by J D Abbas
“It will get better.” That was the best Mikaelin could offer him. “The nightmares will come less often. The physical pain and its memory will fade. It will be rekindled at times when you smell a certain smell or hear a certain sound, but it will pass. The sense of being unclean—that’s the most enduring.”
“I’m s-sorry, Mikaelin,” Braiden whispered. “I-I know I’ve added t-to your pain. P-please, forgive m-me.” His tears spilled in torrents.
Mikaelin embraced the young man, pulling him in close. “I chose it,” he whispered. “I regret I didn’t do it sooner. I couldn’t. I wanted to, but I couldn’t find the strength. Forgive me for my cowardice.” He sucked in a breath. “I would take your internal torment if I could. I would. But apparently that’s not allowed. I will, however, walk beside you and share the burden anytime you feel the need.” He pulled back and held Braiden’s face. “You understand?”
Braiden nodded and folded back into Mikaelin’s embrace, clutching at his tunic. Mikaelin tightened his grip.
In the leper colony, there was some comfort.
Chapter 46
Lillianna watched as the glowing Mikaelin returned, the young healer now with him. The two slid into the shadows of the cave and silently listened to the others talk. She noticed that Braiden avoided her as diligently as Mikaelin. She looked away, swallowing the lump in her throat.
The friendly chatter continued around her until the moon was high. Finally Celdorn approached the girls and told them it was time to retire. Tonight his entire inner circle was staying in a large cave tucked into the mountains.
Lillianna wasn’t fond of caves—and this one was small and crowded with a dozen bodies—nor was she accustomed to sharing a bedchamber with men who wanted nothing more than to sleep. She moved her bedroll close to Elena’s and curled up beside her.
“Elbrion, will you sing for us?” Elena asked, surprising Lillianna. She hadn’t heard anyone sing since just after her mother died. Her papa wasn’t very good. But that was all so very long ago.
Elbrion sang three songs. Elena fell asleep before he’d finished the first one. Lillianna, however, lay awake long after the others, staring at the ceiling, watching the pulsating light that emanated from Elbrion bounce off the walls of the cave. The heavy breathing of the men slowly turned into snoring. A steady rhythmic hum reverberated in the cave.
Lillianna suddenly sat up. A fluctuating crimson glow began to mingle with Elbrion’s white, throbbing light. On the far side of the cave, tongues of fire appeared to be climbing the wall. She almost woke Elena but thought better of it. Crawling out of her blanket, she crept toward the flames, an eerie familiarity and morbid curiosity drawing her. She stepped carefully around the sleeping men, thankful for the illumination of the fire.
When she reached the source, she saw tendrils of red, orange, gold, dancing around a black mass that could have been unlit logs except that they moved, rising and falling rhythmically. Lillianna reached out her hand toward the tip of a flame but felt no heat. She put her fist in the center of another but no pain followed. The ring of flames pulled in tighter, and Lillianna felt compelled to move with them.
She stumbled on a log and grabbed another to balance herself. A yelp went up from the center of the mound. Lillianna shrieked, lost her balance, and fell forward into the heart of the fire. Beneath her, the writhing mass bellowed and rose up like an awakening bear. It tossed her away from the flames, and she hit the ground with a painful thud. The bear yowled and flapped its arms, which were engulfed in flame.
Others immediately jumped from their beds and lit the lanterns. Lillianna watched in horror as she realized it was Mikaelin, not a bear, who threw himself to the ground. He rolled and flailed, grabbing frantically at his hair and face.
Celdorn ran to him and gripped his shoulders, shouting to be heard over Mikaelin’s cries. “What’s happening?”
“Fire!” Mikaelin shrieked. “I can’t put out the fire.” But Lillianna no longer saw any flames.
Celdorn grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around him. Mikaelin struggled and continued to let out agonizing screams. Celdorn held firmly, joined by Silvandir with another blanket. Then suddenly his writhing stopped, and Mikaelin began to sob, “Oh ‘El, no! No more. No more.” His body stiffened and twisted a few times, then went completely limp.
Celdorn held him, rocking the big man as if he were just a child. Elbrion joined them and laid his hands on the blanket near the sides of Mikaelin’s head. Elbrion recoiled, shaking his hands vigorously, fingers splayed. “He is burning with heat.”
“Did you see any flames?” Celdorn asked Elbrion.
“No. Nothing.” Elbrion grasped Mikaelin’s head again. This time he was able to hold on for several moments. He let go and turned to Lillianna, who was hiding in the shadows. “What did you do?”
She shook with fear. “I-I don’t know,” she whispered. “I saw flames, and I came to see what was happening. I touched them, but I felt no heat. I didn’t know Mikaelin was there. I only saw the flames.”
“Lillianna, come here,” Celdorn said firmly.
Trembling, she stepped into the lantern’s light.
When Celdorn looked at her face, his eyes widened and he moaned. “Oh no, what have we done?” He embraced Mikaelin more tightly. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered against his head.
Elena moved closer and stared at Lillianna as if she were some kind of monster, then she gasped and ran to Mikaelin’s side. “Is he alive?”
Braiden and Dalgo joined Celdorn, encouraging him to let go of Mikaelin so they could examine him. When they pulled the blanket back, the stench of charred hair and flesh filled the cave.
Lillianna screamed at the sight of Mikaelin’s burned body. The scorched smell brought back intense memories. Fiery knives suddenly sliced through the left side of her body. She gagged and ran to the mouth of the cave to throw up.
When she returned, clinging to the shadows, she saw that Mikaelin’s entire left side was a blackened char. This made no sense. She hadn’t felt any heat from the fire. How did it burn Mikaelin so badly and not her?
Although the healers removed the charred remains of his clothing as gingerly as possible, much flesh came with them. Lillianna covered her mouth as she gagged again.
“Is he alive?” Elena repeated.
“Yes, but his breathing is shallow and rattling,” Dalgo said. “Lillianna?” When the healer glanced around, she pressed into the wall. “Did you have trouble breathing after you were burned?”
She sank to the floor, frozen with horror, not wanting to remember the after. It was a nightmare that never seemed to end.
“Lillianna?” Dalgo prompted.
“Yes, she had a great deal of difficulty,” Keymar replied for her. “It sounded like her lungs were filled with fluid for days. We didn’t think she would survive.”
“We can expect the same for Mikaelin, then,” the healer said as he laid blankets underneath Mikaelin’s shoulders so he wasn’t lying flat.
“He’s experiencing what I did?” Lillianna cried. “How? I didn’t mean to do this. I didn’t know. I didn’t know!” She looked around at the others. They must have hated her for hurting their friend. “I’ll take it back. I’ll do anything.” Lillianna covered her face with her hands then let out a shriek when she felt smooth flesh. She crawled into the light and stared at her left arm. The flesh was normal. She patted her head and found no stubble. Her hair had miraculously returned. “I don’t understand!”
Lillianna’s mind started to whirl. Shadows and flames lashed at her, mocking, laughing. She yanked at her new hair, scratched at the renewed flesh. She didn’t deserve this. Mikaelin was going to die because of her. “Burn in Umbradhur. Burn in Umbradhur,” she ranted, tugging, pounding, slapping, clawing.
Elbrion grabbed her hands and gripped them in front of her, singing softly. When she stopped fighting, he placed his hands on her head. She twisted and kicked and spat at him, certain he was going to snap her neck. But he was
stronger and held on, singing all the while. Finally, she felt warmth flow through her body, and all the fight drained away.
When she crumpled onto her side, Elbrion removed his hands. “Forgive us for not explaining this to you, Lillianna. Mikaelin’s gift is a wonderful thing, but the process for him can be horrific. When he takes on someone’s wounds, he also experiences how the wounds came to be there. Sometimes the things are so difficult he is not able to move through them quickly. They get stuck, so to speak,” he explained. “You did no wrong, and I believe the Jhadhela was pulling you toward him. We have been working to keep you apart because we did not think Mikaelin could endure another event such as this. Apparently, we were standing in the way of the power of the light.”
“Will he die because of me?” The question whimpered out of her mouth.
“I do not believe so,” Elbrion replied. “You survived. He will as well. It may, however, be a slow, difficult process.”
“Is there any way for me to take back my wounds? Can it work in reverse?” She wiped her nose on her sleeve. “I did this to myself. I threw myself into the fire. I deserve the pain and the scars. He doesn’t. Can’t I take them back?”
“I am afraid it does not work that way, Lillianna.” Elbrion paused, his face somber but kind. “No one deserves this pain—not Mikaelin, not you. It is my hope that when this is finished, it will have passed away forever, and neither of you will continue to suffer from it.”
“After seeing what I’ve done to him, I don’t think I’ll ever forget,” she whispered, curling into a ball.
~
Lillianna’s world was not as elaborate or well-developed as Elena’s, nor did her emotions burst outside her skin, but they were equally chaotic and intense. Lillianna had managed to retain some good memories from her early years, however. He would work with her on bringing these to the fore in the next few days.
“Elbrion,” Dalgo interrupted his thoughts. “Would you attempt to enter Mikaelin’s mind and see if you can help him to release the wounds? If they don’t pass soon then we need to begin treating them.”
Elbrion patted Lillianna’s shoulder, then moved to Mikaelin’s side. He placed his hands carefully on his head, avoiding the burned areas, and began to sing. Moments later he fell silent and opened his eyes. “The place where I met him before has burned to the ground. I can find no other image in his mind. It is all ashes.” An immense sadness filled Elbrion, and his light dimmed.
“Braiden? Elena?” Dalgo asked.
Braiden placed his hands on Mikaelin’s uninjured arm. He shook his head and said Mikaelin’s body was silent.
Dalgo turned to Elena.
“I can only do it with Gia’s help, but the last time I attempted to go inside, the doors were fastened against me.” She turned to Elbrion. “Ada?”
Elbrion moved next to her and clasped her hand. They both closed their eyes. They met again standing outside the entrance to the vestibule. The doors were locked tight. Elena tried pleading with those inside to open them, but there was no response. Elbrion laid his hands on the wall but could make no sense of what he perceived. He felt chaos within but could not discern the cause. He and Elena walked around the perimeter of the wall looking for another opening but found none. Eventually they gave up and returned to the outside.
Elena gazed at Mikaelin with tears. “I can do nothing.”
“Well then, we’ll do what we can through the more traditional methods,” Dalgo said resolutely.
He and Braiden set to work, excising the burnt tissue and placing Elrodanar salves on the underlying flesh, carefully wrapping the wounds in clean linens.
It was a slow, tedious process. Elbrion could feel Lillianna’s pain as she cringed in the shadows, watching, her body empathizing with every involuntary spasm of Mikaelin’s body. Guilt and shame were consuming her with each passing hour, which concerned Elbrion. The last thing they needed was for her to make another attempt to destroy herself.
It was close to dawn before Dalgo and Braiden finished.
“Only time will tell now,” Dalgo told Celdorn as he wiped his brow. “We won’t be able to move him for days, possibly weeks.”
“I’ve been contemplating that,” Celdorn said. “It seems there are many forces working against us to slow our progress, but we won’t move forward without him. I swore we would move as a whole, and I won’t be dissuaded, no matter what may come.”
The rest of the day passed with no change in Mikaelin’s condition. When night came, it was difficult for anyone to sleep. Dalgo and Braiden took turns keeping vigil over Mikaelin, raising his head when his breathing became excessively labored, changing his dressings, and encouraging him to pull through. His body was in agony, but there was little else they could do. More often than not, one of the others joined them, unable to sleep as they listened to the rattle in Mikaelin’s chest reverberating throughout the cave.
Chapter 47
The next morning, Elena sat up on her bedroll and turned to Lillianna, wiping the sleep out of her sagging eyes. The girl was staring at the cave’s ceiling, in the same position Elena had observed her the previous night.
“Did you sleep at all?”
“No,” came the immediate reply.
Elena studied the beautiful girl who lay next to her. Now that she was restored to her former self, she was striking, even at thirteen, when she was only just beginning to develop into a woman. In a few years, she would be a fearsome beauty.
Her gorgeous green eyes, however, were lifeless. Elena remembered how horrible she’d felt after Mikaelin took her wounds, after she’d watched him suffering her agony, when she realized what it had done to him.
Elena rose and went to check on Mikaelin. She was saddened to hear that there had been no change. She studied the bleak cave, which vibrated with the taut emotions of the men who surrounded Mikaelin. It suddenly felt as if the walls were pressing in around her.
“Ada, is there a place where Lillianna and I can bathe?” she asked Celdorn. “I think it would be good for her to get out of this cave for awhile. I’m worried for her.”
Celdorn didn’t answer immediately, almost as if he were too burdened to consider the question. He turned to Elbrion.
“There is the pool just west of here on the Rhonar, upstream from where the men have been bathing. It is almost entirely surrounded by rock walls and would be easy to secure,” Elbrion suggested.
“I agree it would be wise for both of you to get some fresh air and enjoy the beauty of the river. Haldor, Silvandir, Tobil, Shatur and Keymar will accompany you.” Celdorn looked across at Tobil, who was keeping vigil at Mikaelin’s side. “Take twenty men with you and surround the cliffs and shores of the river, but allow the girls some privacy.”
Tobil gave a stiff nod. “Yes, sir.” He rose and stretched.
The men waited while Elena coaxed Lillianna to come with her, which she adamantly resisted. The thought of moving seemed more than the girl could bear. But in the end, with all her stubborn tenacity, Elena prevailed.
When they emerged from the cave, the warmth of the summer sun greeted them. Elena felt like she could breathe again. As they hiked to the place they would bathe, she noticed a little more life in Lillianna’s walk. By the time they reached their destination, the girl was looking around with wonder in her eyes.
Tobil, who loved to study lands and lore, told them that centuries ago the River Rhonar had carved out a niche in the granite walls that stood in the way of its flooding waters, forcing the river to make a nearly ninety degree change in its course. At that curve there was a calm, beatific lagoon secluded by cliffs surrounding it on nearly all sides except for a twenty-foot strip of sand where one could approach. The pool was further hidden by trees that overhung it and lush vegetation in every direction, even climbing the rock walls.
Tobil stationed the men on the cliffs above and in the forest surrounding the pool. They were instructed to stay within earshot, but far enough back so that the girls would have privacy
.
“Elena, Tobil and I will be just beyond that tree,” Silvandir informed her, pointing to an enormous oak that was about twenty yards away. “If you need us, you have only to call. We are in no hurry, so take as much time as you wish.” He smiled and kissed the top of her head before he left.
“I see what you mean. He’s clearly in love with you,” Lillianna observed after the men withdrew.
Elena blushed. “He’s a much better man than I deserve.”
Lillianna stared off toward the cliffs. “I wonder if I’ll ever have that.”
“You are young and have a beautiful spirit. I’m certain that you will find love when it is your time,” Elena encouraged her.
As the girls undressed, Elena noticed Lillianna studying her own flesh as if it were a foreign object. “Is something wrong?”
“No, I just... I can’t believe that my skin is fully restored. This arm and my chest were... ugly, deformed. You saw. I looked more creature than human.” Her mouth formed an O, and she jumped up and ran to the edge of the pool. Kneeling down, she stared at her reflection in the water. She gasped, curled in on herself, and began to sob.
“What is it?” Elena knelt beside her and laid her hand on the girl’s back.
“Even... even before I was burned, my face was damaged.” She gulped in a shaky breath. “When I was ten, one of the Farak got angry with me and beat me with a chain. He broke my nose and jaw, which also left a nasty scar across my cheek. But it’s all gone. My face is completely restored.” Her body shuddered. “I don’t deserve this.”
“Lillianna, Elbrion was right. You didn’t deserve the pain you’ve endured for the last five years either. You did nothing wrong. You were an innocent child, an orphan who should have been loved and cared for.” She rubbed the girl’s back. “I once threatened to put back all of the scars that Mikaelin took from me, but I realized that would have been like spitting on the sacrifice he made.”