"What got into you?" I grinned as she crawled up to lie beside me. "I thought you hated that."
Her eyes were watery from the effort of swallowing.
"I can change my mind, can't I?" she asked and reached over for a cigarette.
I couldn't take my eyes off her. For a second I wondered if it was really Paige at all. She was acting aloof and distant, acting as though she didn't have a care in the world.
"You okay?" I asked.
"Never been better," she said and leaped out of bed.
Sliding into her jeans and sweater, she picked up her bag and headed for the door.
"Where are you going?" I asked and flung the covers back.
From the way she was hurrying it looked as though she was trying to escape.
"I'm gonna grab us some coffee from the machine," she explained as she fiddled with the lock. "That okay with you?"
I was trying to decipher the look on her face. Something wasn't right.
"You're coming back though, right?" I asked.
She walked back to the bed and kissed the top of my head.
"Why would you ask something silly like that?" she asked. "I'll just be a minute."
"Okay," I nodded although there was an uneasiness creeping across me. "Hurry back. I'm not done with you yet."
She smirked and headed out into the chilled morning.
"I better make yours a double then," she said and locked the door.
Chapter Ten
Paige
For the briefest of moments I thought I was in heaven. As I opened my eyes and saw his face, the sun around him like a halo, I believed all my dreams had come true. But then the broken blinds and the television came into view and I could smell the damp carpet and the rose air freshener. I caught sight of the prints on the wall and the redness of the flaking wallpaper. Everything came back to me and I remembered where I was and why. Then I remembered what Sean had said about Alex. He'd told him things, things that Sean didn't believe. I didn't know what he said but I could guess. He no doubt told him about that one night we shared all those years ago, the one I'd been trying to forget ever since.
Overtaken by guilt and gripped by the urge to please him, I flung myself beneath the covers. I'd do anything to make him happy, would do anything at all to make him know I was here to serve him. He cried out as I held him in my mouth but as much as I tried to focus on the noises he made and the feel of his hardness in my mouth, I could only think of Alex.
I was at college when my mom insisted I go home for Thanksgiving. I didn't really want to go and had planned to spend the week with my new friends. College was still so fresh and new to me and nothing puts a dampener on your mood more than your mother telling you to come home when things are just getting exciting. Of course, when she told me Sean was coming back too, I changed my mind fast and told her I'd be on the next train down. Except when I arrived home, Sean wasn't there.
"He's gone hiking in Yellowstone," Alex explained. "Took off on a last minute boys' trip."
I was livid, felt as though I'd been duped into returning home, but I was there so I had to make the best of it. For most of the week we did normal family stuff, went out to eat and saw a movie. Alex even took mom and me fishing one day but although they laughed and said all the right things, I could tell there was a tension between them. They'd snipe nasty comments under their breath when they thought I couldn't hear and refused to look at each other. On my last night, it bubbled up and came to a head. They'd yelled at each other all evening, their voices traveling through the walls. When I heard the door slam shut and a car in the driveway rev its engine, I wondered who left. I'd crept over to my window and peeked through the blinds in time to see mom's car spit out gravel as she sped away.
For a few minutes I looked at the empty spot in the driveway and hoped she'd hurry back. It was probably just a lover's tiff, nothing to worry about. Married couples argue all the time and it wasn't like I was a kid anymore. I lay back in bed and expected mom to be back and making breakfast with a smile on her face in the morning.
But I couldn't sleep and after staring at the clock for half an hour, I got up to go to the bathroom. As I opened my bedroom door, I noticed the light was on in mom and Alex's room but thought no more of it. I went to the bathroom, splashed cold water on my face and opened the cabinet. Mom sometimes kept pain relievers in there, good ones that made you drowsy. I rummaged through half-empty tubes of toothpaste and dental floss but found nothing. Giving up, I closed the cabinet and decided to go back to bed.
"What are you doing up so late?"
Alex was standing in the doorway. I looked at his reflection in the cabinet mirror and froze. His eyes were dark and stormy, his body large and looming.
"I-I can't sleep," I said.
He smiled and replied, "Me neither. Wanna come downstairs for a drink?"
Something about the look on his face made me think I couldn't say no. I nodded meekly and followed him down to the kitchen.
"It's not often it's just the two of us, is it?"
He poured me a shot of vodka and topped it up with Coke. I sniffed it and wrinkled up my nose and he laughed.
"Drink up, kid. It tastes better the more you get used to it."
I took a gulp and held my breath. I liked alcohol with beer and wine being my usual, but hard spirits were still off limits to me. I felt the effects of the vodka immediately and before long, I'd finished my glass and Alex was toping up another.
He walked over to the stereo in the corner of the living room and shuffled through his CDs, eventually settling on something that sounded like liquid caramel as it oozed out the speakers.
"What is that?" I laughed and he'd half-danced half-walked back into the kitchen.
"You don't know what soul is?"
I waited for him to sit down beside me but he remained standing in front of me. He took my drink off the table and held the straw to my lips.
"Here, drink some more."
I let the straw enter my mouth and looked up to his leering face.
"There, good girl."
When the glass was empty, he slid it across the table.
"Now come here," he ordered.
In a drunken haze, his words sounded as though they were coming from some faraway place. I remember hearing the sound of his zipper, the feeling of his thumb on my lower lip as he forced my mouth open. There was no way I could forget the smell of him or the way he sounded when he came.
I spluttered and coughed. Looking up, I no longer saw Alex but saw Sean instead. He was looking down at me with his tender eyes, his hand gently stroking the top of my head.
"What got into you?" he asked with a satisfied grin.
Suddenly, I had the strongest urge to head outside for some air. Reaching for a cigarette and hurrying into my clothes, I made my way to the door.
"You're coming back though, right?" he asked.
I wasn't sure. I didn't deserve someone like him. He was too good for me and I was only trouble. But more than anything I wanted to come back. I kissed the top of his head and made for the door, smiling the whole time to stop myself from crying.
Chapter Eleven
Paige
My hands trembled as I thrust them into my bag. At last, I found the orange vial of tablets and flicked out the last two, swallowing them dry as I hurried down the stairs. The coffee machine was situated in the reception area. It spat out caffeinated bile that was as dark as the machine was dirty but it was good enough for now. I just needed to get outside, needed to snap out of my own head.
My foot reached the bottom step when something caught my attention. At first it was little more than a feeling, just a prickling sensation as the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. It was the sensation of being stared at. I looked up across the parking lot and there he was. His lips were burst in the center, a deep cut falling asymmetrically across his mouth. Nausea gnawed at me, I took a step toward the reception and hoped he hadn't seen me but it was too late. He was already str
iding over, that look in his eyes again.
"Get away fr-"
He pushed me against the wall, the back of my head cracking on the plaster. I clenched my eyes shut and prayed that when I opened them, he'd be gone.
"I knew I'd find you."
The bell above the reception door tinkled as a young couple exited. They gave us a peculiar look as they walked by, the girl looking deep into my eyes as though she was expecting me to reach out to her for help. I gave her a weak smile and she walked on. Alex, on the other hand, took a step back aware that we were visible in the cold morning light.
"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked. "How did you find me?"
"I followed him," he spat and pointed up the stairs to the bedroom door.
The thought of him knowing where we were the whole night sent a shiver down my spine.
"You're a fucking lunatic, you now that?" I said.
He pulled his lips taught and snarled.
"You're the one who's ruining my boy's life."
I was as angry as I was afraid and took a step forward, pushing my finger into his chest.
"And you're the one who ruined mine."
He laughed.
"What are you talking about?"
He was acting as though he didn't know what I was saying but I could see the anxiety behind his smile, knew that he was panicking as much as I was.
"You told him last night," I said. "But I bet you only told him half the truth, bet you never told him how much you made me drink or how much you intimidated me."
"Bitch, shut up! You wanted it as much as I did and this whole ‘fragile girl in trouble act’ you're playing is fooling no one."
Was he being serious?
"You really thought I wanted it?"
He crossed his arms and cockily leaned against the wall.
"I didn't force those drinks down your throat."
That was true but...
"I trusted you!"
"You wanted me," he replied and licked his lips. "You wanted me but in your twisted, sick mind, you can't bring yourself to admit it because you want him now."
He nodded toward my room.
"That's not what this is! I trusted you! You're supposed to be my step-father and you took advantage of me."
"And he's supposed to be your brother."
I stared at him, shocked into silence.
"Sean and I aren't really related we're just-"
"Neither are you and I?" Alex smiled, enjoying seeing me fall to pieces.
"But you're married to my mother," I replied. "Wasn't that enough for you?"
He said nothing and sat on the bottom step.
"Look, Sean's going to wonder where I went and he'll probably come down to look for me if I'm not back soon."
Alex shifted his weight and sighed.
"You were always the girl I couldn't have," he said. "Girls like you have that power over a man and you don't even know."
He held his head in in his hands.
"I bet every man you meet falls in love with you," he continued. "It's like you bewitch them."
"Bewitch them?" I asked. "I don't think so."
He looked up and the hardness in his face had dissipated.
"Is it really true? Have you and my boy really been in love all this time?"
I nodded and sat down beside him.
"Since the moment we all started living under one roof."
Alex rubbed his eyes and hung his head.
"This whole thing is a mess," he said. "What a family, eh?"
"What a family indeed."
He parted his lips to speak then changed his mind. Fidgeting with a loose thread on his jeans, he pulled it free and wound it around his finger before saying:
"You really love him? I mean really?"
"Absolutely," I replied. "I really do love him. Always have."
"It's not likely I'll see either of you again," he said and stood up. “Is it?”
I shook my head.
"Is there any way to move forward from this? Right now there doesn't seem to be."
"Your mom will really miss you," he said.
I thought about her and felt a lump form in my throat.
"But she hates me right now. She thinks I'm disgusting."
"She's just in shock," he replied. "She'll come around eventually."
Upstairs, a door creaked open. Instinctively, I knew it was Sean.
"I have to go," I said and thrust some coins into the coffee machine. "And so do you."
Footsteps began descending the staircase but Alex didn't move.
"Go!" I urged.
He took a step toward me and held my arm, the softness of his grasp taking me by surprise.
"You won't say a word about it to him, will you?" he asked, his eyes searching mine.
"No," I replied. "I only ever wanted to forget."
He swallowed and stepped away.
"I'm sorry," he said. "If I ever hurt you I'm sorry."
And he slipped away, disappearing behind the reception building. A moment later, Sean reached the bottom step.
"Were you talking to someone?" he asked.
"Erm... nope," I responded and handed him a coffee. "Here, it's a cappuccino."
He looked down at it as though I'd handed him a cup of dishwater.
"If you say so," he shrugged. "Anyway, what took you so long?"
I glanced over to the parking lot and saw the back of Alex's red shirt as his figure shrunk into the distance.
"Just needed some air," I said.
He kissed my cheek and took my hand.
"Coming back upstairs?" he asked with a grin.
"Just try and stop me."
Epilogue
Sean
We tried to live in the house but we couldn't. For Paige there were too many memories, for me it just felt wrong. The first night I insisted on sleeping on the sofa. I couldn't be up in that room, couldn’t sleep next to the wardrobe that held Arthur's clothes.
The next day Paige put the house on the market and six months later we moved. To Martingale of all places. Unsurprisingly, it was a place where a psychiatrist could thrive. A place where there was no end to people who needed help recovering from their emotional turmoil.
Now, as I stood in the center of my office, I wondered where my desk would look best. I paced the length of the bay window and decided it needed to be in some place where the light would always strike.
"Honey? You okay?"
I looked up and Paige was walking in with a paper bag.
"Sushi," she said as she held it up. "I brought lunch, but you look tired."
"Just a little bit," I said as I sat on the floor.
Creating a makeshift table with a cardboard box, we both sat cross legged with the summer sun shining in through the window.
"This place is beautiful, isn't it?" she smiled, her cheeks growing chubby with sushi.
"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous."
She ruffled my hair and laughed.
"You'll do great. Having your own practice is a huge deal. You should be proud of yourself."
She looked beautiful, her skin glowing and her hair thick and shiny. She recovered well these last few months, ditched the painkillers for yoga and put on a little weight. Now she bounced around and laughed everywhere she went.
"What are you looking at?" she asked.
"You," I replied. "You're looking great."
She blushed and looked away.
"You too."
She slid the box to the side and took its place, wrapping her arms around me.
"I have something to show you," she said. "I wanted to wait but I can't."
"Oh, really?"
I nuzzled her neck and slid my hand down the front of her shirt.
"Not that!" she slapped my hand away and reached for her bag. "I have something important."
Her face was flushed pink, her lips spread wide into a joyful smile. Reaching for something, she hesitated for a second before saying: "Close y
our eyes and put your hand out."
I did as I was told and waited with my hand outstretched. At last, something long and thing landed across my palm. I closed my fingers around it and tried to figure out what it was.
"Is it a pen?" I asked with my eyes still closed.
"No..."
"Hmmm... I have no idea."
"Try again," she insisted.
There was a smooth edge, a dip in the center but I couldn't figure it out.
"I give up," I slumped. "Just tell me."
By the squeak of her shoes I could tell she was bouncing up and down excitedly.
"Open your eyes," she said.
I looked into my hand and saw two red lines across a pregnancy test.
"What? Really?" I beamed.
She nodded.
"Seriously?"
"Yes!"
I threw myself at her and we both toppled over onto the carpet.
"I can't believe it!"
"Well you better," she said and kissed me.
"When did you find out?"
She touched her finger to my cheek and leaned back against the floor.
"This morning," she said. "Are you happy?"
"I've never been happier in my life," I said. "I-I just can't believe it. We're going to be parents."
Outside, the sun disappeared behind a cloud and the room turned gray. She glanced out the window, her mood turning with the weather.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
She closed her fingers over my hand as she tensed up.
"We'll do it properly this time, won't we?"
"Of course!"
"Are you sure?" she asked.
"I'm positive. We won't make the same mistake again. I promise."
Her mood lightened and she smiled before jumping up and walking over to the window. I followed her over and wrapped my arms around her waist. My fingers felt for her stomach and I looked down knowing that in there was a life we created.
The sun emerged from behind the cloud and warmed our faces. I felt a swell of pride in my chest and squeezed her tighter.
“If it’s a boy can we call him Evan?” she asked.
“Sounds perfect,” I said and felt the happiness radiate from within her. “Evan sounds perfect.”
Best Friends To Lovers Romance Series: Complete Series Boxed Set Romance Page 16