by Mj Fields
“Why are you doing this to me?” Her voice broke, “What do you gain from this?”
“Why are YOU doing this to ME?”
“I’m not doing anything. You’re so fucked up. This was supposed to be-- fun.”
“Yeah sure was. Taelyn just get out okay. I can’t, no I won’t let you fuck with me.”
“You do it all yourself. You--.”
“I’ve never felt like this. Give me a fucking break okay. I told you this morning that I like you. I fix shit for you and you piss all over it.”
“What do you want from me?”
“More than I care to admit. So please just get out--.”
“You say and do--.”
“I do what needs to be done so I don’t have to ever see you bleed again. I do what I do so you smile, have fun--”
“You’ve made me cry more than I have in my life--.”
“You and I can’t do this. I’m not gonna change. If I care I care. You’re gonna end up back with him--.”
“You’re out of your mind.” She closed her eyes. “I don’t think about him Xavier, not until you bring him up. I’m also not that desperate. Give me a little credit.”
I didn’t know what to say to her. She looked so exhausted and I felt the same.
“If you ever kiss someone in front of me again I swear to you you’re signing their death warrant.”
“You did it first. Do you think I liked seeing the guy I was screwing this morning--?”
“Here’s the deal. I don’t do this relationship thing. I don’t want someone to think they own my balls. I’m not some idiot who thinks they fall in love with a girl after two weeks. I never want to get married and I don’t like kids. I do like you. I like you more than I have ever liked a girl before. If we continue doing this, it won’t be fun anymore. My brothers are fucked up. Jase won’t touch his wife because he’s afraid he’s gonna break the kid growing in her or break her. Cyrus, well in seven months, he wants to get married and have kids. I have a fucking wedding to plan before they get back so he can surprise her. And Zandor, well let’s just say, he’s basically holding his chick up in Italy so he can -- I can’t even say it. I’m not like that. I wanna do this thing until it’s not fun anymore and guess what, it’s not fun right now.”
I looked over and she was sitting with her hands covering her face.
“I can’t see you upset either Taelyn. It does shit to me.”
“You’re a mess Xavier. I’m going back in to try to show Memphis--.”
“I don’t want him.”
“He’s amazing--.”
“He wants to fuck you. I’ll end up killing the guy.”
She sat back and laughed. She laughed at me.
“Give me my keys.”
She got out and walked inside, with my keys.
I walked into the bar and saw her standing at the edge of the dance floor watching the band. The song ended and she stuck two fingers in her mouth, whistled loudly and clapped. She was smiling and looked stunning. This wasn’t gonna end well. She was gonna be the one to break my heart.
I forced myself to look away. That’s when I saw Angel looking at me. She smirked and nodded to Taelyn and shook her head. Then she stood and started walking in Taelyn’s direction.
I wasn’t gonna let her near her. I walked over to Taelyn, took her hand and pulled her to the floor. I grabbed her hips and she put her hands on my chest.
“Feeling better?”
“No. I’m feeling something but better isn’t it. Don’t kiss anyone else but me.”
I ran my hand up her back and grabbed a handful. I pulled her hair back so she was looking up at me with those beautiful green eyes.
“You can’t pay his bills. You can’t live in a place that’s not safe. You won’t go back to him even when we’ve had enough of each other and you have to tell me if you see something that you want instead of me. While we’re hanging out you fuck only me, kiss only me, and let me keep you safe.”
“Anything else?” She tried to joke but her voice wavered showing me she was as uneasy about this as I was.
“Be patient with me. I have no fucking clue what I’m doing.”
Then I kissed her.
She grabbed my arms and pulled back, “Xavier?”
“What is it Irish?”
“Don’t hurt me.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
The song changed to Peace by O.R.E.
I kissed her head and pulled her against me. “I like this song.” She looked up and smiled. “That smile, I like that too.”
“You like me.”
“You’re pretty damn likable.”
“You’re pretty drunk.”
“It’s your fault.”
“Why’s that?”
“You are pushing me out of my comfort zone.”
“I’m comfortable.”
“Yeah you are. Can we get out of here?”
“No, we have to have him.”
“We do, do we?”
“He’s great, Xavier.”
“He wants to--.”
“He doesn’t get to. And those two over there don’t get to have you either.”
“No they don’t.”
“I’ve got you by the balls.”
“You better be real gentle with those things.”
“Says the man who has his penis pierced.”
I laughed, “Okay fine, you can tug ‘em a little. Only because you’re hot.”
“You want me to tug your balls?”
“I want to shove them in your mouth.”
She laughed out loud and I had to kiss her.
I pulled back and she was still grinning.
“This is our song Irish.”
“We have a song?”
“We do. Listen to the Lyrics.”
“I thought our song was Come Along.”
“No Babe that’s our fuck jam.”
“Wow we have two songs. Look at you Xavier Steel this is like way out of your comfort zone.”
“Like you said, you’re pretty comfortable.”
“You really don’t like kids?”
“Slow down there Irish.”
“I was just asking a question. Don’t you have a niece?”
“Little Bell isn’t like other kids. She’s cool.”
“I don’t want kids until I’m thirty. Too much to do first.”
“Like what?”
“Well apparently I have balls to tug and fun to have.”
“And multiple orgasms. Don’t forget those.”
“I couldn’t if I tried. I’m pretty sure your mouth is the only reason I’m still putting up with you.”
“Babe, you just made my cock jealous of my mouth.”
“I like that too.”
“What’s not to like, it’s fucking beautiful.”
She smirked. “I suppose I’ll allow you to be impressed with it.”
“Thanks, we’re pretty attached.”
She moved closer, wrapped her arms around my waist, and rested her head against my chest. I liked that feeling. A lot.
Chapter 18
Team
We walked off the dance floor hand in hand at the end of Memphis’s last set. I tried to let go when we got to the table and he held firmer. He sat down and pulled me down on his lap.
“Xavier, office hours.”
“My tongue was just fucking yours; I think we can call this after hours.”
“It’s not professional.”
“Irish let the proverbial bun loose.”
Memphis walked over and smirked at me, “You two work things out?”
“He’s drunk.”
“Cool.”
“You want in or not man?” Xavier pulled me back against him.
“You serious about this venture?” Memphis asked.
<
br /> “He is,” I wiggled forward trying to pull out of his clutches.
Xavier wrapped one arm around my waist and pulled a card out of his pocket and threw it on the table. “If you’re interested call me or stop in Monday at around four. You ready to head home Babe?”
“You two work together and live together?” Memphis smiled. He had a great smile.
Xavier said yes and I said no.
“We move into our new place tomorrow,” Xavier answered.
“Does she know that?”
“What are you doing?” I whispered to him.
“What?”
Memphis laughed and stood up. “Nice to meet you both.”
“We’ll see you Monday then?” I finally freed myself and stood.
“Yeah. See you Monday.”
Team by Lord started playing and Xavier gave me a shit ass grin. “Our song. Dance with me Irish.”
“You care to explain--.”
“Yep,” he pulled me behind him and grabbed my hips. “This was our first song, then--.”
“You seriously have issues.”
He pulled me tighter against him and bent kissing my neck. “Problem is my dick is hard and we’re here.”
“You and I don’t live together.”
“Tomorrow we do.” He nipped at my neck.
“I thought you didn’t want all that. Maybe I don’t want all that.”
“You do.”
“And you?” I asked.
“Want to wake up in the morning with your head under the covers bobbing up and down on my cock.”
“How’s that gonna work when I want to wake up in the morning with your tongue between my legs?”
He laughed and cupped my breast. “Sixty nine.”
I stepped back and pushed his hand away. “You’re loaded. When you wake up in the morning you probably won’t even remember what you’ve said tonight.”
“I’ll remember if my dick is in your mouth.”
I shook my head no.
“Fine. My brothers are gonna be home. Cyrus will be at his place. Zandor I am assuming will take the love shack--.”
“The love shack?”
“Yeah. Carly lived there and then Tara. Bekah’s the only one who hasn’t. So she has to, it’s a rite of passage. So we need to get the hell out of there.”
“We can discuss this tomorrow but I’m not ready to live with someone.”
I looked up at him and he was scowling off into the distance.
“How would it be different from what you say you don’t want?”
“We’re different. Let’s get the hell out of here.”
I looked behind me and saw Daniel and a blonde girl looking at us. “What is he doing here? That girl looks familiar.”
“That’s Angel. The girl from the picture. You may not recognize her. Her mouth isn’t full. What the fuck?”
“No, she works at my bank.”
“No, she comes from money. Some sort of trust fund baby. She parties all night and sleeps all day.” He looked confused.
“Xavier, she works at the bank right down the road from my apartment.”
His eyes narrowed and he rolled his neck. “Nick, hang here with Taelyn.”
He let go of my hand and stormed towards them.
I ran behind him and grabbed his hand. “Xavier don’t.”
“Not now Irish.” He turned and grabbed my face and kissed me hard. “Stay with Nick.”
Nickie grabbed my hand. “Let him go, when he’s got something stuck in his head there’s no stopping him.”
“He’s gonna get in a fight.”
“He’ll win.”
“You and I need to talk,” Xavier snapped and grabbed Angel’s hand and dragged her very willingly towards the door.
She looked back and smirked at me.
“Xavier!” I yelled.
He didn’t stop. He kept walking. I felt anxiety building inside of me. I looked at Nickie and he winked. I looked at Daniel who was standing only ten feet from me. He looked at me so full of disgust and hate. I didn’t care. I didn’t care that I had spent three years with him. I cared that Xavier was outside with a girl who he had been with before. A girl he could be with again.
“Nickie. I want to go home. I don’t want to be here. Please.”
“Give him five minutes, if he’s not back I’ll call you a cab and then drive his ass home.”
After half an hour I went to the bathroom and called a cab. I was sick of waiting for Xavier to be done with Angel and sick of staring at Daniel’s smug antagonistic face. I snuck out the back door of the bar and walked around the corner into the parking lot. I saw Xavier and Angel in the SUV. He was hugging her.
The cab pulled up and I got in. I looked back once to see Nickie’s arms flying in the air.
I gave the cab driver my address in the city and sat back looking out the window. I was so hurt by Xavier. He had left me standing in a bar alone and face to face with a man who had crushed me, deceived me, used me, and hit me. In less than an hour I went from feeling like there was something very special about what Xavier and I had, to feeling like I was a complete and total idiot.
The cab pulled in front of the apartment building and I couldn’t bring myself to go back to that place.
“Could you take me to the Hilton instead?”
~
Once I was in my room I decided to take a shower and use the hotel robe to sleep in. I looked at my phone and saw messages from both Xavier and Daniel. I turned the phone off. Silence.
I laid back in the comfort of the hotel bed. I hated that I had spent three hundred dollars for the room but I was happy to not be on an air mattress in my empty little apartment.
I grabbed the remote and turned on a music channel and when Peace by O.R.E played I turned it to a channel that played classical music to ensure I wouldn’t hear a song that reminded me of Xavier.
The confusion inside my head was overwhelming. It had been only two weeks and four days since I met Xavier and he was consuming me. Everything about him swallowed me up leaving no room for anything else but him. Even when things were good with Daniel I never felt like that, not ever.
I can’t let myself believe that it’s because of anything deeper than an incredibly strong sexual attraction to a type of man I had vowed to never let into my life. And I can’t let myself ever believe that a man on the total opposite end of the spectrum like Daniel could be any better for me.
I wanted desperately to run home to Boston to seek refuge from myself and the poor choices I had made. To tell my mother everything that had happened and let her hug me and tell me everything would be alright, but I couldn’t. I wouldn’t let my brothers know that I messed up after I told them if they didn’t butt out I would disappear; that I was a cop’s daughter too and would make sure they never found me; that I would never speak to them again if they kept interfering; and finally that if they tried anything I would just become like them and fuck anything that walked. That had done it. None of them wanted to push me. Mom made sure they knew that if they didn’t adhere to my wishes she would be sure to start pushing the fact that someday she would like to have daughter-in-laws and grand babies down their throats. God I missed them.
I didn’t cry. I recited Mom’s Irish bedtime blessing in my head over and over. Something my mother taught me to do when I had night terrors as a child and through much of my teenage years when I was frightened after over hearing about a case my father was working on.
Moonbeams to warm you, good luck to charm you.
A protective angel so nothing can harm you.
Friends and family near you, laughter to cheer you.
When you pray to the Lord, Heaven will always hear you.
I drifted off to sleep.
~
Bang Bang Bang!
“Come on Irish open the door.”
I
opened my eyes and rolled to my side. As if dreams of him aren’t bad enough I was hearing his voice.
Bang Bang Bang!
“Don’t make me bust down the damn door. Come on Babe please.”
Bang Bang Bang!
I sat up and looked at the clock; it was four in the morning.
Bang Bang Bang!
I jumped up and looked through the peep hole.
Xavier.
“Sorry Ma’am, I lost my key.” He smiled to someone off to the right of him.
“Do you have any idea what time it is?”
“Sorry I forget my watch. What time is it?” He smiled even bigger.
“Why don’t you stop by the front desk?”
“I really just want to get some sleep, she’ll wake up. She sleeps like a log. Didn’t even hear her phone.” He winked.
Filthy Flirt!
“Why don’t you come in my room and give her a call, maybe she’ll hear the room phone.”
Bitch!
“Let me try one more time.”
Bang Bang Bang!
“If she doesn’t hear the room phone you can always crash in here until morning. I know it’s hard--.”
I flung the door opened.
“Thanks for all your help.” Xavier winked again.
He walked towards me and I didn’t move. He grabbed me and picked me up and walked in and kicked the door shut.
“Put me down!” I hissed at him.
He set me on my feet. His arms wrapped around me so tightly it almost hurt. I tried to push him away and he held tighter. His lips were planted on my head and his body trembled. When I finally stopped trying to push him away a soft, slow, growl vibrated in his chest.
I hated that I was not only allowing this, but his body was so comfortable, and his arms felt like they were holding not only me but him together.
I finally allowed myself to breathe and when I took in a breath I could smell what I assumed was her on him.
I stepped away from him and he allowed it. He grabbed both my hands and looked me up and down. The hunger in his eyes would have normally made me melt immediately but not when all I could smell was her.
“I can’t do this with you. You’re not good for me Xavier.” I won’t cry, I won’t cry. I had to repeat it in my head over and over again like I had my prayer.