by Marc Avery
“If you need anything else I’m here to assist you. My name is Sandy.” She looked me up and down and licked her lips before walking off.
I bought a red thong, a pair of blue lace crotch-less panties, and a bottle of perfume one of the employees suggested I buy. Before I went back home, I made two more stops in the mall and bought a sterling silver charm bracelet and a piece of gourmet cheesecake. Food and jewelry were a killer combination.
Especially for Essence.
* * *
I spent an hour cleaning up the house after I came in from The Gallery. I wiped the baseboards down with an old T-shirt, vacuumed the carpet, and sprayed air freshener. I made sure to put the bag of gifts by the couch. I wanted to set the mood.
Essence walked in the house, and I grabbed her by the waist and kissed her on the lips. She hung her coat in the closet and kicked off her brown high heels. Wanting to make sure she was comfortable, I rubbed her feet when she sat on the couch next to me. I jumped into full pleasure mode.
She gave me the side eye.
She knew something was up.
“Go ahead and tell me the bad news,” she said knowingly.
“What? Why would you say that for?” I played dumb.
“Anthony, I’m far from stupid, boy. Men don’t voluntarily rub some feet unless something bad happened or they want something in return. Which one is it? Be honest with me.”
“That’s not true,” I said weakly.
“I’m dead tired, boy, and I’m not in the mood to give you some. Just tell me what happened.”
I decided to come clean.
“Yesterday my boss told me I’m going to be losing hours.” I stared at the ground, hoping for understanding or at least compassion from her.
She moved her foot off my lap.
“I think—” I started to say.
She cut me off. “Your opinion doesn’t count for shit right about now. Why haven’t you found another job yet? I’ve been carrying us since you moved in with me. I’m tired of doing every damn thing around here.” She slapped the arm of the couch.
“I’m doing the best I can right now. You know this already. Where’s all this slick talk coming from?”
“I can’t do this alone, boy. Something’s got to give. When are you going to start doing more around here?”
“When I get another job.”
“And when is that?”
“When I find one!” I yelled.
“Obviously, you’re aren’t looking hard enough because if you were, you would’ve found one by now. I’m sorry, but I won’t baby you anymore.”
I looked at her like she had three heads. “I never asked you to baby me. Instead of bitching at me all the time, how about you be more encouraging? I just told you I’m losing hours at my job, and you keep talking about all of the shit you’re doing. The world doesn’t revolve around you.”
“You got a lot of nerve. You half ass your way around here, and I’m supposed to pat you on your back and say it’s going to be okay? Well, it’s not going to be okay. We got bills to pay, and you need to come up with a better plan. Clearly, what you’re doing now isn’t working.”
“How is this argument helping us? How does talking down to me get us to where we want to go? Things are tough right now, but I’m going to do my best to turn this situation around. All I can do is try,” I said, feeling exhausted.
“I don’t try. I do and I won’t let us fall into a deeper hole. I guess I’m built different than you.” She went for my ego.
“You know what—” I jumped off the couch and looked down on her.
“What?”
“Nothing. Nothing at all.”
“Exactly,” she said with a smirk and headed for the stairs, shaking her head. “And a bag of gifts will never make up for a lack of effort on your part.” She didn’t even bother turning around to face me.
Sitting there on the couch, I was boiling with anger. I had to figure out a way for us to get back into a good space again. Our relationship was on thin ice.
I couldn’t take much more of this bullshit.
* * *
I looked on the Internet for romantic ideas. I wanted to get Essence’s mind off me losing hours at work. Luckily, I was able to book us an affordable hotel suite downtown for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Even though I would be losing money, I still wanted to show her I cared about her and this relationship.
Just because we were in a bad spot didn’t mean we couldn’t still have a good time. Unfortunately, she pouted the entire Uber ride over to the hotel. However, I secured a small win because she agreed to go on the staycation with me and to swap gifts.
The hotel and the gifts I bought stretched my pockets to the limit, but her happiness was priceless. We ordered room service and watched an in-room movie.
“You know that I’m doing everything I can to find a job, right?” I asked as I held her close.
“I do, but the bills are piling up, and our financial situation is getting worse.”
I nodded and sighed. “Maybe we can cut the cable off or downgrade the insurance from full coverage to liability.”
She laughed. “I’m not cutting my cable off or getting worse insurance because you can’t keep up your end of the bargain.” She turned away from me and pulled the covers up over her shoulders.
I went to sleep angry because we couldn’t even brainstorm together.
Christmas morning we swapped gifts unenthusiastically with each other, and she couldn’t have been colder. I felt like I was banging my head against a brick wall with her.
While she slept later on that night I looked at the snow flurries falling past the window. The scene was so peaceful. I wanted my life to be peaceful too, but it seemed like I couldn’t escape the negativity.
Before I went to bed, I prayed to God for our relationship to get on solid ground.
I couldn’t take anymore turbulence.
January
After I told Essence about losing hours at work, something shifted in our relationship, and it wasn’t for the better. Sometimes she became withdrawn and distant. We went from a little rocky to the Titanic against an iceberg.
Most of the time, I drank vodka lattes at Barnes & Noble’s café after I got off work and stayed there until they closed. Sometimes on Saturdays and Sundays, I stayed at the bookstore from open to close. I loved how much vodka and lattes went so well together.
Back at work, in the kitchen, I loaded dishes when my phone vibrated inside my pants pocket. I pulled the phone out and checked my e-mail. The writing contest people had sent me a message.
I couldn’t find an agent and my relationship with Essence was going to shit, so I needed to hear some good news. With excitement and expectation swirling around in my gut, I ran to the bathroom and read the e-mail.
Dear Mr. Porter,
We are pleased to inform you of your third-place ranking in our annual screenwriting contest. View the attachment for the certificate authenticating the placement. Also remember the screenplay you submitted will be sent to a film executive of our choosing. The studio is under no obligation to respond to us and/or you. All unused materials will be discarded. Thank you for entering the contest, and we wish you much success with your future endeavors.
Later that evening, after I scoured CareerBuilder for job opportunities, I sent Paul, Essence, and my mother a text message about the screenwriting contest results. They sent back congratulatory text messages. Although Essence congratulated me, she said she would be happier when I got a better job.
Taking a break from my job search, I figured I could get some writing done. I was so into typing I didn’t notice Essence standing over my shoulder.
“So when are you going to wash the dishes and take out the trash?”
“I’ll do it when I’m done on the computer.”
“You have no sense of urgency,” she said and sat down at the table with me.
“I’m not trying to argue with you right now.” I rubbed my face and to
ok a deep breath.
“You just don’t want to hear the truth.” She jabbed her finger in my face.
I scowled and stood. “Man, you better go ahead with that shit.”
“Or what you gon’ do?” she spat back at me.
I smirked. “You want me to do something stupid, but I won’t fall for the banana in the tailpipe. I’m out of here.” I grabbed my coat off the chair and stormed out of the house.
Even though it was cold outside, the wind felt good on my face.
I totally understood Essence’s frustration about our lack of money, but her smart comments did nothing to propel us forward. I almost felt like she wanted us to be in turmoil just so she would have talking points.
Just as I went to check the Septa bus schedule on my cell phone, a bus slowed to a crawl near the curb.
* * *
Once I got inside Paul’s building, I knocked on his door. A couple of minutes later, a caramel-skinned woman with long blond-streaked hair and an oversized T-shirt answered the door. Her big nipples strained against her T-shirt. She was bad.
“Can I help you?” she asked.
“I’m Anthony. Is Paul here?”
“Hold on a second,” she said and shut the door.
A few moments later, she came back and opened the door. She stepped aside so I could walk in.
“Can you give us a minute?” Paul asked the woman.
“Sure thing,” she said and went into the bedroom. I caught a glimpse of her big butt bouncing as she walked away. I smiled and shook my head.
“Another fight with Essence?”
I nodded. “Unfortunately.”
The woman came back out fully clothed and kissed Paul on the cheek before she left his apartment.
“I’ll call you later, P.”
“All right,” he said before turning his attention back to me.
“At this point, she’s just pissing you off for sport. She wants a reaction. She wants you in a negative space.”
“I know, and that’s why I came up with a plan during the bus ride over here.”
“Anything I can help with?”
I took a deep breath and sat on the couch. “Yeah.”
“I need a drink. You want something?” Paul asked as he walked to the kitchen.
“I’ll take whatever you have.”
A minute later, Paul handed me a glass, and I took a sip.
“This is good, man.” The mixed drink left my taste buds tingling.
Paul sat next to me on the couch and took his shot to the head. “It’s Grey Goose and lemonade.”
“I need me another one,” I said.
“Me too.”
Paul went back into the kitchen and made us another drink.
“Thanks,” I said after accepting the drink.
“What’s your plan?”
“I’m going to find us a cheaper insurance carrier, switch our Comcast cable package, and pay off some of our credit cards.”
“I hear you. What do you need from me?”
I sighed because desperate times called for desperate measures. This was a desperate time. “I need to borrow a couple of dollars.”
“What’s a couple of dollars?”
I looked at the ground and said, “A thousand.”
“That’s it?”
I looked at him confused. “Yeah.”
“When my parents died, my aunt Rhonda took me in. Up until I was eighteen, she got money from the state for me. She never spent a dime of it, and on my eighteenth birthday, she gave me a check. I’ve touched my stash here and there, but I’ve never made a real dent.”
“I can’t take that money.”
“You can, and you will. Give me your account number, and I’ll put it in there in the morning.”
Paul was persistent, and he wasn’t going to take no for an answer.
I caved in and gave him my banking information.
“I do have a few stipulations, though.” Paul smiled devilishly.
I couldn’t help but smile too. “I’m listening.”
“You’re going to volunteer with me at the Boys and Girls Club.”
“That’s it?” I asked.
“You’re also going to help me smash this girl by going on a double date with her ugly friend, bro.”
January
I stayed at Paul’s house for two days, and all I did was stay on CareerBuilder.com and Indeed. com. My wrists hurt because I typed on the computer so much. Essence and I communicated through text message, and I let her know when I would be home.
I needed a job like yesterday, and I figured with the amount of applications I put in, someone would call me sooner or later.
Paul, being a man of his word, put a thousand dollars in my bank account, and I felt like my plan to get my relationship back on track was bulletproof. All I had to do was put the plan in motion and fill Essence in.
I searched Google for job etiquette feeling like maybe I did something wrong in my interviews. What I found blew me away. I didn’t have the right posture, I wasn’t asking the right questions, and my appearance needed work.
After I finished searching for jobs on the Internet, I stopped at a discount suit store in Center City. I bought a white shirt, sand-colored slacks, and a nice pair of square-toed shoes. When I tried the clothes on, I felt good. I read somewhere on the Internet when you feel good, you do good. I hoped that was true.
As I was unbuttoning my shirt, my cell phone started buzzing on the wooden bench inside of the dressing room.
I didn’t recognize the number, but I picked up anyway.
“Hello,” I said sounding unsure.
“Hello. May I speak with Anthony Porter?” a woman asked.
“Speaking.”
“Good morning, Anthony. My name is Amanda Caldwell and I’m with Quick Care. I’m calling to see if you were still interested in the front-office position with us,” she asked cheerily.
My hands wouldn’t stop shaking, and suddenly I couldn’t speak.
“Anthony. You still there?” Amanda asked.
“Yes, ma’am. I’m very interested.”
“Can you be here in the office in half an hour?”
I looked at the time on my cell phone screen. It was 9:35 a.m.
“Sure thing. I can be there by ten.”
“All right, Anthony. We look forward to seeing you soon.”
After I paid for my clothes, I hustled to Starbucks and bought me a caramel macchiato. I needed some caffeine in my system.
Luckily for me, Quick Care was only a few blocks away from where I was. I crossed Broad Street and walked until I was standing in front of Quick Care.
There weren’t many people in the waiting area so I walked right up to the receptionist.
She smiled warmly before asking, “How can I help you?”
“I’m here for a job interview.”
A few minutes later, a thin, brown-haired woman emerged from a set of wooden double doors.
I stood, and we shook hands. “Nice to meet you, Anthony.”
“Likewise, ma’am.”
“Follow me,” she said before using a key card to gain access to the door she came out of.
Amanda gave me a tour of the facility and let me know what my day-to-day duties would be.
To be honest, I was pretty excited about the position. She told me there would be gaps of free time, and all I could think about was time to edit and write new screenplays.
“Do you have any questions for me?”
“No, ma’am. I think you answered everything for me.”
“Very well then. We’ll see you in a week, sir.” She smiled warmly, and we shook hands again.
After I left the job interview, I took the bus to my favorite Barnes & Noble in Center City. Needing a new book to read, I bought the latest Alex Cross hard cover and went outside to catch another bus home.
Something caught my eye. Senior and a woman got out of a silver SUV in front of the TD Bank across the street. At six foot three, the m
an was hard to miss. He broke my heart when he grabbed a baby from the backseat. From what I could see, the baby had a head full of jet-black curly hair and our same complexion.
I was Senior’s first baby boy, and when I saw him with another son, I wanted to strangle him for stepping out on my mother.
That son of a bitch.
They were headed for IHOP, and I bolted across the street and caught him before they could go inside.
The woman with him looked at him funny when she saw me.
“You probably thought you would never see me again, huh?” I said, looking him in the eye. I wanted him to be uncomfortable, and by the looks of things, I had succeeded.
“Go inside and get us a table, baby. I’ll be right in,” Senior said to the woman before she and the baby disappeared into the restaurant.
“How are you doing, Junior?” he said like it was nothing.
“How the fuck do you think I’m doing, Anthony?” I crossed my arms. I wanted to be as disrespectful as possible.
“I’m sorry for how things turned out. I never wanted to hurt you and your mother,” he said weakly.
I saw this man as a pillar of strength, and here he was, hitting me with this lame bullshit.
I shook my head. “Why did you leave us and start a new family?”
He put his hand on my shoulder. “Your mother and I grew apart, Junior. We had been struggling for years, and I didn’t want to fake it anymore.”
I saw the sincerity in his eyes, but he still hurt me because of his actions. I pushed his hand off me. “Do you think money solves everything?”
He put his head down. “I know money doesn’t solve everything, but I wanted to help you guys out. It’s the least I can do.”
“How come you didn’t call me?” I asked, my voice shaky.
“I was scared. What was I going to say? It became easier to just move on,” he admitted.
I felt the tears threatening to come, but I held them back. He wouldn’t see me cry. “So me and my mother don’t mean shit to you anymore, huh?”
“I will always love you guys, but I have a new family I have to take care of,” he said with finality.
My heart turned into a solid block of ice as I smiled at the man with whom I shared almost identical features. I had looked up to this man and wanted to be like him when I grew up. Now, all I saw when I looked at him was disappointment, selfishness, and cowardice.