by Marc Avery
“You have some serious problems.”
“I want you, baby. Your little girlfriend can’t do you like I can.” She licked her lips.
“I’m here about Tristan. You and I are done.”
“If I don’t get what I want, then you don’t get to see Tristan.”
“Why are you playing games like a little fucking kid?”
She shrugged. “Because I can, and there isn’t shit you can do about it.”
I raised my hand like I would hit her, but thought better of it.
“Go ahead and hit me again. I’ll have the cops lock your black ass up!”
“Fuck you.” I stormed out of the house and hopped in my truck.
The nerve of her! She flaunted her ass around and expected me to fall in line. I’m sure I bruised her ego by rejecting her like I did.
I needed my court paperwork to go through ASAP.
October
Mia’s parents lived in the same Collingswood, New Jersey, home where she grew up after she and her folks moved from Camden. Her parents were having a get-together, and Mia invited me to come. I was scared to meet her mother and father. I hoped they were nothing like Essence’s parents.
We parked around the corner from the house and walked the rest of the way.
Once we got inside her parents’ place, her dad greeted us first. He bear-hugged Mia and kissed her on the forehead. They looked alike.
“Anthony, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” We shook hands.
“Likewise, sir.”
“Mia can’t stop talking about you. Congratulations on fatherhood as well. Children are a blessing.”
“Thank you again, sir.” I smiled proudly.
Their house was beautiful. Everything looked new and untouched. The place smelled like baby powder. A huge TV was mounted on the wall in the living room, and I could see a bar in the kitchen. Living in a place like theirs would be a dream come true for me.
Mia’s mother joined us. I felt terrible for staring. She was bad too, though.
She gave me a warm hug.
“Finally, I get to meet this young man. Oooh, and he’s handsome too.”
I made the rounds and spoke to everyone in attendance. People were everywhere. Most of them knew of me already because of Mia.
While she played cards with her aunts, I went and got me some food. They had Memphis-style dry rubbed ribs, lemon pepper chicken, buttery corn on the cob, and macaroni salad with bacon in it. I took my plate and an orange soda and sat in the living room.
After I finished with my food, Mia came into her parents’ living room and kissed me on the cheek.
“Hey, you.”
“Hey.”
“You enjoying yourself?”
“Of course. Me and food have a special kind of relationship.”
She hit me on the shoulder playfully. “You’re too much.”
“Your parents are pretty cool.”
“I’d like to think so.”
“I have to personally thank them for getting it on or you wouldn’t be here,” I said and kissed her on the shoulder, neck, cheek, and lips.
“Are you getting fresh with me at my parents’ house?”
“Yes, I am.”
“Just wait until we get back to your place,” she said and grabbed my crotch.
After Mia and I quickly said our good-byes, I mashed the gas pedal into the floor.
At my apartment building, we hopped out of the truck, and I got the mail while Mia went upstairs into my apartment.
My hands shook as I opened the envelope and read the letter.
Dear Anthony Porter, I began . . . .
When I finished reading the letter, I rushed upstairs. Now I had a headache.
Mia was in her bra and panties holding a champagne flute. Disappointment was written all over my face. “What happened, baby?”
“That dirty bitch filed for sole custody and negated my paperwork.”
November
At 9:45 a.m., Mia and I sat in her truck parked down the street from the courthouse. I sipped on spiked coffee, and she had no idea.
“I hope the mediator is a man. I’m scared a woman will believe Essence’s bullshit and side with her,” I admitted.
“That’s not necessarily true, but I see your logic. I just want an unbiased mediator. I don’t care if they’re a man, woman, or an alien,” Mia said and sipped her orange juice.
“I figured Essence and I could split time with Tristan, and it would be this easy thing.” I finished the coffee and put the empty cup in the cup holder.
“It should’ve been easy. This chick is crazy as cat shit, so I’m not surprised she’s being difficult with you.”
“I’ll be glad when I have something in writing.”
“Me too.”
“I’m scared she’ll try to sabotage me.”
“Show the mediator you’re ready to take care of your son. Court is about who builds the best argument. Facts be damned. If she can prove you’re nonchalant and irresponsible, she wins the battle. Prove her wrong.” Her tone was stern but supportive.
Her consistent support warmed my heart. “I still have the receipts from the clothes and diapers I bought him.”
“The mediator will see you’re serious. The receipts will be proof. He or she will have no choice but to believe you.”
I kissed Mia on the lips. “Thank you for riding with me. You’re a real woman. I’m disappointed we didn’t meet sooner,” I smiled.
“We met at the perfect time. God isn’t in the mistake business. Never has been. Never will be.”
We kissed again before we got out of the truck and walked down the street and into the courthouse. It was time to fight for my son.
Essence and her parents were standing in the lobby, and I walked past them like they weren’t even there.
I walked into the family court waiting room and noticed the ten chairs and the eggshell-colored walls. Although there was plenty of space in the room, I felt claustrophobic. Five of the chairs were taken. Two adults on one side. Two adults and one child on the other. It was surprisingly quiet in there too.
At the intake counter, I signed my name on the clipboard and Mia and I sat down.
Essence and her parents came in minutes later and sat on the other side of the room facing us.
I smiled when my mother and Paul walked in after them. Essence and Mia grilled each other. I let my mother sit down, and Paul and I stood side by side grilling Essence’s father.
“Dwyer and Porter,” a tall brunette woman with glasses said.
Essence and I got up and followed behind her down a hallway and around a corner. We all sat down in the medium-sized office.
“I’m Nancy, and I’ll be handling the case between you two,” she said warmly.
Essence and I said hello.
“So, Ms. Dwyer, since you filed your paperwork first, what would you like to accomplish here today?” Nancy asked.
“I want sole custody of my son,” she said flatly.
I wanted to yell “our son,” but I kept quiet.
“Is there any reason for this request?” Nancy leaned back in her chair and studied Essence.
“I want his visits supervised because I can’t trust him.”
“And why don’t you trust him?” Nancy asked skeptically.
“He hasn’t been active in Tristan’s life like he’s supposed to be,” Essence said and folded her arms across her chest.
“Yes, I have, and I can prove it,” I cut in and handed Nancy a folder.
She flipped through the contents of the folder. “Well, Ms. Dwyer, from what I can tell, Mr. Porter is gainfully employed and has no criminal record. Mr. Porter also has receipts for baby clothes and phone records that show he’s been calling you and texting you. You haven’t been very responsive.”
When I looked over at Essence, she had the stupidest look on her face.
“Well, he doesn’t support us financially either.”
Nancy shook her head. “I see here Mr. Porter h
as written you a check for $1,000. This man wants to see his child. To deny him that would be immature and, quite frankly, it would be stupid.”
Essence looked shocked that this woman called her on her shit. I wanted to jump out of my seat and hug Nancy.
“I guess we have to go to court.”
“You could do that, but with all of this evidence, the judge would throw out your claim for sole custody. It would be a total waste of your time,” Nancy said seriously.
Essence became silent for a moment, and that shocked the hell out of me.
“What do we have to do to get this over with this?” she asked with major attitude.
By the time Essence and I finished in mediation, I got visitation every other Saturday and Sunday. Essence gave me all her contact information, including her phone number, address, and e-mail address. I almost broke down and cried in Nancy’s office I was so happy.
Afterward, Paul, Mia, my mother, and I went out to Olive Garden for a celebratory dinner. A huge weight shifted off of my shoulders.
* * *
I went through a two-week probationary period before I had my first visit with Tristan. Essence and I agreed on a time for me to pick him up the day my probation ended. Just to make sure she was home on the day I was to pick Tristan up, I called her cell phone. An automated voice told me, “The number you dialed is currently not in service.”
That struck me as odd.
Her house phone gave me the same message. I wondered why she changed both her numbers and didn’t bother to tell me. Something felt off.
Ignoring the speed limit and the stop signs, I got to her place in record time. Her truck wasn’t parked in the driveway.
I got out of my truck and rang the doorbell. When that didn’t work, I banged on the door and yelled her name. She didn’t respond, so I looked through her windows.
The living room was empty.
My heart shattered into a million pieces, and my breaths became short and ragged. I kicked the trash cans over and threw the baby bag at the wall.
I took a few moments to get myself together before I drove to Mia’s condo. I wanted to hurt Essence so bad I could feel it in my bones. A half hour later, I parked on Mia’s block and then went into her building.
Feeling dead inside, I plopped down on the couch when I got inside her place.
“Is everything all right? Where’s Tristan?” Mia asked.
“Essence played me,” I said and put my head down.
“What happened?”
“I went to get him, and she wasn’t there.”
“You mean, like, not home?”
“No. She moved out of the house, and I don’t know where they are.”
Mia shook her head and folded her arms.
“I hoped she would stop playing games. Especially after you guys went to court. Obviously, she couldn’t do that.”
“The gloves are off now. This bitch started a war.”
November
I sat at my kitchen table drinking vodka from the bottle. Tristan had been gone for three days, and the alcohol numbed me to reality. I called out of work the last three days too. My life fell apart.
The police did the best they could do to help me. I gave them all the information I had on Essence. Her date of birth and her work address. I didn’t know any of her girlfriends’ addresses or phone numbers. I also filed a missing person’s report and came up with nothing.
My worst fear had come true. She took my son and disappeared, and I couldn’t find her. I felt powerless because no one could help me out of my situation. According to the police, she hadn’t used her credit card or cell phone in the last few days. They told me they would call me if they found out anything of note to report.
I was angry, scared, and frustrated. With the vodka bottle tucked under my arm, I hopped in my truck and drove to Essence’s job.
I parked across the street from her job and waited for her to show up.
After waiting for an hour, I hopped out of the truck and burst through the front doors and walked up to the receptionist.
“Hello, sir. How can I help you?” she asked me and smiled.
“I need to speak with Essence Dwyer, please,” I said and smiled back.
“Your name?”
“Anthony Porter.”
“One moment, sir.”
“Thank you.”
I sat down in the lobby and read a magazine while I waited.
The receptionist called me back over to her.
“Ms. Dwyer is no longer an employee at this office.”
“What do you mean she’s no longer an employee at this office?” I slapped the counter.
“I apologize for the inconvenience.” She fidgeted in her seat like a small child.
“This is bullshit. Do you at least have her new work address?”
“I can’t give out that information.”
“Of course you can’t,” I said sarcastically. “Am I listed as her emergency contact?”
“Again, I’m sorry.”
“Thanks for nothing.”
I kicked a chair before I left. When I got in my truck, I punched the steering wheel over and over again. Then I went to Essence’s parents’ house. I rang the doorbell, and her mother answered.
“Anthony, what are you doing?” she whispered. She looked surprised and scared.
Her husband appeared out of nowhere. “What the hell do you want? You got a lot of damn balls coming to my home without an invite.”
I ignored him. “Is Essence here?”
“Go inside, sweetheart. I’ll take care of this. It won’t take me long.”
He closed the front door, walked up on me, and poked me in the chest. “Why should I tell you anything?” His nostrils flared when he talked.
I held my anger in check.
“I don’t mean any disrespect, sir. She took Tristan, and I don’t know where they are.”
“I’m going to tell you this one time, Anthony. You come to my house again, and I won’t guarantee your safety.” He cracked his knuckles.
“Are you threatening me, sir?” I asked in disbelief.
“I skip the threats, son. I go straight to promises. Test me if you want to.”
I smirked. “I’m supposed to be scared of you, huh?”
He smirked back. “She told me about your little drinking problem.” He folded his arms. “And if you put your hands on my daughter and grandson again, I’m going to put my foot in your narrow ass.”
“What? She’s lying to you. I would never—”
He cut me off.
“Abusive and a drunk, huh? Get off my property, you sorry piece of garbage,” he said and went into the house.
Essence wanted to destroy my character. All I wanted to do was be a good father to Tristan. What the hell happened to us?
After I left her parents’ house, I went straight to the courthouse to file modification of visitation paperwork. Without a home or work address, they told me she couldn’t be served. I ran into yet another brick wall.
Feeling depressed, I drank the rest of the vodka from the bottle and headed home and openly ignored the speed limit and stop signs.
Suddenly, a cop appeared out of thin air and signaled for me to pull over.
“Fuck,” I yelled.
When the cop came up to my window, I rolled my driver’s side window down.
“What’s the problem, Officer?”
He didn’t respond. He looked around the truck stone-faced before he said, “License and registration.”
November
When the cop pulled me over, I thought I would shit on myself. I had vodka on my breath and a liquor bottle on my passenger seat. Basically, I was fucked.
I drove drunk before, but I never got caught slipping. On top of arresting me, they impounded my truck too.
Because of the DUI arrest, I had to take a breath, blood, and urine test and, unsurprisingly, I failed every one. Being stuck in a mildew-smelling cell, only being able to eat dry cheese sand
wiches, and being stripped of my freedom sobered me up real quick. I never wanted to see a bottle of vodka again in my life. I just wanted to go home.
For those two days in lockup, I thought of everything under the sun. One of the most important things being that I was in denial about my drinking. I justified that it was okay if nobody got hurt, but that was bullshit. I could’ve very well gotten into an accident, and it would have been 100 percent my fault. I was the one with the alcohol in my system. What would have happened if the cop didn’t pull me over?
I didn’t want to be this kind of man. A man that couldn’t make adult decisions. The kind of man that was reckless and could have endangered the lives of innocent people. The kind of man that can’t hold his liquor.
I lay on that uncomfortable bed feeling embarrassed. My mother brought me up to be a levelheaded individual, and I shitted all over that guidance with the boneheaded decision I made.
Being a young black male, I knew that in some circles I was expected to be a criminal or in jail, and all I did was feed into the stereotype. I saw a sea of different colored people in lockup, and I knew I didn’t belong there. Maybe some of them didn’t belong there either.
It shattered my heart when I heard the disappointment in my mother’s voice. I was always a closeted alcoholic, and to have to reveal my addiction made me feel less than shit. I know she supported me, but I knew this put a strain on her heart that I never wanted to be there.
There was no telling how Paul and Mia would look at me. I hoped they would support me through my rough patch. I vowed to hit the straight path because I never wanted to see the inside of a jail cell ever again. There is nothing cool about being locked up. I had to man up, and this DUI let me know that my freedom is precious. I wouldn’t do anything like this again to jeopardize my future.
Liquor and I had officially broken up. Vodka proved to be a crutch, and it was time to stand on my own two feet.
Like a grown man.
When I got out of lockup two days later, I was happy to see Mia parked outside waiting for me. Although it was only forty-eight hours, I felt like a changed man.
I couldn’t get down the steps fast enough when I saw her get out of the truck. When I went in for a hug, she stepped back and punched me in the shoulder.