We’re stuck, she thought bitterly. Trapped by the past and the future both. And there’s not a damn thing we can do about it.
“I think I have enough.” Sorin’s voice brought her out of her bitter reflections and she looked up to see the Blood Kindred sealing the collection bag. “We can go,” he said shortly. “We’ll be home before we know it.”
“Home,” Bron muttered, still looking away. “Fucking great.”
Kayla said nothing at all. She simply rose and followed her guys down the hill.
Except they’re not my guys—not anymore, she thought.
As they turned to go, the huge Victorian mansion and the gardens surrounding it faded away to nothing, leaving only the barren rounded top of the hill and the gray, stunted vegetation that covered it.
Kayla stared for a minute. The bleak scene felt like looking into her soul. Empty… dead…abandoned…
Gone, she thought. All gone.
Then she turned and trudged down the hill, back to the waiting shuttle which would take her back to a loveless, lonely life aboard the Mother Ship.
Chapter Twenty-two
To her great relief, Kayla didn’t have any flare-ups from the lust virus still active in her blood on the way back home. She didn’t know how she could have dealt with them if she had, considering that Bron and Sorin weren’t talking to each other and she wasn’t talking to either of them. But luck was with her and she was able to get back to the Mother Ship without incident.
After the shuttle touched down in the Docking Bay, the three of them sat there silently for a moment. Kayla wondered if this was how people who had gone through a divorce acted when they were together. Silent…staring…nothing to say.
At last Sorin stirred and sighed.
“I need to go report to Commander Sylvan and debrief him and the Council about our journey.”
“He’ll expect me there as well,” Bron said heavily.
“If we’re both going before the Council I hope we can keep any…personal elements out of our report,” Sorin said.
Bron gave the Blood Kindred an unfriendly look.
“You think I can’t be fucking professional just because we’re not friends anymore? Give me some credit.”
“Apologies,” Sorin said blandly. “I just wanted to be certain we stick exclusively and scrupulously to the facts.”
Like the fact that you two made me fall for you and then dumped me and each other at the same time? Kayla thought but didn’t say.
“Fine,” she said aloud. “The two of you go talk to the High Council. I’ll go back to the lab and start working immediately.”
Sorin raised an eyebrow at her.
“You don’t want to take a little time to rest? It’s been a…stressful journey in more than one way, Kayla. If you want to have some time to yourself—”
“I want to make the damn antidote,” Kayla snapped at him. “I want to be able to take it before…before I have another attack. Because God knows I can’t count on either of you to help me if I do.”
“Small one—”
“Leelah—” they both started at once.
Kayla held up a hand to stop them.
“Don’t either one of you dare say a word to me,” she said through gritted teeth. “I am holding onto my temper with both hands here, as my Granny used to say. So don’t even start.”
Sorin looked like he wanted to protest but at last he just shook his head.
“Fine. You know where the specimen collection bag is. We’ll meet you in the lab after we debrief the Council.”
“Fine,” Kayla echoed him. She went to the back of the ship and picked up the dark gray bag which was made of heavy fabric and had a temperature and humidity controlled interior. Slinging it over one shoulder, she exited the shuttle before the guys could say anything else that might make her want to kill them…or hold them tight and never let them go.
* * * * *
“Oh hi, Dr. Smith! How are you?”
Kayla, who had been walking along the corridor leading from the Docking Bay, looked up to see Olivia—one of the head nurses in the med center—waving at her. She was walking with her friend, Kat—a lovely plus-sized girl with auburn hair.
Inwardly, Kayla winced. She didn’t feel like making small talk right now—all she wanted to do was get to the lab and get to work on the Lust Blossoms. But she couldn’t completely throw politeness and social convention to the wind just because she was feeling utterly horrible.
“Oh, hi, Liv,” she said, trying to smile at the blond girl. “Haven’t I told you to call me Kayla?”
“Sure, I know but I like to give credit where it’s due,” Liv said. “I mean, you earned a Doctorate in xenobiology and chemistry. That’s impressive.”
“Liv here tells me you and your two scientist buddies are going to find an antidote for the lust attacks we’ve all been having,” Kat said, looking at her hopefully. “Any luck with that?”
“I have some Lust Blossoms right here.” Kayla held up the gray specimen bag. “They’re what the Xi-46 that affected everyone is distilled from. We’re hoping to be able to find a cure using the fresh blossoms.”
“Oh, perfect!” Kat clapped her hands excitedly. “I am so glad to hear it. Not that I don’t love having lots of hot nookie with my two guys but it’s hard to get anything done when you have to drop everything to do the nasty every few hours.”
“At least you’ve got two to share the load,” Liv pointed out. “I’m wearing poor Baird out!” She turned to Kayla. “She’s lucky—mated to Twin Kindred,” she said. “And in this case, I think two is definitely better than one.”
“Oh, I…I see…” But suddenly Kayla couldn’t see very well. Her vision had doubled and then trebled and her eyes were stinging as something warm and wet rolled down her cheeks.
“Oh, honey!” Liv exclaimed, taking her by the arm. “What in the world is wrong?”
“Was it something we said?” Kat asked anxiously.
“I…I’m sorry,” Kayla sobbed, putting a hand to her face. “It’s just…when you were talking about having…having two mates. I just…”
But then she broke down completely and couldn’t go on.
“Oh, you poor thing!” Liv rubbed her shoulder. “It’s okay, Kayla—just let it out.”
“I can’t…can’t do this.” Kayla shook her head and swiped at her tears. “We’re in a public place. I can’t have a …a break down here.”
Liv took a quick look around the crowded corridor.
“Okay, we’ll go someplace private so you can cry,” she said quickly. “Kat, we’re not far from your place, are we?”
“Right this way—here, we can take a side corridor. It’s less crowded,” Kat said.
“No, no…” Kayla shook her head. “Just leave me be—I’ll be all right in a minute.”
“No you won’t until you’re able to talk this out,” Liv said, sounding stern and gentle at the same time. “Come on, hon, let’s go. You’ll be glad you got it off your chest.”
Before Kayla knew it, she was seated comfortably on Kat’s Twin-Kindred-sized couch between the two friends with a cup of hot tea and a plate of brownies in front of her. The place was deserted except for the three of them and she wondered if Kat had called ahead and asked her husbands to take their kids out for a little while. If so, it was very nice of her. She didn’t want to have a breakdown in front of strangers and since she couldn’t seem to stop crying, that was about what her emotional state amounted to.
“Okay, doll,” Kat said, rubbing soothingly between her shoulder blades. “Come on and spill—what’s going on that has you so upset?”
“I…I…hardly know how to talk about it,” Kayla sniffed and swiped at her eyes with some tissues that Liv had handed her. “I…I’m in love with my coworkers—both of them!”
“The other two scientists you work with, you mean?” Liv asked gently. “Oh dear—but isn’t one a Beast Kindred and one a—”
“Blood Kindred,” Kayl
a finished for her. “I was dreaming of them both and they both of them helped me with my…my needing.” She felt her cheeks getting hot as she spoke. “I touched them at the same time and then I found I couldn’t touch one without the other or I got a horrible shock. So both of them just…just kept on helping me. Every time I had an, er, attack.”
“Wow.” Kat looked at her wide-eyed. “And they put up with that? With sharing you?”
“I have to be honest,” Liv said. “I would have thought that they would have fought each other to the death rather than share a female they both love.”
“They didn’t like the idea of sharing but they’re best friends so they decided to do it, at least temporarily,” Kayla explained. “I love them both so much I kept hoping the temporary solution would become permanent—I didn’t want to lose either one of them. But now…now I’ve lost them both,” she finished, feeling desolate.
“Oh honey, surely not,” Liv exclaimed. “There must be some way to, uh, bring the three of you back together.”
“I don’t think so.” Kayla shook her head. “When we were hunting for the Lust Blossoms…” She held up the collection bag she was still clutching, “We were shown three possible futures if we stayed together and all of them were awful. It made my guys decide it was time to…to end things between the three of us once and for all.”
“And do you trust these futures you were shown?” Kat asked.
Kayla bit her lip, considering. “I do,” she said at last. “They felt…true. And we were told one or more of them would happen. It scared the living crap out of all of us and then my guys started fighting and before I knew it, the three of us had just…” She sniffed miserably. “Just fallen apart.”
“Oh, Kayla…” Liv put an arm around her shoulders and squeezed gently. “I don’t know how, my dear, but I’m sure the Goddess is going to work this out. You did say you were dreaming of them both, right?”
Kayla nodded. “Yes—a lot.”
“And did they dream about you?” Kat asked.
Kayla nodded. At certain times in the past both of her guys had said something like, “I had the weirdest dream about you and Sorin last night, Kayla,” or, “Kayla, you wouldn’t believe the dream I had of you and Bron.” The dreams weren’t sexual—or if they were, Bron and Sorin had been too tactful to say so. But still, it meant the three of them had been dreaming of each other.
“Well if the three of you were all Dream-sharing then you must belong together,” Liv said firmly. “Which means the Goddess is involved, which means it has to work out somehow even if it is a, uh, little unconventional.”
“I know it’s strange—the idea of a Blood Kindred and a Beast Kindred sharing a mate,” Kayla said. “But the two of them are such good friends. You ought to see how well they fit together! They finish each other’s sentences and they call each other ‘friend of the heart’ and everything.”
“Wow.” Kat looked surprised. “That’s a really strong friendship. Kindred usually reserve ‘friend of my heart’ for friends they’ve grown up with since childhood or someone who’s saved their life in battle. Was that the case with your guys?”
“I know they’ve been in battle together,” Kayla said frowning. “But they didn’t grow up together. They met when the two of them first came to the Mother Ship and to hear them tell it, they just clicked. They’ve been friends for years.” She choked back a sob. “And it only took me a couple of days to tear them apart!”
“Hey, now,” Liv said sternly. “You can’t think that way, Kayla! It sounds to me like it’s the guys who are being stubborn—not you!”
“It doesn’t matter who’s being stubborn though or who’s to blame,” Kayla whispered. “The point is, it’s over now between the three of us. When you met me, I was on the way to my lab to work on an antidote so I can get unhooked from both of them before I have another, uh, needing attack.”
“Maybe if you did have another attack, it would bring the three of you back together,” Kat suggested. But Kayla shook her head.
“I don’t want to do it like that. I don’t want them to have to get back together—I want them to want to be together with me and each other.”
“That would be nice, doll,” Kat said doubtfully. “But we all know how stubborn our guys can be. Sometimes they need a nudge in the right direction.”
“That’s true,” Liv agreed. “Maybe just keep it in mind as a kind of plan B, you know?”
Kayla sighed. “I don’t know anything right now but thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me. And thanks for the tea and brownie.”
She took a sip and a bite to be polite. Both were excellent but her emotions were still in such an uproar she could have been eating cardboard and drinking plain tap water, as much as the taste registered with her.
“You’re welcome, doll,” Kat said. “Those are a special batch of our friend Lauren’s double dark chocolate chunk devils food brownies.
“I wish I could enjoy them more. But the way I’m feeling now, I just can’t.” Taking a deep breath, Kayla stood up with and grabbed the specimen bag. “I really have to go. I’m not the only one who needs the antidote to this damn lust virus.”
“You can say that again,” Kat said fervently. “But listen, before you go, why don’t you let me give you some bonding fruit extract? It’s extremely concentrated and works really fast. It might, uh, come in handy if your guys change their minds and decide they want to share you after all.”
“Oh, I don’t think that will be necessary,” Kayla said, blushing. “One thing we found out on the trip was that Bron’s, uh, compounds can make me stretchy enough to take just about anything.”
“What about two anythings, though?” Liv said skeptically. “I’ve never heard of a Kindred yet who wasn’t hung like a Clydesdale and the fact that one of them has a mating fist too could really complicate the issue.”
“Yeah, it sounds to me like you’ll be, uh, accommodating even more than someone mated to Twin Kindred,” Kat put in. “Better let me give you some.”
Kayla shook her head firmly.
“Thanks but it would be a waste to give it to me. The guys are set on separating and since I can’t choose between them, that means the three of us are never going to be together again after we finish this antidote.” She took a firm grip on the specimen bag and sighed. “Thanks again, girls but I really need to get to the lab now.”
“All right.” Liv and Kat stood up to see her to the door. Impulsively, Liv gave her a hug. “It’s going to be okay,” she whispered in Kayla’s ear. “The Goddess is going to work this out—I just know it.”
Kayla wished she could have such blind faith and absolute certainty but the fact was, though she believed the Kindred Goddess was real, she had never prayed to her or worshiped her. She liked to say, “Science is my religion.” Now she wished she had a little of Liv’s faith that things would turn out for the best.
“I hope you’re right,” she said stiffly. “But I just don’t think it’s likely.”
“Never mind about likely,” Liv said. “Just keep your eyes open and listen with your heart. When the time is right, you’ll know what to do.”
She hugged Kayla one last time and then she and Kat waved as Kayla left and headed back to the lab.
Kayla held her head high as she walked. She had to admit she felt, if not better, at least more in control of herself, for which she was grateful to the other two girls. She was going to have to work hard to control herself while she and Bron and Sorin were all in the lab together. It was going to hurt like hell to be with them and yet, be separate and distant at the same time. But she told herself there was no other choice and if she didn’t want to be dragged back into the never-ending cycle of anger and hurt, she had to keep it together.
“I can do this,” Kayla muttered to herself as she headed down the long corridor towards her lab. “I have to do this or I’ll never be free of them and they’ll never be free of me.”
Although God knew, free
of Sorin and Bron was the last thing she wanted to be.
Chapter Twenty-three
The lab was quiet as death—so quiet that at first Kayla thought it was unoccupied. But then she saw Bron at one work station at one end of the lab and Sorin at a work station at the far opposite end. They were facing away from each other, each busy at his separate tasks and each completely ignoring the other.
Kayla tried to think if she’d ever come in and seen them being so cold and distant to each other and couldn’t come up with a single other time. They were always laughing and joking or sharing their findings with each other. The sight broke her heart and she felt tears rise to sting her eyes.
Grimly, she blinked them back and went to the counter closest to Bron.
“Here,” she said, setting down the specimen bag.
“There you are,” the Beast Kindred growled, frowning. “Was getting fucking worried about you. Where have you been?”
“That’s none of your business—not anymore,” Kayla told him, lifting her chin. “I’m here now so let’s get to work.”
She pulled her favorite lab jacket off its peg —the one with Dr. Smith stitched over the left pocket that her sister had given her as a going away present—and put it on. Then, unsealing the specimen bag, she reached in and pulled out one of the waxy, iridescent red blossoms. It was beautiful but looking at it reminded Kayla of all she had lost. A lump rose in her throat and she turned quickly away so Bron and Sorin wouldn’t see her cry.
Taking the red blossom with its black stem over to her own work station, she started to prepare it so she could take some cuttings and make some slides to examine under the scope. Instead she found herself just staring at it as slow tears ran down her cheeks.
She felt so lonely—so bereft—it was almost as though Sorin and Bron really had died. They were there in the lab with her but they weren’t present—not really. It was like being with the ghosts of the men she loved—she was able to see them but not touch them. She had lost them both and there was no getting them back.
Sharing a Mate: A Kindred Tales M/F/M Novel (Brides of the Kindred) Page 23