by Jenny Moss
“Perhaps,” he said quietly.
The silence stretched between us. I felt cold and pulled Kenway’s blanket in close, trying to keep the concern from my face. It is the regent, I thought. He will not harm me.
“I want you to do something for me,” he said. “I will trade you a favor for a favor.”
Whatever he would ask for in the secret of the night, I would not like. Any value I had to him was due to my proximity to the queen. I didn’t want to be involved in the quiet war that went on between the two of them.
Did I have a choice?
“You will get me released,” I said, looking up at him.
“If I don’t, you will be here a long time, Shadow.”
Ooh, that chilled my heart. I had not been here two full nights yet and already the yearning to get out was great. “What is the favor?” I asked, standing. I kept my back to the wall.
“You must first agree to do my bidding,” he said, tugging at his beard.
“Before I know?”
He nodded.
I studied him for a moment. Wouldn’t I do what I wanted even if I promised him? But then, there would be consequences that I would not like.
I shook my head. “I don’t want the trade.” I could not harm the queen, no matter what she had done to me. And I was sure this was what he wanted.
“I can give you even more than your release.” His voice was too soft to be trusted.
“What, then?”
“Knowledge.”
I smiled. “I have the queen’s tutors for that.”
“Then they’ve told you about your mother?”
My head whipped up.
He laughed at me. “You are as transparent as the queen. I can see what you want most.”
“You see freedom in my eyes, then.”
“I see a child’s desire.”
I paused. What could he tell me about her? What could be worth whatever sinister deed he had in mind? I should not be so eager to discover small facts about a dead woman.
I watched his smirking face. There was something in him now I had not glimpsed before. I did not like it.
He put his face into mine, whispered, “Don’t you want to know what she was?” I could smell the sweet wine upon his breath, which turned my stomach, but I could not move away. Because I did want to know, desperately.
“Perhaps,” he said, pulling back a little, “she was like the woman in the cell beside you.”
“In what way?” I asked quickly, looking into his eyes, still too close.
He patted my cheek with an icy hand. “I would like to tell you.”
I slid down the wall and sat back down.
To my surprise, he joined me on the floor.
“The floor is damp, Your Grace.” I wanted him gone.
“I see that,” he said, irritated. He took off his cape, folded it, and then sat on it. “What I want you to do will be for Deor.”
“Deor?” I scoffed. “I thought you knew me, Regent.”
“You have no love”—his voice cold—“for your country?”
I shrugged.
“You have been with my cousin too long. A queen who thinks she rules a castle, not a kingdom. She will ruin us.”
“She has no influence over me, Regent.”
He smiled and nodded. “Deor is the only thing that matters, Shadow. It was my mother who taught me that,” he said. “You see, I knew my mother.” He looked at me meaningfully, trying to tempt me again with knowledge.
But I would not bite. “What was she like, Regent?”
“Your mother?” he asked.
“Yours.”
He laughed a little, giving me an admiring look. He liked to banter, but most courtiers were too in awe of him to do so. Perhaps they had too much to lose, whereas I had little to begin with.
But then something passed over his eyes and he grew serious. “My mother was meant to be the ruler of Deor. You know that?”
“She was the eldest. But her father, your grandfather, passed her over in favor of her dead brother’s son, King Alfrid.” I knew my Deorian history. “For she was a woman.”
“Bah! A shrewd woman. And she loved this kingdom, knew its worth, and would have ruled it better than my uncle’s son.”
“How so?” I asked, curious. King Alfrid was remembered as gregarious and exuberant, but he was also considered to have been a frugal prince.
The regent flashed an irritated look my way. “You are impertinent.”
I held my tongue.
“But so entertaining. You amuse me, Shadow, more than anyone else in this castle. If I were king, I would make you one of my advisers. That would kill old Eldred.” He smiled. “So you will help me do what’s best for Deor.”
Saying no would be foolish, but I could not say yes. “Will you give me time to think on it, Your Grace?”
“Ah, Shadow.” He stood and tapped me on the head. “I’ll come again.”
Chapter Six
I awoke to loud voices. Footsteps shuffled past my door. The visitors weren’t here for me.
I looked out the bars. The door to the cell next to mine was open. I could see the grim faces of the guards in the bare morning light. The youngest one, perhaps the same age as Fyren, was the leader. He was in the doorway, motioning the older two into the cell. He was not so much tall as imposing, and his jaw had a cruel set to it.
The two guards pulled down a long board leaning against the wall. I now knew why I had not heard my companion since that first night.
I watched them take her out. It would not be right for her to leave this place without someone to mourn her. So I kept looking, though I didn’t want to. No blanket covered her. She was on her back, clothed in a long, dark gown. The light of the torches on the wall gave the procession a rightly solemn feel.
I shivered. I couldn’t get Fyren’s earlier words out of my head. And so it seemed to me this might be my own mother they carried out.
Her eyes were closed as if she only slept, her face softened by that eternal sleep. Or perhaps I only imagined it for my own peace of mind. Her hair was gray and thin, and loose except for one narrow braid, longer than the rest. It hung down the side of the board, dragging on the dirty floor. I could see no bruises or welts upon the woman, but her collar was high and her sleeves long. She was old, the age of a grandmother.
“What is her name?” I yelled out to the guards as they passed me by.
One of them looked over his shoulder at me. “They called her Maren.”
Maren. Not a common name, and not one a courtier would use due to its plainness. But I would not forget it. I would do her that honor. My name had long since been forgotten. I’d wished many times someone remembered it.
“What did they say she did to be put in this place?” I asked.
“Witch.” The word slapped me in the face. No. Not like my mother.
I will remember you, Maren.
I had no stomach for my second morning of mush, but I forced myself to eat it.
Light seeped out of dawn. The prison no longer smelled rank. I was a part of its smell.
The quiet rang loud in my ears. I longed to hear something: the scuttling of mice, the shutting of a door, some sound of life or movement. I even missed Maren’s painful cries, shameful as it was for me to think it.
Was there an end to all this? Fear gnawed away at my hope, and the walls pressed close upon me now.
I remembered another time when the queen had shut me up in darkness and I’d been afraid I would not get out. That child-felt terror came upon me again.
I had been but ten years old. The queen, my constant companion, had bid me watch a black spider weaving its web. It was at the bottom of an empty trunk about to be filled with her silk dresses, newly arrived from the rich fertile country across the green seas, the kingdom Fyren coveted.
The creature’s back was red and black, matching the uniforms of the queen’s guards. I smiled and looked back to point that out to her when she gave me a strong pus
h. I fell into the oversized trunk, and I heard the queen giggle as she shut me in. My first feeling was shock, because the queen had been so kind to me until that moment.
The blackness and the close space made me feel as if I were in my tomb. It was instantly hot. I pushed at the lid, but it would not budge.
“You are locked in, Shadow!” she yelled. “I will not let you out until you promise to stop answering all the questions my tutor asks me! Do you hear me?”
“Yes, I promise!” I called out. Anything to be released.
“And if Fyren asks your opinion, you must not go on and on. You must say you do not know!”
“Yes, yes. Let me out.”
“I think not yet!”
And then I heard nothing at all. “Your Grace? Your Grace?”
I kicked and screamed. Would they ever find me?
I’d never known such black fear, so great, perhaps, because it was the result of a betrayal. The world becomes a very dark place then.
My fear quickly turned to anger. I do believe it was rage that kept me from going mad in the trunk. Once Eldred released me, I ignored all my promises to the queen. I answered questions before she even had the chance and laughed outright with Fyren at her stupidity. Such antics only brought me more slaps from the ladies and more hatred from the queen. And more admiration from the regent.
I soon learned that my rage made me vulnerable. All emotions did. Eventually I learned to shield myself from the allure of the deeply felt feeling.
I would not let the queen make me afraid again.
I took a deep breath, fighting off the panic. I would get out of this dungeon. I would.
A noise at the door caught my attention. This was not a guard. I crept over, crawling on the floor. Something came from above me and hit me on the head. I grabbed the offending bag and leaped up. Through the bars I saw a little face grinning up at me.
“Piers?” I asked.
He glanced toward the stairs and put his finger to his lips.
“How did you get in here?” I whispered, worried for his safety.
His grin widened.
I laughed quietly. “I’ve missed you.”
This pleased him, I could tell.
“Look, look in the bag,” he said.
I poured seven nuts out into my hand. “Oh, Piers.”
“Almonds,” he said.
“How did you get them?”
He just laughed. He had an infectious laugh. It was a boy’s giggle, filled with delight and mischief. Just hearing it always brought me a bit of joy. “Eat one,” he told me.
“You take one.”
“I already had my fill. These are for you.”
I slipped one in my mouth and closed my eyes, savoring the deep rich flavor as I chewed. “So delicious,” I murmured. One after the other I ate them while Piers watched me.
“You are a good friend to me, Piers, but you should not take such risks. You need to go before you are found out.”
“We must look after each other, Shadow,” he said, looking at me expectantly. “You are all I have now.”
Something grasped at my heart. Similar words came to my lips, but I could not say them. I could not be bound to anyone. I thought he’d understood this. My silence weighed heavily upon me.
“I must go, Shadow,” he said, a little sadness edging into his voice.
“Yes, yes,” I said, “you must not get caught.”
“Do not lose hope.” And then he disappeared into the darkness, in the opposite direction of the stairs.
With seven almonds and a friend’s hope in my belly, I was soon lost in sleep on my third night of imprisonment.
The door swung open. It was not Sir Kenway.
Early evening light strained in from the small, high window above. Before me stood four people: one small, two broad-shouldered, and one with a bright white cape.
“Hello, Shadow,” said Fyren. He stood between two guards who held torches before him. Another torch was lower to the ground. I could see Piers’s face in the shadows.
I only nodded.
Piers ran to me and put the torch close to my face.
“You’ll set me on fire,” I said, pulling back, wincing at the light and smoke.
He laughed. I smiled at him.
Another figure moved into the cell. “Get up,” said Eldred, his voice sharp.
“I think not,” I said.
He stepped toward me. “Get off the floor.” He made a quick upward motion with his fingers.
I did not move. Let him force me.
Fyren laughed. “Angry, Shadow?”
I knew he didn’t refer to his leaving me before. He wouldn’t let Eldred know of that visit. “Why should I be angry?” I was cautious with my words. Would he still ask a favor, or had he released me out of pity?
“That little idiot of a queen,” Fyren stated, “shouldn’t have been allowed to put you in here.”
The guards looked uncomfortable, glancing at each other.
Eldred was still and quiet. I would not look at him.
Piers sat cross-legged in front of me. “It’s dreary in here. Were you scared?”
“I enjoyed the peace,” I said, “my little loyal friend.”
His eyes regarded me with such seriousness. I put my hand upon his cheek, feeling its child softness. But then I felt a twinge of something else, something not pleasant, as if a string were attached from his heart to mine and it had been yanked, hard. I dropped my hand.
He looked at me curiously. I smiled at him, guilty I had pulled back again. I was not what this boy needed, but he made my soul less black. Sometimes I thought my care for him was the only thing keeping me from a withered, dead heart.
“Come, Shadow,” said Fyren, “let us get you out of this place. Piers is right. It is dreary.”
I was glad to leave my cell. I curtsied to the guard with the cruel face, Sir Kenway’s blanket sliding from my shoulders. Eldred grabbed it off the floor and gave it to the guard. I longed to grab it back, but stilled my hand. I would not let Eldred see me disappointed. Instead, I flashed him a wide smile. The old man’s expression was unreadable.
We stopped in the great hall, which was large and almost empty of people. The expansive room was mostly dark except for an occasional torch along the wall, but one table held hundreds of bright candles. Several of Fyren’s most loyal men, all sons of rich lords, were dining there. Their laughter could be heard from where we stood across the hall.
As we approached, the smell of spiced meat wafted our way and made my mouth water.
“Have you left me anything to eat?” Fyren asked, slapping one of them on the back. The man laughed. It was Lord Oswald. He was blandly handsome, easily insulted, and betrothed to Lady Hilda. I could not help but revel in the lady’s unhappiness with the match. Neither liked the other, but their families had arranged it.
I didn’t notice Eldred was not with us until he yelled for me. “Shadow!” He gestured for me to follow. Then he headed toward the exit, his long cape billowing out around him. But I stayed in place, watching Fyren settle down at the head of the table.
“Eldred!” yelled Fyren. “You are not dismissed.”
The old man stiffened and stopped walking. He turned slowly toward us and looked. Would Eldred disobey the regent?
“Come!” Fyren commanded in a booming voice.
Eldred hesitated for just a moment and then began the long walk across the hall. I was eager to hear what Fyren would say to him.
The regent was still as he waited for the old adviser.
“Yes?” asked Eldred.
Fyren picked up a succulent piece of turkey and stuck it in his mouth. I put a hand to my rumbling stomach. Oh, I was so hungry. Piers gave me a sympathetic smile.
Lord Aiken, sitting on Fyren’s right, leered at me. I did not like him and did not like the way he looked at me. “You’re not at your best, Shadow.” He was a large man with thick muscular arms, the oldest of the sycophants surrounding Fyren.
&
nbsp; “My cell was not clean.”
He laughed. “So Sir Kenway was right. You were in the dungeon.”
That news hurt a little. The knight had not bothered to get me released and had gossiped about me as Fay would have. Had he laughed at me to the queen? Had he only been spying on me after all?
“Sir Kenway,” repeated Fyren. “The queen’s own knight.” He looked at Eldred. “How did a traitor’s son get so close to our queen?”
Eldred did not answer, just stared at the regent quite boldly. The story about Sir Kenway’s father, Lord Leofwine, was well-known. The once great man now hid in his castle to the west and was never seen at court.
“So, Shadow,” asked Aiken, “why were you in the dungeon?”
My hand went to the healing scratch across my cheek. “The queen was not pleased with me.”
His eyes laughed. “What did you do?”
“Defended myself, Your Grace.”
Aiken guffawed, as did Fyren and the other men at the table. The queen was not held in high regard by these lords. They played a dangerous game. Fyren was their only protection. Perhaps mine and Piers’s as well.
Piers grabbed my sleeve and held on. I looked down at him. He said nothing, just gave me a cautioning look. I knew he thought I spoke too freely. I smiled at him, trying to reassure him. I would be good. I’d had enough of punishment for a bit.
But standing here beside these well-fed lords with their riches and power made me worry about my friend. He was small in size, with thin shoulders, and eyes vulnerable and kind.
I could not bear it if they ever hurt him, if they treated him with the same cruelty the ladies showed me. I must remember to tell him not to take any more risks. He should make sure he was not noticed. He needed to learn to care for himself because I would not always be here, I hoped.
“Do you have any further need of us, Regent?” asked Eldred. He didn’t mask his distaste for this company very well. He usually made more effort.
Fyren took a slow sip from his cup. I myself was parched. He leaned back in his chair. “Where were you yesterday, Eldred?” His eyes were narrow, his face cold.
Eldred did not hesitate. “At Lord Callus’s castle, Regent.”