"So, dad. Is this place your local?"
I was hoping he'd say no but the ease to which he stumbled in and found his seat with a cheery nod to the bar staff told me he came here often.
"Tracey over there always says she should start charging me rent."
He raised his beer at her and she winked from behind the bar, her frizzy bottle blond perm jiggling beneath the dim light.
"Oh..." was all I could muster.
Somehow it seemed as though my two black eyes and broken nose were making me feel at home in this place, although my clothing didn't. I looked down at my brogues and pressed trousers and felt hideously overdressed. Still, nobody seemed to notice my presence, or maybe being sat with my dad gave me a shield of immunity.
"You ever bring Julia here?" I asked with a wry smile.
He made a peculiar snorting sound and chuckled as he reached for his cigarettes.
"Erm... no," he replied and sparked his lighter.
I always thought it strange that he got with a woman like her. She was sweet and nice, wanted to spend her free time knitting and helping out at the church soup kitchen. Her hair was always immaculate and her clothes neatly ironed and color coordinated. She was so far away from my own mother who'd rather spend her time popping prescription painkillers and watching reality TV shows. In a way, Julia was more like what I'd imagine people would think my real mother should be. I was nothing like my parents. I loved them but... maybe not enough to want to emulate them.
"Mind if I have one of these?" I reached over toward dad's cigarettes and he happily handed one over.
"I thought health freaks like you didn't smoke, or drink or do anything fun."
"Smoking is one of my only vices, that and the occasional drink."
"And neurotic women," he chimed in without missing a heartbeat.
"What?"
"Remember Una?" he asked with a smirk. "She was a hot, tight piece of ass wasn't she?"
"Dad!"
"What? She was. She was crazy too. I remember she used to call the house ten times a day and was always hanging off your arm like she was going for the award of most needy girlfriend."
Una... I'd broken her heart. Despite not seeing her in years I still felt a pang of guilt as I remembered the day I broke up with her and she cried like a small child, tears streaking her face as she grabbed onto my legs and begged me to stay with her. In hindsight maybe she was pretty needy. I'd heard good things about her now. Apparently she was married with two little boys and worked in insurance.
"Yeah, shit, Una..." I thought out loud as a plume of smoke escaped my mouth.
I watched it drift up toward the ceiling and merge with the cloud that lingered above us.
"And of course there's Paige," Dad continued.
I knew it wouldn't take long until he steered the conversation in her direction. There'd been a glint in his eye all day as though he was ready to burst.
"Dad, I don't want to talk about her right now."
"But you wanted to fuck her last night."
"Dad!"
He laughed and rested back, smacking his turgid, beer filled belly as he watched a group of women walk in through the swinging front door. I followed his gaze as he eyed each of them up. It was difficult to tell how old they were. They could have been fifteen or thirty five. It was always hard to figure out a girl's age after she'd plastered her face in makeup and donned six inch stilettos. And with all the contouring tutorials on YouTube right now, most girls were semi-professional special effects artists and with enough effort could turn themselves into supermodels.
Dad watched them walk by, their heels clacking on the dirty floor as they sauntered up to the bar. I didn't like the way he watched them, with his eyes narrowing and becoming beady while his tongue moved over his thin bottom lip.
"Dad, I think you're a little old for them."
Slowly, he returned his attention to me and shrugged.
"There's no harm in looking, is there?"
There was an anger building up in meet like a rumbling heat that emanated from my gut.
"Does Julia know you're such a creep?" I spat.
He laughed and folded his arms.
"I don't think you're in any position to call anyone a creep."
I didn't want to be here with him but with Julia’s sobbing and hateful stares I also wanted to get out the house. Now I was starting to think Paige had the right idea about moving out. I wondered where she was. She'd left in a hurry without saying goodbye. No doubt she was just cooling off somewhere but I didn't like the idea of her being alone in her vulnerable state. I wanted to hold her and be right there with her. All I could do was hope she'd be in touch when she wanted to. Still, it was strange of her not to reply to my messages. I'd texted her three times since she left and she'd ignored them all.
“That girl is trouble,” dad muttered half-drunkenly as he leaned across the table. “I can see you’re thinking about her.”
“Of course I’m thinking about her,” I replied as I slammed down my empty glass. “I’m worried about her.”
"Don't be," he answered. "Girls like her always land on their feet. They're like alley cats."
I didn't like where this was going. I knew there were complicated and sometimes strained feelings between him and Paige but he wasn't usually so forthcoming about them, normally constraining them to a passing comment or a dirty look.
"I mean, what kind of girl gets herself into two fatal car crashes," he continued.
"An unlucky one?" I offered. "She wasn't driving in either of them."
"But she was there, lurking in the passenger side like a grim reaper with tits."
"For fuck's sake."
I shook my head and moved to stand up but then changed my mind. Part of me wanted to see where he was heading with this train of thought.
"Dad... You never liked her, did you?"
He shook his head and shoved two fingers up at Tracey to signal the need for more beer. She nodded and smiled before cracking open two bottles and meandering over.
"Having a good night, Lex?"
"It's a whole lot better now you're here," he leered with a lustful look in his eye.
He smacked her ass as she walked away and she gave out a little yelp and giggle as she scampered in her thigh high boots.
"Lex? Since when did people call you that?"
He ignored my question and returned to Paige.
"That girl," he pointed a cigarette in my face. "She's trouble, you know that right?"
"I've known her a long time and I know she's not trouble," I said.
He rolled his eyes and sighed.
"She's using you, using her charms to make sure you're eating out the palm of her hand."
"You're talking shit," I said.
"Watch your mouth, kid."
"But it's true! I love Paige. I always have. We have something, I don’t know, a connection that runs deep. It feels real, you know."
I was aware of how ridiculous and soppy I was sounding but in the moment the beers had gone to my head and I was hyped up with anger and eager to show him how much she meant to me.
"Call it fate or luck or whatever but I believe she was brought into my life on purpose, for a reason."
"Cut the crap, Freud. You've spent so long with your nose in a book that you've forgotten about the real world. Open your eyes, son! She's bad news. She's using you!"
"Why would she do that?"
I was getting sick of him and dropped twenty dollars on the table for the beer before reaching for my coat.
"Eh? Answer me, dad? Exactly what is she getting out of being with me? Because from what I can see she gave up her entire life for me."
His eyes were narrowing again, his fingers fidgeting with his almost empty packet of cigarettes.
"Kid, sit down."
He gestured toward my seat but I just stared at it as I buttoned up my coat.
"I'm getting outta here. Need to take a walk."
"Sean, sit down," he
said with his jaw set tight, a tendon in his cheek pulling itself taught as he spoke.
"See you later."
I turned on my heel and felt a heavy hand on the back of my arm. Looking over my shoulder I saw him leaning across the table with his fingers latched onto my coat sleeve. I tried to shake him off but he remained attached like a leech.
"Sean, here me out."
"No. Dad, just let go."
He gripped tighter. I could tell there were going to be bruises in the morning.
"Son, I won't ask you again. Just sit down. I have something to tell you."
I closed my eyes for a second in thought and took a deep breath before relenting.
"Okay, but just for a minute. I don't want to hang out in this dump all night."
He nodded and rubbed a cigarette between his fingers. Behind his eyes I could see something playing out like he was plotting something, trying to think of the right thing to say to push my buttons.
"Paige and I...." he began.
With my interest piqued, I leaned in close and his eyes glistened with the excitement of getting my attention.
"Paige and you..."
He licked his lips and for a second there was a wicked smile twisting up his lips but before I could focus on it, it was gone and so was my patience.
"Dad, what the hell are you trying to say?"
He breathed in deeply and flexed his fingers, his cigarette drooping sadly from his flaking lips. He lit the end and pulled in the toxic fumes.
"Paige and I almost..." he shrugged and faced his palms to the ceiling, "We almost... you know."
"What?"
"You know!"
"Say it," I spat, my heart hammering with the implications of what he was suggesting.
"You don't really want to here it," he said. "Your dream girl and your old man. Doesn't bear thinking about, does it?"
Again, there was that twinkle of excitement in his eyes. I could tell he was enjoying himself.
"You're not saying you two..."
"It was her idea," he said.
I didn't believe him. I couldn't.
"When?" I asked with rage making my hands curl themselves into fists beneath the table.
"A long time ago. Years ago even. She came home from college during one of the holidays. You were with friends camping out at Yellowstone that year, said you'd head back once you'd finished trekking."
I cast my mind back. It had been a long time since that vacation. Me and three buddies had decided to camp out in the wilderness with more beer than we were able to consume. We thought we'd hike around and explore the surroundings, maybe even catch sight of a bear if we were lucky. But it had rained the entire time and we'd spent most the week in our tents shivering by a meager fire.
My eyes met dad’s. He was enjoying himself. There was a nostalgic shine to his gaze but I couldn't figure out why. Was it the torment he found fun or the memory of being with her?
"She wouldn't," I said and leaned across the table until my face was close to his.
I could smell the sweat and alcohol off him. Smell the sleaze too. He smiled to reveal his yellow teeth.
"But she wanted to," he leaned in closer. "Tried everything to get your old man into those little panties of her."
There was bile rising in my gut. I didn't want to hear this. My hands shook beneath the table and I steadied them by clenching my fingers around the seat cover.
"I'm not staying here listening to this shit," I spat and stood up.
He raised his eyebrows and cockily tilted his head back.
"You don't wanna know what happened?" he smirked.
I took a step toward the door and looked over my shoulder.
"Nothing happened."
And I walked away before he could say anything else. As I reached the door, Tracy was serving a table of men who were enjoying her short skirt while she enjoyed the attention. She giggled and whooped as they fired dirty jokes at her, but when she saw me approach, her smile faded and she strode over.
"You're Alex's boy, aren't you?"
We both looked over to him in the booth where he was staring at us, his lips still puckered into his signature smile as he sipped his beer.
"Yeah... I'm Sean."
"Listen, he's alright, really he is."
I frowned and looked into her green eyes. There was a sadness behind them, a story that lurked beneath the heavy eyeliner.
"Known him long, have you?" I asked sensing she was holding something back.
"Yeah," she nodded solemnly.
I glanced from her to dad then back to her short, leather skirt. There seemed to be an unspoken bond between them, I could feel an energy.
"Hey, take it from me," she said as she balanced a tray of empty glasses in her hands. "He's a good guy. He puts on a tough persona but he's a sweet man."
"And you'd know this because..."
She furtively looked to the floor.
"I just do."
Was there something going on between them? Were they ever together? She certainly seemed more his type than Julia.
"Okay," I said and gave her a friendly pat on the shoulder.
Right now whatever my dad got up to was none of my business and I had other things to worry about. She smiled as she said goodbye and watched me leave. As I looked over to see if dad was still watching, I noticed he had disappeared from the booth. Grateful that he wasn't still around, I shrugged and pushed open the door. My car was sat beneath the only working street lamp at the far side of the parking lot but I didn't think I was in the best condition to drive. The night was crisp and chilled. I looked up at the sky and saw the constellations clearly with Orion hanging low over the city. It seemed liked the perfect night for a long walk.
Taking a right out onto the main road, I looked down into the deserted streets. Somewhere in the distance a drunk man yelled and beyond that a dog barked. There was an anger stirring inside me, one that needed to be burned off. I picked up a quick pace and strode into the darkness without taking in my surroundings. It was only when I smelled the fires burning in the trash cans and saw the shadows lining the alleyways that I realized I'd walked into the heart of skid row. Without thinking, I patted my inside pocket to locate my wallet, phone and keys and kept walking, making sure I paid attention to the noises and shadows around me.
"Spare some change?"
A voice croaked out of the darkness. I jumped as a figure emerged on the sidewalk, crumpled coffee cup in his hand and weary, toothless look on his face. I reached into my pocket and handed him an indiscriminate amount of change. He said nothing and I walked away.
A moment later, a group of teenagers came into view congregated on the corner. They were loud and even from where I was standing I could smell the weed, the cheap beer, and the adolescent stench of pheromones. As I approached I could see their eyes widening as though they'd locked eyes on an easy target.
"Hey, mister, you looking to party?"
A skinny boy in a red bandana thrust his skinny girlfriend at me and she pouted and wiggled her hips from side to side.
“For you I’d do it for twenty,” she said.
"No thanks," I held up a hand but they wouldn't listen.
"What? You think you're too good for me?" she yelled as I departed.
With my head down, I walked on, eager to reach the other end of the neighborhood.
"Hey!" a voice bellowed in my ear.
I spun around expecting a fight to explode but instead I found my dad panting as he struggled to catch a breath.
"What you doing all the way out here, son? You walk like your ass is on fire."
"Did you follow me?"
He sucked in air through his teeth and rested his hands on his knees, nodding as he looked up at me with sorrowful eyes.
"Everything I said was true," he blurted out. "Everything."
I sighed and rubbed my forehead.
"Dad, leave it. I don't wanna hear about-"
"But she's trouble, that girl. She'd fuck anyo
ne for the power it gives her."
I took a step back from him and sat against a rusting fire hydrant.
"Will you listen to yourself? Power? Really?"
He straightened himself up and continued to nod.
"She wanted me back then. Made me feel real special, probably the same way she makes you feel. She said all the right stuff, knew how to make me feel like a god. When she fell to her knees and put me in her mouth I thought I was in heaven but-"
I silenced his mouth with my fist. For a moment I thought I was watching the scene unfold from somewhere above my body. I'd never hit anyone in my life, hadn't so much as raised my voice to my dad. He stumbled and fell flat on his back, the group of teenagers behind him pumping their fists in the air and laughing as they enjoyed the violence. Looking down at him, I saw a trickle of blood run from his split lip.
"You're a liar," I said and he just blinked at me stunned as he dabbed a fingertip to his mouth. "Liar," I repeated. "Don't fucking come near me again."
Chapter Eight
Paige
The carpet of the motel room stuck to my shoes. I sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at the salmon pink floor and wondered if one day it had been red. The decor certainly would have matched. It was designed to resemble a womb, close, cramped and crimson with hints of femininity in the ruffled curtains and rose scented air freshener. If this was someone's idea of romance then I truly despaired for any girl who got brought here for a night of passion.
I switched on the television for company and turned the sound down low. Looking down at my phone, I saw the dozen missed calls and texts. Some were from mom, most were from Sean. I felt like a jerk abandoning him but the moment was too intense. I needed out of there and Alex's threatening stares and body language made it perfectly clear he wanted me gone too.
Alex… There were times when I was younger when he wouldn't stay away from me. Never knew what my mom saw in him. She was too good for a guy like that but after the boredom of being married to my real dad for twenty years, an investment banker with a comb-over and socks laid out in his drawer for every day of the week, maybe she was excited by Alex's roughness. In knew that at one time I was.
Best Friends To Lovers Romance Series: Complete Series Boxed Set Romance Page 14