by Alison Stone
James laughed, glad Lily wasn’t in the room. “We’re just friends.”
“Just friends?” His grandmother seemed to consider this a moment. “I’m not buying it. Maybe after all this blows over you’ll see what I can see. You two are meant to be together.” She tapped the back of the chair. “How perfect. You can run Medlink and Lily can do her research.”
Stephanie’s features grew pinched. “Grandmother, James doesn’t want to run Medlink. He wants to reenlist.”
Their grandmother waved her hand, dismissing her. “I’m going to check on Edna. We need to eat. Your grandfather is tired.”
After their grandmother walked away, Stephanie leaned in close so only James could hear. “You need to grow a backbone. If you plan to reenlist, do it, so the rest of us can get on with our lives.”
Stephanie turned toward her grandfather and projected her voice. “I need to go back to the office and do some damage control after all this news coverage.”
Grandfather lifted his hand in dismissal, much as their grandmother had.
Stephanie tossed her hair over her shoulder and strode out of the room. Her frustration rolled off her in waves. The alarm chimed a half second before the front door slammed.
Grandfather coughed in his napkin. “You need to return to Medlink. Stephanie does not have the temperament to head the company.”
James opened his mouth to protest, then decided better of it. Grandfather appeared more frail than James had ever seen him. Stephanie may have considered her cousin to be weak.
He considered himself to be compassionate.
TEN
Right after a somewhat formal dinner with the O’Reilly family, Lily excused herself and retreated to the carriage house. A tense undercurrent had flowed throughout the evening that was at odds with the polite exchange of pleasantries. Apparently, no one was willing to share what was really on their minds.
Working off some of her stress, Lily cut the tube of cookie dough and placed heaping mounds on the sheet and slipped it into the oven. She could almost taste the chocolate-chip cookies.
Lily double-checked the lock on the door and plopped on the couch, picking up the remote. Maybe she could find some light romantic comedy to take her mind off everything. Relaxing in this quaint home had reminded her of the early days when she had moved into the carriage house right after her mother had died. Sweet Edna had made the horrible transition a little bit easier for her. In a way, it seemed odd Edna had been the one to offer comfort since she had replaced Lily’s mother as the O’Reillys’ housekeeper. The O’Reillys had provided Lily lodging and an education, but Edna provided the mothering she needed after her mother had died.
Lily dropped the remote at the sound of a quiet rap on the door. Anticipation bubbled in her stomach. She pointed the remote at the TV and turned down the volume. She unfolded her legs from under her and stood. She shook out the tingling sensation in her feet from the lack of circulation. Crossing the room, she snapped on an end-table lamp as she passed, chasing away the gloomy shadows. Another quiet knock sounded at the door.
She peered through the peephole and saw James’s profile. A strange mix of relief and nervousness swept over her. James’s intense gaze was directed toward the darkened yard. She unlocked the door and yanked it open. A slow smile spread across his face, warming her heart.
“Hey there.” His voice was gravelly, as if the exhaustion from the day had caught up to him, too.
“Hey yourself.” She hugged the edge of the door, resisting the urge to reach out and touch the dark shadow on his jaw. She was growing partial to this look on him. It made him appear rugged, even more handsome, if possible. She stepped out of the doorway and waved her hand in a sweeping gesture. “Come on in. I’m about to start a movie.”
Amusement softened his features. “An action adventure?”
“Seriously?” She dipped her chin and raised an eyebrow. “I think I’ve had enough action adventure in my real life lately. I hardly want to be entertained by it.”
James turned around and locked the door. Something about the deliberate gesture made her uneasy. “Do you think I’m safe here? Honestly?”
“Yes.” He pinned her with a steady gaze. “I talked to Medlink’s security, too. You’re safe.”
“Okay.” Lily turned on her bare feet and hustled to the kitchen area, suddenly remembering the cookies in the oven. She opened the oven door. “Phew. Just in time.” The sweet smell of chocolate-chip cookies floated to her nose.
She grabbed a pot holder and removed the cookie tray, setting it on top of the stove. She dropped it with a clatter and bit back a curse. The cookies bounced on the tray. Clutching her hand, she shook her head. “Yowza. Remind me to buy a thicker pot holder.”
“Here, let me see.” James held out his hand.
Hesitantly, she offered her hand. “Okay, Doctor,” she said playfully. She leaned over to inspect her fingers, their faces inches apart. “It’s only a little red. I think I’ll live.” An unexpected flush of warmth shot up her hand from where he touched her fingers. He gently ran his thumb over the pad of hers, which was a little redder than the rest of her fingers. “Do you have aloe?”
She pulled her hand away. “It’s fine.” She tore a piece of paper towel from the roll, then grabbed a cube of ice from the freezer and held it against her thumb. She glanced over her shoulder at James leaning against the counter, his shirt collar and tie loosened. She turned back around and closed the oven door. The expression if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen drifted to mind.
James tipped his head toward the cookies, amusement lighting his eyes. “Taking up a hobby? I didn’t know you baked.” Using the spatula, he slipped a cookie from the tray. He broke a corner off and popped it into his mouth. “Good. And hot.” He waved his hand in front of his mouth.
“I’d hardly call myself a baker. Edna remembered I liked chocolate-chip cookies. So if you count cutting up a roll of prepackaged dough as baking, I’m a baker.” She smiled, then suddenly grew somber. “Things were pretty tense at dinner. Were your grandparents mad about the news coverage? I’m surprised they didn’t say anything.”
“They said their fill before dinner.” He put the other half of the cookie back on the sheet. He sat on the stool at the island, leaning his elbows on the counter. “Nothing more than you already know. My grandmother’s pressuring me to return to Medlink full-time.” His cheeks puffed up and he released a long breath. “Now she’s more adamant than ever that I stop working at the clinic. She’s worried about my safety.” His tone dripped with irony.
“They know I want to reenlist.” He leaned his cheek on his fisted hand. “But I don’t think now is the best time to push my plans. My grandmother’s afraid for my safety at a clinic in Orchard Gardens. How do you suppose she’ll feel about me returning to a war-torn country? I don’t want either of them to make a rash decision to cut funding to the clinic to strong-arm me into returning to Medlink.” He shook his head in disbelief. “I was hoping I could convince them Medlink is in good hands with Stephanie.”
“You’re not sure it is?”
“I...don’t know. And my grandfather doesn’t think it is.” He picked up a pen from the counter, turned it over in his fingers and then tossed it aside. “I need to sit down and go over Medlink’s financials. See the big picture. Since I’ve been back, I feel like all I’ve done is put out fires.”
Lily placed a few cookies on a plate and carried them to the couch. James sat in a nearby armchair. Rubbing his hands along the smooth fabric of the chair’s arms, he looked up at her with a strange expression on his face. “This is the first time I’ve been in this apartment.”
“You had no reason to be, I guess.” Lily took a bite of her cookie over the plate, careful not to get crumbs on the couch.
He studied her face. “How come we never hung out wh
en we were teenagers?”
She coughed, nearly choking on the cookie. “That would have gone over great. James O’Reilly dating the daughter of the housekeeper.” Her laugh sounded awkward in her ears.
“I never thought of you as somehow less than.” Something akin to hurt flickered in his eyes.
“I suppose you were different. That’s because your parents kept you humble. However, it’s tough not to feel inferior when you’re surrounded by extreme wealth.” She put the plate down and tucked her hands under her thighs. “I helped my mother clean this house. I cleaned the toilets. It’s hard not to feel less than.”
“I never really thought about it.”
“You didn’t have to. You rebelled, but you had choices. My mother worked hard to make sure my sister and I had a future. And I’m truly grateful to my mother. And I feel God has blessed me by bringing your grandparents into my life. I would never have been able to go to medical school without their generosity. I owe them a lot.”
A crooked grin transformed his face. “My grandmother is very fond of you.” James ran a hand across his jaw. “She’s ready for the next generation of O’Reillys.”
“Ah, leave it to Elinor. Glad to know she’s still looking out for me.” Lily forced a smile despite the heat burning her cheeks. “I am indebted to your grandparents, but a grandchild wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.” She flattened her palm against the hollow of her neck and stood. “I need to get some water. Can I get you anything?”
“I’m fine, thanks.”
Lily grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and found herself drawn to the sliding glass doors. She needed air. She slid the door open and stepped onto the narrow balcony. She put her water on the little table and wrapped her hands around the solid wrought-iron railing, drawing air into her lungs.
“Is it something I said?” James joined her.
She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I’ve been working so hard all these years. College. Med school. My research. Then one day, I’m almost where I need to be and some crazy person decides to harass me, forcing me to stop in my tracks and lift my head for once. To see there’s life beyond the lab. Good and bad.” She held up her palms. “Here I am. Thirty-three and...”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself.” His soothing voice washed over her. He pressed his palms to hers and intertwined their fingers. She froze and looked up at him. “You’ve accomplished more than most people your age.”
Her gaze dropped to his fingers laced in hers. “My life is lopsided. Am I really living?” A little voice inside her head kept yelling, Shut up, shut up, shut up.
He pulled their intertwined hands to his solid chest. “I know how you feel. My parents’ deaths... I feel like I’ve been living my life for them. I’ve wanted to make them proud. Sometimes I can’t separate what I want from what I think they’d want.”
Lily squeezed his hand, sympathizing with him. She sensed he had just shared something he had never shared with anyone before. “Oh, they would be proud. You’ve followed in their footsteps.” She tried to read his expression. “What is it you want to do?”
Bowing his head, he lifted her fingers to his lips. “Guilt is not a good motivator. I live with it every day.” His breath whispered across her knuckles, sending her thoughts into a hazy fog.
She slid her hands free from his and immediately missed their solid warmth. “You have to learn to move past that. You can’t blame yourself for your parents’ deaths.”
James shuffled his feet and braced his hands on the railing. “It’s hard not to when I was the reason they were on the plane.” He shook his head. “They were willing to give up their missionary work to come home and give me what my grandmother called a more stable home. I was such a punk.”
“Don’t do that to yourself. You were a kid. Do you know how many kids give their parents grief?” She laughed, trying to lighten the mood. She brushed the side of his hand with her pinkie. “I gave my mom a lot of grief about where I wanted to go to college. She couldn’t afford it. I was determined not to end up like her. The day she died, I wasn’t home. I knew how ill she was. I should have never left.” An old, familiar guilt burned the backs of her eyes.
“Where were you?”
“In school. Taking finals.” She twisted her lips and shrugged. “The memory still haunts me, but I’m honoring her memory by my research. To find a cure for the disease that claimed her life.” She turned and studied his profile while he stared into the darkened yard. “I love my work. I get a lot of satisfaction from it.” She nudged his arm. “You need to block out all the demands of everyone else and listen to the little voice inside you—your voice—and decide what God put you on the face of the earth to do. I’ve done a lot of praying about things. That was my mother’s greatest gift. She taught me faith. My faith has kept me sane.” She laughed. “If you think I’m sane.”
He rolled his eyes and laughed. “It’s all a matter of perspective, right?”
She reached over and covered his hand with hers. “You are truly blessed to have so many opportunities in life. Decide what you want to do. Pray on it.”
He turned to face her. “The irony was never lost on me that my parents were missionaries and their own son lacks faith.”
“It doesn’t have to be that way.” Her soft whisper blended with the crickets.
“Maybe,” he said, noncommittally. He lifted his hand as if to caress her face, then seemed to think better of it, leaving Lily conflicted. Both relief and disappointment warmed her untouched cheeks. “Have you ever considered starting a family of your own? Slowing down a bit?”
Lily dragged her fingers along the smooth railing. “A family? I’m not so sure about that, but I suppose I’ll eventually slow down. Do more things like working at the clinic. Do more things I want to do.”
James tilted his head. “I know something I want to do.” He took a step toward her, trapping her against the railing. He hooked a finger under her chin, lifting her face. Her heart beat wildly in her chest as he leaned in and brushed a kiss across her lips. He pulled back, a mischievous smile tipping the corners of his mouth. “I’ve wanted to do that for a very long time.”
* * *
Lily’s pink lips demanded he kiss them again, but he used tremendous restraint and resisted. She slipped past him and lifted her bottled water to her mouth, never taking her eyes from his.
“I wasn’t expecting that.” She gave him a serious look and angled her chin. “It was nice. Very nice.”
He laughed. “Why, thank you. Are you ever going to let me take you on a proper date?”
Lily’s eyes widened a fraction, but she didn’t say anything.
He rubbed a hand across his whiskered jaw. “Let’s see. What kind of things do you like to do on a date? I mean—” he internally shook his head “—where would you like me to take you?”
Lily bowed her head and picked at the label on her water bottle. “I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”
“Uh-oh. I know a brush-off when I hear it.”
She held up a hand in protest. “It’s not that. It’s just that I never envisioned myself getting married, having kids. You know, the whole picket-fence thing.”
“I wasn’t proposing. I was asking you on a date.” He watched ambiguous emotions play across her pretty features not for the first time that night.
A soft breeze kicked up. She hooked a strand of hair and dragged it away from her cheek. “You’re such a great guy. I don’t want to hurt you. Dating me would only lead to hurt.”
“Pretty confident, aren’t you?” He leaned in close, his pulse thumping in his ears, defying his calm-cool-collected facade. “What if I break your heart?”
Lily’s eyes widened before she laughed. “This is the most bizarre conversation I’ve ever had. I like you, James. I really do, but I can’
t deal with any more complications in my life.”
James scratched his forehead. “I’ve never met anyone as driven as you—except for me. It’s almost like seeing myself from an objective position. Maybe I need to reexamine my priorities.”
“Are you telling me I need to reexamine mine?” She looked at him skeptically.
“All work and no play makes Lily a very dull girl indeed.” Amusement lit his eyes.
“This girl has too much work to do...and apparently a stalker to deal with.” Lily giggled and covered her face. She then just as quickly pulled her hand away and forced a somber expression, then crumpled into a fit of giggles again. “I think I’m losing it. I’m cracking under all this pressure. Forget what I said earlier. I’m not sane.” She brushed past him and stepped inside.
James let the breeze cool him off before he followed her inside. Watching her closely, he pulled out the chair across from hers at the small dinette.
“I’m sorry.” She swiped a finger under her eyes. Planting her elbow on the table, she rested her chin in the palm of her hand.
“You’re under a lot of pressure. And I’m sorry about the kiss out there. I got a little caught up in the moment.” Well, he was only sorry it made her uncomfortable. He crossed his arms on the table. “You looked so beautiful out there. Irresistible.”
A light came into her eyes. “I’ve never had anyone apologize for kissing me. Not that I’ve kissed a lot of guys...I mean.” She waved her hand, flustered. “You don’t want to date me anyway. Work is my life.”
He understood where she was coming from. He had been pushing off his personal life for years. Growing up, he had hoped to marry and fill his house with a ton of kids—the simple dream of an only child. But when his parents died, his world turned inside out.
Suddenly feeling very brave, James reached across the table and drew her hand away from her face. “After losing my parents, my grandparents became reluctant guardians. They shipped me off to boarding school. It was a pretty lonely existence. It made me a very guarded person.” He dragged his thumb across the soft palm of her hand. He angled his head to catch her eye. “Being around you makes me want to take a risk. Open my heart.”