Twice Loved

by Mari Brown

  “More… I want more!” I can’t believe those words come out of me but they do.

  “Oh I’m going to give you everything you want and didn’t know you wanted.”

  Chills cover my body at his words. Not from fear but anticipation I can’t wait to see what Tate can do to the rest of my body. All he has done is play with my nipples and I’m ready to explode.

  My world is about to be rocked like never before. And I don’t even once think of my husband or children at home waiting for me.

  Why does thinking of Tate make me so hot still? We haven’t been together in six months yet I still grow instantly wet for him. The year I spent with him was one of the best times of my life and that’s why I can’t stop thinking about him. It wasn’t just the sex although it was plenty enough to keep me coming back for more over the year. Everything about us clicked together. We could sit and watch TV together laughing and cutting up. Never touching each other it was easy being together. Everything was easy too easy. Even with my family and his girlfriend in the background. We fought though and did what it took to be together. It was good, it felt right it was damn near perfect. Fuck me!

  Chapter Five

  I’m at Hill Elementary today working in my classroom. It never fails the school in the process of “cleaning” over the summer makes a mess of my room. It’s one of the reasons I pack up so much of the stuff at the end of every year. This morning my goal is to get the desks in order and hopefully start working on my welcome bulletin board.

  I arrange the little desks and begin taping the name plates on to each child’s desk. I learned long ago its best to assign them a place then move them later if the need arises. As I tape Brandy’s name on her desk I think of her father. It’s been a week since our run in at Busted Nuts. I’d like to say it had no effect on me. I’d be lying. I think about him daily. I dream about him at night.

  I’m so confused by my own feelings and thoughts. I’m confused why he still has a picture of us in his office at work. I want to trust him when he says that crazy LuAnn is out of his life but if I had a dollar for every time I heard that I could be sitting on a beach in the Bahamas right now.

  Nameplates done, Welcome Board done, classroom rules and posters are hung on the walls. I look around and smile pleased about how it’s coming along. Noah is supposed to stop by later today and help me hang jungle vines around the room.

  “Mom.” I look up surprised to see Olivia standing in my classroom.

  “Liv is everything okay?”

  “Yea we got done early this morning at cheer so I thought I’d come help you.”

  I smile at my daughter happy to have her with me even if she doesn’t lift a finger. This is her senior year and every day is a step closer to losing her. I know she isn’t going away forever. Nothing will be the same though once she leaves for college.

  “Want to go make copies for me while I do some things here in the room?”

  “Sure I can do that.”

  I hand her the stacks of papers I need copied. One stack is the welcome to my room packet I do every year and the rest are the first week of school worksheets. I hand her a couple of reams of copier paper and my ID badge so she can access the copier.

  “I need twenty-five of everything please”

  “Okay see you in a bit mom”

  Alone in my room again I pull out my brand new planner and grade book. I carefully begin writing each child’s name in the grade book so that I can keep a written record of attendance and important grades. It’s archaic, but it’s how I first started out teaching. Everything is now computerized. It does make it a little easier on me. The program our school system uses does all the math work on computing grade averages etc. We can just print out a report card at the end of a quarter instead of painstakingly writing out report cards.

  I grab my first week of school folders out of the file cabinet and make my way back to my desk. I begin looking through all the material to decide what we will do each day the first week of school. It’s not like I have to start from scratch and the guidelines from the state have changed very little over the years. I now just plug in what I want to use where I want to use it.

  It doesn’t take me long to plan week one of school after fifteen years of teaching first grade I think I could do it in my sleep. I pull up the class list and begin writing up postcards to send to each student’s family. It’s a welcome to my class and meet the teacher day information all in one. I want to mail them out ASAP. I then turn to my teacher’s webpage and begin updating it with this year’s information for holidays and more.

  I lose track of time as I work until Olivia comes back into the room. Her arms are loaded down with worksheets. She doesn’t even ask what to do she just goes to the work table in my room and begins sorting them into stacks. I watch as she criss crosses a stack of copies then begins laying out all the other in piles on the desk. Olivia has done this with me for so many years she knows my routine.

  “You have the Welcome folders ready?”

  “I printed the labels and the folders are on the counter behind you but I haven’t put the labels on yet.” I smile at my daughter from my desk.

  “I got this. Any order you want them in?”

  I dig through the paperwork on my desk and pull out the stapled sample pack I keep for my records. I hand it off to Olivia and let her get to work.

  “Hey, hey girlie…” Haley’s cheerful voice breaks the silence as Olivia and I work.

  “Was coming to see what we were doing for lunch?”

  “Oh can we have Mexican?” I chuckle at Olivia’s request.

  “Mexican is good with me. Didn’t realize your mom was going to have help. Now I’m jealous.”

  “I didn’t know I was going to have help either.”

  We agree to break at one and head out to Fiesta House for lunch.

  ***

  Haley has once again talked me into going out with her. I don’t know why I let this woman talk me into her craziness. It didn’t help Olivia was encouraging me to go out with her.

  “Come on Lori it will be good for you to get out.”

  “Mom it really would do you some good.”

  My best friend and my daughter ganging up on me seems unfair as we sit at Fiesta House.

  “It will be a much needed Girl’s night out.”

  Haley is assuring me that it will be just us girls. She said two other teachers from school would be joining us. After a little more convincing I finally say yes.

  We will be meeting up with Pam and Michelle at Golden Fondue for dinner then heading over to the Chrome Pipe for karaoke. As I finish dressing for the night in a pair of slim fitting jeans and an off the shoulder top paired with my black five inch heels excitement grows in me. This is the first time I have gone out for fun since Steve died.

  Steve wouldn’t want me sitting home night after night being unhappy and miserable, he would want me out there with my friends having fun. He would want that for me even when he was alive and well. That’s when I finally find peace with going out. I’m not betraying Steve by going out with my friends.

  “Hey Mom”, Noah calls for me from somewhere in the house.

  “I’ll be right out.” I yell back. I do one last check in the mirror before deciding I am ready for my night out. I make my way to the kitchen where I find both of my kids sitting on the bar stools sharing a pizza.

  “What did you need Noah?”

  “Oh yea... um... well see...”

  “Spit it out already kid.”

  Noah’s acting strange and I find myself getting a little nervous by his manner. I don’t know what he’s getting ready to tell me but I try to mentally prepare myself for something I don’t like.

  “I got a part time job today.”

  “What? That’s great!”

  Relief fills me at his words that’s not a terrible thing. I just hope he’s not taking on too much between school, football, and now a job.

  “Yea they agreed to work me around scho
ol and football.”

  “Where are you going to be working son?”

  There is a pregnant pause, and that’s when I know I am still about to get news I won’t like.

  “Working for Tate.”

  Noah’s words are so mumbled I think I didn’t hear him correctly but I can tell by the sheepish look on his face I heard just fine.

  “Working for Tate?” My voice is flat. My son just told me that my ex-boyfriend hired him. The man I was seeing while his father was still alive, the man his grandmother hates. This whole situation is fucked up.

  “Yea.”

  “You think that’s a good idea?”

  “He was willing to work with my schedule and I want to be able to pay you back for the car and have a little pocket money of my own too.”

  I sit down on a stool with a sigh. “What will you be doing?”

  Noah launches into the work he will be doing for Tate. Mostly clerical and janitorial type stuff. However he will get the opportunity to learn working on the cars as well. A part of me wants to tell Noah I think this is a very bad idea but I can’t bring myself to say it. Noah is so excited to have the job and actually seems interested in learning how to work on cars.

  I was probably over thinking things like I normally do. This would be a good thing for Noah. Teach him some responsibility and despite everything I trusted Tate to take care of my son.

  I leave the house to go meet up with Haley at her house but at the last minute I change my mind and find myself turning down a familiar street that leads me to a little cottage at the edge of town.

  Lori: Change of plans will meet you at Golden Fondue

  Haley: everything okay?

  Lori: yea just gotta take care of something

  Tate’s truck is parked in the driveway but another car is there as well. I have a sinking feeling I am interrupting a “date”. It doesn’t matter I have to do this. I have to know why.

  Knocking on the door I wait rather impatiently for it to be answered. I knock several times before the door finally swings open. I’m not surprised to see a busty blonde opening the door. She is fully clothed and her hair and makeup are perfect so I must not have interrupted sex.

  “Can I help you?”

  “I need to speak to Tate for a moment.”

  “Sure come on in… who should I tell him is here?”

  “Lori.”

  I see shock cross her face at the mention of my name and I wonder what that is about. Why would she recognize my name?

  “Gloria who’s at the door?” Tate rounds the corner still wearing his work clothes. He’s wiping his hand on a rag. “Lori what are you doing here?”

  “What am I doing here? Why did you hire my son to work for you?”

  “He’s a good kid, a hard worker, I like him and I needed the help.”

  My hand move to my hips my right foot tapping a small beat as I get worked up.

  “That simple huh?”

  I notice the blonde shifting uncomfortably. “I think I’ll go out back and let you two talk.”

  “Thanks Gloria.” Tate says as she walks toward the back of his place. His eyes never leave me though.“Got a date tonight?”

  What why is he asking me that. What is wrong with the asshole? Then it dawns on me I’m dressed to go out with the girls.

  “Yea a hot date.”

  “Oh yea…”

  “Yea…” We stand there. Eyes locked. The tension between us ever present. It’s always been this way with us. We had two types of tension sex and anger. We were good at both of those things with each other.

  “Don’t let him get hurt. Don’t encourage him to be a manwhore. Make sure I have no reason to come after your ass.”

  Tate laughter rings out in the small foyer.

  “Babe you know I wouldn’t let anything happen to Noah. He’s safe with me. Maybe you’ll get it one day. Now if you don’t mind I have company and it’s rude to keep them waiting.”

  “Since when do you care about being rude?”

  “I don’t. Get out Lori go enjoy your night”

  His words are harsh but the fact his body is pressed up against mine and his lips are mere inches from my own softens the blow. My heart rate speeds up at the proximity of our bodies.

  “Fine asshole!”

  Next thing I know his lips brush mine as his hand reaches behind me opening the front door.

  “Be careful princess and whether you admit it or not you’re still mine remember that when a guy tries to take you home tonight.”

  Fucking asshole getting me all turned on, pissing me off and making me remember just how much he owns my heart, body, and soul. Being I’m in five inch heels I can’t stomp out to my car the way I want to but as our kiss breaks apart I spin and speed walk to my car slamming the door before driving off.

  Chapter Six

  Walking into the Golden Fondue I spot Haley, Pam, and Michelle already sitting at a table with drinks in front of them.

  “Hey girl everything okay?” Haley asks me. I’m sure she can tell that I’m off right now. Shit Tate kissed me and claimed me then sent me out his door while he had a woman in his backyard. Who the hell does that? I don’t want to tell them what happened. I’m not ready to discuss it.

  “You talked to Jake?” I ask her curious to see if she knows what Tate did today.

  “Um yea… I always talk to Jake.” She replies in a manner that leads me to believe she probably has no clue what has me so fired up.

  “He mention that Tate hired new help?”

  “No he didn’t… why?”

  “Tate hired Noah to work for him part time today.”

  Haley chokes on the liquid she swallowed. “He did what?”

  Our friends and coworkers, Michelle and Pam do not know who Tate is much less the history between Tate and me. Their faces show confusion clearly. At this point though I don’t care anymore who knows the history.

  “Yes he hired my son to come work part time. Like it’s perfectly normal and okay. And I have his daughter in my class this year. I’m never going to get away from Tate.”

  “I don’t know who Tate is, but it sounds like life doesn’t want you getting away from him.” Michelle speaks up. Her voice soft matching her honey brown hair and cocoa colored eyes. Everything about her makes you warm and cozy. It’s probably why she is one of the best kindergarten teachers at our school. She has a way of making a person feel serene.

  I hate to admit it to myself but Michelle has a valid point. It does seem as if the universe is playing a sick cruel joke on me. Constantly throwing Tate back in my life these days as a method of torture, or punishment for all my evil doing.

  Pam, the petite blonde hair, sea blue eyed, second grade teacher is staring at me thoughtfully.

  “Who is Tate? You’ve been keeping secrets for a long time it’s time to spill.” I hate how perceptive she is. She always has been.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I feign innocence. I’m really not sure our girls night out should be turned into my drama fest.

  “Really because about two years ago you were a miserable woman that found out her husband was dying. Suddenly a year later you were happy again yet still upset about Steve. Then you’re miserable and crying all the time.” Pam leans forward on her elbows look me dead in the eye and finishes with “Wanna try again?”

  I thought I had masked what was going on in my life better than that. Damn Pam for noticing my moods. I glance to Haley and the only thing she gives me is a slight shrug as if to say it’s up to me what to say or do now.

  I fidget with the rolled up silverware in front of me. My fingers roll it back and forth as I contemplate telling my friends about Tate. When a waitress comes to the table and takes my drink order my mind is made up. I pick up the water glass in front of me taking a big gulp. Setting it back down I clear my throat.

  “It’s all Haley’s fault.”

  “What the hell Lori?” Haley exclaims at the way I start my story.


  “It’s true. She had me go out with her one night to a bar. That was the night she met Jake. It was also the night I met Tate.”

  Haley and I take turns telling the first part of the story. It’s not until I get to the night I drove Tate home that I take over completely. I don’t go into major details but I tell them how I ended up sleeping with Tate that night and that for the next year we went from friends, to lovers to being in a relationship, albeit a fucked up relationship.

  I was married with children. He had a girlfriend. We had to hide everything from everyone except Haley and Jake in the beginning. It was surreal. It was not something I planned or ever dreamed would happen to me.

  After the first night with Tate I drove home. I felt guilty as hell. I didn’t sleep a wink that night. I spent most of the night by Steve’s bedside crying silently. I was a horrible wife yet didn’t regret what I did with Tate either which made me feel even worse about it. I avoided Tate like the plague for about two weeks. One night he showed up at the bar with Jake and once again I found myself driving him to his cottage. Yet again I found myself falling into bed with him.

  “It feels good… let’s go with the flow. No pressure. I’m just a stunt cock for you.”

  “Stunt cock?”

  “Yes like a stunt double in a movie I’m just a stunt cock for your husband who can no longer pleasure you.”

  “I don’t know.”

  I was uncomfortable with the idea yet it gave me a thrill at the same time.

  “Princess… you know it’s good between us.”

  With those few words he won me over.

  In the beginning I found a way to go over to his house about once a week so that we could do the bedroom tango. As time went by I was going over a couple nights week then it happened. I should have seen it coming, but I was going with the flow trying not to think about what I was doing.

  “Spend the night with me?”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Princess I want you in my bed in my arms naked all night.”