Ellie stared at it with a look that Leo couldn’t interpret. She didn’t take the rose, but she seemed mesmerised by it.
‘Are you okay, Ellie?’ Leo gave her sister a concerned frown.
Ellie waved her hand in front of her eyes, as if fanning away the tears.
‘Oh yes - the eyes. Sorry - I’ve been peeling onions, and they got to me a bit. Chuck that rose on the garden, will you. It’s probably one I dropped when I was cutting some for the house earlier. Anyway, I’m fine. And I am so pleased to see you. I can’t tell you what it means that you’ve come, and I hope you’re going to stay for a while.’
‘I’ve brought a few things with me, in the hope that you could put up with me for a few days,’ Leo said, lifting her case a bit higher as evidence. ‘I couldn’t keep making excuses - at least not if I wanted to see you and Max more often. Not to mention the twins. Where are they all?’
‘I’ve only just put the twins to bed - but we can pop up in a minute and see if they’re still awake. They’ll be delighted to see you. Max is at his school’s end of term barbecue. Staff only. No partners allowed. It’s at the rugby club and it will go on forever, so God knows what state he’ll be in when he comes home. For a load of teachers, their behaviour can sometimes be pretty appalling. A good job the students don’t see them.’
Leo gazed around her, and was staggered by how beautiful the old house was looking. The wide hallway was no longer full of clutter, and instead of the dreary faded wallpaper that had adorned the walls when she had lived there, they were now painted a pale honey colour, and hung with a couple of large modern landscapes. A tall side table stood against one wall, made from a dark wood that seemed old, but was fashioned with clean straight lines. And the alcove that had previously housed a battered roll top desk, piled high with dusty old correspondence and torn envelopes, now had a new floor to ceiling window looking out over the garden, with a comfortable armchair and a low table displaying a huge vase of apricot and yellow roses, the source of the delicate fragrance she had noticed.
Leo glanced at Ellie, who was looking at her with a nervous expression. She probably wasn’t sure if Leo was going to turn tail and run.
‘It’s okay, Ellie. I’m all right. Really I am. This is quite stunning, and I would never guess that it was the same house. Relax.’
Ellie smiled with relief. She grabbed Leo’s hand and pulled her farther in.
‘This is only the start of it - if you like the hallway, wait until you see the dining room and the kitchen. I’m delighted with the whole place. I’m only just getting used to it, and it’s sometimes hard to remember that it’s our house. We nearly didn’t do it, you know. I think Max wanted to sell it, but I couldn’t - you know that. It had such huge potential, and we’ve exorcised the ghosts - and I mean that quite literally. Max danced around, demanding that all spiritual entities be evicted, in the name of a higher power - that higher power, of course, being him. You know what he’s like. He even found some Islamic verse that is supposed to repair the damage caused by witchcraft, and given that he always referred to my mother as The Old Witch it seemed very appropriate. I laughed so much I could never again think of there being a single spook left.’
Leo could well imagine this scene. Always the clown, Max could bring a smile to anybody’s face.
She dumped her bag at the bottom of the stairs as Ellie dragged her forward past open doorways through which she glimpsed rooms that she barely recognised. There was nothing here to remind her of the past, and although she hadn’t been here for such a long time, she could remember every inch of how it used to be.
‘It’s amazing. You’re right. You have transformed it.’ Never one for going over the top, Leo did her best to reassure her sister that she loved the place. But her words didn’t accurately convey her astonishment at the difference.
The room in which they were now standing was completely new in every way. If you could call it a ‘room’. They were in the atrium that Leo had noticed from the drive. She remembered the old barn, of course, but she didn’t recall it ever being used for much because in her lifetime this had never been a working farm. And now Ellie and Max had created this incredible atrium dining room, complete with old flagged floor, to connect the barn to the main house. Its pitched roof was constructed of aged oak beams, with huge panes of glass between. The dark and sombre clouds gave way to a burst of sunshine, which bounced the warm tones of evening light from the walls for a moment, and Leo could imagine the parties that Ellie and Max would host.
Her sister must have been reading her mind.
‘We’ve invited a few people over for dinner tomorrow to celebrate the fact that the house is now finally finished, and I’m looking forward to christening this room.’
Leo’s heart sank. Ellie loved to entertain, but she preferred to deal with people one at a time, and the idea of a big dinner party the following day filled her with dismay.
‘Oh, Ellie - I’m sorry. I should have called before just turning up. I can always either go back home tomorrow or stay in my room while your guests are here. I’m good at keeping quiet, as you might remember!’
Ellie smiled and looked is if she were about to try for another hug. Leo took a step backwards, and saw a flicker of disappointment in her sister’s eyes.
‘Don’t be silly, Leo. There’s no way that you are going to rush straight off now that we’ve got you here. Stay as long as you like. There’s plenty of food, and we already have an odd man coming. I don’t mean that he’s odd-odd, just that he’s an odd number. He’s actually rather nice, but he’s on his own and only recently moved into the cottage next door. He’s a policeman, so you’d better watch your step,’ Ellie said with a smile. ‘Come on. The kitchen’s through here now, in the old barn. And beyond my dream kitchen is Max’s dream media suite. But I’ll let him show you that tomorrow.’
Leo could just make out the vague smell of onions, and persuaded herself that they really were the cause of Ellie’s tears. She couldn’t help but feel slightly disappointed that she wasn’t going to have Max, Ellie and the twins to herself all weekend, but perhaps this was a better reintroduction to her old home. She certainly couldn’t remember a single party of any description in the years that she had lived here.
* * *
What bloody awful timing, Ellie thought. She had waited so long for Leo to break through the barriers that had prevented her from visiting during the renovation. Now she was here - and Ellie couldn’t help wishing she wasn’t.
She loved her sister, and Leo’s dreadful memories of her life in this house had almost been enough to stop Ellie from moving here. Almost. Max hadn’t been madly enthusiastic either, although he had gone along with it. Perhaps he simply didn’t care where they lived anymore. In the end, neither of them had fought her. They knew why it was so important to her, even though they thought she was chasing rainbows.
She opened a drawer and pulled out a couple of napkins and grabbed some cutlery to put on a tray. They could take supper through to the sitting room - away from the kitchen and the memory of the earlier phone call - and she would open a decent bottle of wine. For the first time in her adult life, Ellie felt that she didn’t need to worry about money, and yet life didn’t seem better. It felt infinitely worse.
Their newfound riches were all thanks to her mother. If that hadn’t been so sad, it would have been enough to make Ellie laugh. Her mother had pleaded poverty since their father had disappeared all those years ago, but when she died she had left Ellie not only the house but a vast sum of money that she had clearly been squirreling away for God knows how long. But not a penny for Leo.
Ellie mentally shook herself. Leo would be down any moment, and she needed to get her head together. The twins had been overjoyed to see their aunt, and Ellie could only imagine how many stories they had demanded. Leo was totally unlike her cynical and unyielding self with the children, but Ellie couldn’t watch tonight. It would have made her emotional, and that would have been hard to ex
plain.
She moved to the fridge and opened the door, hunting out some bits and pieces for supper. They could eat the paté, even though it was still a bit warm, and she’d made some houmous for the twins at lunch time. There was still some of that left.
Her mind drifted.
She stood gazing into the fridge, feeling a cool draught of air on her cheeks and staring blindly at the shelves of food. Nobody could see into the kitchen now, but she could sense him, skulking outside in the darkening night. She could feel his eyes penetrating the closed blinds, and was sure that if she drew them back, his face would be pressed hard against the window, his features distorted as they crushed against the glass. She glanced over her shoulder, almost expecting to see him lurking in a dark corner somewhere.
Snap out of it. Her eyes came back into focus, and she surveyed the contents of the fridge. Cheese. They had a ton of it, bought for the dinner party the following night. They could eat some of that too, and she would get some more tomorrow from the deli in the village.
Uncovering dishes and unwrapping cheese, Ellie thought about her predicament. Why wouldn’t he accept that it was over? She just wanted him out of her life.
She knew Leo would help her if she asked. But for the last twenty odd years Leo had been secure in the knowledge that she could rely on Ellie; the one person she believed was beyond reproach. Ellie couldn’t be responsible for destroying the last of her sister’s illusions.
Putting the final plate of food on a tray, Ellie threw a last nervous glance at the closed blinds as she switched off the lights, painted a smile on her face, and went in search of Leo.
3
It was late by the time they made it to bed, but Leo was glad that she had managed to conquer her anxiety and finally set foot over the threshold. It was so good to see Ellie; she’d stayed away for far too long. It had always seemed better to meet up in Manchester or Chester for the day, or invite the whole family over to her place. But tonight she’d done it. She had fought her demons and won. Now all she had to do was prove that she could sleep here. No doubt the wine would help.
She was sleeping in Ellie’s old bedroom, and the tiny box room that used to be hers was now a perfect en suite. Everything had changed in there; the old door from the landing had been plastered over with a new door opening from the bedroom into the shower room. The modern white fittings looked bright and shiny against the dark grey tiles, and twinkling spotlights reflected off the huge mirror that hung behind the sink. No old memories here.
Leo hadn’t been allowed in Ellie’s room when they were growing up, although both girls had sometimes risked incurring the wrath of Ellie’s mother by disobeying. But Leo had never broken the rules when it really mattered – when Ellie had needed her. From the night Ellie realised that their father had gone for good without a word of goodbye, she had grieved alone in the privacy of this bedroom. Leo had lain in her own bed, listening through the wall to the sounds of her sister crying, knowing that she should try to console her. But she didn’t know how. Ellie couldn’t understand Leo’s indifference to his departure, but Leo truly believed that in the last few years of her life in this house she had become devoid of emotion. She had spent so many lonely nights after her arrival here. She had been the one sobbing herself to sleep then, and her father had done nothing to help her. It was contempt for him that had driven Leo to withdraw from others.
Unfortunately, Ellie had this ludicrous notion that once he realised his wife was dead, he would miraculously reappear like the prodigal father. And now that she lived in this house, Ellie believed he would know exactly where to find her.
Leo had to do something about this. She had to find out what had really happened to him.
She thought about her sister. Lovely, bubbly Ellie, she’d heard Max call her - and that was exactly right. There were moments tonight though, when the sparkle had faded slightly, and Leo hoped that her arrival hadn’t somehow put a dampener on anything.
‘Are you sure you’re okay, Ellie?’ she’d asked again. ‘You seem a bit preoccupied.’
Ellie had leaned forward with a frown, while studying the contents of her wine glass and fishing something invisible out with her little finger.
‘Me? I’m fine. Really I am. It’s all been so exciting for the past few months with the renovation and all the changes. Now it’s over, perhaps the adrenalin is fading away. I’m probably just tired, but I’m completely fine. Really.’
That was two ‘reallies’, and two ‘fines’. But it made sense that she was tired. With the work on the house to oversee, five year old twins and still working a few days a week, it was more than enough to wear anybody out.
Unusually for Ellie, though, she hadn’t even given Leo the customary lecture about ‘letting down her barriers’ and finding herself ‘a good man’. Leo knew that her past had left deep scars and some serious issues, but she had long ago come to terms with her own limitations. They were part of her. But neither Ellie nor Max seemed inclined to accept that.
She grabbed her laptop and balanced it against her raised knees. She needed to write today’s blog post before she went to sleep, but for some reason the words wouldn’t come. Since becoming a life coach, Leo had tried to use ideas from her own experiences each day to write a brief post for her clients. She might be inspired by an article on the news, a conversation overheard in the supermarket, or simply by observations of people’s behaviour. But tonight her mind was blank – or rather it was filled with a nagging concern for Ellie. In the end, she gave up and picked up a magazine that Ellie had thoughtfully left by the side of the bed.
Sleep proved elusive, so it was after midnight before she was able to switch off the light. But only moments later the sound of a telephone ringing roused her from the beginnings of sleep. Leo’s room was across the hallway from Ellie’s, and she could hear the quiet murmur of her sister’s voice, and then a clear note of tension. Ellie sounded as if she was saying ‘no’, her voice rising in pitch. That was the only word that Leo was able to make out, but Ellie seemed distressed and she wondered if she should check that everything was okay. She had just resigned herself to getting out of bed when she realised that Ellie had stopped speaking. A couple of minutes later, she heard a creak and knew that it was the second step from the top of the staircase. Clearly they had failed to fix that small detail in the renovations. Ellie must be going downstairs. Then there was the distinct sound of the front door closing very quietly, and moments later the low hum of Ellie’s brand new Mercedes four wheel drive.
What on earth could she be doing going out at that time of night?
Leo felt a momentary disquiet, but brushed it off. That was the house talking to her, casting its evil magic over an event for which there was undoubtedly a perfectly reasonable explanation. Nevertheless, she switched on her lamp and jumped out of bed to open the door slightly. She needed to listen for the twins in her sister’s absence, which made it all the more strange that Ellie had said nothing.
Resigning herself to the fact that there would be no sleep for her that night until Ellie was safely home, Leo returned to bed, picked up her laptop, and started to write.
A Single Step : the blog of Leo Harris
Searching for your rainbow
I woke up this morning to the sound of rain beating relentlessly on my window, and I thought of tears and sadness. A rumble of thunder and my mind turned to anger. A flash of sunlight, and I believed in joy all over again.
But what of the icy winds of winter that chill your flesh through to the bone? The snow that looks so beautiful but hides treacherous paths beneath; the stunning stalactites of ice that hang down from gutters that can pierce your heart without a second thought?
Which of these is a reflection of your relationship?
What is your reaction when your loved one walks through the door? Has the sun come out, or do you hear distant rumbles of thunder? Does cold ice settle around your heart, knowing that the road ahead is going to be fraught with slippery patches
, or can you lean back and enjoy the sunshine?
Think of your heart and your soul as the weather, and listen to what they’re telling you. You are entitled to feel the heat of the sun’s rays, but getting to that warm place may mean you have to survive some rainy days first.
“When it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow.” Gilbert K. Chesterton
4
The sky was pitch black and heavy with storm clouds, and the grass that she was crouching on behind the hedge was wet and cold on her bare feet. But the girl knew she mustn’t move. She was certain that she was being followed, and the slightest movement could give her position away. She tried to control her breathing, and swallowed a sob. She mustn’t make a sound.
Escape had seemed impossible, but she’d done it. With her heart hammering in her chest, she had seized the moment, grabbed the door handle, yanked open the door, and fled into the dark night. All she had to do now was find her way to a road, to a person who could help her. Then everything would be okay. She had to stay strong. If only she could get home, her mum and dad would protect her.
‘We won’t let anybody ever hurt you again, sweetheart. You’re safe with us.’ Her parents had been telling her this all her life, and she was sure that they had believed it. But who would have thought…
She couldn’t think about that now. She needed to concentrate. Which way? She could feel the sweat pouring down her back, and yet her arms and legs were covered in goose bumps. She wrapped her arms around herself for a moment in an attempt to stem the panic that threatened to swamp her. Cowering low behind the hedge and keeping her head down, she looked around. Danger lay back the way she had come, and for now all she could think about was getting as far away as possible. She hadn’t thought about where she was going - she had just run as fast as she could. But only the hedgerows and an occasional tree offered anywhere to hide. The fields were empty, and there weren’t even any cows to provide cover.
The Back Road Page 2