by Liam Livings
Gavin drew a big tick in the air, smiling. "For this, I forgive you."
Devine left, kissing all our cheeks in turn.
Gavin swayed slightly and handed Callum his shot glass.
"I think you've had enough of that. I'll get you some water." Callum left for the kitchen.
"Sparkly, if you don't mind." Gavin shouted.
"What do you think about him going away to London? How would you react if Big Gav told you that?"
"Me? I'd fall apart. I'd dissolve in tears, like a newspaper in the rain. I'd be all over the place. I wouldn't just be wobbly, I'd wobble and wobble into pieces. Like a jelly, or something."
"So not good then?"
"Me, no. I'm not good without him." He stared at Big Gav, who was showing off his costume and allowing the two Bucks Fizz girls to stroke his moustache. "But I'm not you. Me and Big Gav are totally different from you and Callum. You always said since the ex, you needed space from a boyfriend, so you wouldn't feel suffocated again."
I couldn't deny that. I had said exactly that to him when I'd got together with Callum.
"Look, if he's gonna cheat on you, he could have cheated on you already, now, here. No need to go to London to do that. All he needs is a phone and one of those apps, a free hour or so and bingo, he's cheated on you. It's like ordering a takeaway now, these shagathon apps."
"Do you think he has?"
He shook his head quickly and almost fell over with the balance being off kilter. "Why, do you?"
"He still gets that grin which means he wants a bit. We're still at it all the time we're together."
"And you trust him, don't you?"
"I did until you started talking about those apps. Yes, I do."
"And he knows that doesn't he? He trusts you too doesn't he?"
I nodded.
"Trust's a powerful thing in a relationship. Means you don't need to check where someone's been every minute of the day. Means you can let someone go and know they'll come back to you; as long as you've got that sort of relationship of course. I do trust Big Gav; he's gone away without me before, it's just I couldn't cope with it for a long time, like you could. Without him, the business would just fall apart, never mind the flat, and me. He keeps me together, he tends to me. I can't be lonely in a relationship again, not after the last one." He hiccuped and snapped his fingers in front of his face. "Besides, if he cheats on you, you know he's a wrong 'un and best out of it at this stage. For me, it'll be too late once we're hitched."
Callum reappeared with a wine glass of fizzy water for Gavin and the laptop with Lena's face beaming from it. In one graceful movement he handed the drink over and placed the laptop on the table. "What you two gabbin' about?"
I kissed Callum's cheek. "You're getting married?"
Gavin nodded then showed me a silver shiny bejewelled watch.
"I didn't know this, why'd you keep it secret?"
Callum took Gavin's hand and then said, "I knew. He was telling me in the kitchen. Said he never knew there'd be so many decisions to make. Said he didn't even know what a 'favour' was until all this started."
Gavin laughed. "But he's loving it now isn't he?"
"Aye. He is that. This one - " Callum nodded at Gavin " - wanted something to mark the engagement. Men don't wear engagement rings, so they got engagement watches."
Gavin flashed his silver and ruby studded watch to us all, smiling broadly.
Lena asked from the laptop, "Show it to me, please. Slowly, in front of the screen. It is very pretty. It is exactly as I have imagined you to have a watch like this, Gavin.
I held it and asked, "Real rubies and silver?"
"We sell flowers, not gold. It's only paste. Real silver strap and watch case, but the rubies, sadly, aren't real. They look fun though don't they?"
Callum snorted. "They certainly look summat."
I elbowed him in the ribs.
Gavin looked at us both. "You may well scoff, but I couldn't give a monkey's. If you think that's OTT, you wanna hear what the wedding's gonna be like."
Callum wiped his eye and composed himself. "Sorry. I'm not taking the pish. It's you. It's perfect for you. Big Gav did tell me about the plans, actually." He whistled. "You sure you aren't selling gold on the sidelines?"
Gavin explained he'd done Eurovision parties for years, but had never managed to go to the host country for various reasons. "Big Gav said if I cut back on a few of the wedding things, we'd have money to go, maybe next year. Would you two come with?"
Callum smiled. "Can you really top this though?" He gestured to the living room where Bucks Fizz and The Brotherhood of Man had been duelling songs for the past fifteen minutes, each song louder than the last. The Brotherhood of Man were singing Angelo, their rip off of ABBA's Fernando, which had really wound up Bucks Fizz as "it wasn't in the competition so it's not admissible," someone shouted. Bucks Fizz were storming through their key changes and as the skirts were already off, trying to tear off the table cloths instead. At the moment Blue Jumper Bobby from Bucks Fizz tore off a corner of the nearest table cloth the door in the living room opened and two men with long shaggy hair with 'B' on their tops, a blonde woman and a brown haired woman with 'A' on their tops all in seventies glam rock outfits appeared, waving.
Gavin took in the foursome, then turned to us and said, "Excuse me, but I've got something I need to take care of." He sprang into action and ran to the group by the door. He counted off the items on his fingers. "One, it's British Eurovision entries. ABBA are Swedish. Two, the songs are all done. Three, the scoring has happened. So, four, what exactly are you here for? 'Cause if you think you're getting even a sniff of my cheesy pineapple chunks or a slice of my Baked Alaska, in that lot, you've got another think coming." He shouted behind himself for Devine and Big Gav, who immediately appeared as backup. "Escort this lot to the door, would you please? I've got the scoring and dessert to do still."
Devine and Big Gav turned the Swedish impersonators round and escorted them through the door and down the stairs. Gavin went through a complex system of comparing people's scores with his own and the judges' scores to arrive at an overall winner, which he announced while walking into the living room carrying a two feet long Baked Alaska. He looked over to Callum and shouted, "Can I top this, dear? I'm not sure, sweets, but I'm gonna give it a bloody good try." Love shine a light to every corner of the world … blared from his coat. "Now who's for a top up of their drink?"
Chapter 13
Summer
Open mike night at The Birdcage. Charlie had dragged us all there, promising it would be the perfect opportunity to see some up and coming talent, before they did the TV talent show rounds.
Callum had asked if he could have that in writing.
Gavin had asked if they might see the next Leona Lewis.
Big Gav had said nothing, knowing resistance was futile on this argument.
I was half optimistic of, indeed, seeing the next Leona Lewis, but half worried it would be a night of out of tune X Factor rejects.
Devine, head to toe in black ostrich feathers with six inch black stiletto boots, waved us through the door asking us all to chuck a few quid in the charity bucket. Gavin complained he didn't have change on him, only notes, so Big Gav put in for all of us. I noticed Callum rolling his eyes at that and I slapped him playfully.
After a few drinks and more than a few Lady Gaga-alikes, it had all started to blend into one. I was disappointed to note there were no judges and swivelling chairs or illuminated crosses in sight. Just Devine as compère, moulting feathers with every entrance and exit as she introduced the next act on stage. "What if it's shit? What do they do then?" I asked the group.
Callum replied, quick as a flash, "They've not done anything so far, so I'd say they don't do anything."
Big Gav meowed loudly and made a scratching movement with his right hand.
"I'm only saying what I've seen. Just speaking the truth." He shrugged.
Devine introduced the next ac
t as a man called Derrick who wrote all his own material and we should give him a warm Birdcage welcome.
Callum tapped Big Gav's shoulder. "Own material. I'm off for a drink. Who wants one?"
Big Gav followed him to the bar with an order for drinks.
We waited as a short, dumpy, middle aged man with a very dark brown comb-over walked to the middle of the stage. He explained the song he was about to sing was one he'd written a while ago, and had wanted to share with people other than his family. He'd sung it to them, and evidently they'd said it was too good to keep to himself.
Not wanting to be as bitchy as Callum and Big Gav, I leant forward optimistically, tapped Gavin and said, "It might be good, you never know?"
Gavin shrugged.
Mr Comb-over tapped the microphone, did that annoying thing of asking if it was working and blew loudly into it. And then he began.
The song was all melancholic whale music. Imagine a tone deaf Enya practising to herself in the bath, singing about a whale coming home to meet its mother. There were sixteen verses of the whale calling to its long lost mother, and the mother called back, for its baby as it swam towards her. If it had been in tune and a bit melodic, it would have been sad and moving, like This Mortal Coil, which is about a siren calling for her lover across the ocean. But this was sad, and shit, and long. Which isn't a good combination in anyone's book.
On and on, Mr Comb-over sang, the whale getting closer and closer to its mother, his voice getting further and further from in tune, until it was an unrecognisable tone, I wondered if only dogs could hear; unfortunately we could all hear it, loud and clear.
With no illuminated crosses, no swivelling chairs, no, "stop there I'm out," on and on he sang.
Callum and Big Gav came back with the drinks, handed ours. "Christ alive, I can't stay here listening to this shite!" Callum said before he and Big Gav went outside where the smokers gathered. Neither of them smoked, they just wanted to get out of earshot.
There was a pause. I could feel the combined will of the whole room wishing and hoping and praying Mr Comb-over had finished.
And he had. A couple of people slow clapped and someone shouted from the back "Encore" which was met with a chorus of "Fuck off"s.
Devine came back on stage, commented that was certainly a change from the usual fare, and announced a short break for drinks before the final set of open mike singers performed.
I collected Callum and Big Gav from outside, mid-conversation about Big Gav and Gavin's wedding.
Callum looked at me. "His parents loved Gavin. They can't wait to see them again. His mum gave them the spare bedroom furthest from theirs and their own bathroom."
Big Gav nodded. "Yep. That's the bedroom she gives guests if she's worried they're gonna be a bit noisy at night. Gavin and Mum talked all weekend about the wedding. I couldn't get a word in edgeways. Me and Dad went off to fit new tyres on his car - just to get away from them two yacking on." He took a deep breath. "Wish I'd done it years ago." He then explained about the Eurovision trip abroad. "But only if he can cut back on the wedding costs. That's what I've told him. It's one or the other, not both. There's no swan ice sculptures or white doves being released if he wants the Eurovision trip."
"Aye, right enough." Callum nodded slowly to Big Gav who reciprocated.
I looked at them both. "It's finished. You're safe to come back now. Charlie's next after the break he reckons."
Callum said in an exaggerated Scottish accent,"I cannae cope captain. I cannae cope!"
Big Gav looked at us, then said, "If I can cope with planning a wedding with himself, you can cope with this. We're here now. We won't get a seat anywhere else if we leave. We'll stay for Charlie and see how it goes, okay? The things we do for love, eh?"
"Have you seen him?" I asked.
Big Gav explained Charlie had stayed in the changing area as he was too nervous to sit with us just drinking like normal, he'd see us after his singing. Then Big Gav looked at us, and said he'd see us inside.
I took a deep breath and looked at Callum. "Have you got a date for the audition in London?"
Callum nodded. "I told you."
"I know, I just can't quite believe it's happening." I paused. "Do you want me to come with you?"
"I've been to auditions before, you know."
"Oh, well in that case, I'll leave you to it. Just send me a postcard when you're settled in your new place down there. Don't mind me." I looked to the ground and folded my arms across my chest.
He held my arms then lifted my chin. "Hey you. That's enough of that. I am not Chris, remember. I don't want you to feel you have to come with me. I know you don't get much holiday from work, so I don't want ya wasting it."
"How's a day supporting you wasting it?"
"I'll be fine on my own. If you come with, that's grand. We'll make a day of it; go on the Millennium Wheel, get a boat down the river, go up Big Ben, whatever you want. Or you can save up the day and use it for another long weekend if I get it. Up to you." He put his hands, palms up towards me.
We talked about the timing of the audition and how long it would last, and after much consideration I decided to come with him. I felt a blockage in my throat, and my eyes prickled from thinking about losing him to London.
He lifted my chin and kissed me, slowly, rubbing my cheek with his hand. "Eh eh, we'll have none o' that, now. There's nothing to cry about. I'm still gonna be me, just in London for a bit. It's a new chapter of us, and it'll be over soon enough, both of us ready for the next one together. Okay?"
I nodded, relieved and comforted by his talk of the future together, of moving on from this stage to the next. I was beginning to realise in a normal, healthy relationship, things didn't stay the same: things evolved, moved on, changed as one of the pair reshaped their lives. With Chris, once we'd set up the home together - according to his rules - that had been it. He had his job and as soon as I got a proper job, we'd be set. No more aspirations, changes, different chapters. Only now with Callum did I realise how unhealthy that had been.
Gavin appeared between us. "When you two have finished your little heart to heart, Charlie's just about to start singing. Come on." He grabbed our hands and led us back to our seats.
Charlie was on stage in full cowboy outfit: wide cowboy hat, light denim boot cut jeans, brown cowboy boots with silver stirrups at the back, a dark denim shirt open two buttons, showing a bit of his dark blond chest hair, rhinestone buttons and embroidered epaulettes. Even from where we were sat, quite far back from the stage, I could still see how attractively filled his jeans were and caught his light blue eyes. He was a good looking older man, ageing gracefully, with little bits of grey around his temples and some of his beard with some smile lines around his eyes small creases in his forehead. It was a much more attractive look than the frozen shiny-faced Ken doll alternative so many other gay guys opted for as soon as they hit forty.
Someone brought a high stool on stage and Charlie perched on it. As the first few bars of instrumental began, Gavin started screaming and clapping loudly. I didn't know Gavin was into country and western.
Charlie started singing, "My love is stronger now than you'll ever know, and it won't ever let you go … "
Big Gav tapped me on the shoulder and mouthed, "Eurovision".
Callum and I shrugged at one another.
Gavin leant forward and said, "I'd have swirled round with a big pink dress and boots if he'd asked me. I LOVE this one. Can't believe it didn't win in 2005. Poor Germany was robbed that year." He continued clapping in time with the song.
Robbed? Maybe it was his World Cup?
Charlie stood and started strutting across the stage in time with the beat, his stirrups shining in the lights and making metallic clinking sounds above the music. Surprisingly, Charlie had a good voice. Not get-a-record-contract good, but definitely a few notches above the usual karaoke standard we'd seen that night so far. He walked to the front of the stage and knelt as he sang the chorus, looking
directly into my eyes, "I'm never ever ever gonna leave you to cry on your own, I'm never ever gonna not go and pick up the phone."
I looked away, feeling my whole face blush red.
As he finished, the audience clapped and Gavin shouted, "Twelve points to Charlie," again and again until Charlie took a modest bow and jumped off the stage, sitting down amongst family once again.
Callum shook his hand. "Very good. I knew you were into the cowboy clothes, but I didn't think you were into the music too. Do you like Dolly Parton too?"
"Some of her stuff, yes. Why, you got a problem with that?" His eyes glinted.
"Nothing wrong with that." He paused. "Were you singing it to anyone in particular, that song?"
Charlie looked at me, then back to Callum. "Might have been. Might not have been."
"Bit different from Human Resources, isn't it? Do they know at your work you like a bit of country and western?"
"There's a lot about me they don't know at work."
"You not out there?"
"Might be. What's it to you?" They were both standing now, squaring up to one another.
Although I was flattered to have two men sort of fighting over me - in an oblique way, at least - I didn't want a fight to get us thrown out, and spoil the night for everyone else, so stood between them, my hands on their chests in an attempt to separate them. "Come on you two. No need for this."
Charlie said, "Tell him to mind his own business. What I do and don't tell my work colleagues is nothing to do with him."
"He has a name, actually." I pursed my lips, trying to keep calm and serious at the same time.
"Nothing to do with Callum."
Callum looked back at us both. "You stare at my boyfriend and sing to him like that, and I wanna know what's going on. Do ya know?"
I said, "Fair point, actually." I turned to Charlie. "Why were you singing it to me, anyway?"
"I picked someone in the audience, it happened to be you. It could've been anyone. I'd have got a better response if I'd sung it to Gavin, at least he'd have known the words."