by T J Mayhew
Pushing his own pain aside, Cai was about to go to her when two other women approached, readily offering the comfort she needed. He turned to face the three knights. “We must make sure these people did not die in vain,” he announced.
Lancelot nodded his agreement. “We will, Cai,” he vowed. “We will not let anything that happened here, tonight, go unpunished.”
“Cai!”
He turned, to find Aelwen limping towards him; her right wrist was in a splint and she was bloodied and bruised but she had never been a more welcome sight.
“Are you…?” she asked tentatively, looking for any sign of injury.
“I’m fine,” he replied quickly, eager to put her mind at rest.
She hesitated, as if afraid to ask. “And your…?”
“Mordred’s taken her,” Cai replied, anticipating her question, the familiar burning in his eyes and throat, returning.
“I’m so sorry,” Aelwen said, stepping forward and reaching for his hand… only to pull back at the last moment.
Cai stared at her, only vaguely aware of the other knights’ presence, before the doors of the Great Hall burst open and torchlight flooded out.
“Hey, you’re back!” Logan exclaimed. Hurrying over, he hesitated for a moment before pulling him into a hug, breaking the spell. “It’s good to have you back, mate,” he continued. “When you went running off, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever see you again…”
“Shut up, boy,” Kay growled.
Logan glanced at him, holding up a hand to placate the knight. “Relax, I was just saying…” He turned back to Cai. “Don’t do anything like that again; I couldn’t come after you, I…”
Cai shrugged. “Don’t worry about it; there was nothing you could have done anyway.”
Sensing there was something Cai wasn’t saying, he asked, “Did you…?
Cai clenched his jaw, his emotions threatening to get the better of him once more but, before he could answer, Aelwen spoke.
“Mordred took her,” she stated.
Cai glanced at her, hoping she knew how grateful he was for her intervention.
“Oh, man,” Logan muttered. “That sucks.”
Cai looked up as Owain approached, his face strained; he looked exhausted. He bowed briefly to Cai, before asking, “May I speak to Aelwen, my Lord?”
Feeling awkward, Cai nodded his agreement.
“Your father is looking for you, Aelwen.”
At these words, Aelwen sighed in frustration and turned to Cai. “He thinks I cannot be alone, now,” she explained. “If he had his way, he would keep me, forever, under lock and key.”
“He cares about you, that’s all.”
“That may be,” she agreed, “but… I had to see for myself that you were safe.”
At these words, and despite everything that had happened, Cai smiled.
Aelwen held his gaze a moment longer, before turning and following Owain across the courtyard.
As she disappeared, Cai turned to Lancelot. “We should call a meeting,” he announced, walking towards the Great Hall. “Kay, Gawain… find the others…”
“My Lord, stop,” Lancelot said as he blocked Cai’s path.
“What are you doing?”
“We cannot meet tonight.”
Cai frowned. “Why not?”
“Because too much has happened for any of us to think clearly,” Lancelot explained gently. “We have been invaded, Cai. Our people need this night to recover, and to mourn the passing of our loved ones, before we plan our next move.” He paused, before adding quietly, “And you have lost your mother…”
“And that’s exactly why I need to do this!” Cai exploded. “I need to get her back!” He looked helplessly at Kay, Gawain and Logan but no one spoke out against Lancelot, their silence only infuriating him further. “I can’t believe you’re saying this!” he continued. “She’s out there, Lancelot; she’s out there with them and you want to stay here and do nothing?”
Lancelot glared at him, his own temper and frustration coming to a head. “What would you have me do, Cai?” he demanded. “Leave here and run off blindly… where, exactly?” Cai glared at him but said nothing. “I want nothing more than to save your mother but I am not a fool, Cai; I will not run into something I am ill-prepared for and neither will these men and you can’t ask that of them. We need to think, with a clear head, and, for that, we need to rest.” He held Cai’s gaze before adding, “In war, you must keep your head, no matter what’s at stake.”
“You make it sound so easy,” Cai muttered quietly, fighting to control his emotions.
Lancelot laughed bitterly. “It is anything but, but it is something we must do; to make a mistake now, could cost us everything.” Cai dropped his gaze to the ground, realising Lancelot was right and hating him for it. He looked up at the knight, who placed a hand on his shoulder. “For tonight, we need rest; tomorrow, we plan.”
Cai nodded reluctantly. “OK, fine…” He ran his hand through his hair, realising, now, just how tired he was. “But I’m not going to bed yet,” he declared defiantly. “First, I’m going to talk to those who survived.”
Lancelot smiled, his gaze softening. “As you wish, my Lord. Would you…?”
Cai shook his head. “No; Logan can some with me.”
Beside him, Logan stood tall, clearly pleased to have been chosen above the rest of the knights.
The others inclined their heads as they took their leave.
As Cai entered the Great Hall, he glanced at Logan. “You don’t have to look so smug, you know,” he muttered.
Logan glanced at him. “I’m not looking smug,” he protested. “This is my normal resting face, thank you very much.”
The next few hours were spent amongst his people, talking to them, sharing their grief for their fallen loved ones and ensuring they had shelter. Occasionally, he glimpsed Bedivere, Galahad and Percival amongst the crowd but it wasn’t until much later that he was able to tell them what had happened to Guinevere. The knights clearly shared his pain for their missing queen, offering vows of vengeance but, with Lancelot’s words still ringing in his ears, Cai was at a loss as to just how that would happen, when they had no idea of her whereabouts.
And then there was Merlin…
Guilt gnawed at him as he realised he hadn’t speared much thought for Merlin in the last few hours.
Emotionally drained and physically exhausted, Cai eventually turned to leave the Great Hall.
“Hey, where you going?” Logan asked, as he fell into step beside him.
“Bed…”
“But our quarters are that way,” he pointed out, indicating the opposite.
It was at that moment that Cai realised he didn’t want to sleep in his own bed… But, before he could say anything, someone grabbed his arm.
“I wasn’t there… he killed my wife and son; he took them from me…” He choked on a sob. “I wasn’t there…” The man’s grip tightened around Cai’s arm. “I must avenge them, my Lord, I must!”
Cai knelt beside the man, slumped against a table, and placed a hand on his shoulder. “What is your name?”
“Aslac, my Lord.”
“And your wife and son, Aslac?” Cai asked softly. “What were they called?”
“My wife… she was called Odelyn,” the man sniffed, “my son, Feran.”
“We will avenge them both, Aslac; we will avenge Odelyn and Feran,” he promised. “You have my word, as your king.”
The man nodded, clearly hearing the determination behind Cai’s words. “Thank you, my Lord,” he said, gratitude in his eyes.
Cai nodded and stood, before taking his leave, determined to keep his word.
On entering the corridor beyond, Logan said, “I’ve got to admire your confidence; I wouldn’t be making the promises you’ve made tonight, not after seeing what they can do.”
Cai rounded on him, his temper flaring. “Well, what would you have me do, Logan?” he demanded, his anger and frustration gettin
g the better of him. “Give up? Surrender?”
Logan held up his hands. “Woah! I didn’t mean that; I was just saying…”
“Yeah, well, don’t. My people have suffered enough; they need hope and I’m going to give them that; it’s the least I can do after what’s happened to them.”
He turned and marched away, ignoring Logan’s pleas to stop.
Right now, he was exhausted and all he wanted he wanted to do was sleep…
Coming to a stop outside the door, he reached out and, feeling its rough surface, braced himself, before pushing it open.
Stepping into his mother’s room, he looked around. He had only been here once before and, as he stood there, he allowed the familiarity to wash over him, he allowed himself to imagine she was there, welcoming him with open arms.
Guided only by moonlight, he made his way to her bed and sat down, wishing she were beside him now, reassuring him everything was going to be OK.
But it wasn’t.
And it wouldn’t be; not until she was back at Camelot where she belonged, with him.
A sudden swell of emotion hit him; unable to fight it anymore, unable to keep up the pretence, he gave in to his pain, giving it free reign until oblivion, eventually, claimed him.
35
Cai looked around; he had no idea where he was or why he was there.
The only thing he did know, was that it was cold; freezing cold. His feet were numb, his teeth chattering uncontrollably; his back was starting to ache and he knew that, if he didn’t move, he was in danger of never moving again.
He turned, his feet splashing in the icy water; he fell to his knees as, stepping onto a rock, his ankle gave way. Hissing in pain, he reached down to feel the joint, rotating it gently, relieved to find it wasn’t broken. Slowly getting to his feet, he looked around, finally taking in his surroundings.
He was standing in the sea, not far from a sandy beach, the waves lapping gently at his feet. The night was calm, clear, and, looking up, Cai could see the stars; a thousand tiny pinpricks in the night sky.
He walked towards the beach, eager to get out of the icy water, onto dry land. The beach wasn’t much, just a thin strip of sand surrounded by rocks, at the base of a steep cliff. He clambered up the rocks and, on reaching the top, looked around.
There was a cave, not too far away, a gaping maw of darkness, set into the cliff. Cai stared at it for a moment, feeling an inexplicable pull towards it; he didn’t know how he knew it, but this was his destination; this was the reason he was here.
He jumped down from the rock and made his way towards the cave, his boots crunching on the wet sand. As he arrived at the mouth of the cave, he looked in, peering into the darkness. No luck.
Cai reached up and placed the palm of his hand against the wall for support but pulled it back almost immediately. The wall was cold and wet but, more than that... it had vibrated under his touch. Bewildered, he placed his hand back on the rock and felt the vibrations, along with a strange warmth, travel up his arm, on through his body. Looking at his hand, he frowned as the surrounding rock now glowed with a warm yellow light.
He pulled his hand away, glancing between it and his, now fading, handprint. The warmth soon drained from his body, leaving him shivering in the dark. Placing his hand back on the rock, the warmth spread through him once more, warming him within.
“Cai…” A tired voice called out to him, drawing him on… into the unknown.
Standing there, he debated for a moment whether to stay or turn back; turning back would be so easy, but the voice… the voice had sounded desperate. And there was something else, something he wasn’t quite able to put his finger on, that made him want to stay and find out more.
Following his instincts, he waded through the shallow stream running into the cave, alert to any strange sights or sounds. He advanced slowly in the darkness, keeping his hand firmly planted on the wall for support; the meagre light from his touch, allowing him just enough light to pick his way along the rocky bed of the stream in the, otherwise, pitch black cavern.
Cai froze as he heard a gentle murmuring somewhere ahead of him. He couldn’t quite make out what was being said; the voice was too quiet for him to hear anything of worth. However, he did know the speaker was female; definitely not the male voice that had called to him earlier.
He crept closer, straining to listen; the woman spoke in a language Cai didn’t recognise, much less understand. The voice was cold, filled with hatred and disdain and, as he listened, Cai’s stomach churned with fear; he held his breath, his heart pounding.
Now aware of a faint white light ahead of him, he cautiously edged forward, dropping his hand to avoid drawing attention to his approach, instinctively resting it on his sword.
As he advanced, he stared at the light ahead, alert for any sign of movement. Suddenly, he caught a loose rock with his foot, sending it clattering into a shallow pool of water, its echo reverberating around the cave. Cai held his breath, praying, in vain, that it hadn’t been heard, but in this silence, he knew they were now alert to his presence.
Immediately, the woman stopped talking.
The light was doused…
Cai waited, not wanting to draw more attention to himself. In the darkness, he imagined the woman, whoever she was, looking in his direction, coming for him…
… Suddenly, he felt a presence behind him; he turned, expecting the worse. The woman’s voice seemed to surround him now, filling the cave with sound that echoed in his head, disorienting him.
He turned, again and again, searching the darkness, but could see nothing except the mouth of the cave far off in the distance. He whirled around, as someone whispered in his ear, only to find himself still alone. He frowned and, glancing forwards, saw the light ahead, again; nothing seemed to have changed.
Steeling himself, he took a step towards the light but, before he could take another, the world seemed to shift and tilt around him. He tried to fight it but the force was too strong.
“Cai… Go!” There was the voice again, stronger this time, familiar, but, try as he might, he could not identify it.
“Go!” the voice demanded, again.
Cai tried to fight it, to hold onto anything that could keep him here, but he could do nothing, only watch, as he was pulled back, away from the scene as it shrank into the distance and… disappeared.
36
Cai jerked awake, his heart pounding wildly, as images of the cave and the sound of the woman’s voice resounded in his head. The dream had been so real; it was as if he had actually been there…
But that’s all it was, he told himself sternly, willing his heart to slow. A dream… nothing more…
He looked down at his hand; he could still the warmth of the rock clinging to him, lingering, on the palm of his hand…
Forcing himself to look up, his eyes darted around the room, taking in his surroundings; these weren’t his quarters… this wasn’t his bed…
Where…?
And then it all came flooding back: the horrors of the previous day, Nimue’s betrayal, his mother and Merlin’s capture and imprisonment…
He had come here, to his mother’s room, for comfort, in a vain attempt to feel closer to her…
Not that he had succeeded in any of it; how could he find comfort when his mother was Mordred’s prisoner?
He shook his head, willing the memories, and the dream, gone; he needed a clear head today, with no distractions.
But, as he stood and made his way towards the door, he knew that would be impossible. How could he not be distracted when his mother was at Mordred’s mercy? He tried not to think the worst, but he couldn’t help himself; he had seen enough films to know that, if Mordred wanted to make him suffer, hurting his mother would be the perfect way to do it.
And then there was Merlin…
He had seen the hatred in Nimue’s eyes as she had stood over him in the Great Hall, gloating over her betrayal, her triumph…
He hated her, ev
ery bit, as much as he hated Morgan and Mordred…
But worst of all…
He hated himself.
He hated himself for not speaking of his doubts about Nimue, for wasting so much time focusing on Lancelot when he should have followed his gut.
“Hey, you alright?”
At the sound of Logan’s voice, Cai came to his senses and forced a smile.
Ahead of him, Logan pushed himself away from the wall as Cai approached. “You OK?” he repeated, watching Cai carefully.
Cai nodded, forcing himself to ignore the dull throbbing behind his eyes. “Yeah, I’m fine. Listen,” he added quickly, eager to get this over with. “I’m sorry about last night; I was angry… but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”
Logan scoffed, waving his hand dismissively. “That’s alright; it was rough on everyone.”
Cai nodded. “Well, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”
“I am, too,” he muttered, awkwardly. “About your mum, I mean,” he added quickly. He grinned. “Right, well… glad that’s out of the way.” He nodded towards the Great Hall. “They’re waiting for you.”
“Good.” They would soon have a plan of action.
Opening the door to the Great Hall, he was immediately overpowered by the heat and stench of so many people crammed into one place; torches burned in the brackets around the room and fires burned brightly in braziers; the scent of food, normally so appealing, mingled with the scent of blood and sweat, making his stomach churn.
As he led the way to the antechamber, he caught sight of Badden and Owain talking intently to a small group of men. Seeing him, Cai immediately started to scour the hall for Aelwen, hoping to see her, if only for a moment, but his heart sank as he realised she wasn’t there.
It was a relief to enter the antechamber, where it was cooler and much quieter than the hall outside. The knights stood as Cai entered, bowing their heads in deference. As he made his way to his seat, he glanced at the place where Merlin usually stood and, for the first time, Cai realised how lost he felt now; Merlin’s presence was something he had always taken for granted…