by Nina Levine
“Shit . . . yeah, I spoke with him after that and he was really pissed off with me.”
She’s still frowning. “I wonder if something happened to put him in a bad mood because honestly, he was just really worried about you earlier.”
Regret hits me; maybe I misunderstood his intentions on the phone. I place my elbows on the kitchen counter and drop my head into my hands. “I’m such a bitch.”
Claudia moves so she can rub my back. “I’m sure you’re not. I can’t imagine Jett would date a woman who is a bitch.”
I look up at her. “I argued with him on the phone and told him not to try and boss me around. And now I’m not so sure he was trying to boss me around. I think I took what he said the wrong way.” My stomach is ill again; this time from wanting to get to Jett so I can explain and say I’m sorry. I reach for my phone to call him, but he doesn’t answer. I try three times and each time it just goes to voicemail. I leave him a message to call me back and then look at Claudia. “I don’t understand why he and I are having such a hard time with this relationship. When we first met and got to know each other, it was perfect and fun. Now all we seem to do is argue.” My heart is heavy over this. I’ve gone from not wanting a relationship to desperate to make it work.
“I don’t know where you’re coming from in all this but I can tell you Jett’s not used to having someone else to factor into his life and his decisions. He’s also not used to caring so much about a woman, and if I know him as well as I think I know him, he probably doesn’t want to share you.”
“Yes! He’s suddenly gone all territorial over me. It seems so out of character from the Jett I first met.”
She doesn’t seem surprised. “No, it’s not out of character for him. I remember when he had a girlfriend in high school, he was always jealous of any guy who so much as looked at her. He’s probably forgotten that because it was so long ago, but there’s been other times in our lives where his jealous streak has come out so he definitely has that in him.”
I stare at her as she gives me information I don’t really want to hear. “So can you tell me how to fix this?”
“That’s something only Jett can fix, but you may have to help him with it.” She studies me for a moment before asking, “How much do you want this relationship with my brother?”
“I want it. More than any relationship I’ve ever wanted.”
She listens and mulls that over for a minute. “You’re going to need a lot of patience then. Jett projects this image of having everything in his life together and under control but underneath all that he’s as vulnerable as they come. He loves hard and when he loves you, you’re everything to him and he would do anything for you, but that comes with a price – he wants you to let him protect you.”
“I don’t mind him protecting me, I just can’t cope with the jealousy.”
Claudia gives me the kind of smile that says I’m missing something here and she’s sorry to be the bearer of bad news. Sighing, she says, “You may not escape it, Presley. That’s part of Jett’s way of protecting you. In a roundabout way, of course.”
She’s lost me now. “I don’t get it.”
“When I was sick, he took it hard. Our parents were amazing throughout it all, but they were struggling to make ends meet to pay for my healthcare so Jett took it upon himself to be there for me at all times. I guess you could say he kinda took ownership of me, if that makes any sense. He didn’t want to face the possibility of me dying, so he focused all his energy on getting me well again. Then when I did get better, he struggled to let me go. He wanted to keep me wrapped in cotton wool so I could never get hurt again. And sharing me was a big part of that struggle for him. I had to learn how to handle him; how to let him believe he had some control over my security because it’s not really that he doesn’t want to share us, he just wants to know that all is right in his world and all is right with the ones he loves.” She takes a breath and I notice the tears in her eyes. Leaning toward me, she says more, this time a little choked up. “He just doesn’t want to lose us. And that’s probably why his jealousy has reared its ugly head.”
It’s like a light bulb moment and I get it. I get where Jett is coming from. And at the same time, my heart breaks a little for him that this is how he’s learnt to live his life; that the illness his sister suffered from when they were kids has shaped him this way.
Taking her hand, I squeeze it and smile at her through my own tears. She smiles back at me through her tears too. “Thank you for coming here and sharing that with me. It’s really helped me understand Jett.”
Her smile falters and her eyes turn sad for a moment. Just when I think she’s about to start crying, though, she runs her fingers through her hair and regains her composure. “I’m glad I could help. Seeing Jett happy and in love is the one thing I want to see before . . . well, it’s the one thing I really want to see, and I hope that can be with you because I’ve never seen him happier.”
Something weird just happened, and I’m not sure what it was, but I don’t have time to analyse it because Claudia grabs her bag and says, “Okay, I have to go now, but it was so good to finally meet you after hearing so much about you from Jett.” She’s gone from sad and teary to overly bubbly in less than a minute, and it feels like she can’t get away from me fast enough.
I follow her outside and say, “It was great to meet you, too. We’ll have to have dinner when Jett gets home.”
“I’d love that.”
I watch her head towards the lift on my level and wonder if I said something to make her leave in such a rush. She was so lovely and seemed like the kind of person I could sit and talk with for hours so I’m a little disappointed she left so soon.
I close my door and go back inside.
And I wait for Jett to call back so I can fix this mess I’ve made.
* * *
Jett doesn’t call me back, however I do receive a phone call. From Lennon.
“Did you see the news about your boyfriend?” His words are slightly slurred and full of nastiness.
“Lennon, go away, I don’t want to see you or hear from you. Can you not understand that?”
“Oh, I got that message, babe, loud and fucking clear the last time you fucking told me, but I just wanted to make sure you knew the new guy you’re all fucking wrapped up in is no better than what you think I am.”
God, how could I have ever thought I loved this man? The venom in his words sting, but not because of what he is saying but rather because I wish I’d never let him be a part of me. “Jett is so much better than you and nothing you tell me can make me change my mind.”
His laugh is full of sarcasm when he replies, “Well, maybe you should check the news, baby, because it seems your man has gone off the rails. Turns out he’s a pig who doesn’t respect women and likes to punch people. So much better than me.”
I don’t give him another moment of my time. Ending the call, I grab my iPad and search for the news he’s talking about.
“Lead Singer of Crave Goes On An Alcohol Fuelled Bender – Assaults Reporter”
“Jett Vaughn’s Hatred of Women”
“Jett & West Take Whatever They Want From Women Around The World”
My hand flies to my mouth in shock. Where is this all coming from?
Scrambling for my phone, I dial Jett’s number again, and am frustrated when I can’t get through to him, again.
I hate being so far away from him.
I have no idea what’s happened, but I suspect most of these allegations are rubbish.
And then I decide.
I can’t let Jett go through this alone.
13
Jett
“How the fuck did you manage to cause such a shit storm in such a short amount of time?”
I stare at the rep from our band’s label and wonder the same fucking thing. Shaking my head, I answer, “I have no fucking idea.” The news has gone crazy with stories from yesterday; stories that mostly aren’t true. And I don�
��t know how the hell we are going to even begin to fix all this.
The rep is pacing my hotel room, anger clearly written all over his body. He seems as flabbergasted as I am. Turning to me, he orders, “You have to find a way to sort this out, and fast, because we don’t want to push the release date of your album.”
He leaves and I sit on the bed.
Fuck.
My head is heavy from the hangover I have after drinking all yesterday afternoon and last night, and I’m having trouble concentrating on anything. Besides causing the band all this grief, I haven’t spoken to Presley since I hung up on her yesterday. There are numerous messages from her on my phone, and I’ve tried to call her back but I can’t get hold of her. We’re playing fucking tag team here with messages and it’s driving me crazy. I have a band meeting in ten minutes so I leave her another message, hoping she will call back soon.
I get my shit together and leave for the meeting, which we’re having over lunch in the restaurant downstairs. The hotel has barred all reporters from entering, and Tom’s assigned security to be with us at all times. He came to my room at eight this morning and laid down the law, and I’m fairly sure he’s going to lay it down again at our meeting.
West lifts his chin as I approach the table. Everyone’s here already and the rest greet me in a similar manner, even Van.
I pull out the remaining chair and drop into it, signalling to the waitress that I’d love a coffee.
As she pours me one, West asks, “You’ve seen the news?”
I grimace and look at him with regret. “Yeah, man, I’m sorry.” Not much of the news is true but my behaviour has certainly stirred it all up.
He shrugs. “I know, and fuck ‘em. We know it’s all bullshit and we can all sleep at night,” he pauses and gives me a smile, “and that, my friend, is all the fuck that matters.”
I shake my head. “No, West, that’s not all the fuck that matters. I’ve really screwed shit up here for the band. How can you be so calm about it?”
He continues to smile at me. “Because you stood by me, not a fucking question asked, and you always have.”
I nod at him but don’t say anything else; instead, I gulp back the emotions his words have stirred up. Jesus, what the hell is wrong with me? All choked up over a few words.
“I’ve got your back, too,” Hunter says, “we’ve seen the last ten years together and I sure as shit wanna see the next ten with your crazy ass by my side. West is right – fuck ‘em. They wanna see what Crave’s made of, we’ll show them.”
My head spins; this isn’t what I was expecting this morning. I turn to Tom to give it to me straight but even he shocks the shit out of me. “You’ve got your work cut out for you, but we’ll get through this.”
I shake my head. “Sure, we’ll get through it, but at what cost?” I turn to look at everyone. “I screwed up, and I’m really fucking sorry.” I scrub my face and add, “God, if I could go back and change yesterday, I’d do it in a heartbeat.”
And then Van speaks up and surprises the hell out of me. “Yeah, we know, but fuck, those reporters were assholes yesterday and if it hadn’t been you that cracked, it would only have been a matter of time until one of us had.”
“So this is the plan now,” Tom cuts to the chase, “I’ve cancelled all the interviews we had lined up for this afternoon. I think we all need to regroup and I don’t think it’s in any of your best interests to subject you to anything the press has to throw at you today. I want you all to take the day and refocus. I’m going to try and organise a photo shoot for tomorrow and an interview with a friendly face.”
I frown. “Who? Who haven’t I pissed off?”
He chuckles. “You might be surprised, Jett. You’ve got ten years of good behaviour behind you and while the public are quick to judge, there are a lot of people in this industry who know what you stand for and love you. We’ll find someone.”
I drink most of my coffee in one go and stand. “You guys don’t mind if I bail, do you? I think I need some time to myself today.”
They all nod in agreement and I head out of the restaurant, security guy in tow. I have no idea where I’m going; I just know I need to get out of here.
As I’m striding through the lobby, I see a vision and know for sure I’m hallucinating.
It can’t fucking be right.
And yet, the vision keeps coming toward me.
“Jett.”
Presley.
“Fuck me, sweetheart, what the hell are you doing here?” I say as I pull her to me and plant a long, deep kiss on her lips.
Best fucking thing that’s happened to me in days.
She smiles at me and says, “I couldn’t let you go through this alone. So I’m here. For however long you need me to be.”
I stare at her. None of today has gone as I predicted. “Thank God for that because I think I’m gonna need you.”
Still smiling, she says, “I thought you might.”
14
Presley
Jett gets me settled in his hotel suite and what an amazing suite it is. I’ve only ever stayed in standard hotel rooms, but Jett has all the bells and whistles. There’s an open plan living room and dining area, an amazing kitchen you could whip a three course meal up in, a luxurious bedroom with a king bed and a bathroom complete with a spa you could hold a party in if you were that way inclined. The living areas have dark wood flooring with rugs and the bedroom has plush carpet that I just want to take my shoes off and walk on. I can’t help but stare at it all with my mouth wide open. The opulence is breathtaking and I’m speechless.
As I stand in the living room surveying it, Jett snuggles me from behind. He wants to take me straight out for lunch but I tell him there’s no way I’m going anywhere until after I’ve had a shower.
“Only if I can clean you,” he says with a grin as he turns me in his embrace to face him.
I hold my hand up, signalling for him not to come anywhere near me. “As much as I want you, I need to get clean first. I stink, and I’m all stiff after that long flight.”
“Do I look like I care if you stink? And besides, you don’t.” When I raise my brows at him to signal that I’m not changing my mind, he waves me away. “Go, before I change my mind.”
I laugh and shake my head at him. “Do you really think you had any say in this?”
Sighing, he admits defeat. “No, I fully admit that you wear the pants in this relationship, sweetheart.”
Grabbing a change of clothes and my toiletries, I leave him and jump in the shower. The hot water feels so damn good on my aching muscles and I stay in here longer than I normally would. I’m lost in my thoughts when I hear Jett’s voice.
“I’m sorry I was an asshole to you,” he says. The bathroom is full of steam so I wipe away some of the condensation on the shower screen to find him standing in the doorway with his hands gripping onto the doorjamb above his head. His eyes are on me and the look on his face takes my breath away.
Defeat.
I hate that look and I hate it on Jett.
It kills me that he feels that way.
I quickly rinse the rest of the conditioner out of my hair and step out of the shower. Without drying off, I go to him and take his face in my hands. “I was a bitch to you, too. We’re still learning everything there is to know about each other, Jett, so there’s gonna be moments like we’ve had. But we’re putting all that behind us. Clean slate, baby. Okay?”
He listens to everything I say and he slowly nods but I’m not sure he’s convinced, especially when he says, “Yeah, but I’ve been a jealous dickhead - ”
I place my finger against his lips. “And I’ve been an argumentative pain in the ass. We’re both at fault here but I don’t want us to start off like this; I want us to begin the way we intend to continue, so from now on when your jealous streak arises, I’m going to take a deep breath and let you be.” I smile cheekily at him and press my body to his as I say, “And besides, I bet there’s a million w
omen around the world who would kill to have Jett Vaughn losing his shit over a guy talking to them.”
He smirks and tightens his arms around me. “You better fucking believe it, woman. You’re on a good thing here and don’t you forget it.”
I grin at him. “That’s more like the Jett I know.”
He grows serious. “You know I don’t mean to boss you around, don’t you?”
“Can we please forget all the shit I’ve said to you during our arguments? I’ve been so set on not wanting to get hurt again that I’ve forgotten how to take a chance on love and part of that manifested as me telling myself you would try and control me like Lennon did.”
A dark look crosses his face. “Fuck, I have no intention of trying to control you like that.”
“I know; it was just my insecurities coming out.” I lay my forehead against his. “This relationship shit is hard.”
His chest rumbles with laughter. “You’re fucking telling me.”
“Clean slate, yeah?”
“Yes,” he murmurs but his attention has shifted from our conversation to my body, and he says, “now talking of clean, this body needs to be dirtied up a bit.”
I whisper in his ear, “I never thought you’d notice.”
He kisses me and groans, “Baby, it’s all I do notice half the time. I walk around with a permanent hard on for you, it’s a wonder I haven’t been banned from public yet.”
I undo the button on his jeans and pull his zip down. A moment later, his jeans and boxers are around his ankles and his shirt is on the floor. Taking hold of his cock, I stroke it and murmur, “I’ve missed this. I’m not sure I’ll ever let you go away again.”
His eyes shut and he groans again. “I’m not sure I ever want to go away from you again.”
I stroke him harder and whisper, “So don’t.”
His eyes blink open and he sucks in a breath as I pull him harder and faster. “I can make that happen.”