by Emma Dawn
Very obviously pregnant women, their bellies protruding far ahead of them. They saw me and immediately picked up their plates and left the room. I looked at the other women who were there, Janna being the only one I knew by name. “What was that about?”
“Often a new Alpha will try and kill all the pregnant women. Bianca has already threatened it.” Janna spoke around a mouthful of scrambled eggs. I reached for the platters of food and filled my own plate.
“I would never do that. It’s ridiculous.”
“Insecure Alphas do it all the time,” Willow said as she entered the room.
I nodded at her. “Should I talk to them or will it stress them out?”
She sat beside me. “I’ll talk to them, tell them that you aren’t that bad.” She gave me a soft smile and I realized she was attempting to tease me.
I smiled back. “Thanks.” I mulled over what I was going to do for the day. “I’m going to take a walkabout this morning, but then I’ll come back to train any who want to, after lunch.”
The women seemed excited about that and started to chatter about what they might want to learn. I listened, but with only half an ear. My mind was elsewhere, already working toward what I could do to help make things right with Wilder.
Or did I just let him come to me? But what if he didn’t? Then we were all up shit creek without any sort of paddles. I frowned and stuffed a last bite of breakfast into my mouth.
“See you later,” I mumbled as I stood and walked out of the room. The halls were quiet as I made my way to the courtyard, and from there down the main stairs out of the Haven, then to Ralph’s hut. The whole way, my brain looped over the problems I was facing, again and again.
Bianca infringing. Raider on the loose somewhere. Me needing a seventh Alpha. Not to mention I still had to find a way to unleash my inner wolf and shift, or else it wouldn’t matter that I didn’t have six or seven men. I would be killed as a Null. I sighed as I lifted my hand and knocked on Ralph’s door.
He grumbled and a moment later swung the door open, peering around me. “No bodyguard again?”
I shook my head. “No, I pissed him off.”
“Told him he needed to be an Alpha, did you?” He grinned at me and I managed to smile back.
“Something like that.” I paused. “Ralph, would you walk with me?”
His eyebrows shot up, but he nodded. “You have a place in mind?”
“I’d like to go to the Hive. I’d like to talk to Ally.”
If nothing else, my best friend would be the shoulder to cry on that I needed. A person to vent to and to help understand my own feelings and fears by talking them out.
Ralph grunted. “We need to run then, not walk. It’s a long go.” He eyed me up and down. “You can’t shift yet.”
“I was hoping we could talk about that as we go too.”
He stepped out of his hut and pulled his robes around his shoulders. “All righty then, let’s get moving. You tell anyone that you’re with me?”
I shook my head. “Wilder took off. Keenan and Brennan are on the south side. I don’t know where the others are.”
Ralph shook his head. “Try and find them. You should be able to connect with those you’ve taken to bed.”
I stared at him. “I’m not a mind reader, Ralph.”
He rolled his eyes. “Pups, all of you drive me insane some days. You aren’t reading minds. You’re sending a message. Think of it like an interior telephone but only between some people.”
I pinched my lips, mostly because I wanted to box his ears for calling me a pup. I let the anger go and closed my eyes in an attempt to focus.
“You don’t have to close your eyes.” Ralph broke through my concentration and my eyes snapped open only so I could glare at him.
“I’m trying this for the first time. Think the peanut gallery could pipe down?”
He laughed and waved a hand at me before he started off away from me. “If you can walk and use one of those cellphones at the same time, you can talk to your men and walk at the same time.”
Jaw tight, I followed him while trying to do what he’d suggested. My wolf that seemed to reside somewhere within me gave a low grumble. At least she agreed Ralph was being difficult for the sake of being difficult.
I let my eyes close to half-mast so I could still see Ralph, but I could block out some of the world around us. Nothing major, just enough to focus on the inside of my skull.
There, at the peripheral edges were shimmering globes that as I concentrated on them, came into view. Lyric, Keenan, Brennan, I expected, but Havoc and Wilder? I didn’t question why they were in my head already. I kept my message simple.
Going with Ralph to the Hive.
There was a stutter from Wilder, but the others took my message and sent back something along the lines of okay, affirmative, got it. From Wilder, there was nothing but a retreat, as if he were backing away from me.
I wanted to call him a coward, but I didn’t think that was the case at all. He was afraid, but he didn’t want to become something worse than a coward. I understood it, even while I wanted to help him through it.
“I can’t help him through it, can I?” I asked the question with zero reference, and yet Ralph answered me as clearly as if I’d spelled it out.
“If you can’t, then we are all dead.”
Chapter 15
The Hive was the home of my best friend Ally, better known as Allianna to her vampires, seeing as she was their queen now. Ralph and I stood on the steps that led into the underground palace that spread out in a literal Hive of tunnels and rooms. I shivered, wondering how Ally could stand it. As a vampire, she couldn’t come out in the sunlight, but I could go in to see her.
I wasn’t sure I could put myself in a Hive for all the men in the world.
“We need to try that shifting again on the way back,” Ralph said as we took our first steps down the stairs.
I glanced at him and wanted to snap that I’d tried, but he was right. I had to keep trying, no matter how rough it was or how much it freaked me out. He’d given me direction on how to bring my wolf to the surface of my body and mind, and the minute I’d felt her start to take those steps, I’d panicked and locked her back down.
I kept my thoughts to myself, though, as we were let into the Hive. While it was indeed underground, it was no longer the dark, dreary place it had been when I’d been there even a few days prior. Ally was making her mark known.
The walls were lit with electric lights and had been painted to reflect murals of scenes during the day of sunshine and open fields.
“Cassie, what are you doing here?”
I spun to see Ally hurrying toward me wearing a literal concoction of skirts that made me think she’d traded in her fangs for fairy wings. Fairy wings. As if fairies were real. I started to snort and then stopped myself. In the last two weeks, I’d meet vampires, werewolves, and been told that warlocks were a real thing. Perhaps I’d do better to keep my skepticism to myself about fairies.
I held my arms open and my best friend grabbed me in a rib-squeezing hug. Her blonde waves smelled like lavender and sunshine, which was impossible, but there it was. I hugged her back, not trying to hold off the uncertainty that rolled through me.
She caught the energy I was throwing off, as only a bestie could. “Come on. I want to talk to you.”
She glanced over her shoulder at the golden-eyed warrior vampire behind her. “Spartan, I will be safe with her. You know that.”
“Or you two might try to run away again.” His voice was deep; I wasn’t sure if he was joking or not.
She patted his cheek. “You’d better guard the door then, love.”
He blinked at her and she gave him a lift of one shoulder. “Besides, we only run when it’s obvious someone will chase us.”
I snorted at her, and Spartan rolled his eyes. As one of her five men, he loved her with a ferocity and depth that had surprised me at first. It didn’t now, of course, not with how I
was finding my own heart laid out as I fell in love with my own fair share of men.
Ally led me down the hall to a large room I recognized. It was the bedroom we’d debriefed in after her inauguration, the one with the more than impressive spa-style bathroom.
She shut the door behind us and leaned against it. “Holy shit, girlfriend. What is going on? You got Havoc under your belt yet?”
I laughed and flopped onto the bed like nothing more than a teenager rather than a woman closing in on forty. “Oh, my, God, Ally. You think you have problems with five men? How do you want to try on seven for size?”
“SEVEN?” She squealed the word and was on her belly beside me in a flash. Love looked good on her. Her skin glowed and her eyes danced with a contentment I’d never seen in her. I was so happy for her. And I was hoping she would help me find the same thing.
“Can I just spill?” I asked.
“Do it, spill your guts.” She waved at me with both hands.
“I’m a werewolf, and have apparently been one since that bite I got when I was nine, you remember?” She nodded her eyes wide, and I went on. “So now I’m the only female Alpha the Windrun pack has got to stand between them and the bitch Bianca, who if she comes in and takes over, would kill all the females and a bunch of the male Alphas in order to secure her place.”
“Holy shit,” Ally breathed. I nodded and then took a deep breath before continuing.
“Here’s the deal. Seven Alphas are in the pack. I spend a night with each one, and then at the end of the week on the full moon I make a choice.”
From there, I went on to tell her about Wilder, and how I’d tried to push him. How he’d reacted, and my fear that I wouldn’t be able to shift.
Ally’s hands found mine. When I was all done, she didn’t speak right away. As an author by trade, words were her tools, and sometimes her weapons. More often than not, her words were wise beyond her years.
She gave my hands a squeeze. “Okay, so here’s what I think. The rules of the supernatural world can be bent, at least as far as what I’ve seen in the Hive. I wasn’t supposed to be able to choose five men, and yet I did. Because it was right. I wasn’t supposed to be able to stand against the old queen, but I did that, too, before I was a vampire. I’m no one special, Cassie. And neither are you.” I snorted and she gave my hands another squeeze.
“What I’m trying to say is, we make our own destinies. Both of us always have. We aren’t special per se, but we become integral to this world because of the choices we make. Make the choices that are right for you, no matter what they seem like in terms of outcome, and I believe that you will be okay. That your pack will be okay and be stronger for what you choose.”
Her words sent a torrent of relief through me, in part because they were the words I wanted to hear. Do what I thought was right. “I don’t want anyone to die because of my choices.”
Her eyes were sad. “I know. I know. But I think you should follow your instinct. Is your . . . wolf . . . not helpful?”
I buried my face in the soft bed. “I don’t know. I’m scared to let her out. What if I can’t change back?”
She snorted. “Please? The brave, fearless woman I know would not be afraid of being a wolf. She’d embrace it, and live it to the fullest. You’ll be the best damn wolf out there.”
I lifted my eyes to hers and the wolf in me perked up. As if she were listening too. “You think it would be that easy?”
Ally laughed. “How the hell should I know? I have fangs. I don’t turn furry.”
I swatted at her and she rolled out of the way, laughing as if we were indeed teenagers again. “Thanks. I think.”
We sat up and she slid an arm over my shoulders. “You know if that Bianca bitch shows up, the Hive will stand with you if you need us.”
I looked at her, a thought forming. “Will you come then, on the night of the full moon? Just in case?”
She smiled at me and tightened her hug. “Of course. We will all be there. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
*_*_*_*
The walk back to the Haven was slow enough I knew we were missing lunch. I would miss my training with the women, and it would likely be dark, judging by the way the sky deepened in color. But I was trying to shift my body from human to wolf and I knew I would have to dig deep.
I had to push away a fear so embedded in me, I didn’t know how to get it out and face it.
What if I couldn’t shift back? Being stuck as a wolf forever . . . I didn’t think I could handle that, and it would leave the pack open for almost total annihilation.
“You’re overthinking it again.” Ralph smacked a hand against my back, making me stumble.
I shook my head. “Kinda hard not to overthink it.”
He gave a grunt. “Please. You’re both a human and a wolf. They aren’t mutually exclusive.”
Again, I focused on the part of me that was very much a wolf with her black fur and green eyes that seemed to peer up at me from the depths of my body.
She wanted out.
I wanted to give her that.
But I didn’t know how to let go of the control I’d spent my entire life holding tightly to keep me safe, to keep myself strong and protected.
Sweat trickled down my cheeks and I was breathing hard by the time the Haven came into view, lit up from within against the dark winter’s night.
Like a fairy tale castle, only I was having a hard time finding my happy ending. Other than the nights in the arms of the different Alphas, there was not a lot of happy right now.
Ralph swatted me on the ass with an open hand. “Go on now, you’ve got someone waiting for you.”
I looked up at the top of the stairs that led into the Haven to see Colt indeed waiting for me. I picked up my pace, leaving Ralph behind. Colt jogged down the steps to meet me at the bottom. “You okay?”
The concern in his voice was evident, as was the matching emotion in his stormy gray eyes.
“Yeah, just needed to talk to a girl who wasn’t trying to kill me, or undermine me, or afraid of me.” I shrugged as if it was nothing.
Colt watched me closely. “You want to eat first?”
First, before the sex. I sighed and nodded. “Yes, that would be good.” We’d eaten at the Hive, but I’d had nothing for hours, and the strain of trying to shift had put me in a sour, grumpy, negative mood that an empty belly was doing nothing to help.
The last thing I wanted at that moment was to strip down and get freaky with another Alpha. Which was not fair to Colt. He only got his one night, and there were no re-dos.
“Come on, I’ll feed you proper like.” He winked at me and held out his hand. I put my fingers in his, though I was feeling anything but sexy.
The strength in his hand grounded me, an instant feeling of being part of more than just myself. As though the earth had reached up and woven its way through my body.
His eyes flicked over my face. “That okay?”
I frowned at him, wondering just what he meant. He couldn’t possibly mean that he had some control over that feeling that had rushed up my body. Could he?
“Yeah, I’m okay.”
He gave me a tug and led me away from the Haven, away from the warmth of a roaring fire or a good long shower. I couldn’t help the sigh that slid out of me.
“You’re getting tired and rundown,” he said softly, pulling me carefully to his side. “I think you should come and meet some friends of mine. We’ll eat with them and go from there.”
I looked up at him, at the angle of his jaw and the scars that ran under it. Like someone had tried to claw his throat out.
His blond hair was messy as though he’d been running his hands through it over and over.
“Were you waiting for me long?” I asked.
He shrugged and gave me a lopsided grin. “Maybe a little while. But it gave me time to think about how you might be feeling. How all of this was probably overwhelming you at the same time as pushing you to the edge of your rese
rves.”
I leaned into him. “Thank God someone gets it.”
He laughed and tightened his hold on me. “I may not always get it, but I think this time I do. We can do as little or as much as you like tonight. If you want to sleep, I will stay with you and make sure you are safe.”
I looked up at him again, shock filtering through me because I was pretty sure he just said we didn’t have to have sex. “And if I’m too tired to get freaky with you?”
There was no flicker of sadness, no trace of regret. “This needs to be about you, Cassie. Not just us getting our rocks off and staying up all night to do so. You need to be strong enough to meet whatever challenges come during the day, and you can’t do that if you are exhausted and your stores are depleted. Bianca and Raider are making plans. We need to be smart in how we handle our end of things.”
I couldn’t take my eyes off him. How could he possibly know those words were exactly what I’d needed? That he’d spoken as if he’d taken the thoughts from my mind?
“You sure you can’t read minds?” I blurted out, because I knew one of Ally’s men could do exactly that.
“I am not Preacher,” Colt said. “Nor would I want that ability. But I can read a woman pretty well, and right now, you are done in. I do none of us any favors by pushing my wants on you and not recognizing that you have different needs every day you are here.”
A weight I didn’t realize I was carrying slid off my shoulders. “Thank you.”
He didn’t let me go, didn’t push me away for pretty much saying we weren’t going to be fucking any time soon. Which meant he probably thought he would be out of the running for being my chosen Alpha.
If only he knew that already, this understanding made me want all of him, from the scars on his neck down to the warm hands currently helping me stand.
Chapter 16
“Where are we?” I pulled myself out of my musings about all of Colt’s nice traits and nicer body, and looked around. We were deep in the forest, and once more I could hear the trickle of water, the sound of a creek still trying to outrace the ice as it made one last push to cover the water before spring hit.