She saw a look pass between the two men along with a smile.
“Okay, y’all. I promise I’ll behave and do what Doc says.”
Michael flashed her a satisfied grin. “I’ll see you later, love.” And he was out the door.
Love. So her mind hadn’t been playing tricks on her after all. She really had heard him call her love earlier. She liked the sound of it. Things were finally looking up between them. The two of them just might have a chance at a real marriage after all. That thought curled her lips and toes and warmed her heart.
Michael hated riding off, leaving Selina behind. Seeing her lying on the floor of that old house made him realize how important she had become to him. Who would have thought he would ever even think of her in a romantic, loving way? After all, to him she was the lady in trousers. And when he first saw her in those trousers, lady wasn’t really the word that came to mind.
Today, the thick denim trousers had actually protected her legs from getting shredded with lacerations. He was glad she didn’t listen and do everything he liked or wanted and that she stayed true to her real self. Because if she hadn’t, she could have ended up…He didn’t, no, couldn’t, think about that.
Tack rattling, leather creaking, branches breaking and leaves rustling filled the silence, along with wolves howling in the distance. Their low mournful sounds made him lonely.
More lonely than he’d been even back when having a wife was just a nice idea. Strange how life kept bringing him around to how nice it was to have Selina as his wife.
Chapter Fourteen
Outside Doc Berg’s house, Michael checked his pocket watch for the tenth time. 7:00 in the morning. The lights had been on for more than an hour, and Michael couldn’t stand the wait any longer. He hurried up the porch and rang the bell.
Through the glass he could see Doc Berg walking down the hall toward the door. When Doc opened the door, he said, “I figured you’d be early. Only I figured you would have gotten here long before now.” He stepped aside to let Michael in. “Are those for me?” Doc grinned, looking at the bunch of goldenrods and asters in Michael’s hands.
“Sorry, Doc, but they’re for Selina. And I’ve been here since six. I just didn’t think you’d appreciate me waking you up.”
“I’ve been up most of the night.”
Concern squeezed Michael’s heart. “Is Selina okay?”
Doc removed the spectacles off his nose and eyed Michael. “She had a rough night.”
“Is she okay now? May I see her? I promise not to wake her.”
Doc paused, then nodded. “Let me take those. I’ll have the missus put them in some water.”
“Thanks.” Michael handed him the wildflowers then quietly opened the door to where Selina was. The shades were drawn and the lantern in the corner was turned down low. Michael sat in the chair beside her bed.
Even in the dim light, her cheeks looked pale against the white blanket. She might act tough, but seeing her like this showed him that wasn’t the whole truth. Just like she had in the old house, she once again looked frail and helpless. But now she had him to take care of her. And take care of her he would.
Michael bowed his head and closed his eyes. He clasped his hands, rested his elbows on his knees and prayed silently. “Lord, I pray for a complete recovery for Selina. Help me to love her the way she deserves to be loved.” That familiar fear shrouded him like a suffocating cloak.
Would he ever be free to trust in their relationship?
To trust in love?
Michael shifted his gaze to her and watched her sleep. Minutes dragged by. He stood and paced the room, then watched her sleep some more. He kept the vigil for almost two hours.
Worn out from worry, he sat back down in the chair.
Still sleeping, Selina turned her face toward him and a strand of hair fell across her cheek.
Careful not to wake her, he brushed it aside, letting his finger linger on her soft skin. He longed for her to wake up, even if it meant eating crawdad tails and possum stew. He shook off that thought, knowing he must be completely losing it to even think such a thing. But no matter how far he pushed those thoughts away, he couldn’t shake the feeling of what it would be like to lose her. “Please, God, just let her be okay. Please.”
“Michael.” Mrs. Berg rested her hand on his shoulder.
Startled, he stood.
Doc’s wife set the flowers on the stand near Selina’s bed and motioned for him to follow her.
“You’ve been here more than two hours now. There’s no reason for you to stay. She’s heavily sedated and will probably be asleep for a few more hours. Why don’t you go on home?”
Michael’s heart yanked him back and forth, stay or go, stay or go. He hated leaving his wife. But sitting here, watching her like this was driving him nuts. “You’re right. I don’t want to risk waking her, especially after Doc said she had a rough night. Would you please tell her I was here and that I’ll be back later?”
Mrs. Berg nodded.
Michael turned his attention toward Selina. Needing the connection to her, he wanted to lean down and kiss her cheek but he was afraid he would wake her, so he didn’t.
As hard as it was to do, he headed toward the door.
Selina sat up in bed. Her head pounded and her stomach felt queasy. All night her head had ached something fierce and she’d thrown up every time the doctor fed her broth. Fresh-cut flowers on the nightstand caught her attention. She lay back down and stared at the clusters of tiny yellow and light purple flowers in a jar.
Mrs. Berg, the sweet brown-haired lady who carried herself with poise and grace, entered the room. “You still feeling sick?”
“Yes, ma’am. I am.”
“How’s your head?”
“Feels like someone took a sling shot and slung a rock at it.”
Mrs. Berg leaned over and peered at the back of her head. When she moved back in front of Selina, her gray eyes were comforting.
“That was so sweet of your husband to bring you those goldenrods and asters,” Mrs. Berg said.
Selina glanced at them again. So that’s what they were…goldenrods and asters. “Michael was here? When?”
“Early this morning. He stayed quite a while. You were sleeping so soundly he didn’t want to wake you, especially after the night you had. He asked me to tell you that he was here and that he’d be back later.”
Disappointed she has missed him, she wanted to pick up the flowers and smell them, but her stomach hadn’t settled. “You got any ginger?”
“Ginger? No. Why?”
“’Cause nothin’ works better for an upset belly than ginger.”
“I’m sorry. We don’t have any. Would you like me to bring you more broth?”
“No. No.” She waved her hand. That was the last thing she wanted. “What I would like is to go home.”
“I can’t let you do that. My husband wants to make sure you’re better before he lets you leave here.”
“But I have to go. We’re havin’ an end-of-harvestin’ party at the ranch, and I wanna help.”
“Well, even if you could go home, you’re going to have to take it easy for a few days anyway.”
Selina hated sitting around, wasn’t used to it. She liked to keep busy. Normally no aching head would stop her, but she’d promised Michael, and she wouldn’t go back on her word.
“Do you have any mendin’ that needs doin’? I’ve gotta have somethin’ to do.”
“I do. But I’m not bringing it to you, dear. You need to rest.”
“Can’t rest. I don’t want to. I want to—”
“Are you giving Mrs. Berg a hard time?” Michael strode into the room looking more handsome than anyone had a right to. He looked at Selina with raised eyebrows then at Mrs. Berg. “Hello again, Mrs. Berg. I’m sorry. I can’t leave my wife alone for a minute without her giving someone a hard time. She’s one stubborn, determined woman.”
Selina crossed her arms. “I ain’t stubborn. Just
don’t like bein’ stuck in bed is all.”
“Well, like it or not, doctor’s orders.”
“Hmmpft. Don’t you got chores to do or somethin’?”
“Nope. Finished them so I could come here and bother you.”
“I’m sick, remember?”
“I’ll leave you two alone.” Mrs. Berg looked from one to the other with a smile on her face. She turned and headed toward the door. “Young lovers are so cute.”
Selina felt the blush from the tip of her toes plumb up to tip of her head. Lovers? If only the woman knew. “Thank you kindly for the flowers, Michael.”
“I knew you would enjoy them. You enjoy everything.”
Not everything. She didn’t enjoy knowing Michael didn’t love her. Oh, he was trying to and all, but love didn’t shine through his eyes. Not the way it did betwixt her ma and pa and her friends who had married for love.
“What are you thinking about?”
“You.” Again heat fired up her cheeks.
“What about me?” He took her hand in his.
“Was mighty thoughtful of you to bring me flowers. When did you find time to do that?”
“Early this morning. On the way here, I picked them.”
“I was sure sorry I didn’t get to see you earlier.”
“I didn’t want to wake you. Doc Berg said you were up sick all night. How are you feeling now?”
“Not too good. I’d feel a whole lot better iffen I was at home in my own bed.”
“Now, Selina. You know what Doc said.”
“I know, I know. But I don’t have to like it.”
He sat on the bed and pulled her into his arms. “I hate seeing you like this.”
“I hate bein’ like this.”
He held her and gently rocked her and she let him.
Michael held her in his arms until she fell sound asleep.
Doc Berg stepped into the room.
Michael held a finger to his lips and pointed to her.
“She sleeping?” Doc Berg whispered. “That’s good. You should go and let her get some rest.”
He didn’t want to go. He’d just gotten here. Besides, it was lonely around the house without her. Boring even. As much as he hated to admit it, he was getting used to her antics, her high-spirited ways, even to having critters in the house and strange foods on the table. Truth was, it just felt odd being there by himself.
But he couldn’t very well expect her to listen to the doctor if he didn’t. Careful not to wake her, he laid her back on the bed and stood. He gazed down at the woman who was beautiful inside and out.
He felt a tug on his shirtsleeve.
Doc Berg motioned for him to step outside the room and into his office.
“Have a seat.” Doc sat behind a mahogany desk covered with papers and sprinkled with medicine bottles.
Michael sat in the cushioned chair across from the desk.
Doc Berg rested his arms on the desk and leaned toward Michael. “I’m worried about Selina, Michael. That lump on her head hasn’t gone down. In fact, it’s gotten a little bigger. I’m concerned there may be some bleeding on the brain. Sometimes bleeding comes slow or fast. If that spot doesn’t go down or get any smaller by this evening, I’m afraid I may have to operate.”
Michael listened in horror as Doc explained in detail exactly what he had to do to relieve the pressure. His stomach roiled as he thought of the drilling procedure. “Sounds dangerous.” He swallowed hard.
“It is. That’s why I’d like your consent to do it if I need to.”
How could Michael give his consent to do something that was so dangerous? “I need to talk to Selina about this first and see what she says.”
“No. I don’t want to worry her about this. Her getting upset could cause more problems.” He stood and so did Michael. “Think about it and give me your decision. Don’t wait too long. Her life may depend on it.”
Hearing those words was like a stab to the heart. Michael watched Doc’s back as he headed down the hallway, rounded the corner and disappeared. How could Doc ask him to make such a decision?
He needed guidance. Michael hurried down the stairs, stopping only long enough to tell Doc he would be back later.
On the way home, he prayed for wisdom. None came. In the field, he saw Jesse riding in the midst of the cows. Michael coaxed his horse to go faster, slowing only when he neared the herd.
“What’s wrong?” Jesse rode out to meet him. “Is Selina all right?”
“I’m not sure.” He told him what Doc said.
“Sounds to me like you have no choice.”
That’s what he was afraid of. Worry and fear crawled inside him, and he closed his eyes to block them out.
“You love her, don’t you?” Jesse asked with gentleness.
Did he? He didn’t even know anymore. “I’ve been trying to.”
“That’s part of your problem. You’re trying to do it under your own strength. Jesus said, ‘Apart from me, you can do nothing.’ But God didn’t leave it there, Michael. The Bible says, ‘I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.’” Jesse draped his arm over the saddle horn. “Any time we try to do things under our own strength or our own power, we are setting ourselves up for failure.
“The Lord wants His children to depend on Him, Michael. You may not be able to love Selina on your own, but God can do it through Christ as you submit to Him. Ask God to give you a deep, lasting love for your wife, Michael, and He will.”
“I’m so confused, Jess. I thought I loved her when she was like Rainee. Then when she got here and wasn’t, I didn’t think there was any way I could love her. Now part of me can’t imagine life without her and part of me thinks I’m crazy for even thinking that.”
“Oh, I get it. You thought you married a fantasy woman.”
“No, that’s not what I did.”
“Yeah you did. You thought if you married the perfect woman you dreamed of, then everything would always be perfect and you’d never get hurt. Well, I hate to tell you brother, but that’s not reality. Real love ain’t no fantasy—it’s messy, and sometimes it’s downright hard. And with real love there’s no guarantee you’ll never get hurt. You can’t love somebody with one foot out of the door. If you love her, it’s got to be all the way, no matter what happens. That’s real love—not this straddling the fence thing you’ve got going on.”
Michael put his head down as every fear he ever had attacked him. Jesse was right. That’s exactly what he had wanted—the perfect woman who would never hurt him. But that woman didn’t exist. Never did and never would. And now love looked even scarier than it had before.
Jesse’s words applied to letting go of his fears, too. To be free to love Selina, he needed to keep on giving his fears to Christ every time they came knocking on the door of his heart and mind. “Will you pray with me, Jess?”
“Sure.”
They bowed their heads and prayed not only that he would make the right decision about Selina’s medical condition but also about the state of his heart. When Jesse was done, Michael had hope and a renewed vigor to continue courting his wife. But first he needed to decide what to do about the consent to operate.
He thanked his brother and headed back into town, racking his brains about what to do. “Michael, what did Jess just get through telling you not even ten minutes ago? God wants you to depend on Him—not yourself.” Michael’s voice echoed through the trees, bounced back at him and whipped him upside the head. “Didn’t you just read the other night about if you needed wisdom to ask God?”
Over the green rolling hills, he rode. He closed his eyes. “Lord. I need wisdom. You said if I asked for it, You’d give it to me. Well, Lord, I’m asking. Show me what to do about Selina. Give me wisdom beyond my own understanding because I sure need it right now.”
He opened his eyes and raised his head. “Even better, I’m asking for Your mercy and Your grace to heal Selina. I pray these things in Your Son’s name. Amen.” Peace unlik
e any he’d ever known before nested inside him.
Selina opened her eyes. The first thing she saw was Michael. “Hi.” She smiled.
“Hello yourself.” He leaned closer to her. “How are you feeling?”
“Better. My head doesn’t smart near as bad as it did.”
“Thank the Lord for answer to prayer.”
“You prayed for me?”
“Sure did. Does that surprise you?”
“Everything you do lately surprises me.”
“Makes life more interesting, right?”
She sat up.
Michael jumped up and propped an extra fluffy pillow behind her back.
“I sure could use somethin’ to drink.” She moved her tongue around inside her mouth, trying to moisten it.
“I’ll get Mrs. Berg.” He returned with a glass of water and a bowl of broth and sat down beside her.
Selina took the water from him. Concerned she might not be able to keep it down again, she sipped it. Her stomach was fine. She drank a little more. Still fine. Then a little more. She grinned. No more upset belly. “I’ll take that broth now.” Her hand reached out to Michael.
“You don’t feel sick?” Hope sparked his eyes.
“No. In fact, I’m so hungry I could eat the hide off a grizzly. Ain’t they got anything more than broth to eat around here?”
“Yep. You’re feeling better.” He smiled.
“I sure am. So you’d better watch it, mister. I just may feed you some more crawdad tails. Or better yet, some possum stew.”
His blue eyes widened. “You’re kidding right? Tell me you’re joking.”
Selina giggled. “I’m joshin’ you. But, just so you know, iffen we were back home in Kentucky, we would be eatin’ possum stew.”
“I’m glad we don’t live there.” The serious, relieved look on his face tickled Selina. And yet at the same time, she realized once again just how wide the gap was in their worlds. They sure did live differently.
The Unlikely Wife Page 19