”
“Together?”
“Together.” She placed a soft kiss on my lips.
“I love you.” I said it. I said the one emotion that outweighed the others. Yes, I missed my brother. Yes, I would do anything to have him back. However, I know Dart wouldn’t want me to let my life pass me by. He was always the smart one. He knew what needed to be said and when . Now, I needed to be that person.
“What?”
That wasn’t the first response that I was looking for. “I said: I love you.” I repeated it to her.
“Wow,” she let go of my hand, stood up, and paced the room.
“Garnet, do you not love me?” And ice-cold fear ran through my veins.
She stopped, pushing her hands through her red hair. “I love you. I do love you, Dash. It just sucks.”
“Loving me sucks?” I was confused by what she was saying.
“No, no,” she waved her hands back and forth. “Loving you doesn’t suck. I was talking about everything else.”
“I don’t understand what you mean.”
Garnet sat down next to me. “This is going to sound so selfish, and it make me a terrible person but you just lost Dart, and we know you’re going to the NFL. Would you have said it if Dart was alive? Or if you weren’t scared about losing your chance to be drafted?”
“Yes,” I told her firmly. “I had no doubt in my mind. Do you know how I know that?”
She shook her head.
I took a moment thinking of our last conversation. “The day Dart died we talked about my feelings for you. I knew I loved you then, and I do love you even more now. It doesn’t matter if I make it to the NFL or not, I’ll be yours forever.”
“Don’t you mean when you make it to the NFL?”
I chuckled. “I guess I should have said when I make it to the NFL.”
“I love you too, Dash. I’m not going to lie, because I’m nervous, but like you said, life is short. I won’t let this moment pass us by.” She leaned in and kissed me.
~~
I went early because I knew it was going to be rough on me. Garnet asked if she needed to come to, but I told her no. This was something I had to do on my own.
Now, here I stood, staring at my uniform. The room was already stationed with all of the practice jerseys, and pads were neatly hung. On the back of everyone’s helmet was a black sticker with the number twenty-one on it.
As always, the locker next to mine was Dart’s and full of his things. Marshall was still dressing it. I had heard of other teams that had members die recognize the players by bringing out their things for every game at every practice and game.
I swallowed the lump of grief and tears back that were damn near choking me. Would I be able to do this? Since the first time I ever walked on to a football field, Dart had been with me. This time, he wouldn’t be.
I touched my jersey, feeling the silky material between my fingers. I thought about Garnet. Waking up with her in my arms was keeping the fog away. However, the words of her tattoo were replaying in my head at this very moment.
Never to suffer would never to have been blessed.
I remember that night at Fat Patty’s with her. I told her the time we had with our loved ones was a blessing, even if it hurt when they were gone.
Dart taught me more in twenty-two years about being a good, selfless person that I could ever learn in a lifetime. I needed to do this for him. I needed to show him that I wasn’t going to let these opportunities pass me by without giving them my all.
I touched the cool plastic of the helmet and traced the number twenty-one with my finger.
This was our time.
Chapter 33 – Garnet
My life could be described as a roller coaster. I thought it was like that anyway. How else could I truly detail the last six months of my life?
Between Mom dying, graduating high school, my summer of a drunken sex fueled fun, moving to college, gaining a boyfriend, and Dart dying, how else would you depict my life but like a roller coaster.
“Garnet,” Daisy was in my doorway.
I was stretched out on my bed, trying to relax. It was Friday, and Dash was with his coach right now, seeing if he was able to play in tomorrow’s game.
“How are you doing?”
“I’m okay.” It wasn’t a complete lie. I wasn’t okay at all. Dash had worked so hard this week. If he didn’t play, I don’t know what would happen.
“Have you heard anything yet?”
I shook my head.
“I’m sure that it will all be fine.”
I prayed that she was right. “What about you? Are you okay?” That seemed to be the starting question to all of our conversations.
“I slept almost five straight hours last night.” I watched my sister toy with her engagement ring.
“Well, I’m happy about that.” I gave her a small smile.
Daisy walked over to my bed, and laid next to me. I could tell she had something on her mind. I figured it was about Dart. However, I understood that she was still reeling from the loss
. I was glad that she had slept some more last night. Her eyes weren’t as bloodshot or puffy.
“Anything going on?”
“I went over to the sorority house, and…”
I saw the tear creep out from the corner of her eye.
“Hey, it’ll be alright.” I rolled onto my side. “What happened?”
Daisy patted the tears away with her fingertips. “The girls were talking about setting me up with this frat guy.”
“What? Those dumb bitches.” I had the urge to go over there, pull out their hair extensions, and punch them in their breast implants.
“Garnet, they were trying to help.”
“No, they weren’t,” I shouted. “They’re being inconsiderate.”
“Well, anyway I said no, and now I’m just thinking about my future. I never thought that I would be alone.” She twisted her ring again.
“Daisy, you won’t be alone.”
“I’m not so sure. You know,” she paused for a second, before clearing her throat. “I saw Dash on the other side of the courtyard today, and for a split second, I thought it was Dart. I thought that I had finally woken up from this nightmare,” she sobbed, covering her face with her hands.
I lay my head on her shoulder, letting her know I was there for her. It was still strange to me how a month ago I was so mad at her, but now I wished there was some way I could take away her pain.
“Hey, girls.”
I lifted my head and saw Dash standing there. I couldn’t tell if he was mad, worried, or happy. He had his arms crossed staring at us.
“What happened? What did Coach say?” My heart raced, hoping that it was good news.
“I’m playing.”
I figured that there would have been more enthusiasm, but I knew it was going to be a whirlwind of emotions tomorrow. For all of us.
“Dash,” Daisy sniffed. “I’m really happy for you, but I can’t look at you right now.” She got off the bed, and raced to her room.
Dash lowered his head. He knew that it was hard on Daisy, seeing him all the time, but he couldn’t do anything about his looks.
“So, tell me what was all said.” I figured it might help him to think about football.
“Well, the professors told him I was in a good place, and since I got those extensions for the two papers. I’m in good shape.”
I tried to give him a big smile. “I’m so happy for you.”
“That’s a fake smile, but I know that you mean well.” He sat down on the edge of the bed.
“Sorry, I’m worried about her.” I nodded over at Daisy’s door. “She saw you on campus and thought you were Dart.”
“I’ve been trying to avoid that,” he said softly.
“It’s hard. I know, but I’m really proud of you.” I took his hand in mine.
“I love you.”
This time a real smile appeared, and my stomach fluttered at his words. “I love you, too.”
“I’m going to head over to the house.”
“You want me to come over? Are you hungry?”
He traced the inside of my palm. “I need to be alone tonight, and you need to rest. You’ve helped me so much. I don’t know how I could ever repay you.”
It hurt my heart to hear such a sad tone, but an idea went off like a light bulb in my head. I sat up and got close to his face.
“You could make it up to me.”
“How?” His lips were close to mine.
“Four touchdowns.” I pursed my lips, almost touching his.
“Huh?”
“Don’t you remember? I told you if got four touchdowns, I would send you a naked picture of me? So, let’s modify it. If you get four touchdowns, then your debt is repaid.”
“Deal.” He closed the small gap and kissed me. “Please rest tonight, and I’ll see you tomorrow.”
~~
The sun was high in the sky. There wasn’t even one cloud. Daisy and I stood outside the gates of the stadium. We, along with thousands of other fans, had on a kelly green t-shirt with the number twenty-one on it.
“You can do this.” I rubbed her back.
“Dart would want me here, right? For Dash.”
“Yes. This is a big game for him.” I reminded her, hoping she wouldn’t have a breakdown right here.
“Let’s go,” she said firmly, holding her head up high.
We handed the attendant our tickets, and we walked in. The stadium was almost full when we reached the student section. Several people yelled for Daisy to come down to the front row. She gripped my hand tightly, and took me with her.
Then we saw it.
Lined up along the concrete barrier were signs for Dart. The two guys in the very front gave their seats up for us. We were right above Daisy’s sorority’s sign for Dart.
The crowd began to clap and yell as the players began to run out onto the field, led by number thirty-one. My Dash. I cheered as loud as I could for him.
Once the players were on the sideline, the announcer called for a moment of silence, for Dart. Everyone focused on the JumboTron. There were highlights of Dart’s career at Marshall. We watched him weave through the defensive line for a touchdown, jumping in the air with Dash, and lastly, it was his headshot. It was then that Daisy broke down. The crowd began to the chant “We Are Marshall.” As I tried to console Daisy, I looked for Dash on the sideline, but I couldn’t see him.
Daisy had calmed down when the whistle blew, and the players ran out onto the field. We kicked off to Southern Mississippi University, and the game started.
The defense held SMU and they had to punt the ball to us. It was run back just past the fifty-yard line. My mouth went dry when Dash’s number shone bright against his kelly green jersey. I watched him jog to the huddle, and then take his place on the scrimmage line. My palms were sweating as the quarterback called out the play.
This was Dash’s moment, my head screamed at me, as the ball was hiked. Dash took off like a racecar. He was, by far, the fastest receiver I’ve ever seen play. He threw his hand up, and I held my breath as the football floated in the air to him. He caught it with ease, and the crowd erupted, as he easily ran it in for a touchdown.
I was screaming for him. When I watched him turn, his head dropped. I knew instantly that he was looking for Dart, because they always celebrated their touchdowns together.
Daisy and I turned to each other, and we both were crying. This made us yell louder for Dash. We knew that he couldn’t hear us, but we did it anyway.
The rest of the first quarter wasn’t as eventful as that first catch. Then about half way through the second quarter, Dash did it again. This time, he was closer to us and our eyes connected. When he saw me he pointed at me, and I did the same thing back.
I was about to spontaneously combust with all the love and pride I felt for him at this very moment. Last week, I wasn’t sure if Dash would ever be on the field again. I was wrong. Here he was, and he was having an amazing game.
I was thankful for half-time for my nerves to settle down. Daisy had the same look on her face.
“Are you doing all right?”
“Yes, I am. I’m actually excited for Dash.”
“This game is a good one for the scouts to see.” I looked out to the field and saw the crowd moving around.
“I feel close to Dart here.” Daisy said.
“You do?”
“Yes, I mean, we all knew that Dart wasn’t going to the NFL, but,” a tear rolled down her cheek. “He talked about coming back here, with our kids, maybe even seeing them play.”
I didn’t know what to say to her.
“You know, I love you, Garnet. Right? I know I was a shitty sister, but I’m glad you’re here with me.”
“Well,” I paused, taking in her words. “I wasn’t a very good sister either, holding onto all those feelings, and not talking to you.”
“I guess Mom was right.”
“About us being each other’s best friend?”
“Yep,” she put h
er arm around my shoulder.
Mom was right.
Daisy was my best friend.
Chapter 34 – Dash
The third quarter started and I didn’t get a touchdown like I had in the first two quarters. My nerves were on edge. Between the scouts being here, my first time playing without Dart, and let’s not forget the memorial before the game started, I’m surprised that I didn’t run away.
Now, I was having a different feeling. I wanted to stay. I wanted to reach my goal for Dart, me, and especially Garnet. I couldn’t believe how much she’d supported me.
I love her.
I was going to make it to the NFL.
I jogged to the huddle and our quarterback called the play. It was for me. I nodded, ready to score again.
I lined up, listening for the call, and jumped off the line when the ball was hiked. I sprinted as fast as my legs would allow, as the ball was launched. I looked up, watching the brown leather, spiral to me.
The crowd exploded when I caught it. It was deafening, and it gave me the last burst of energy that I needed to cross the white line. That was three touchdowns, and we were leading twenty-one to three.
I turned and looked for Dart. My heart sank, when another teammate ran over to celebrate with me. It was hard to realize that Dart wouldn’t be jumping in the air with me anymore.
That was when Dart’s last words hit me.
I’m always connected to you.
He was right. We had a bond even stronger than being twins; we were forever linked together. I knew he was looking down at me, with my parents. They would be my three guardian angels.
I squinted at the student section, trying to see if I could catch a glimpse of Garnet. I had seen her before, with my other touchdown. I knew that her seats were above the sign from Daisy’s sorority for Dart. I could make out her red hair, and my heart beat faster. She was now my biggest fan, and I wanted her to know how much she meant to me.
The rest of the third quarter and most of the forth was about the same. SMU scored one more time, and it was now twenty-one to ten. Nonetheless, I went out on each play, I was called for, and did the best that I could.