Force of Nature

by Shawna Logue

  My body seemed to want to do mundane things, and I walked around my apartment, zombie-like, tidying up things that were already clean. I dumped my long forgotten popcorn into the trash, and washed the bowl twice, because I had forgotten I had washed it the first time, and didn’t remember until I experienced the déjà vu.

  I stripped the rest of my bed, replacing the sheets and duvet cover. It took a long time to make the new sheet fit properly. My body was too weak to pull the fitted corners taught. Shoving the old linens into the laundry took a lot of effort too, and as I became increasingly frustrated I started beating it down into the sack.

  I struggled more as I took my large laundry sack down to the basement of my building. I tripped on the same stair I always did, not remembering to brace myself against the door as I fell. Luckily, my laundry cushioned my fall. Recovering, I trudged down the next flight to the laundry room, and began sorting.

  I stayed there until the last load, the fourth load, was dry and folded. I’m not sure how many hours the whole process took, but it was dark when I went back upstairs. I was grateful for the time though. It gave me a reason to sit alone with my thoughts.

  I would talk to Connor tomorrow. We were both supposed to go back to work tomorrow, the first day back since the building was half-destroyed by the enraged draconic god that was imprisoned there. I smiled for the first time in hours, remembering how Ananta Boga, or Bob, as I liked to think of him, and I had communicated with each other, something I had never shared with anyone, not even Connor.

  I don’t think I could share it with him now. I wouldn’t bring up magic again, and as much as I didn’t want to, I would look for another job, one in the normal, human world. I didn’t care what it would be; I would just remove myself from magic as much as I could. And I would ask for the glasses back, to help keep myself from being tempted.

  I took a long shower. The more I thought about it, the less it seemed like a big deal. I was content with my decision.

  Getting to sleep was not easy, perhaps because I had slept earlier, but likely because of the stressful afternoon. I ended up taking several cold pills, something I never did, in order to finally drift off.

  That plan backfired slightly, and I ended up oversleeping by almost an hour. I was grateful I had showered the night before, because I had no time now. Despite racing out the door in record time, I still missed my bus, and I cursed as I watched it drive away from the curb while I ran for it. To top it off, it was raining.

  This did not dampen my mood though. I was determined. I would be late, probably by about half an hour, but I would go to Connor and tell him how I felt. I needed him in my life, and I wasn’t going to let him be the martyr. I would agree to his terms.

  The next bus came later than scheduled, and I ended up arriving almost an hour after I was meant to. I didn’t stop to check out the renovations, or even go to my office. Instead, I headed directly to Connor’s floor, still dripping from the rain.

  My shoes squeaked loudly as I left the elevator, and I was slightly shocked to see a slightly plump faery sitting at Peri’s desk. Her reddish-copper curls were piled high on her head making her appear taller than she was. Even though she was sitting, I could tell she was short. The curls only helped a little. She had long, brightly painted fingernails, which tapped nervously on the desk as I approached. I felt weird. I hadn’t expected Peri to be here, mind you, but I was slightly disturbed to see someone else at her desk.

  “May I help you?” Her voice was warm and bubbly, but not nearly as chirpy as Peri’s, a quality I never thought I would miss until now.

  “Who are you?” I asked, my voice slightly harsher than I had intended.

  “I’m Phoebe!” she said, clearly excited by this. I could tell that she must have been bored before I stopped by.

  “You’re Peri’s replacement?” It wasn’t really a question. I had already figured it out. Still, it was hard to think of Peri not coming back.

  “You bet!” she answered, again oozing with perkiness. “Who are you?”

  My mood was quickly waning as I thought more about this strange woman sitting in Peri’s desk. I didn’t want to talk to her. “I’m here to see Connor,” I said, trying to keep my tone light.

  “Oh,” her voice fell. “Was he expecting you?”

  Was? What did that mean? “Um, no. But it’s alright, I’m sure I won’t be disturbing him.” My eyes darted to his office, and I saw that the door was wide open.

  “He’s not here,” she said, catching my glance.

  “He’s not?” I asked, my eyes never leaving his doorway. “Did he say when he’d be back?”

  “I don’t think anytime soon. You just missed him. He seemed distracted though. Said something about going to see his wife.”

  I heard my teeth clamp shut as I turned to her. “I’m sorry, did you say ‘wife’?” I asked through gritted teeth.

  Phoebe must have known she had said something wrong, because her expression turned fearful. I worked to soften my expression, determined to get more information out of her. “Yes…” she said, her voice quivering slightly.

  I took a deep breath and forced my kindest smile. Perhaps she had misunderstood him earlier. “Was her name Alex by any chance?” I asked, aware of the fake musical tones in voice.

  She seemed to relax a bit at my change of expression. “No,” she replied confidently, then continuing slowly as she read my face. “He had said he was going to visit Grace, and when I asked him who Grace was, he said his wife.”

  With every bit of strength I could muster, I held my calm face, and thanked her before turning hard on my heel and heading back for the elevator. I ignored her as she asked if she should tell him I stopped by. I knew I couldn’t hold on to my expression for long, so I pushed 10, and headed for my office.

  It was insanely difficult to make my way past my coworkers. I didn’t know any of them well, but they all seemed to know me, and what had happened in the battle. I managed to keep it together as they all made small talk, before finally managing an excuse to get to work and slipping into my office and closing the door behind me.

  Tears flowed the minute I closed the door. So Connor was married. Yesterday was merely an excuse for him to break things off, I presumed. He must have been waiting for that. I wondered if his wife knew. I wondered if anyone knew. I was such a fool to think that I could ever have anything so real belong to me.

  I heard a soft knock on my door, but I didn’t answer it. Seconds later the door opened, and I heard a familiar voice.

  “Hey, honey, glad to be-” Paul’s voice cut off as our eyes met. “Alex! What happened?” He closed the door swiftly and crossed the room to me. His arms hugged me tightly, and I cried harder, ruining his shirt. He didn’t seem to mind. I wasn’t able to answer his question, too breathless to even think. He could sense that though, and stroked my hair gently to calm me down.

  It took a while. By the time I could speak, we were both sitting on the floor, my body leaning heavily into his shoulder.

  “I can’t work here anymore, Paul,” I whispered.

  “Too many bad memories?” he asked, and I nodded, though I knew the memories he was referring to were not the same ones I was.

  “I think I need a break,” I continued, still in a whisper, “from magic, I mean. Besides, I’m not even sure why I’m here still, seeing as Nic and the stone are gone. That was why I was hired in the first place. Seems kind of pointless now.” As I spoke, I grew more and more certain of my decision. This was the right thing to do. I had no idea how I was going to manage, but I had enough money saved now that I would be okay for a little while. I just wouldn’t be able to pay off my student loan as quickly as I had wanted.

  Paul nodded at me, seeming to understand my logic, but his face betrayed him, and I could see he was sad.

  “First Peri, now you. Who will I eat lunch with?”

  I laughed, though it was shaky. “You’ll manage, I’m sure of it. That new girl upstairs needs a friend.”
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  He chuckled, and then sighed. “I’m really going to miss you.”

  “Me too.” I turned into him, giving him the strongest hug I could manage. It was still weak.

  Together, we stood up, and I wiped my eyes on my sleeve before looking at him again. “Tell everyone I’m sorry. Tell Dermot I’ll miss him too. And Hester. And-”

  “I’ll tell them all, Alex.”

  “Thanks.” I hugged him again, and quietly exited the office, leaving him behind. I never had the chance to personalize it, so there was no worry I had left anything behind. Just memories.

  When I left Mobius, I did not look back. I just kept walking. It was still raining, though it was more of a mist now than rain. It felt cleansing. It wasn’t long before I couldn’t tell the difference between my tears and the raindrops.

  I hadn’t realized I had walked all the way home until I got there. It had taken me just over two hours. I was glad that I had worn sensible shoes, as I hadn’t wanted to risk my clumsiness with heels in the rain. Still, my feet ached as I slipped off my shoes. My body was cold to the core as I was soaked from walking for so long in the mist. The shower burned as I tried to warm up, the water shredding away all the dried salt from my earlier tears.

  I would stay away from magic I thought. I had too. I had to ignore force lines, to resist their temptation. Not for Connor’s sake either, but for my own. Connor could no longer be a factor for me. My body convulsed as I thought of him. I forced him out of my head as I sat down in the shower and pulled my knees up tight to my chest.

  I had to get away from it. But how? Magic was everywhere. Even in my daze walking home, I had been aware of every force line I passed. Mobius had been littered with them, and I knew that my mind had fought against pulling on all of them.

  But there was a place where magic didn’t exist. Or at least, force lines didn’t exist. A magical dead zone. A place where I could get away, at least for a day or two to sort out my head.

  I jumped out of the shower, nearly slipping on the wet floor, and quickly towelled myself off. I powered up my laptop, lost in thought. I checked the local bus charter companies, looking for the next scheduled trip to Port Renfrew and was in luck. The next bus left the depot in two hours. I had more than enough time to make that bus. My hands dialled the number faster than I could think, and within minutes I had reserved my seat.

  Not sure what my plan was, I packed a large duffle bag with warm clothes, my toiletry bag, and just to be safe, some food and water. I would find a B&B once I got there. When I was sure I was ready, I called a taxi to take me to the depot. I wasn’t going to risk missing another bus today.

  As I was locking the door, I heard the phone ring in my apartment. I hesitated, wondering if I should answer it, but only two people would know I wasn’t at work, and I didn’t think Paul would be calling me so soon. It stopped ringing, and instantly I heard my cell phone ring in my pocket. I didn’t need to look at the screen to know who it was; the ring tone identified Connor with his own song. I flushed the call before turning the phone off completely and shoving it into the depths of my bag. If I was going to get away from magic, it meant getting away from it entirely. I didn’t have the strength to listen to anyone right now, certainly not him. Besides, I was giving him exactly what he wanted.

  The bus trip was long and I cursed myself for not remembering my mp3 player. The road to Port Renfrew was windy, and the bus had to go extra slow around the switchbacks. I felt like we were going to tip over at times, and tried to ease the feeling by looking at the horizon. This didn’t help though, because there were still force lines everywhere, though not as many as in the city, and they were thinning out. Feeling defeated, I closed my eyes and tried to shut out everything else.

  “Ma’am? This is the last stop,” the bus driver said calmly. I opened my eyes to see him standing over me, a warm smile on his face. “Can I help you with your bag?”

  “It’s okay. I’ve got it. Thanks though,” I said sheepishly. “Wow, I hadn’t meant to fall asleep.” He nodded, and I shuffled wearily out of the bus.

  It was late afternoon, the sun low in the sky. I had a vague idea of where to go, and luckily, bright green signs pointed the way.

  The parking lot for Botanical Beach was empty, which was not surprising considering the time of day and the time of year. It was still quite cold, especially so close to the ocean.

  I paid little attention to the warning signs about “Rogue Waves” as I made my way down the steep trail to the beach. It took about fifteen minutes to make my way, and I was aware of the quickly fading light. What a stupid idea, I thought to myself, as I neared the end of the trail. What was I thinking?

  But then I was at the beach, and I remembered my original reason for coming here. The sun setting over the ocean cast a brilliant purple and orange light over the smooth sandstone. Tidal pools glowed in the twilight. The sea was calm today, the waves barely lapping at the sides of the rocky platform. And most of all, there was not a trace of magic anywhere to be seen.

  I watched the tide for a moment, just to be sure it was going out so I wouldn’t get stranded on the rocks, before picking my way across the mottled surface. I found a shallow dip, close to the edge and sat in it, resting my chin on my knees.

  Immediately, I felt the calm I had felt when I was with the elves. Except, this was calm in a different way. This calm was real, natural, and entirely of my own doing. As the sun dove slowly into the sea, I closed my eyes, basking in its glow. I knew I was right in coming here.

  I also knew I wasn’t alone.

  Chapter Nine

  My body stiffened as I heard a faint scratching noise behind me. I couldn’t be sure how far away it was, but I knew it was getting louder and closer. I started to feel vibration in the rock as whatever it was approached. I thought it must be huge, and suddenly I remembered the warning signs for bears I had passed on the way in.

  But it was still technically winter, wasn’t it? Wouldn’t bears be hibernating? My body froze with fear, ignoring my mind screaming at me to run. Somehow I managed to stand, though my knees shook wildly. I picked up my bag, fully intending to use it as a weapon if I had to, and turned slowly to face my attacker.

  “Oh!”

  While I am certain that anyone else would shriek at the beast before me, and possibly pass out with terror, I was relieved. It was not a bear, but instead a massive skeletal dragon.

  Did I frighten you, Alex? an ancient voice whispered in my head.

  “A little,” I said, but then smiled. “Bob- er, Ananta Boga, what are you doing here?”

  I heard a deep, hollow chuckle in my mind, like wooden wind chimes. You may call me Bob if you wish.

  I nodded. I was still slightly shocked at the presence of the draconic god before me. I hadn’t seen him since just before the battle, in almost this exact spot.

  I knew you would return here, he said, as though this explained his presence. The shadows in his vacant eye sockets shifted, and I sensed he was looking at me inquisitively.

  I was still clutching the duffle bag tightly and standing defensively. Dropping the bag, I relaxed, and I saw that he did too.

  What are you doing here? he asked so calmly that I sensed he already knew the answer.

  “I…,” I began, feeling my knees buckle slightly as I remembered exactly why I was here. “I had to get away.”

  He nodded, and I was sure he knew there was more to the story.

  May I join you?

  I looked at him, shocked that he seemed to empathize with me. Nodding, I turned back to the sunset and sat back into my hollow. Bob’s bones scraped the stone as he lay beside me, his head resting on the rocks like a gigantic golden retriever.

  “We must make quite a pair,” I chuckled under my breath. I heard the low chimes as he laughed too.

  We stayed there long past sunset, and neither of us broke the silence.

  After a few hours, I felt the spray of the waves as the tide began advancing on us.

&nb
sp; “I should probably go before this rock is covered in water,” I said, looking back into the darkness for the trailhead. Why hadn’t I brought a flashlight?

  As if in response to my thoughts, Bob’s voice spoke in my mind. Can I take you somewhere, Alex?

  I looked up at him, and I felt a sting behind my eyes as I realized I had nowhere to go.

  He seemed to recognize this, nodding as he opened his mouth.

  I was hesitant. The last time I had travelled this way I had nearly fallen out. It was rough on my body to bounce around inside his hard, bony jaw.

  Don’t forget, last time I was just waking up after being held in stasis for so long. I was a bit cranky. I’ll keep my head stable this time.

  His voice was so calm and confident in my head, that I did not doubt him. To be safe though, I pulled my puffy winter coat out of my bag and pulled it on. The padding would help.

  As it turns out, Bob was right. His head stayed perfectly parallel to the ground, even as he rose and fell in the updrafts. I wondered how he managed to stay up. I had never seen any sort of membrane over his wings.

  Soon after he took off, I realized he was heading west, out to sea. After about an hour or so of flying, I could still see the starlight reflecting in the ocean below us. Was he circling?

  “Where are we going?” I asked, unsure if he could hear me.

  His voice was clear in my mind, Home. My home.

  Wasn’t the myth of Ananta Boga that he was the Guardian to the Underworld? I shuddered. I was fairly certain I didn’t want to go there. But how could I stop him now? One flick of his jaw and I would tumble out his throat, plummeting into the sea. Forcing myself to relax, I leaned against my bag, and waited for flight to end.

  Chapter Ten

  Bob’s home was nothing like what I had expected. He had circled several times around a large, steaming mountain, careful not to dive so I wouldn’t be jostled in his mouth. On one side of the mountain was a large opening, which was carefully disguised as one of the many textural shadows littered on the craggy surface. I hadn’t noticed it until we were flying toward it.