by Syndi Powell
“Seems like she got in a few licks at you.”
“I’ll be fine. She’s the one who needs help.”
They checked the wound on her arm and flashed a penlight in her eyes. One of the EMTs left the room and returned with a stretcher. “We’re going to take her to Detroit General so they can stitch her up and check her out.”
He nodded and stood aside as they loaded her into the back of the ambulance. How he wished April would be in the ER waiting for them. She’d take care of his mom and know the right things to do to help her.
Because Zach sure didn’t know anymore.
* * *
APRIL HATED TO leave New York, but real life waited for her back home in Detroit. Everything about her trip had been fantastic from the Broadway show they’d seen to the restaurants they’d eaten at to the long walk they’d taken in Central Park. Her second-chance list had gotten smaller as she’d marked off items one after another.
She’d texted Zach last night to thank him for everything he’d done to make her trip memorable, but he’d never responded. As she and her friends waited to board the plane, she checked her phone one more time. Still no answer.
She sipped her coffee to mask her disappointment and glanced at Page, who fidgeted in her seat. “Are you okay?”
Page grimaced, “It’s my back.”
“You need to get that checked out.” When her friend didn’t say anything, April peered at her closely. “I know that look. What is it?”
“I didn’t want to say anything and ruin our trip.”
“Well, we’re about to head home, so you might as well tell me.”
Still, Page didn’t say anything. April motioned Sherri over from her seat. “Will you help me with something?” She positioned Sherri in the seat next to Page, then took the one on the other side of her. She took Page’s hand in hers and had Sherri do the same. “We’ve got you on both sides now. We’ll hold you up, okay? But you need to tell us what’s going on.”
Page hung her head, but squeezed April’s hand. “You’re a real pain in the neck, you know?”
Sherri nudged Page. “It’s okay. You can tell us.”
Page looked at Sherri first, then April. “Ovarian cancer.”
Sherri covered her mouth with her free hand, but didn’t let go of Page’s. April nodded and let the doctor side of her take over because the friend side was close to losing it. “The back pain makes sense now. How far along?”
“Not sure yet.”
“What’s the plan?”
“Chemo followed by surgery to remove both ovaries.”
“Both?”
Page gave a wry smile. “Because of my history, they’re not taking any chances.” She glanced between both women. “Third time’s the charm, right?”
April took a deep breath and whispered, “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I’m saying it now.”
“Oh, Page.” April wrapped her arms around her best friend, and Sherri joined in the group hug.
They clung to each other until the gate attendant announced their flight was boarding. Page stood first and wiped her face with her hands. “Let’s go home.”
CHAPTER TEN
AFTER NEW YORK, going back to work felt like a letdown. April had been living on adventure and fun for three days, so returning to sutures and chest X-rays made life feel smaller. She tucked away her memories and kept her mind focused on her work.
Her second day back, she got called into one of the trauma rooms. Zach’s mom smiled from the hospital bed when April entered the room, and asked, “Are you here to fix my hair?”
Based on the fact that Zach held a bloody dish towel to his mom’s forehead, she needed more than a hairbrush to fix the problem. April walked to the opposite side of the bed from where Zach stood and tilted his mom’s face toward her. She had Zach remove the towel and winced at the gash. “What’s this?”
“She slipped and banged her head on the edge of the dresser.”
April noticed the dark smudges under Zach’s eyes. “She’s starting to hurt herself?”
He wouldn’t look at her. “We were here in the ER when you were in New York, too. She got stitches for a cut on her arm.”
April nodded and returned her focus to his mom. “What happened to your head?”
Mrs. Harrison shrugged and reached up to touch the wound. “I don’t know.” She stared at Zach. “What happened, Robert?”
The nurse brought in a suture tray, and April sent her for saline. “I’m going to clean the wound first before I stitch it up, but you’ll have to keep an eye on it to avoid infection.”
“I know.”
“I’m sure you do.”
Zach allowed room for the nurse’s return, and April got to work with the antiseptic. After the stitches, April used gauze to protect the wound. Removing her plastic gloves, she motioned for Zach to join her in the hallway. He shook his head. “You can say what you want in there. She won’t understand us.”
He clenched his jaw before she said a word. She knew that he understood what was coming since he’d probably heard this lecture last week when he’d had to bring his mother in. “I’ve closed up the gash in her forehead, but her problems are bigger than bruises and cuts. I want one of our doctors to evaluate her mental state before you go.”
“No.”
April moved closer, only inches away from him. “Zach, you can’t keep doing this. You can’t take care of her and ignore the other issues. She’s deteriorating to the point where you can’t protect her from herself.”
“She’s not trying to hurt herself. They’re all accidents.”
“But they keep happening.” She tried to look him in the eye, but he had turned his face away from her. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but you need to investigate long-term care facilities.”
His eyes held hurt and anger. “No.”
“Yes, you do. Otherwise, these emergency room visits are going to escalate until she seriously harms herself or you. And if you’re not around, who will she have then?”
He pointed a finger in her face. “Don’t start with me. You don’t know what I’m going through.”
“Maybe not.” When his head dropped, she took his hand and squeezed. “But listen, Zach, I’m not telling you to abandon her in some hospital somewhere. I’m encouraging you to discuss this with a doctor to get her the care and attention she needs. She’s outgrown what you can do for her.” She turned Zach’s body so that he had to look at his mother. “Is this how you want to see her?”
His expression crumpled, and he put his hands over his face. “No.”
“Then let someone take over for you. You can’t keep going down this road that you’re on without damaging her or yourself.”
“I’m a bad son.”
April put her arms around him. “No, you’re not. You’re a good son for loving her and wanting to help her. But she’s beyond you now.” She rested her cheek on his chest. “It’s only going to get worse if you don’t do something.”
“I can’t handle any worse.”
“So let me call one of our specialists in to evaluate her.”
Zach pushed her away and walked to his mother’s bedside. He didn’t look at April as he got his mom’s coat and helped her into it. “We’re through here.”
“Zach, please let us take care of her.”
“You’ve done enough. She’s stitched up. She’s calm now. I’m taking her home.”
“Why do you have to be so stubborn?” She blocked his path. “I could call adult services and have them come out to your house. Based on today’s injuries and what you told me about last week, they have a case to remove her from your care. Is that what you really want?”
He glared at her. “I want you to leave us alone.”
She tried to not let his words hit their m
ark, but her heart still ached at them. When he walked forward with his mom, she paused a moment in the doorway. “You’re making a big mistake.”
“Then let me make it.”
He passed by her, his arms around his mother as they left the emergency room. April knew that despite what he said, it would hurt more to watch his mother deteriorate further. It would tear at him until he questioned everything he did and didn’t do. She was trying to save him from himself, if nothing else. She’d seen it a hundred times, adult children wanting to act as an advocate for their aged parent’s care, refusing to take the advice of medical professionals because it meant admitting that they couldn’t do everything. She’d watched as their own health worsened along with their parent’s as they poured everything they had into coping. Not living. She didn’t want to see this happen with Zach, but it seemed as if he was determined to follow that inevitable path.
She turned and glanced at the empty room, took a big breath and pushed down her emotions so she could handle the next patient.
* * *
ZACH SETTLED HIS mom into her bed and covered her with the comforter. She reached up and touched his cheek. “You look after me so well.”
“I’m trying, Mom. Why don’t you take a nap and then we’ll have some lunch?” He kissed her forehead and took a seat in the recliner. He’d watch over her until he was sure she fell asleep.
That had been his mistake last night. He’d read a chapter to her, then left her bedroom before assuring she was fully asleep. He’d gone to bed himself right after, so tired from taking care of her on his own. He’d woken to screams. She must have stayed awake and tried to rearrange the furniture in her bedroom. When she couldn’t move the dresser, she’d beat on it first with her hands, since they were bruised, then with her head. He’d rushed in to find her doing this.
He’d tried to stop her, but she’d pushed him. For someone so seemingly frail, she’d been strong enough to flatten him. The only thing that had calmed her was his talking to her like his father had. Using pet names and phrases that Zach remembered him saying. Then she’d stopped and stared at him with unfocused eyes, muttering his father’s name.
As much as he’d wished that April had been in the ER waiting for them on their first visit, he’d dreaded seeing her this last time.
But she was right. These few days at home with his mother had been brutal. He’d barely slept since he used her nap times to get things done that he couldn’t handle otherwise. They had gotten close to running out of food, but he couldn’t leave her alone to go shopping. He’d paid a premium price for a local store to drop off items. Nonna had scolded him, saying she would gladly have brought something to him. But he couldn’t upset his mom further. Wouldn’t let his grandmother see the condition she’d deteriorated to.
His pride was going to kill them both.
His mom stirred in her bed, and he broke off his thoughts to concentrate on her. If she were lucid, what would she want? Would she want to go to a nursing home when she was still so young? Or would she want to stay in the house that she knew and loved? Would she encourage him to get help for her or beg him to be the one to do it himself? He bounced back and forth between both positions.
She was his mom. He loved her and had taken care of her for so long. What would life without her being his focus be like? It excited and terrified him at the same time.
When he was sure that his mom was indeed asleep, he rose from the recliner and walked to the bedroom door. He kept the door open so that he could get to her sooner if he needed to. He’d learned that lesson, as well.
Once he was in the living room, he removed his cell phone from his pocket and dialed the number before he could stop. When she answered, he gulped in a big breath. “You’re right. I can’t keep doing this. Can you come over? I do need help.”
Nonna arrived with a lasagna and a bag of cookies. She handed both to Zach. “Three seventy-five for forty-five minutes. You look like you could eat.”
He put the lasagna in the oven, filled the kettle with water and put that on the burner to boil. He joined his grandmother at the dining room table. She folded her hands in front of her. “You might as well tell me everything.” When he opened his mouth to object, she held up a finger. “Everything, bambino. I can’t help you if I don’t have the whole picture. And I know you’ve been keeping things from us.”
So he told her. Over cups of hot tea and Italian cookies, he told her about the trips to the emergency room. How he’d been put on leave at work. His fears that the violence his mother was showing seemed to be heightening. “I don’t even know where her anger is coming from.”
His grandmother placed her mug on the table. “She’s in a world that she doesn’t recognize anymore. Wouldn’t you be angry and scared?”
“I guess.” He took a deep breath to stop the moisture in his eyes from building. “I don’t want to lose her.”
Nonna got up and came over to him to put her arms around him. “I understand, caro, I do.”
When he’d finally spent his tears, he led her down to the bedroom to show how they’d been living. His mother turned over onto her side, and the bandage on her forehead stood stark white against her skin. Nonna gasped and put a hand to her mouth. “She looks older than I do.”
“It’s the disease. And the fact that I can only get her to sleep if I medicate her.” He pushed his mother’s stringy hair away from her eyes. He’d need to bathe her soon, a task he’d never thought he’d have to do for his mother. But then there were many things that she needed him for, mundane duties that he did because she no longer could. “She barely eats anything.”
“What does her doctor say?”
“To keep her on the medication she’s on. We’ve adjusted it a few times when she gets more confused, but I doubt it’s working anymore.”
“Have you thought of a second opinion?”
He pulled the blanket over his mother’s shoulders. “April recommended someone, but it feels like we’re past that point now.”
“What have you got to lose?”
They watched his mom sleep peacefully for a few minutes longer. Back in the dining room, Zach cleaned up the mugs and plates from their snack and placed them on the counter, since the sink was already full. He knew that he should wash them, but he hadn’t had time. And when he’d had time, he’d fallen asleep while surfing the internet to find answers about his mom’s care. He turned on the faucet and squeezed liquid soap over the dishes already in the sink. He took out a dishcloth, and Nonna grabbed a towel. “You wash, I’ll dry,” she told him.
He washed a glass and handed it to her. She dried it slowly and put it away in the cupboard. “Have you seen April lately?”
“She’s the one who stitched Mom up this morning. And lectured me about not being able to take care of her.” He thrust his hands into the warm, soapy water. “She also said she’d call adult services on me if I didn’t get help.”
“So that’s why you called me.”
“The thing is that she’s right. You’re right. Dolores was right. Everyone is saying that I can’t keep going on like this, but I don’t know what else to do. I can’t just ditch her in some nursing home and forget her.”
“Do you honestly believe you’d do that? I can see that she’s become a burden, but you would never abandon her.”
“Nonna, she was a burden when I was a teenager and I had to forgo after-school activities so I could come home and make sure she was okay. She’s passed that. She’s a weight around my neck that’s going to eventually drown me.” He handed her a dripping plate, but kept his hold on it. “Sometimes I hope she’ll slip away in her sleep, and I’ll be free. What kind of son am I?”
* * *
APRIL NEGOTIATED BETWEEN the rows of bicycles, stopping in front of one that had a frame the color of a fresh peach. She put a hand on the handlebars and told the salesperson, “This is it.�
�
“But I haven’t told you the features of this particular model.” And the salesperson launched into a spiel on how this bike performed.
She nodded at the right places as he continued, but she’d made the decision to purchase it when she’d seen its cheerful color. She could be happy on a bike this shade of orange. She’d be fast and content to ride to work and through the neighborhood on a peach bike. When the salesperson finished talking, she tapped the handlebars. “I’ll take it.”
She paid for her purchase, and the clerk helped her cram it into the back seat of her car. She took it home and marked off “buy a bike and commute to work” from her second-chance list. It had been years since she’d ridden a bicycle, but that old saying existed for a reason, right? She’d be zipping around in no time.
Her cell phone buzzed, and she paused her daydream of winning the Tour de France to answer it. “Dr. Frazier, I hope this is good news.”
“Your test results from the PET scan and MRI indicate that there’s nothing to worry about. The cancer markers in your blood were an anomaly.”
April let out a puff of air. “Thank goodness. Do you know what caused it?”
“Can’t say for sure. We’ll keep an eye on it going forward, but right now our goal is to continue treatment with your current meds. I’ll schedule you for more blood work and tests in three months.”
After hanging up with her doctor, April took a seat on the sofa. She was still in remission. Cancer-free. She’d be okay.
She dialed Page’s number. “My test results came back negative.”
“That’s great news, April. We should go out and celebrate.”
“Are you sure you’re up to that? How are you feeling?”
“Chemo starts next week, how do you think I am? I need a distraction, and a night out with you sounds perfect.”
“You’ll get to where I am someday. I know you will.”
“Whatever. Pick me up at seven.”
She hung up the phone and stared at her screen. She found his name and pressed it before she could talk herself out of it. It rang several times before he answered, sounding groggy. “Yeah?”