by Andrea Allen
I looked at Caleb. He looked refined as well. He was probably some trust fund baby who would probably go begging to mommy and daddy for a job. Probably some pathetic fuck, that’s what I’m calling.
“Casey, don’t roll your eyes,” Robert said.
I stiffened. God, why was he like this? “I wasn’t, but now I will,” I said.
The students in class watched the exchange between us. I’m pretty sure some of these people thought that it was some sort of game or something, which wasn’t the case. Both of us really disliked the other, so most of the time we did this because of the disdain we had. However, I could tell that Robert wasn’t going to deal with my shit today, and soon, he sighed.
“If you’re going to act like this Casey, I’ll tell you to leave,” he said.
“I’m not leaving. I’m not doing anything wrong and you know it. Maybe you should stop jumping to conclusions,” I replied with a snarky attitude.
The teacher ignored me, going back to his lessons. That’ll show him. Of course, this was so boring I nearly fell asleep. I saw the new teacher, and while he tried to emulate Robert, he seemed to fail. This guy was too much, that’s for sure.
“All right everyone, I need your assignments,” he told them.
Fuck. I guess I forgot that. He walked around, collecting the papers, and when he got to me, he stared at me once more.
“Let me guess, you forgot to do it,” he said with a glance.
“Yeah. Sorry about that,” I said, feigning sadness.
“I shouldn’t be surprised with you. I mean, this is your third time taking the college course. I mean, maybe you’re doing it at this point just to spite me, but this is getting out of hand. You’re only going to fail if you don’t knock this off,” he admonished.
Whatever. I didn’t care anymore. I rolled my eyes, looking at him with an annoyed glance.
“Whatever,” I said.
“I guess you’ll take another zero for that. I’m glad you’re a fine example to the class on how not to act as a college student,” he told me with a scoff.
The teacher soon left, and the aid looked at me, shaking his head. Whatever. I didn’t even care. I was really only in this class because it was one of the bullshit requirement classes I needed for my degree. The rest of class went by like a blur, and when I left, I heard some of the kids talking about me. Most of them were surprised I kept up the act that I did, the act that I didn’t take shit from teachers. It’s true though. I personally don’t take kindly to this guy’s bullshit, and he’s honestly too strict. I mean, it’s not like I’m paying for college anyways. Mom and Dad are.
When I left, I looked behind, seeing the teacher there looking at me.
“Come on Casey, knock this off. You’re going to regret it,” he told me.
“Like hell I am,” I told him. Before he could respond, I was soon gone. That’ll show him.
Of course, I headed on to my next class. It was strange, the history class I had with Robert and the new guy was the only class I tended to fail a lot. I mean, it’s not like I was a bad kid. I just didn’t care about his class. I hated his attitude, and most of the time, it infuriated me to the point where I didn’t even care about him. However, I soon began to wonder if I was really acting out for a valid reason? I know that some people saw me as a badass bad girl because of it, but I was 21, so even when I did act like that, I began to feel like there was something wrong.
Maybe it was just my own shitty regret. I went to my next two classes, brushing off that feeling that I had. I mean, who knows I’m probably overthinking everything. It’s probably just my imagination rather than actually something serious.
However, little did I know that this behavior was going to bite me in the ass, make me change myself and create a whole new can of worms for myself in the future.
Chapter 2
I continued to go through college not giving a shit about that stupid history class. It’s not like he could fail me three times, right?
That’s where I was wrong.
I got to my dorm to check my mail, which was when I realized it. I saw that there was a note in there for me. It was from the school.
“Who the hell wants my attention,” I said. I opened it, and in fine lettering I read it to myself.
Shit. It was from the school. They know I’ve failed that stupid history class twice, and I’m on my way to failing it again. It was admonishing, saying that if I did fail it again, I’d be expelled from here. I felt my fists clench. I was decent in all the other subjects, I just couldn’t stand my stupid teacher.
“What the fuck?” I said to myself. I then tossed it, feeling angry about it all. There was no way, no way in hell I was going to lose all of the progress that I did make. I just wanted a teacher who didn’t act like a cocky piece of shit towards me. Was that too much to ask?
However, things only got worse from here. About five days later, I got a call from my mother. Normally, it wasn’t a bad thing to get a call from her. All too often, she did it to check on me. However, when I didn’t answer, she sent me a text message, saying that we had to talk.
I had a bad feeling about this, but I knew that I needed to face the truth. I dialed her, and after a ring or two, I heard her speak.
“Hello Casey,” she started.
“Hi Mother. What’s wrong?” she asked her.
“I’ve heard from your teacher that you’re well on your way to failing that class again, and that if you fail it a third time, the school will take away your funding. You know that I’ve raised you to be better than that,” she said.
“But he’s a douche,” I told my mom.
“Watch your tongue, Casey. Listen, if you fail this class, you’re going to lose everything. I won’t support you, and neither will Dad. He’s already stressed about this, and you acting like a piece of shit about this is only going to bite you in the ass further. I demand that you start to care about this and get some tutoring. Or else, you can say goodbye to all of the help you’ve been getting,” my mother said.
I tried to get a word in, especially since my mom was totally being unfair, but then, she spoke once more.
“And don’t think that you can just sass me back Casey. I’m done with your shit, with the little antics that you’ve pulled thus far. Either you get the help that you need and pass the class, or we’re going to make you work. You’ve been far too spoiled, and we’ve been far too lenient in this situation for so long,” she told me with a serious tone of voice.
I was angry. I couldn’t believe that even my own mother didn’t give a flying fuck about me. However, I couldn’t fight it. She said her peace, so essentially, I had to listen.
“Fine. I’ll fucking try,” I said.
“Don’t try. Actually do it,” she told me.
It was then when the phone clicked off, causing me to tense up with annoyance. I began to feel agitated by everything. How could she do this to me? What the hell was I going to do? I began to grow even more pissed by the second, but I knew that I was going to lose it all if I didn’t make a decision fast.
“Fine. You all fucking win,” I said. It wasn’t like I’d be happy about this. In all honesty, I was pretty fucking pissed. But I wasn’t going to let this get the best of me. instead, I’ll take care of it on my own.
The next day, I went to class, this time actually being quiet. I hated that I had to swallow my pride. Robert and Caleb were both surprised at me, but at the same time, it was so obvious they knew it hurt. I hated it, I truly did. After class was over, I sat there waiting for everyone to leave before I took a deep breath, preparing for the humiliation of what I was about to say.
I meandered over to his desk, and when he looked up, he smiled at me.
“I take it you got the notice,” he said.
“Yeah I did. And I hate it. But I’m not going to let you guys get the best of me. I’m doing this for myself because I don’t want to lose what I already have. I need help. I want to pass this class,” I said.
> “The first thing you should do is do your homework,” he said sardonically.
This bastard! I hated him, but I simply nodded.
“I will sir. But I also need some tutoring. Is it okay if I get help from you?” I asked him.
He paused, looking at me and trying to see if I was joking.
“Are you sure?” he asked me.
“Yeah. I’m sure,” I told him with my head to the side. I felt shameful, but at the same time, I knew I needed all of the help I could get.
He pursed his lips, and I hoped he wasn’t going to embarrass me. He then nodded, understanding my needs.
“Very well. But don’t think I’m going to go easy on you. You’re going to have to come to the tutoring sessions. Both Caleb and I will help you,” he said.
I nodded, taking all of this in. God, I hated it. I hated that he got some sort of fucked up satisfaction from it, but at the same time, I wasn’t doing this for him, but for myself.
“Very well. You’ll see me there,” I said.
“I hope so. I want you to do well Casey. Maybe knocking off that attitude will help,” he said.
I doubted it, and I didn’t need this fucker to tell me that. I simply scoffed, turning around and walking away.
“So tomorrow?” I asked.
“Yes. Does four work?” he asked.
Great, I’d have to do it after all my classes. I didn’t want to, but I guess I will. I mean, having a beer would be ten times better, but I guess I’ll take what I can get.
“Sure,” I replied.
He nodded, smiling at me with a smirk. “Good. Then I’ll see you then,” he said.
I grimaced, already regretting everything about this. But, it had to be done, and I mean, maybe Robert and I can work out our differences. Or maybe I’m just overthinking shit again and hoping too much.
Chapter 3
I didn’t want to do this, but I kept my promises. The next day, I went to his class once more, giving him a small smile. There was something about him that made the whole experience slightly more tolerable this time around. Maybe because he did care enough to help me, even though I wanted to gag at the concept.
After my classes, I went over to his office once more. I knocked at the door, and after a moment or so, Caleb answered.
“There you are. I was wondering if you’d even show up,” he joked.
“Of course I would. I mean, I made the appointment. No sense in canceling,” I said. I wanted to cancel, but I knew that the wrath of my parents and the idea of struggling was just as unpalatable.
“Come on in. Let’s get this show on the road,” he said.
I walked inside, seeing the spot in the middle of where their books were. I perched myself there, and when I looked at Robert, instead of having a serious face all the time, he looked almost happy.
“Glad you made it,” he said.
“Yeah,” I simply replied.
“Anyway, you want to get started?” he asked.
“I mean, it’s not like there is anything else I could do,” I muttered in response.
He looked at me, seeing the disdain in my eyes, before we started to work on everything. The first part of the lesson was really just going over the stuff from today.
“See, as you can tell, it’s actually not that complicated. What’s the issue you have?” he asked.
I flushed. Did I really tell him the truth? About the reason why I suck at this class over all of them.
“Well… I have a lot of trouble remembering dates and such. Plus, you always ask me to write these essays. I feel like my writing is shit,” I told him.
“Nonsense. You doubt yourself far too much,” he said.
“I used to be the same way Casey. It was hard for me to come to terms with the fact that my writing wasn’t all that bad. I always thought that I’d never become a teacher, let alone do anything of that nature. But I’m glad that I persevered. I mean, if you need to talk to someone about this, I kind of feel for you. Let’s just say, I have my own doubts too, but I have overcome them. You can as well,” he told me with a grin.
I blushed. This guy was always so damn positive. It felt weird, especially considering how negative everyone was. I mean, did he do this because he liked me as a student? Or something more.
“I guess,” I said.
“Stop doubting yourself. We both believe in you,” he replied.
It was then when I looked at both Robert and him. I mean, I wasn’t going to lie, but looking at them made my heart flutter. Why was it like that? Was it because they were the first to really care about me? To agree to tutor me and actually help me? I blushed, but then, I started to speak.
“It’s a bit of a personal problem. I’m good in other classes, and I can remember stuff, but it’s always dates and crap. I’m so bad at them,” I said.
“Well, let’s work in a way to help you remember dates better,” he said.
He sat there, writing a few down. We worked on it, and while I still did struggle at the end of the time, it wasn’t as bad as it was before. It seemed to get easier, at least for me. The tutoring session went about a half-hour longer than we expected, and in truth, I didn’t really want to leave. Both of these men really helped me out, actually caring enough to assist me with the problems I had. Once we finished, I looked at them, blushing red.
“Thank you,” I simply said.
“For what?” Robert asked.
“For staying with me. I mean, I didn’t expect this to go so late, but it did,” I said.
“It’s no problem,” he replied. He gave me a look, and so did Caleb. It was then when I felt it again.
The fluttering in my heart. What did this all mean? I began to turn away, feeling almost ashamed about this. I didn’t want any sorts of feelings to get in the way. I was only here because of my mom, for she didn’t want me to fail. I didn’t want to fail, so why was I catching feelings?
I shrugged it off. I’m sure they’ll go away soon enough. “Thanks,” I said. I left the room, heading over to my dorm once more. While I normally just drank and did a bit of homework, tonight I worked a bit more on some homework, not even drinking at all. It was the first time in a long time I hadn’t done that, and normally I didn’t pay mind to it, but it was a bit strange.
What was happening to me? I had one stupid study session, and now I feel like everything is changing. Why? What was going on? All of these questions seemed to fill my mind, making me wonder if there was something else there. I didn’t know for sure, but I guess I’ll try to figure it out when the time was right.
People are strange, and I hate emotions. It’s why I normally try to drown them out, but that’s proving not to be possible with this. I mean, maybe I should just let the emotions invade my mind. Not that I would mind it, but who knows.
“You like her, don’t you?” the voice said to Robert as he sat there, drumming his fingers.
Robert looked up, staring at Caleb with a blush. “Nonsense. I can’t. I have a repute to uphold,” he said.
“You don’t have to pretend Robert. It’s obvious from the way you speak to her you like her,” Caleb said, cutting through the façade.
Robert sighed, sitting there and dusting the plaque he had.
“You know, that’s easier said than done. I mean, if anyone finds out about this, I’m screwed,” he said.
Caleb nodded. He knew both of them were supposed to be morally-sound teachers, and in a school like this, if even word was breathed that you’re seeing a student, you get ousted.
“That’s right. And I’m still an intern. This is bad,” he said.
“I know. I feel terrible for doing this. It’s just…I can’t help it. I mean, I’ve never found anyone worth liking before. I’m always stuck working, always pretending to be the serious teacher that everyone enjoys, but let’s face it, I can’t let this go on forever. I have feelings too,” Robert said. In truth, he knew that his family had been talking about him finding a wife and a kid. He was nearly thirty. His pare
nts were getting antsy, but the idea of finding love proved to be much harder than he believed.
“I know. I like her too, but if I even show affection of that nature to anyone, I can kiss this internship goodbye. My dreams of being a teacher, of making my parents proud, of everything… it would be for nothing,” he said.
They both had a lot at stake. Robert sighed, turning to the other.
“Let’s see how this goes. Maybe we can keep our feelings quelled over time,” he said.
“I’ll try. But even then, can we really make this work?” he asked.
“Maybe. You never know. Sometimes stranger things have happened,” he said.
“You’re right. Thanks Robert,” he said.
“No problem. But keep this a secret for now,” he said.
The two of them continued to finish grading, knowing they shouldn’t’ be thinking about her. All of the risks that this would entail, the potential for them to lose their jobs held above their heads. There was so much wrong with this, and yet, neither of them could say no.
They couldn’t’ resist these feelings, even if they tried.
Chapter 4
I got some more tutoring, seeing them both twice a week. It really helped, and it honestly kept me on track. I managed to get the assignments done, and I knew that this was indeed exactly what I needed.
However, that didn’t ease my weird thoughts. Instead of having them go away, potentially as nothing more than a mere product of maybe just the closeness, they started to get worse. All the time I was blushing when they looked at me, feeling tense whenever our hands touched, the whole nine yards. Why the hell was I like this? I hated it! I didn’t want feelings, but they seemed to continue to bother me.
However, I did notice that they weren’t as in-my-face about positivity, which was nice, and I didn’t mind that, out at the same time I missed it. It was obvious that something was wrong, but I guess they won’t tell me. Oh well.