Keera laughed. “No, honey. I don’t think he would. Some people don’t want to be mommies or daddies.”
“Like you?” Emmie asked, picking out a green and yellow hair bow. “I heard you and daddy talking and you said you didn’t want children.”
“You don’t want Megan?” Allie asked.
This really wasn’t the conversation she wanted to be having with the girls but apparently it was the conversation they wanted with her. “I like children. I like both of you a lot. Megan, too. But I work almost every day, all day, and I wouldn’t have time to be a good mommy, and Megan needs a good...” Well, she was hoping for a daddy, but how could she say that to these two?
“She needs a good home where someone’s there to take care of her more than I could. Look, would either of you like ice cream?” That was the way to do it. When the situation got tough, cure it with ice cream. Yet another reason she wasn’t cut out for motherhood. Simply put, she was stuck for what to do.
How in the world did Reid do this day in, day out? It was beyond her, and she realized she admired him not only for wanting to do this but for being good at it. And as she ordered two chocolate cones and a dish of strawberry, she realized even more that this was where Megan needed to be.
* * *
“They had a great time,” Reid said. “I’m not sure about their—or your—fashion choices. But I suppose I’ll get used to that, won’t I? And I really insist on paying you back for everything you bought.”
“Donate the money to the camp. I want this to be my treat.”
“Because you’re a surgeon who earns more than a county pediatrician?”
“Actually, I’m sure I do. Which isn’t the point. We had a nice time and I thoroughly enjoyed the afternoon. So, please, don’t spoil it by being...”
“Practical?” he asked, smiling.
“You’re using my own life to prove me wrong?”
“You’re the one who insists on being practical. So what can I say?”
“I can say that you’ve done a good job with the girls. I’m impressed you manage it all so well. Your life, your work, your parental responsibilities...”
“I manage it because I want to. It’s all about priorities, I suppose. You know, the overall priorities, then the moment-to-moment priorities.”
“And I manage my surgical practice the way I want to, so I guess that pretty much tells you everything there is to know about my priorities.”
“Which will never change?” he asked.
“Which I don’t anticipate will change. Don’t want to change.”
“Even if your life situation changes?”
“Another thing I don’t anticipate or want.” Pulling into the parking spot of The Overlook, she looked at the building and almost wished she’d chosen the restaurant. This place was so romantic. Too romantic maybe? Rustic, and with a view the literature said couldn’t be topped anywhere in the vicinity. And in the aftermath of that kiss. What was she thinking?
That she was flirting with things best left alone. That’s what she was thinking. But this time she was better prepared. She knew she succumbed too easily to, well, it was either his charm or the clean mountain air, or the moment, or any number of the other reasons two people found that fleeting mutual attraction. And it was only fleeting. Had to be! She was going to make sure of that or she wasn’t Keera Murphy, the cold bitch. Make that the stone-cold bitch.
But darn it. Once she stepped inside the restaurant, saw the dimmed lights, heard the violin music, her knees nearly buckled. And they really did buckle when she and Reid were shown to the table with the best view in the restaurant, and she had to hold on to that table for support. It was stunning at twilight, with the pinks and grays of the evening sky peeking over the distant mountains. “How did you manage this?” she asked Reid.
“Owners’ names are Gwen and Henry Carson.”
“As in Gregory Carson?”
He nodded. “They’ve struggled to hang onto the place, with all their medical expenses. Amazing people, though. They do it all, and take care of a recovering kid, too.”
“So this is going to be another exercise in how I could or should be a parent, even with my circumstances, and the Carsons are going to show me the way? Is that why we’re here? It’s an object lesson?”
“No, but they are going to serve you one of the most amazing meals you’ve probably ever had.”
“Which is meant to prove that I, too, can be a super-mom, like you’re a super-dad, and they’re super-parents?”
Suddenly, she had no desire to be here, no desire to spend the evening with her face being rubbed in her inadequacies. Sure, she felt guilty about Megan. Her feelings for the little girl were growing. She liked taking care of her, reading her stories, taking walks with her, playing games. But that was largely due to the circumstances—she was out of her element, living a life that wasn’t hers. And now, with so many people trying to prove the point, she wasn’t comfortable any more. Didn’t want to be here, being forced to face the obvious.
So she wasn’t going to stay and subject herself to that, no matter how the evening was intended. It was as simple as that. Reid could stay, and she’d leave the money to pay for it because nowhere in that bet had there been a mention of dinner for two. Or an object lesson on essential parenting guidelines, which this was all about.
Was she angry? Maybe a little. Or feeling guilty? Probably some of that thrown in there as well. Because she couldn’t do it all and she knew it. Knew her inadequacies and didn’t have to be reminded of them over the soufflé. But she also knew her strengths, one of which wasn’t going to be the commendable kind of parent Reid, or even the Carsons, were. So she pulled her credit card from her purse, slapped it down on the table, and said, “Enjoy yourself. Don’t hold back and, please, just slip the card under my cabin door when you return to camp.” With that, Keera spun around and marched straight out of the restaurant, quite sure she could hear Reid following her. But she wouldn’t turn around to look, not even when she got to the car and had to pause a moment to find the key fob in her purse.
“It was supposed to be a simple dinner,” he said. “I’m not sure what you read into it that turned it into something else, but I’m sorry if I said the wrong thing.”
“There’s not one wrong thing,” she said. “Everything’s wrong. A week ago I didn’t know this camp or you existed, and Megan was only a name and not a child with real-life needs. And this time next week I’ll have my real life back and this whole mountain fantasy where I end up being mom of the year will be over and I’ll have my elbows up in somebody’s rib cage, repairing their heart. It’s all I can do, Reid.” She looked up at him.
“All I’m supposed to do. It’s the reality where I control my life and everything in it. And it’s where I don’t feel guilty because I can’t do the noble thing, the way you can.”
“Control is that important you?”
“It has to be. Or else I end up...like this.” She spread her arms to take in the whole expanse of town that could be viewed from their vantage point.
“What’s so bad about this?”
“For you, nothing. For me, everything. Absolutely everything.” She drew in a steadying breath and leaned back against the car. “You were right, you know. I am cold. Because I want to be cold. It keeps the world from intruding, and it keeps me in the place I need to be. Where I belong.”
“Which is alone.”
“Which is unaffected. I know you want me to be that little girl’s mother, or at least her guardian until a permanent home can be found for her.”
“That’s true.”
She laughed, but it was a bitter laugh. Or one filled with regret. “You sound like your daughters. The subject came up when we were shopping and I think they were amazed that I couldn’t step in and rescue Megan the way you stepped in
and rescued them. But being the good role model that I am, I distracted them with ice cream because I didn’t know what to say. So tell me, does the person who takes the low road really sound like the best candidate for motherhood?”
“She sounds like me when I struggle to find the right way to go. There’s no book with all the answers you’ll ever need to know, Keera. Not about parenting, not about life in general. But it works out, one way or another.”
“For me, it works out when I’m scrubbed and ready to step into the OR.”
“Having a child doesn’t mean you can’t do that.”
“You don’t know me, then. In my life all I can do is one thing. Look, dinner here was a bad idea because this place...you...Gregory’s parents...suffocate me with my inadequacies. And I’m really not hungry. So, please, go back, have a nice evening on me. I’m sure you can catch a taxi back to the cabin. Or I can catch a taxi and leave you the car. However you want to work it out.”
“Why do I scare you so much?” he asked.
There were so many reasons on so many levels, but most of all he reminded her of the things she’d never be able to have. Reid was everything, he had everything. And she was a shell. She knew that, and was OK with it. “You don’t. I’m the one who scares me.”
“Because of this?” he asked, tilting her face up to his. “Because you don’t want to want it?”
With that, he lowered his lips to hers, but it was not a kiss filled with fire and raw need. It was tender, and gentle. Filled with hope she so desperately wanted to feel. Wanted to hold on to. “We shouldn’t do this,” she said, hating that she had to pull away from him. But she had to, because she so feared getting lost in the very thing she knew she couldn’t have yet was only now beginning to realize she desperately wanted.
“You’re right,” he said, smiling. “We shouldn’t. But once wasn’t enough.”
“Why do you even want to...well, do anything with me? Nothing can come of it.”
“Or everything, depending on your perspective.”
She shook her head. “There’s only one perspective, and I think maybe the mountain air’s gone to your head, Reid. Or perhaps you need more adult companionship. I don’t know which. But have you thought this through? If nothing else, think of our proximity. We live more than an hour away from each other.”
“Half an hour if we meet in the middle.”
“And neither of us have that hour or half-hour to spare. And in the end we’re too different.”
“And opposites never attract.”
“Not in reality,” she said.
“So then why do I want to kiss you so badly, and why do you want me to?” he asked, clearly on the verge of their next kiss. “And we’re pretty much opposite in everything?”
“Too many children around, and I’m back to believing you’re craving some adult companionship.”
“So, any adult will do, right? Any set of lips? Any curvy, sexy-as-hell hips...”
“Hmm,” she murmured, as his lips met hers, but this time with a hunger that no romantic meal was going to satisfy.
* * *
“Wow,” she said groggily, rolling over and looking at the naked body stretched out next to her. She certainly hadn’t expected what was lurking beneath his clothing. Reid had a magnificent body, lean and well muscled. As a doctor, she knew physical perfection. As a woman, she’d never known she could enjoy it so much. Every inch of it. “Time to get up, leave this hotel and get back to camp, before anybody notices that we’re missing.”
“What time is it?”
“A little after one. And even though Sally is always happy to watch Megan, I want to spend the rest of the night with her. Which means we’ve got to go back to camp before it gets any later and people start wondering if we’re doing what we just did.” She smiled. “And I mean it, Dr. Adams. Appearances are important.”
He reached over and twined his fingers through her hair. “I never knew how much I liked red hair before last night. But I definitely like red hair.”
“I know,” she said, not sure whether to be bold or opt for being demure.
“Nice red hair.”
She sighed. “Seriously. We’ve got to go, Reid. Somebody’s going to find out.” She sat up and pulled the sheet up to cover her breasts, but he immediately reached over and tugged the sheet back down.
“I like your breasts as much as I like your hair. If you’re going to kick me out of your bed, the least you could do is give me one last look.”
She liked being admired, liked that it was Reid doing the admiring. “Technically, I’m not kicking. Just urging.” And, oh, how she didn’t want to. But getting here had been such a fluke, and then discovering how good they were together? Suffice it to say he’d melted the stone-cold bitch into a puddle, and she wasn’t ready to have that end. But, practically speaking, it had to. Because they weren’t practical together. Neither was this relationship. A few hours together were good, but anything beyond that... “And if you’re not going to avail yourself of the shower, I will.”
“Please, avail away. But leave the sheet here, because as much as I like your red hair and your breasts, well, all I can say is that watching you walk away from me, naked, is my fondest fantasy. Well, one of them.”
His grin was wicked, his demeanor sexy and funny—everything she’d always wanted and had never had. Still couldn’t have, and that’s the only thing she could think of as she gave him his show on her way into the shower. She couldn’t have any of this.
In another few minutes it would be over, and it all would be relegated to the past tense and dreams to be put away on the shelf. But no regrets. She was a modern woman, and modern women had flings. It was accepted. Something totally different from her mother’s life and lifestyle. Although this was the first time she’d ever slept with a man outside marriage, which meant...
Actually, she wasn’t going to ponder that one. No, she was going to take a shower and go about her plans for the rest of the night, and let Reid worry about what to tell his children, or anybody else for that matter, if he lollygagged too much and they didn’t get back to camp at a respectable time.
But a little while longer in bed with him would have been nice. Sighing, Keera turned on the shower full blast and stepped in, and let the water pellets ping her skin a little harder than she usually did because she’d felt alive in his arms these last hours, and now she wanted something else to make her feel alive. Only a few minutes away from Reid and she needed a physical reminder...
“What have I done?” she whispered as she sank back against the shower wall and let the water beat hard against her.
“Room for one more?” he asked, snapping her out of her reverie.
“We shouldn’t,” she said, desperately wanting to anyway. “Because after tonight...” Keera shrugged.
“What? We’re done?”
“We should be.”
Reid turned on the grin. “Because we’re not practical?”
“Something like that,” she said, as he pushed back the shower curtain and entered. “I don’t do this. Tonight, you and me. It’s not me.”
Picking up the bottle of body wash, he raised it and squeezed so that the pink soap inside slithered down between her breasts, all the way to her belly, and below. Then he began to spread the soap, the palms of both his hands making a circular motion on her flesh that left her gasping for breath. “Oh, this is definitely you,” he said, taking particular care to tweak her nipples to erection then linger there, stroking, pinching lightly, then returning to his circular motion as his hands continued on their journey, down her belly, and even further down, until one hand forged ahead and the other hand reached around to grab her bottom.
“Reid, no.” She gasped, “We shouldn’t.”
“Go on,” he urged. “We shouldn’t what?”
&nb
sp; “Stop,” she choked out, as the paroxysms of his efforts began to overtake her.
“Now? You want me to stop now?”
“No!” she practically screamed. “We shouldn’t stop. Not now! Please, don’t.”
“As if I could,” he growled, as she quivered beneath his fingertips. “Or would.”
But they would have to at some point. That’s what she was thinking when their shower was over, and an hour later when, car lights off, they drove into the camp and parked behind her cabin. Then Reid left her with a quick kiss to her cheek, while she went to the infirmary, tiptoed past a sleeping Sally, and slid into the bed on the other side of the aisle. Still feeling the lingering of that kiss, and everything that had come before it, as she pulled the sheet up over her.
It was dark, and the camp was quiet and asleep. And somewhere out there Reid was sneaking away like a thief in the night. In a sense, though, that’s what he was, because he had stolen something from her. Not her virginity, not even her sense of moral purpose. More like her certainty.
With Kevin, there had never been doubts or questions or a roller-coaster of emotion. Their meeting, their dating, their marriage had always been the practical matters she’d wanted them to be.
With Reid there was nothing practical about it. Not one little aspect. That’s where her certainty wavered because, for the first time in her life, she wasn’t sure she wanted to be all that certain. Wasn’t sure she could be any more. And that’s what scared her. What truly, honestly scared her.
Raising herself up to peek out the window, Keera saw Reid heading round to the rear side of his cabin and imagined him going in through his kitchen door. An affair with Reid Adams—and, yes, this was an affair of some sort—was like zip lining, where she was flying through the air, tethered to a very small cable. The zip-line cable she trusted because it was proven. Her own private cable wasn’t proven, however, which meant disaster could surely be sneaking around in the dark, the way Reid was.
Only this time she wasn’t wearing a safety helmet or any of the other protective gear. And she feared that she needed all she could get—to protect her heart.
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