“Never helpful, are they?” Rebekah tilted her head curiously.
"Who are you?" she asked. The person was female, in a dark blue armor that seemed to hug her frame. She looked to be a Dragoon, but the colors were all wrong. There was a cold intensity to this form before her. Rebekah watched and waited as the woman slowly raised her helmeted head and smirked with vile intentions.
“Who are you?” the woman asked, her tone an exact replica of Rebekah’s.
“I asked first,” Rebekah returned.
"A little childish, don’t you think?” The woman set her hands on her hips. “I'm the other half of you.” a sneer crossed her lips. “The better half anyway," she said, her voice eerily sweet. Rebekah watched as she pulled her lancet and readied herself. Rebekah could see it suddenly. Inside the armor and behind the visored helmet was her own face, twisted into a villainous jeer.
"What the hell is this?" Rebekah did not give into her sudden fear. She held her ground, waiting for this person to make the first move.
"You tell me," the Dark Rebekah mused. "I only exist because you do. I am the dark mirror. I am the cracked reflection.” You’re cracked all right, Rebekah thought. “I am everything you're ashamed of. Everything you ever did wrong. All the terrible things you're afraid you never atoned for." That terrible grin widened on her face. "I AM you." Rebekah wasn't about to buy that.
"You're a shadow. You're not me. You couldn't possibly be me." Rebekah still didn't move, watching her double as she started to pace, twirling the lancet menacingly.
"You may have convinced yourself of that, but it always comes back to what you remember." Rebekah didn't move. She remembered quite a bit.
"My memory is what gives me strength. I know my weaknesses, because I remember my faults. I know where the pitfalls are. I can avoid them, and you." The doppelganger was in her face instantly, startling her with her proximity. But Rebekah held her ground.
"Then why do I exist? Your darker impulses. Your base desires. All the things you wish you could do if only you didn't have those pesky morals. I am all your weaknesses made strengths, because inside you, I dwell on what you really wish. I grow with every thought and every temptation that you deny yourself." Rebekah shook her head again, her eyes never leaving the dark image's face.
"You always exist. You are what I never want to be. You’re a creature of need." The Dark Rebekah raised the lancet, feeling the argument slipping away. "You are not to be embraced. You are to be subdued. I am not you. I will never be you."
“You ARE me. You’re just afraid to face it. I was there when you first met Marcus. I was there the night you fell asleep in his arms. Do you remember what I said to you that night?” Rebekah remembered all too well. The temptation that would not be quelled. Just touch him a little, the voice had said. He wants you to do it. Rebekah had made her decision that very night. She would leave. She couldn’t destroy Marcus.
“I didn’t do it.” The Dark Rebekah laughed.
“But you wanted to! And that is the point! That is where I live. In your desires. Every time you get distracted or upset, I am there. And I do not fear to act!” The lancet strike came down but Rebekah wasn't there. She stepped side of it and made for the exit. The finish line was right there. She needed only to cross it. But her darker half was in front of her again, the lancet drawn.
“You’re a fool! You can’t run from me! I will always dog you! You have no escape from me!” Rebekah juked, but her double stayed with her.
“I can beat you,” she muttered. The double scoffed.
"Then destroy me!" she barked. Rebekah backed up a pace, and shifted to the side. The doppelganger matched her move, standing again in her way. Rebekah tried again, but with the same result. "I am ever in your path," she spat.
"I know." Rebekah faked a move, and before her double could react, she grabbed the lancet and shattered it across her knee. The double looked stricken for a moment, but raised her fists, a sneer on her lips.
"I'm still here. I’ll always be here. Even without a weapon, I am your most dangerous enemy," the seething monster breathed. Rebekah motioned for her to advance. The look-alike vaulted at her with a series of jumps and twirls, intent on knocking her onto her haunches. Rebekah dodged all of these with expert precision, never striking back.
"Hit me!" she screamed, flailing wildly at Rebekah. She seemed almost insane in her determination to destroy herself. Rebekah smirked.
"I don't have time for this." Rebekah pivoted, twisting herself aside from an incoming attack. The double looked around, realizing that she'd lost her prey. That's when her feet went out from beneath her. The blue clad warrior landed on her back, looking up at the ceiling. Rebekah stood over her with her fist cocked and ready.
"Please! No! I'm sorry! Don't hurt me!" Rebekah could see the tears forming in her eyes. She hauled the shadow up from the floor and shoved. Dark Rebekah crumpled onto the ground, whimpering in fear.
"That's why I control you. You may have great strength and the will to act, but you’re afraid to use that strength for anyone or anything but yourself. You're a selfish coward. And I will never be a coward." Rebekah turned and walked toward the finish line. She was through with this. She'd had enough. All she wanted was to get out of here, get a hot shower and hold Marcus in her arms. I need a good, long drink of reality, she thought.
The sudden impact against her spine was reality enough all of the sudden. Rebekah felt her body go numb for a second, as though she'd been hit with a cattle prod. She tried to make her body move, but for the briefest of moments, all she could feel was the cold floor against her face.
Oh God! I hope I'm not dead!
"Rebekah!" Marcus was on his feet almost the instant he saw the doppelganger move. She couldn't hear him. He couldn’t get to her. He could only watch as a flying kick was aimed right at her back. For one very long moment, Rebekah didn't move. The crowd was still, waiting. Watching.
“You can’t help her Marcus,” Ian said under his breath. “They’d disqualify her. And she’d kill you if you helped.” Marcus looked back at Ian. His pupil was as serious as he’d ever seen him. After a while, Marcus nodded. He hated it, but he needed to let her do this.
The world seemed so hollow. Rebekah could feel everything. Her body was there, but it wouldn't respond. She could feel the boot pressing against her head, but she couldn't do anything except grind her teeth. She began to feel as her hearing came back. The pressure in her spine was intense. As though someone was standing on her. But that couldn’t be right. Her Dark Doppelganger was right in front of her. After what seemed an age, all Rebekah seemed to be able to do was move her fingers. They kept tapping in time with her heartbeat.
"I may be a selfish coward, but I still win! Because I am willing to do what has to be done for the victory." the double laughed. She was trying to leave her boot print on Rebekah’s head.
"You've never had me subdued. Anytime you turned your back, I've always gotten the upper hand on you. And now look where you are. Helpless and alone." The Dark Rebekah leaned down close, whispering in Rebekah's ear.
"He'll never love you," she smiled as she said it. Rebekah felt a tear growing in her eye. That wasn’t something she ever wanted to hear. She loved Marcus so much. She knew how he felt. He never had to say it. "He'll never say it. In the end, you'll be alone, with only me for company. And I will never leave you. Because I love you. I will always give you exactly what you want." Rebekah grunted as she tried to make her body work. She started kicking her feet, trying to get them working. She inched and groaned, straining against herself. Tiny prickling pain began shooting through her nerves, signaling life in her limbs. Rebekah flailed her arms in an almost drunken fashion. She began pounding her palm on the cold floor, trying to get some sensation.
"Now why not just call those nice young men in here and quit. After all, you are practically a vegetable." Rebekah raised her arm, pressing her palm to the floor. She felt a tingle all over her body. Like her entire form had been as
leep. It hurt all over, but she forced herself to raise her head.
"I. Don't. Quit!" With a sweep of her hand, Rebekah threw off her attacker, forcing herself to her knees. She tried to raise herself to standing, but felt no strength in her limbs. Her attacker returned, shoving her over onto her back.
"You should. Quitting is relief. And relief is what you really want. Just to be done. It's easy. Just give in." Rebekah shoved her again with what strength she had, and moved toward the finish line, dragging her still unresponsive legs behind her. It was only a few feet away. She forced herself onto her knees, crawled and spat, dragging her weakened form as far as she could.
"No quitting!" she said through gritted teeth. “The Highmaster never let me quit.” The double returned, stomping down on her hand. Rebekah cried out at the pain as the boot heel dug into her. The pain was sharp, exquisite in its ferocity. But she welcomed it.
"The Highmaster was a fool. He needed to die. His foolishness needed to be wiped from the earth.” Rebekah felt the sting of her tears as she pushed even harder. The Highmaster was like her father. She would not let him down now.
“It's over. You've lost. You're broken. Why not admit defeat? Why not admit that you are a failure? To the Highmaster. To Marcus. To yourself." Rebekah looked at her darker self and scowled.
"Because Marcus and the Highmaster taught me that there's always hope." With what strength she could muster, Rebekah grabbed her doppelganger by the throat and pulled herself up. The double struggled but could not break free. Rebekah pulled the woman close and glared into her eyes.
"You know I'm right," the double gasped. Rebekah dragged the double across the finish line and dropped her on the floor.
"No. You're a part of me. That's why I didn't hit you. If I’m supposed to live with myself, I have to forgive myself. And that means forgiving you. I will always hate the things I’ve done wrong. But I’d rather strive for what I know is right, than dwell on my mistakes. That’s why I own you, and not the other way around." The shadow faded on the air as the words died away. The room fizzled out after a moment, and Rebekah was left standing in the middle of the Holodrome, her cycles complete. She didn't bother to look at her time. She didn't bother with a wave to the crowd. She just let her eyes close and her knees buckle. The last thing she remembered was the cheer of the crowd turning to screams as the world pitched at an odd angle before going dark.
Why're they screaming? she thought. I'm just taking a rest.
Chapter 19
Dead Calm
“Would you sit down please? I’m not allowed to walk. You shouldn’t either.” Rebekah asked, her voice annoyed. Marcus had been pacing the doctor’s office for the better part of ten minutes. He looked up from his walking path at her and gave a weak smile. “I’m fine,” she assured him.
“I know,” Marcus lied. He looked at her as she sat in the wheelchair they had brought out, her hand bandaged from being crushed under a holographic boot. She was beautiful, and she was amazing, but he’d seen something he didn’t want to see that afternoon.
“Then sit. Unless you want to be rolled out on a gurney from exhaustion. The doctor will be back any minute to tell me to go home.” Marcus let out a defeated sigh, knowing his worrying couldn’t help matters. He walked over, took a chair and sat. Rebekah watched him with a coy smile. He looked uncomfortable.
“You really worried me today,” he admitted finally. Rebekah knew that. She nodded shortly.
“I went in knowing that.” She paused, looking around the office at the anatomy posters and doctorate plaques. This wasn’t the office of her family physician. She was just using it for the time being. Still, the place had its charm.
“You still haven’t told me how I did,” Rebekah said, her voice still ringing of annoyance. Marcus shrugged.
“I’m sworn to secrecy. It’s up to the Judge’s Panel. There’s some controversy about the finish.” Rebekah still wanted to know. She wasn’t happy with the unknown outcome. And nobody seemed to want to tell her what happened after she passed out.
“I think you’re just trying to mess with my head,” she said finally.
“You’d hurt me if I did,” he said coyly. Rebekah let it go. She wasn’t going to get any satisfaction this way. “You know why I’m nervous about what the doctor has to say.” Rebekah nodded.
“And I’m telling you, I’m fine.” Marcus shook his head.
“Rebekah, listen. For the first time in my life, I’m happy with where I am. And I’m not about to lose that because you want to take crazy chances. Just promise me you’ll do whatever the doctor says.”
“And if she tells me I need more of you in my life?” she asked with mischief on her face. Marcus shook his head.
“I’m serious Rebekah.” It took a moment, but Rebekah finally gave in to Marcus’s pleading look. She thought back to the Tumbler, about the last cycle.
“Marcus, how much did you hear in the last cycle?” Marcus shook his head.
“Nothing. They don’t relay the sound to the crowd. The cameras use sound baffles to muffle any voices. Protection of privacy.” Rebekah nodded. She was relieved. The conversation with her darker self hadn’t been one she wanted shared. “But from what I saw, I think I know what you went through.”
“You do huh?” Marcus nodded. He put his hand on hers and smiled.
“I want you to know-” The door opened suddenly as Rebekah’s family physician stepped in, pad in hand. She was a small woman, nearly sixty with her hair pulled back away from her face. Doctor Bethany Terrold had been serving the Norik family most of her career. Rebekah probably knew her better than some of her friends.
“Hello,” she said quietly, almost dismissively.
“Well?” Rebekah asked as the kindly old woman sat herself down in a chair across from them. Doc Terrold flipped through the file in her hand, purposely ignoring the young princess. Rebekah started to look annoyed. She hated it when she did this.
“Well your highness,” she said finally. “I don’t think you should’ve entered the Tumbler in the first place.” Rebekah grimaced, folding her arms in front of her.
"I agree," Marcus said.
“I heard rumor you sanctioned this,” Doc said. Marcus started to shrug.
“No. But rumors are more popular than truth these days,” Marcus said dryly.
“Doc,” Rebekah said in a familiarly frustrated tone. The Doc smirked benignly.
“You’re okay.” Marcus sighed in relief. “You suffered a spinal shock. Basically, you were paralyzed from the impact. But the tests don’t show any permanent damage. No cracks or breaks. No fractures. Think of it like a strong stun.” Rebekah nodded. She wasn’t sure if that was an adequate description. The blow had felt like a spinal tap.
“So I can go?” Rebekah went to stand despite her ailing spine, but the Doc shook her head.
“Sit down Rebekah.” Rebekah lowered herself back into the wheelchair and waited. She knew that tone. “I want you to take it easy. You trained yourself hard for the Tumbler. Your body is in amazing physical condition, which is the only reason you’re not in traction now. But you still need time to heal. There is a residual inflammation in your spinal column still that needs time to ebb. Once that inflammation has subsided, you can start getting back to your life.” Rebekah frowned.
“Just how long before this goes away?” Doc Terrold tapped her pen on the desk a few times before answering.
“Take a few days off. Stay off your feet. Let your boyfriend take care of you for a while. And use the wheelchair. I don't want you walking without my express written consent. Not for at least a week. Do you understand?” Rebekah went to protest, only to have the Doc give her a stilling hand.
“Rebekah, I’m your Doctor. I’ve known you since you were a blurry sonogram. And I’m not kidding when I tell you another shock to that spine could put you down for months. Even stepping down too hard from bed could aggravate it. And if you injure it badly enough . . ..” The sentence didn’t need to be finished
. Rebekah knew what the alternative was. “You need to stay off it. Understood?” Rebekah acquiesced. Doc Terrold did have authority from Rebekah’s mother to institute bed rest by dragoon guard if she felt so inclined. She figured her freedom was more important. She didn’t want to spend time in the hospital. She had things to do.
“I’ll keep her safe,” Marcus promised. The Doc smiled.
“I’m sure you will Mister Kasidyne.” Marcus shook her hand, a slight frown at not being called ‘Sir’. People just didn’t get it. But he wasn’t about to bring it up.
“Oh, and no long make-out sessions if you’re thinking that’s restful,” the Doctor added. Marcus shook his head.
“You don’t know much about Paladins, do you?” he said as he wheeled Rebekah out. Rebekah put a hand to her forehead. Somehow, their relationship was becoming the punch line of a very stale joke.
Marcus pushed Rebekah towards the elevator and pressed the button. He was glad she was going to stay put for a change. But as they waited, he noticed Rebekah’s quiet demeanor. She wasn’t annoyed to be stuck in the wheelchair and she wasn’t relieved to be leaving the hospital. Marcus knew that when Rebekah got contemplative, she was bothered.
“Something wrong?” Marcus asked as the familiar ding of an arriving elevator car sounded. He rolled Rebekah inside and knelt beside her as the doors closed. He waited before pushing the button for the lobby. The hospital wasn't that busy. Anyone outside could wait. Rebekah's face pinched with anguish.
“Before the Tumbler, I got a message from my mother.” Marcus waited for her to continue. “Highmaster Troius was found dead yesterday.” That took Marcus by surprise. Rebekah sniffed quietly, feeling the heat of new tears in her eyes.
The Paladin Archives Book Two The Withering Falseblade Page 32