“Do you like Mary?” Ellis nodded. He closed his eyes, not wanting to stare anymore. “Did you tell her that?” He shook his head. “Then there is hope, you know.” Ellis looked up, a quiet excitement in his eyes.
“Hope? Really?” Ellis’s tone bit with sarcasm. Uther nodded.
“Mary wants someone who believes what she believes. Most Paladins do.” Ellis faltered, blowing out his breath. Uther could see his confidence deflating.
“Is that why she came with Jack? Because he believes?” Uther nodded.
“Possibly.” Ellis frowned as he watched Jack for a moment as he stood around the edges of the dance floor.
“I can’t do that.” Uther didn’t need him to explain why. He could feel it on him.
“Because you are not sure you believe what you have been told.” Uther didn’t make it a question. But Ellis shook his head.
“No. Because I do believe it.” Uther opened his mouth, but Ellis turned on him. “No one would care for me at all if they knew what I know. I know things about the paladins that would shock you.” Uther pinched his eyes together for a moment, thinking.
“Then shock me,” he said finally. Ellis looked at him, sensing the challenge.
“Nothing about this life is right,” he said finally. “Paladins. Dread Paladins. The whole thing is wrong. It’s abnormal to life. I just wanted something normal for once. But what I know-” Uther could see the tears welling behind Ellis’s eyes. He was fighting it with all his rage, but it was pushing forward anyway. Uther reached forward to touch Ellis’s shoulder, hoping he could absorb some of the hurt inside him.
“Ellis.” Uther’s voice did not waver. Ellis could see the intent on his face. He could hear the peace in his voice. He knew exactly what Uther was going to do. But Ellis batted his hand away.
“DON’T! I DON’T WANT IT!” Ellis turned and ran toward the barracks, the briefest of sobs cutting the air. Uther frowned. That wasn’t how he’d seen anyone act when he offered his help. But Ellis’s statements opened a few questions that he thought he should ponder. After a moment of watching Ellis run, Uther closed his eyes to think on the conversation.
In the darkness outside the Cotillion, Uther felt someone smile cruelly.
Jack straightened his dress finery and started across the dance floor. Sydney Bair was beautiful. The shimmering black dress was perfect for her. He remembered it well. She had taken him to the shopping quarter to pick it up a month ago. That little shopping trip had gotten him into a few different kinds of trouble. Nothing he couldn’t talk or charm his way out of. It was the financial pinch that had hurt him. Jack had dropped a lot of coin on that dress. And no matter how much charm Jack displayed, he just couldn’t outwit the bill. Now, Sydney was wearing that beautifully form-fitting dress for Monroe Prit.
The little toad, he thought. Leave it to the smarmy little troll to steal his date out from under him. Jack sized up the situation as he strolled toward them. Monroe was making himself out to be the life of the cotillion. He was loud, confident and clearly steering the conversation toward subjects he actually knew something about. Croesus and Proctor, Monroe’s obsequious yes-men, backed him the entire way, making him look like the man he was pretending to be.
It made Jack want to hit him.
After a moment of deciding what to do and screwing up his courage, Jack rubbed his sweaty palms on his slacks and stepped forward. He put a manly hand on Sydney’s bare arm and twirled her away toward the dance floor. She yelped in surprise as Jack swept her away to a spot in the far corner of the party, as far away from Monroe and his flunkies as he could get. Jack gave them only a slight glance. They’d been laughing so hard, they hadn’t seen Sydney disappear. Now they looked around dumbfounded.
“Hey beautiful?” Jack said suavely. Sydney’s thin face registered surprise. Jack wasn’t sure, but he thought he saw the slightest amount of annoyance cross her face, even though her body language read of thrill.
“What’re you doing Jack?” Jack gave her a hurt look.
“Dancing with the most beautiful girl here.” Sydney wasn’t buying that line. “We did have a date tonight. I made you a promise. I’m just trying to make good on my end of the commitment. Besides, I paid for the dress.” It didn’t take a genius to see that Sydney wasn’t appreciative of Jack’s view.
“I told you I didn’t want to go with you anymore.” Sydney tried to pull herself away, but Jack held her firm. He wasn’t letting her off that easy.
“True. But you never told me why.” Sydney refused to answer that, looking instead at Mary Wyllder as she continued to pester Ian Sodaro.
“I see you managed to scrub up a date at the last minute.” Jack glanced over his shoulder at Mary and shrugged.
“You didn’t leave me much choice, now did you?” Sydney smirked a little.
“She’s homely.” Jack stopped dancing for a second. “No style at all.”
“I seem to recall a certain someone here being a little bookish herself. Those black horn rims you used to wear were not so flattering.” Sydney tried not to blush. “At least she isn’t rude.” Jack could see her face darken ever so slightly.
“Since when do you worry about being rude? Used to be your favorite pastime.” Jack shrugged a little.
“I used to be into a lot of things Syd. But Mary’s a good person. You might know that if you weren’t so hung up on yourself.” Sydney snorted angrily, turning to leave. Jack’s grip tightened as he pulled her closer. “Ah, ah. We aren’t finished dancing yet.”
“Yes, we are. You’re calling me self-involved.” Jack grimaced slightly.
“Aren’t you?” he asked quietly.
“What do you want me to say Jack? I’m sorry? Fine. I am. I’m sorry you can’t enjoy your life anymore. I’m sorry you can’t see what’s right in front of your face. She’s a freak. She’s not like us.” Jack’s face soured at that.
“And what are we Syd? Freaks of a different kind. Special in a different direction. And as I recall, you were nothing special before we met.” Jack paused, catching Monroe’s voice just under the music.
“-round here somewhere.” A quick glance gave Jack a glimpse of Monroe and his flunkies searching the dance floor.
“Oh, I don’t think so,” he muttered, twirling away from Prit’s view.
“I was nothing special? You really know how to talk to a lady.” Jack returned his attention to Sydney.
“I used to enjoy spending time with you, because you weren’t a fake. You were just . . . well, you. It was the highlight of my day.” Sydney rolled her eyes at him.
“Come on Jack. That’s ancient history.”
“It was a month ago, Sydney. That’s hardly ancient. That’s barely even aged.” Sydney moved to pull herself away again. Jack kept her as close as he could. “I figured out some things about myself finally. All these years my father was lecturing my brother and I about our pride. Nathan quit the Corps and left home over it. But I finally get it. Why can’t you get with that?” Sydney pushed a little harder, but only managed a little distance. Jack wanted his answers and he wasn’t about to let her go until he got them.
“Because you were legendary. You had it all figured out already. You showed me what life could be like. You showed me what I was missing. I was sitting around studying and trying to be everything my parents told me I was supposed to be. You changed my life. Now you’re all confused and conflicted. I don’t want you to be conflicted. I don’t want that for either of us.” Jack balked at that.
“I’m not conflicted. I just know what I want. And I don’t want to be a screw up anymore.” Sydney shook her head. “We’re both paladin trainees. Why wouldn’t you want that? Why wouldn’t you want to have everything you could ever want right in front of you? All you have to do is grasp it.” Sydney looked over Jack’s shoulder. Monroe and the others had figured out what had happened. They were walking across the floor as she spoke.
“You HAD everything in your grasp Jack. All the wonders you could po
ssibly want in the power of our embrace.” Jack couldn’t help but remember.
“You certainly think a lot of yourself,” he said, more out of instinct than anything. Sydney smiled slyly.
“You see? That’s the Jack I remember. He’s still in there.” Jack’s smirk faded quickly. “And there he goes, off into the ether. You turned into an old man on me. We used to do things together that would light up the entire night Jack. I want that forever. I want the excitement we used to have. I want the Jack I fell in love with last year.” Jack frowned. Sydney just didn’t see it.
“I’m still that guy. Just properly focused. Wiser and right.” Sydney balked, giving her hair a toss. “So, you prefer Monroe to me? What does that say about you?” Sydney’s head tilted slightly.
“He’s willing to do what you won’t.” Jack felt sick inside. He hadn’t known it could get this bad.
“You don’t know what he’s willing to do. You certainly don’t know what he CAN do. And you really don’t know what he wants. He’s a twisted little weasel. You can do better than him.” Sydney chuckled a little.
“I WAS doing better, until you decided to go and climb Mt. Holier-Than-Thou on me.” Sydney put a sultry finger on his cheekbone, tracing a line down Jack’s jaw. Jack could feel a charge run down his spine. She danced just a little closer to him. He knew what she was asking. Her body language said it all. “Come back. I’ll do whatever you want me to.” Jack exhaled grimly. She wasn’t listening. “Fine. Marry me tomorrow.” That got Jack’s attention. Sydney locked eyes with him. She meant it. “But let’s have tonight.” Jack’s head lowered sadly. “I’m willing if you are.” It was a long moment. Jack could feel it inside. He knew he wanted tomorrow. But he wanted it without the tonight that she was requiring.
“You just don’t hear yourself, do you?” Sydney’s glower deepened. “A month ago, that wouldn’t even have been a question Sydney. I would have taken tonight every night for the rest of my life.” Jack paused, almost not wanting to say it. “But I want more than that. What you’re asking from me, it’s hollow. There is so much more to life than pleasure. I’m sure this is my fault. And I’m sorry I did this to both of us, but that just isn’t me anymore,” he defended. “Maybe you’ll see it one day. Until then, I can’t.” Sydney put her hands gingerly on his chest and slowly stepped back.
“That’s the problem.” Jack didn’t try to hold onto her anymore. That was when Monroe arrived and took her hand.
“I was wondering where you’d gotten off to,” he said, that serpentine smile crossing his lips. Sydney kissed him powerfully. Jack knew she was doing it for his benefit. Monroe pulled back a moment and addressed Roykirk.
“Hey Jack. Didn’t see you there.” Boy, did I ever see you, you little twerp, Jack thought. He tightened his fist to keep the anger from showing on his face.
“Monroe,” he said diplomatically. “Thought I’d steal a dance with your date. After all, she promised me first.” Monroe made a clicking sound with his tongue and pulled Sydney toward the center of the dance floor. Jack saw the sorry look on Sydney’s face. She clearly didn’t really want to be with Monroe.
“Are we down to stealing now? Hardly becoming of an obedient little boy like you.” Jack smiled ingenuously at that. “Oh, I’m sorry. I know how much you hate to be insulted.” Jack found himself chuckling.
“You’re right. But Sydney’s got a right to dance with a man at least once tonight.” Monroe’s fake joviality faded quickly, his face going sullen. Jack shook his head.
“Watch it Jack,” Monroe said grimly. Jack nodded, leaning in to Monroe’s face.
“Don’t poke the bear Monroe. You wanna do this?” he said quietly. Monroe nodded imperceptibly. A smile crossed Jack’s face as he backed up. “I’m sorry. That was rude of me. Wouldn’t want to be a jerk.” He said, glancing back at Sydney. She lowered her gaze. “But I figured I could step down off Mt. Holier-Than-Thou for a minute. It’s worth it to have a moment to talk to the prettiest woman at the dance. But she did choose you. She’s all yours, if you can keep her.” Jack put a hand on Monroe’s shoulder and leveled his eyes. “Just try not to think too much about what she expects from you tonight. She’s been to the promised land Monroe. I wouldn’t want you to . . . wilt in the moment.” Sydney covered her mouth to keep from laughing. Monroe straightened his uniform nervously. Jack could see the blood draining from his face.
“Of course, I don’t expect you to have much trouble. I mean, with all the stories you’ve told. I’m sure we could ask any woman here how you are. I’m sure they could tell us so much.” Monroe opened his mouth to respond, trying to think of a scathing retort. But Jack wasn’t finished.
“I have always been in awe of your manliness Monroe. Truly. Like the time Gwendolyn Darsow slapped you until you cried. Or that time you peed yourself in the Holodrome when Nathan disarmed you and held a sword to your throat.” Monroe began to scowl as Jack smiled. “Do you remember that time you told us you had a date with Sandy Furlan, but she didn’t show. And you stood in the rain in Nikko Park for nine hours, squeezing those crappy flowers you’d bought her until your hands were green. Remember how you came back to the dorm after curfew and you cried until you threw up.” Monroe’s face began to waver. The memory of all that was starting to show in his eyes. Jack had found his target.
“That’s enough Jack,” Sydney said suddenly, her face showing of genuine concern. She could see Monroe’s practiced glare starting to crack. Jack leaned in close to Monroe again.
“I have every reason to keep going Prit. I can break you in so many pieces they won’t recognize you when it’s over. See, I know every crack and weakness and I WILL NOT hesitate to crush you like a walnut. There is no mercy this way.” Monroe swallowed hard. “You get a pass this once, on account of my high regard for the date YOU stole from ME. But here’s a piece of free advice. Don’t push me. Don’t push my friends. Cause I haven’t even warmed up yet. You’re not even close to stinging me. And I will do far worse than hurt your feelings.” Jack whispered. Monroe tried to meet Jack’s gaze, but his eyes lacked confidence. “If you think I’m bluffing-” Monroe cut in sharply.
“Right. Well. That’s fine.” Monroe put his arm around Sydney’s waist and started away, pasting on a. “Let’s go, Punkin. I’m bored with this guy.” Jack shook his head. Punkin? He thought. Monroe disappeared into the crowd with Sydney. She didn’t even glance back at him. Jack felt his shoulders sag a little as they twirled away.
“Sorry Jack,” Proctor said artlessly. Jack could feel the two of them rising to defend their pal, even if he’d been on the verge of mental collapse a moment before.
“Yeah,” Creosus added. “Monroe’s just a better man than you.” Jack slapped a hand on Creosus’s shoulder and squeezed, pulling the boy closer to him. Jack’s face was angry.
“You want to ever see your date again, assuming you ACTUALLY have one you sycophantic, licentious little toad, you will shut your trap and walk before I forget HOW to be obedient. Because I know I’m a better man than YOU.” Creosus’s face drained to a pale tone as he backed away.
“Okay. All right. It’s cool Jack.” Jack shifted his gaze to Proctor, who was making a similar retreat. A quick growl sent a stumble through Proctor’s feet.
“No problem. We’re leaving.” After a moment, Jack was alone. He looked back at the dance floor and caught sight of Sydney again. She really was beautiful. But Jack hadn’t ever realized what she was really like until now. He’d wasted so much on her. He’d loved her. Still did. But she didn’t want him to be the man he was becoming. She wanted him to be the boy he was growing out of.
He couldn’t be that anymore.
Marcus had meant to say it. It was on the tip of his tongue, and he’d gotten interrupted. It was one of those situations that felt so natural in the moment. But now that the moment had passed, he was nervous. Being nervous was still kind of new to him. He knew one thing for sure though. He didn’t like it.
Much of the cotillion
was blurring past now. Kings and Queens were being nominated, and Marcus was in one of those rare moments where he was apart from Rebekah. She was on the other side of the floor now, gabbing with the other girls, and generally being feminine. Rebekah was entitled. She spent so much time being a Dragoon, it was reward enough for her to spend a night just being a young woman.
“So, was having Mary dance with me your idea?” Ian asked as he walked over to chat with his mentor. Marcus smirked.
“Wasn’t in my original plan,” he offered, sipping a small glass of punch. "But it did get her off my feet for at least one dance." Ian leaned against the table beside him and sighed.
“She’s a little short for my tastes.” Marcus grinned a little.
“This’s your first date. You haven’t had time to develop a taste yet.” Ian waved him off.
“She’s too young.” Marcus shrugged.
"That I'll give you." He wasn’t sure anything would come of it anyway. He was just trying to be helpful.
“Besides, I want to know. What do you think of Aiko?” Marcus cleared his throat a little.
“She’s pretty.” Ian nodded. “And she’s very formal. I think she’s prone to foot in the mouth disease though.” Ian’s brow scrunched together.
“You know, I was meaning to ask you about something.” Marcus’s attention perked up. “The other day, Aiko was introducing herself, and she said that people were calling me Ian the Undying.” Marcus’s eyes blinked wide. Had he heard that right?
“The Undying?” Ian nodded as he sipped his drink.
“Yep. It threw me a little, I’ll tell you. She also called me Aionios the Eternal.” Marcus thought for a long moment. It sounded familiar.
“You know, I don’t know much about Erikan traditions, but Dread Paladins sometimes give names like that to their prominent leaders. Each of the Manticore Guard has a secret name.” He let the thought hang there a moment. “Earlier, Aiko called Rebekah by a similar name. She called her Rivkah the Caelestis. And Noganus used to refer to me as Matarus the Caladrius.” Ian glanced over at his date as she and Rebekah talked over at the other end of the floor, beneath a bank of hanging lights.
The Paladin Archives Book Two The Withering Falseblade Page 19