by Caroline Lee
By noon, most of the party guests had departed, leaving a pile of presents, some wayward bandanas, and a thrilled little birthday girl. The committee from the Chamber of Commerce was also saying their goodbyes, returning their cowboy hats and shaking hands with everyone. Shawn had seen them sitting with an animated Sadie in the back corner, and he knew she was telling them all about their businesses and their joint plans.
As for Shawn, his right arm ached, but in that satisfactory way that came from knowing the event was over and they’d done a lot of good for the kids of Riston. Surely the committee would see this party as a great example of what the shop and the camps could offer to the community.
This party, this gathering together of ranch guests and Riston kids, all wearing cowboy gear and eating gourmet ice cream in a Wild-West saloon…? This was what the “Spirit of Riston” was all about.
Shawn reached the end of his song and let the music taper off naturally. He gave a sigh, lifted his hands from the keys, and thought maybe next time they tried this, he’d find a cushion or pillow for the bench. He was in the middle of stretching his sore back when a voice called his name.
Shawn turned around on the bench to see Jaclyn holding out a bowl of ice cream for him. “You look hungry, lad. A banana split is mostly dairy and fruit, and I had that gal of yours add some nuts for protein.” She shoved the bowl towards him. “A balanced lunch, as far as I’m concerned.”
He chuckled and happily took the special treat from her. Groaning a bit, he stood up from the bench and moved to the table she gestured him towards, where Simon—her long-time friend—awaited. Shawn’s right side was stiff, as it always was after he sat at the piano for too long, and he had to work his elbow a bit to keep it from locking up on him.
His companions watched in silence, but the older man was grinning. “Looks like this shindig was a success,” Simon finally said, sitting back in his chair and looking around at the people enjoying the last of their ice cream. There were a few Shawn recognized; Pastor Kevin and his new wife, Bridget, were doing their congregation-thing and chatting with some of the parents who were supervising the last of the kids, while Vivian’s mother, Maddie, watched Wade chatting with one of his brothers across the room.
“Yes, sir.” Jaclyn grinned. “I sure am glad I thought of it.”
Simon scoffed. “You? I was the one who came up with the idea!”
Shawn’s spoon paused halfway to his mouth. “I thought it was Sadie’s idea?”
“She had some help with it though, didn’t she?”
Shawn was about to reply to Jaclyn’s smirked question when Sadie herself dropped into the remaining chair at the table, a huge grin on her face, and he completely forgot what he was going to say.
“We did it! A complete success!”
Her enthusiasm was contagious, so Shawn toasted her with a spoonful of chocolate ice cream, whipped cream and nuts. “All thanks to this delicious treat, I’m sure.”
She waved her hand. “Pshaw. Your piano playing was the highlight of the event. This place really felt like an Old West saloon, thanks to you!”
“Well, this place looks like an Old West saloon, thanks to you!” He grinned and shoveled the ice cream into his mouth. “I’m pretty sure you won the contest for us,” he said around the dessert.
Sadie smiled at him, and he forgot to chew. She had a way of making him feel like he was the only man in the room.
Unfortunately, Simon ruined that illusion by leaning forward into their view. “Which was my idea, as I recall?”
Jaclyn smacked his arm at the same time Sadie burst into laughter. “Make sure I send you home with a freezer tub of my Peanut Butter Dream, to say thank you.”
“Oh no!” The older man sat back in his chair and patted his belly. “I probably don’t need any more ice cream for a week.”
“That’s because you ate a week’s worth this morning, you pig,” Jaclyn scolded. She sounded harsh, but there was a gleam in her eyes when she looked at Simon. “Come on.”
The older woman grabbed Simon’s hand and pulled him out of the chair, and he pretended to grunt and groan the whole time, while she nagged him like a long-time partner. Shawn had to hide his smile in another bite of ice cream.
“Now, you.” He looked up to see Jaclyn pointing a long finger right at his nose. “You’ve got one of the best things to ever happen to you sitting right in front of you, and I don’t mean that banana split.”
Shawn made eye contact with Sadie and nodded solemnly. Besides Violet, and the piano, Sadie was the best thing to ever happen to him, he suspected.
“Don’t you let her get away,” Jaclyn continued. “Don’t you go being stupid again, talking about giving up and leaving. She’s a part of your life now, Corporal McAllister, and you darn well better do something about it.”
Shawn swallowed, his eyes never leaving Sadie’s chocolaty brown ones. He wanted to do something about it, but wasn’t sure what. Wasn’t sure how to make her understand what was wrong with him. Wasn’t sure how to convince her to love him despite his failures.
But then the old woman’s breath brushed against his cheek, and he realized she’d leaned in close to whisper to him. “You think you’re not worthy, Shawn McAllister. But everyone is worthy of love, and she’s the woman who will teach you that.” When she straightened, Shawn looked up at her, his eyes wide as he considered the possibilities.
Jaclyn nodded conspiratorially. “You need to tell her why you think you’re not worthy, and let her convince you otherwise.” And then, she and Simon gathered their coats and left.
Let her convince you otherwise.
Was it that easy? Could he just…just tell her about his failures? Would she see him as a failure too? Or would she really still consider him worthy of love?
“Shawn?” Sadie reached across the table and rested her hand on his, where it gripped the ice cream bowl. “Tell me, please.”
He met her eyes and his heart began to pound double-time. Tell her, tell her, tell her.
She squeezed, and offered him a sad little smile. “When we’re together, I feel…whole, somehow. Like you’re a part of me I never realized I was missing. But I also feel like…” She swallowed and broke eye contact, glancing down at the table.
Quickly, Shawn flipped her hand over so he was holding hers. “Tell me,” he whispered, echoing her words.
Without looking at him, she continued. “Like this is all some sort of big comic joke. Girls like me—girls who love to read and spend their free time fiddling with ice cream recipes—we don’t get the hotties, Shawn.” She gestured towards him while still staring at the table. “We don’t get the heroes.”
She thought he was a hero.
He cleared his throat. “I’m not a hero, Sadie.”
Brown eyes finally met green again. “You’re a hottie for sure, though.”
He felt himself flushing at her compliment. “This isn’t high school.” He squeezed her fingers. “You’re a beautiful, competent, wonderful woman whom I’m lucky to know. The day you decided to be our friend was one of the best days of my life, Sadie Mayfield. Whatever preconceived notions you’re carrying around in that gorgeous head of yours, you need to understand that you are more than worthy of love. You’re brilliant, and outgoing, and a joy to be around, and Violet and I are lucky to have you in our lives.”
She stared at him a long moment, before taking a deep breath that did all sorts of things to her corset. “You think I’m worthy of love?”
He didn’t hesitate. “I know it.”
“Then so are you, Shawn. I want to know why you’re holding back.” When he tried to pull away, overwhelmed by her sudden demand, she squeezed his fingers and held tight. “Tell me.”
Tell me. Her demand echoed his heartbeat. Tell her tell her tell her.
He took a deep breath and stared down at his ice cream.
Tell her.
“Alright.” He looked up. “But not here. Not where so many people can hear.” He watched
her expression change to unease.
She slowly nodded. “I’ll go change. Julia can watch the shop for a few hours, and Violet too. She’s happy unwrapping all her gifts, and is already reading a few.”
Yeah, that sounded like Violet. “I’ll get my stuff and meet you out front in fifteen minutes, then.”
Tell her tell her tell her.
Would she think him worthy of love, when she found out? Or would she agree that he was still a failure?
He watched her glance back over her shoulder once, before ducking into the back room.
I guess I’m about to find out.
CHAPTER TEN
To Sadie’s surprise, when she slipped out of the Saloon’s door to find Shawn, he was chatting with the committee from the Chamber of Commerce. Well, he wasn’t doing much chatting—his face had a grayish tint and his lips were compressed—but the committee was talking enough for him.
Sadie had changed out of her ridiculous costume in record time, slipping on her long cream skirt and boots before pulling her pea coat over everything and hissing instructions to Julia as she ran out the door. Something monumental was about to happen, she could feel it. Shawn was about to explain everything to her; why he was holding back, why he didn’t think he was worthy of love.
She planned on listening to everything he had to say, then proving him wrong. She loved him, and he needed to understand that.
Unfortunately though, the committee was standing between her and getting him alone. And they couldn’t be brushed aside, as much as she wanted to. She’d spent almost an hour sitting with them—feeding them ice cream, talking about her plans for the shop, and how great the camps would be for the kids—and couldn’t very well ignore them now.
She could show Shawn her support though, and let him know she hadn’t forgotten about him. Moving beside him, she slipped her arm through this.
“Hi!” she said brightly to the three reps from the CofC, as if her tummy wasn’t full of butterflies about whatever Shawn had to tell her. “I didn’t realize you were still here!”
Mrs. Majors—the chair of the committee—smiled warmly in return. “My colleagues and I“ —she gestured to the two men on either side of her— “only made it as far as the parking lot before we came to a conclusion.”
Sadie glanced up at Shawn, but his jaw was tight and he didn’t seem to be paying much attention. Oh well, guess it was up to her to be polite.
“What’s that?” she asked, because Mrs. Majors obviously expected her to.
“You might not be aware, but this morning was our last round of interviews.” The woman smiled while both of the men nodded encouragingly. “We had one after you, but we got word this morning they canceled, so we were able to hang around a little longer here at your delightful Sarsaparilla Saloon.”
Sadie hadn’t realized that, but was pleased for it. The committee got to see the children of Riston having a blast, and she had extra time to wow them. Glancing once more at Shawn, she crossed her fingers that were tucked up against his elbow. Hopefully all that extra time worked to their advantage.
“We’re glad we don’t have any more businesses to visit, dear,” Mrs. Majors continued. “Because none of them could top what we saw here this morning.”
Wait, what? Suddenly, all of Sadie’s attention snapped from Shawn—and what he’d planned on telling her, and the feeling in her stomach when she thought of him—and centered on the committee members in front of her. She raised both brows, hoping Mrs. Majors was about to share some good news.
“Ms. Mayfield, Mr. McAllister…” One of the other men—Sadie couldn’t remember his name—stepped forward with his hand held out. “We’re pleased to grant you this year’s Chamber of Commerce Spirit of Riston award. From what we saw in there this morning, the two of you really do embody the spirit of Riston. You make a great team!”
Dazedly, Sadie watched Shawn shake the offered hand, but she couldn’t do anything more than stare. We won? We won!
“Congratulations, Ms. Mayfield!” Mrs. Majors was beaming at her, so Sadie shook herself, trying to think of the appropriately polite words.
“Thank you.” And then she blinked. We won! “Thank you! That’s… I mean, wow! This is fantastic! Are you sure?” She winced. “I mean, not to sound ungrateful. I just meant, you know, are you allowed to announce it like this? So quickly? Wow!”
“We are.” The man was smiling now too. “We’re the committee, after all, and on the way to our cars we decided that, in all of our years judging for this contest, we’ve never had as much fun as we had today.”
Mrs. Majors nodded enthusiastically. “This shop has just a wonderful old west feel to it, but to combine that with an event for the kids was very smart. You did a great job of showing us how the shop and the camps can work together for the children of Riston. The prize is yours.”
We won!
Sadie probably would’ve stood there for ages, staring at Mrs. Majors, but Shawn pulled his arm out from hers, and then wrapped it around her shoulders. A show of support? An unspoken statement that they were together? All that mattered was that they’d won, and now he wouldn’t have to leave.
“Thank you very much.” Shawn’s voice was just a little hoarser than usual, but she doubted anyone besides her could tell. “We make a great team.”
Yeah, we do make a great team, don’t we? Sadie’s smile threatened to take the top of her head off. Together, they’d won the contest. She was going to get her carousel for the shop, and he would get the publicity for the camps. Kids would enroll—maybe even some of the kids they’d served today—and Shawn would have a job here at River’s End Ranch as long as he wanted it!
When his arm tightened around her though, Sadie remembered that everything wasn’t hunky-dory yet. They might make a good team, but he didn’t know how she felt about him, and he… Well, he was still hiding something from her.
They’d won. Wow. Shawn stood there with his arm around Sadie while she thanked the committee, and made plans to pick up the prize packets and meet with them about promotion. It was all he could do to keep his attention on the group, instead of dragging Sadie off down the street to talk to her. Instead of telling her he loved her. Instead of throwing up and collapsing at her feet like an idiot.
That’s what his stomach wanted to do, anyhow. He’d finally worked himself up—thanks to Jaclyn—to tell Sadie everything, and then he’d been waylaid by the committee! It was good news, but… But at that moment, it hardly mattered at all. Not when he was ready to bare his soul to the woman he loved.
Winning the contest meant he had a future here at River’s End Ranch…but until he told Sadie everything about his past, he didn’t know if she would share that future with him.
The three-member committee finally said their goodbyes, and Shawn roused himself enough to wave politely. It was about all he could manage, while holding on to Sadie. And he wasn’t going to let her go. If he did, he might drown in the fear that crept up on him every time he thought about telling her about…everything.
They stood like that for a long moment, finally alone, and then he felt Sadie take a deep breath.
“So…” She didn’t look up at him. “Want to go for a walk?”
“Yeah. Yeah, that’d be a good idea.” If they were walking, he could focus on what he had to say to her, rather than how she would react. They’d won the contest, but suddenly that didn’t matter as much as this talk.
He led the way down the boardwalk towards the blacksmithy, just like they’d done the day he’d kissed her for the first time. He could feel her grip through her glove, and thought about how very much he’d rather be holding her skin. Oh well.
“We won.” She sounded speculative almost.
“Yeah. Well, we make a good team.” He tried to make light of it, but it didn’t work. “Now maybe I can work to get our enrollments up. With a few hundred kids, Wade will let me start hiring staff for the camps, and…”
“And you and Violet will be able to stay
here at the ranch.”
“Yeah.” He swallowed, tightening his hold on her hand, but not looking at her. “But…”
“But there’s something you have to tell me, isn’t there?”
A bunch of somethings. Instead though, he nodded.
Taking a deep breath as they passed the River’s End Ranch Christmas tree, he knew he had to explain. But he wasn’t sure where to start. “Jaclyn thinks that I need to, like, bare my soul to you.” He tried to make light of it.
But she just nodded. “You do. I think you’ll feel better.”
“I…” He hesitated. “I don’t know where to start.” He’d been a screw-up for so long…
“How about the beginning?” She shrugged. “Tell me about your childhood. High school?”
He’d already shared some stories from when he was younger, about growing up in South Dakota. But he supposed he could start there anyway, and ease into the rest…
“I went to a big high school, with kids bussed in from all over. It was hard to find a place, you know? My mom was alone at home, and took it out on me a lot. But I joined the musical theater department at school. I found…” Solace. Comfort. “…friends there.”
When he glanced at her, she was smiling, but still looking ahead at their path through town. “Were you up on stage, singing and dancing, or in the pit?”
“Both.” He was surprised how easy it was to talk about this. Maybe because it was easy to remember. “I wasn’t the best dancer—my ex-wife used to say I have two left feet—but musicals always need male bodies on stage. I can remember once, two weeks before Pippin opened, our trombonist quit. The director handed me the score, and I spent that show running back and forth—in costume!—between the pit and backstage for certain numbers. Only time I’ve played an instrument in pantyhose!”
“You play the trombone too?”
He chuckled. “Not before that day, and not since. I can pick up most instruments I’ve tried.”
“The trumpet?” she grilled him.
“Yep.”
“The flute?”