‘It wasn’t her fault. And she’s the same horse she was before you found out.’
Jessica knew she was being overly sensitive and pathetic, but she just couldn’t shake the feeling that she’d taken two steps back. Oh well, perhaps it was good she’d had this wake-up call. It had happened for a reason – why wasn’t Tiffany saying that?
‘If you want me to hop on her, I’d have no qualms.’
Jessica started to seethe. If anyone was going to ride the damned horse, it was her! She was being gutless. First Dave – which wasn’t so bad; he was well known for working with green and difficult horses – but now Tiffany was offering, and she didn’t have a gutsy bone in her body! Gah!
No, stop it; don’t be so ungracious. Tiffany is your friend. She’s just trying to help.
Steve’s noisy arrival prevented Jessica from responding to Tiffany’s offer, and she was secretly pleased.
‘Hi,’ he called, tossing his hat and boots noisily on the floor and coming over. ‘Hmm, cake. Yum.’ He kissed both girls on the cheek and went over to the kettle. ‘Another cuppa?’
‘Yes, thanks,’ Tiffany said brightly.
‘Steve?’ Jessica said.
‘Yup?’ he answered from where he was peering into the freezer, trying to choose a piece of cake.
‘Did you know Faith’s rider was killed?’
‘Um, someone might have mentioned it at the sale.’
Out of the corner of her eye Jessica noticed Tiffany blush slightly and look down at her mug. Suddenly she had a vision of the possible description of Faith’s lot at the clearing sale: ‘Lot 68. Chestnut mare, 15.1 hands, white star, seven years of age, killed her last rider. Buyer beware.’ She might have shared it and had a laugh if she wasn’t so annoyed with Tiffany and Steve for their deception.
‘Why didn’t you say something?’
‘And have you insist on getting rid of her? What does it matter? You’re not going to ride her anyway. You said so yourself – she’s nice to handle. And, anyway,’ he went on, getting louder and clearly gathering steam, ‘how many times have you said a horse needs to be given the benefit of the doubt – that it’s the partnership that matters? But I suppose that was only fine when it was you justifying something you’ve brought home. Well, this place is half mine, so I get equal say.’
Tiffany was shifting awkwardly on her chair.
‘Okay, fine, you’ve both made your points,’ Jessica said, wanting to stop the argument in its tracks and tired of hearing her words parroted back to her. They were right – she had said those things plenty of times. She was still miffed they hadn’t told her, but even more so that they thought she was so badly damaged that she had to be protected. Was she? She obviously wasn’t the actress she thought she was. And, yes, she had become pathetic. But hopefully her caution would be warranted and she’d have a baby to think of.
She’d go back to plan A: Faith was Steve’s pet and once their self-imposed quarantine period was over, they’d turn her out and she’d just become another four-legged creature wandering around a paddock.
Again Jessica was surprised by the depth of disappointment that engulfed her. She really had fucked up selling Prince and Beau. Though to keep them would have been a waste of their talent. And they weren’t the sort of horses to be content pottering about with her aboard, she reminded herself. No, tomorrow she’d resume her fitness campaign and put horses out of her mind. Well, after the vet had been.
Chapter Twenty-two
The following morning Jessica went out to greet the occupant of the silver four-wheel drive. She had really hoped Steve would have been here to meet the vet and hold Faith for the inspection, but he wasn’t. He was off on the tractor, spraying some weeds. And with spraying, timing was everything – it had to get done when the weather was calm and before the wind came up. He couldn’t have hung around to do this, and it wouldn’t have made sense to ask him when she was right here doing nothing. She wondered for a moment if it was a ploy on his part to make her deal with Faith and, in time, change her mind. But Jessica told herself she was being paranoid. She was ready for the horse to be turned out with the livestock, and to have no more contact – essentially to forget all about her. Her history was all too unsettling. On the one hand the horse was nice to handle, calm. But on the other, Jessica couldn’t be putting herself at risk.
While part of Jessica was disappointed after having got her hopes up about Faith and having started scratching that itch, she also felt a little vindicated in her original decision to get rid of the horses. She certainly didn’t seem to have the same guts and determination she’d had while her dad was urging her on. It was probably best her ambition had died with him. It made sense. She was free to move on with her life; devote herself to her family.
She refused to listen to the voice in her head saying over and over that Talia’s death was a freak accident and it wasn’t Faith’s fault that her rider had fallen. And, also, the voice continued, how many falls had Jessica had over the years when she’d leapt back into the saddle unscathed?
‘Hi, I’m Toby,’ the tall, blond lad said, holding out his hand. Jessica was pleased he didn’t know her and was spared discussion of her accident, her leg and the sale of her horses. He must be a visiting locum or recent recruit to the practice she’d always used.
‘Jessica,’ she said, offering her own. ‘Thanks for coming out.’
‘No problem. I’ll just get my bag.’
Jessica hovered as he retrieved a large black bag from the back of the vehicle and then led the way to the stables.
‘So, it’s a new horse you’ve got?’ Toby said, making small talk as they went. ‘They said it was a simple vet check.’
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘But I think she’ll be more of a pet. My husband picked her up at a clearing sale.’
‘Pretty amazing setup for having horses as pets,’ Toby said, casting his wide eyes around the stables.
‘I used to be an eventer,’ she said with a wave of her hand.
‘Ah, that explains it. Not any more then?’
‘No, lost my nerve.’ The words seemed to come out of their own accord. She was shocked to hear them. Oh well, there, she’d said it. As much as she hated to admit it, it was the truth. She had to accept that.
‘Fair enough. So, any particular area or problem you want me to look at?’
‘No. She’s very underweight – we’re working on that – but other than that she seems fine. I just wanted to be sure. There are quite a few scars on her legs … I’ll just get her out.’
He put his bag down, opened it up and began searching for something.
‘Well, hello there!’ he said, clearly recognising the horse that was now standing in front of him. ‘You’re a long way from home.’
‘You know her?’ God, who doesn’t know the damned horse? Perhaps he was at the event the day of Talia’s accident.
‘Yes,’ he said, rubbing Faith’s face. ‘She was an RSPCA rescue case.’
Great, it just gets better and better.
‘I’m from down south – do my share of pro bono work for them.’
‘Oh. So what’s her story?’
‘These scars,’ he said, pointing to her front legs, ‘are a result of some fool hobbling her incorrectly and without the right equipment. They used rope. And she was left to die, by all accounts.’
‘Oh no, that’s terrible.’
‘Yes. Someone driving past the paddock every day reported noticing that she hadn’t moved in four days and wasn’t near a trough, and didn’t seem to have access to any other source of water.’
‘God. Poor thing,’ Jessica said, stroking Faith’s neck. ‘I knew something must have happened – but I just assumed she’d been caught in a fence. It’s such a common accident with horses.’
‘Well, I’d put money on there being a lot more to her story, but we only treat them. The how and why is up to the inspectors. But she’d definitely had a rough time of it somewhere along the line – she was initi
ally terrified of being handled. Not in the sense of kicking or biting, but she’d stand there quivering. Heartbreaking to think what must have happened to have her in such a state.’
‘Hmm,’ Jessica said. She thought back to Faith’s reaction to her bending down and picking up the brush and shuddered.
‘She was really good to handle, given her injuries – her legs were practically down to the bone. Must have been excruciating for her. But she seemed to understand we were there to help. I patched her up and then showed one of the volunteers what to do and left them to it. Next time I was back there I heard the volunteer had taken her home to treat her and then went on to adopt her. So what’s her name?’
‘Faith.’
‘Very apt, considering the faith she had in us trying to help her and the faith the volunteer had to take her on. So, you said she came from a clearing sale? It’s sad to think it didn’t work out with the girl who took her on. Now, what was her name? I think it started with a T,’ he said, biting on his lip in concentration.
‘Talia?’ Jessica offered.
‘Yes, that’s it.’
‘She died. Apparently Faith shied and she fell during their first cross-country round at a pony club one-day event.’
‘Shit, how awful. Great that she got her to the point of competing – quite amazing given the state she was in when I saw her.’
They lapsed into silence while Toby concentrated on giving the horse a thorough going-over.
Finally he said, ‘Right, just take her for a quick trot up and back.’
It was in Jessica’s mind to tell him she hadn’t led the horse further than a few strides and certainly not at a trot, but she simply followed his instruction. And it turned out Faith had been taught to lead properly: she was responsive to voice commands and didn’t even need a tug on the rope.
‘Great,’ Toby said, when Jessica halted in front of him again. ‘She looks good to me. Perfect for pottering around the farm, or whatever you want to do with her.’ He rubbed the horse’s mane. Faith stood with her head lowered, lapping up the attention. She really is a sweetie, Jessica thought. Damn lucky for Steve. It could easily have gone the other way.
‘Well, nice meeting you. And good luck with her,’ Toby said a few minutes later as Jessica swapped a cheque for a receipt. It hadn’t exactly been money well spent, but at least she’d done the right thing by the horse and they could turn Faith out without any qualms.
Back in the house, Jessica couldn’t stop thinking about her. The poor horse. How could anyone have been so cruel – to any creature, but especially one that didn’t seem to have an unkind bone in her body? Her thoughts were brought back to riding the mare. Would she be so kind and willing with a rider on her back? Was the accident with Talia really a result of the horse simply getting a fright?
Jessica was still standing at the window staring at Faith in the corner of her yard, who was in turn staring out into the distance, when Steve came in ten minutes later.
‘So did she get the all clear?’
‘Sorry?’
‘The vet. I saw him leave. How was Faith?’
‘Oh. Yes. All good.’
‘So when are you going to get on her?’
‘I don’t think I am.’
‘Why not? Surely you’re not put off by the story of her previous owner. If she was dangerous, wouldn’t she have shown some sign of it before now? And don’t tell me you’re not itching to see what she’s really made of,’ he said with a smirk, his eyes twinkling as he came over and wrapped his arms around her waist.
‘I’m done with horses. I told you that.’
‘So why are you standing here at the window watching her with those cogs so obviously turning in that pretty little head of yours?’
Jessica stayed silent. It was frightening, sometimes, how well he could read her.
‘Since when have you shied away – pardon the pun – from putting a horse through its paces?’ he persisted.
‘Since I broke my ankle. Remember that small matter of me being laid up for six weeks?’ she snapped, louder than she’d meant to. She’d meant to keep it at a light banter, but she was unsettled by the conflict between her head and her heart.
‘That was a totally different situation. And, anyway, how many years have you ridden – often on cantankerous beasts – without incident? Faith looks like a pussy cat compared to most of the others you’ve had.’
He was right. And she did want to satisfy her curiosity. But she didn’t like him pushing her like this – clearly so desperate to fix her. As if there was something wrong with her, which there certainly wasn’t! No, if she was going to ride the horse it would be when she was ready and on her own terms. Not that she knew what they were or if there would ever be any such terms.
‘I think it’s time we let her out. Just into one of the smaller horse paddocks. And just during the day. She must be bored cooped up in the yard like that. What do you think?’ Steve asked, making an effort to change tack.
‘Okay.’
Jessica seethed. Horses were her domain. She should be the one calling the shots on them. But she had to concede that she had forfeited that position by not embracing Faith the moment she arrived. She’d made it clear she was Steve’s horse. The only way she would re-establish the natural order here was to make Faith hers: start riding her; do something useful with her. But she wasn’t prepared to do that just to make a point.
God, it was worrying that she was feeling so insecure and competitive with her own husband. They were meant to be a team, for God’s sake. The question now was what she was going to do about it. Things had to return as close as they could to the way they’d been, especially if they were going to raise a baby together.
It was all too much. This thinking was doing her head in.
‘I’ll go and let her out and then go for a walk,’ she said. ‘I’ll catch you later.’
‘But it’s almost lunchtime.’
‘Eat, then, if you’re hungry – don’t wait for me.’
Steve’s crestfallen expression pierced her heart, but she turned and walked away.
Jessica’s brain buzzed with nothing coherent, just a general sense of unease and confusion. She frowned as she laced up her runners, called the dogs and walked across to the stables.
Standing at the fence in front of Faith, she felt a wave of sadness sweep through her. The poor horse. And now she was neglecting her too, by shunning her. As irrational as it sounded in her head, she couldn’t shake the feeling that the horse was lonely and it was her fault. While Faith didn’t neigh, she did look pleased to have company whenever someone approached her yard – her ears pricked up and she tossed her head as if in greeting. And Jessica didn’t think it was all about the prospect of being fed. Even though the horse no longer showed fear, she still didn’t dive straight into her feed bin. She really seemed to prefer human company over eating.
Faith was evidently what people referred to as a people horse – horses who loved their human owners and wanted to spend as much time with them as possible. It was usually the result of being kept alone, or having been bottle fed as foals and forming an attachment to humans that way. Jessica wouldn’t mind betting that if there were more than one horse, Faith would still look to a human for company. She just had that look about her – as impossible as it was to prove. She’d never had a people horse, and had never been fond of the idea of them; from what she’d heard, they tended to be too disrespectful and pushy on the ground.
Before she knew it, Jessica had in her hand the lead rope she’d left hanging on the gate, the gate open, and the end of the rope clipped onto Faith’s halter.
‘Would you like to come for a walk with me and stretch your legs?’ Jessica asked, leading her out. ‘A change of scenery would be nice, wouldn’t it?’
Jessica half expected the horse to become skittish outside the confined space, but she didn’t; she walked alongside Jessica with her ears pricked, taking it all in, but her head was lowered, indicating she w
as perfectly at ease.
Jessica smiled as she thought about what Steve would be seeing from the window: Jessica, Faith and the two dogs all walking companionably down the road. As silly as she was being, she thought Faith was smiling. She could have sworn the corner of Faith’s mouth closest to her was ever so slightly turned upwards. She patted the horse’s neck, and she turned towards Jessica and gave a gentle nudge. She gave the horse’s ears a ruffle.
‘You’re a good girl.’
What a lovely creature. And definitely a people horse. Jessica was surprised to find this thought didn’t bother her in the slightest.
As they turned out of the driveway onto the public road and the wind blew their scents to the animals across in neighbouring paddocks, horses, sheep, goats and alpacas lifted their heads from their grazing and came over to the fence to inspect the interlopers. Jessica chuckled to herself. It was like the opposite of the parting of the sea. She felt like Doctor Dolittle, strolling along with her menagerie, though it wasn’t as if she was being followed by a line of chooks or ducks. She was simply a woman leading a horse and being kept company by two brown kelpies. Nothing to write home about. Still, she couldn’t shake the great feeling of contentment that had settled upon her. The sun was shining, there was a gentle breeze, it wasn’t too hot, and she was leading a sweet, kind horse, who was ambling beside her with a smile on her face.
She led Faith over to a patch of lush, green grass and stopped. A horse, a few goats, a couple of sheep and three alpacas were nearby, and had resumed their grazing. Faith didn’t seem at all interested in making friends with anyone other than Jessica and Laurel and Hardy.
‘Go on, enjoy the grass,’ she urged. But Faith just stood there beside her obediently and patiently, waiting for them to continue. Jessica bent down and pulled out a clump and offered it to the horse, who took it and then the hint.
After grazing the edge of the road for a few minutes, Faith was happy to be turned around and for them to make their way home with the sun on their backs.
Leap of Faith Page 21