I shiver. This void is way too reminiscent of how I’d felt once my mom was gone. I stare off into the distance, already missing my wife’s floral scent, and the sound of her throaty laugh.
Though, maybe I dodged a bullet. Karma had worked in my favor by calling me back to duty sooner rather than later. Spending so much time near Inara has been breaking down the walls I’ve built to keep me safe. A little time away with my men is exactly what I need to get my head back on straight.
The next ten months can’t go quickly enough.
Chapter Fourteen
Inara
I plop facedown on my bed, my body beyond exhausted. Every muscle aches, even ones I didn’t know existed. My skin is warm to the touch, thanks to the sun shining through the clouds, even though it’s been overcast lately, leaving me with a slight sunburn.
The SAR callouts have been nonstop the past two weeks, on top of work and helping Bennett. My body needs a break. Not that I’m out of shape, because our trainings are no joke, but when it comes to saving someone, it gets a whole lot harder.
Half of me wishes Tony was here. It’s a weird thing to admit, given the freak-out I had when I first discovered we’d been matched, but I miss having my husband around. Not only his sexy body and wisecracks, but the way he went out of his way to help me out. If he were home, I know he’d happily save me from dragging my exhausted body to the grocery store, have home-cooked meals waiting for me after extra-grueling days, and save me from the mountains of laundry I never quite conquer. All while making me smile.
The other half of me is happy he’s gone. If he were back, I’d have to explain why I’d stormed off the day he left, and I’m not sure I’m ready to admit those reasons. Not even to myself. I’d gone for a drive while I wrestled with my unexpected feelings at his news, followed by a walk along the beach. By the time I returned home, Tony was gone.
Just as I’m about to knock out for a midday nap, my phone buzzes with a reminder. Shit. It’s Taya’s birthday. She didn’t mention it, but with everything on her mind these days, she might have even forgotten.
Chingado! I close my eyes. I’m a terrible friend. But I can fix this. Hell, Tony and I threw Trevor’s party together in a matter of hours. And of course my mind goes right back to Tony’s goddamn sculpted and beautiful face, and the wounded look in his eyes when I’d rushed off the day he’d left for training. But I was scared. And I hate surprises. Especially bad ones. The two of us had been having a moment there, and then his phone buzzes and just like that, he’s off on a new mission.
I lean back and sigh. And what a moment it was. Our lips had only met briefly, but I still remember the sweetness of the flan on his tongue, and the flames licking over my skin.
Stop.
What’s the point right now of focusing on him or the sultry look in his eyes before he laid that last kiss on me? He’s not here, so why torture myself? Besides, nothing has changed. If anything, the way he took off without a text or anything showed me all I need to know about how seriously he’s taking this relationship.
I scroll through my contacts and text Marge, knowing if she can’t find a babysitter, it’ll be hard to get her out of the house. She calls me back almost immediately. “I’d love to celebrate Taya’s thirtieth! Mason’s mom should be able to keep Leslie a little longer since they’re already on a playdate. Hell, she owes me one after Mason had the nastiest stomach virus while staying with us a few months ago. So, what do you have in mind?”
Shit, I don’t have any ideas yet. Taya and Jim were going to fly out to San Diego for Comic-Con, but those plans changed. Nothing like Special Forces’ schedules. I drum my nails against the countertop. Maybe there’s another geeky kind of fun gals’ day we can still pull off. “Marge, do you have a superhero costume?”
She chuckles. “Unfortunately, yes.”
I speed through details of a possible plan with Marge as they pop into my head. Pretty much we’re all going to be wild and silly, and all the things we often forget we are while our husbands are home. We’ll wear our favorite costumes and go to the little tapas place that overlooks the beach. It’ll be a nice distraction. Marge is on board with all of it and asks if Hayden could join since she’s home for the summer.
“Of course,” I say, and after a quick goodbye, I hang up and dial Taya.
She answers after what has to be about twenty rings. “Yeah?”
“Happy birthday!” I make sure to sound cheery and not at all as exhausted as I am.
Taya doesn’t say a word, not even a thank-you. She just sighs.
“Yes, I know you’d much rather I had a sexy, deep voice and a nice big dick, but alas, you are stuck with my whiny voice. I have a fantastic idea. Get dressed in that digital-blue girl costume you were planning on wearing to SDCC. You know, the one from that video game you and your husband love so much.”
“Um, why?”
“Because I’ve got a hell of a day planned for your birthday, so don’t ask questions.”
Taya grumbles but ends up agreeing. I hang up with her and start getting ready fast. I’m not great with comics, but I do have a Wonder Woman costume that still fits. I throw everything I can possibly need into a bag since I’ll probably knock out on Marge’s couch tonight. I text Taya to tell her to bring some comfy clothes as well and that I’ll pick her up in twenty, and she agrees.
The blue spandex bottoms are riding up my ass and thick, scratchy material digs into my armpits. Part of me again wishes Tony were here so I can dole out the sass that comes with wearing this costume. What fun it would be to boss him around. The shit I do for my girl. Thankfully, the drive to Taya’s is so easy I can do it from memory. By the time I get there, she is fully dressed and ready to go.
Taya climbs into my car and her eyes are a bit puffy with a wet sheen. I shake my head and point a finger at her. “No tears on your birthday. I won’t allow it.”
She snorts but continues to stare out the window. “Last year was the first year my dad wasn’t around. Plus, you remember what happened at dinner and how my birthday got ruined. This year Jim’s not around, and it’s my thirtieth. Not that I’m one for milestone celebrations, but for once, it would’ve been nice to have something that is all mine.”
I reach over to give her shoulder a quick squeeze. “I know, honey.”
“Not to mention, I just didn’t know how much it would hurt each time Jim leaves.”
When Taya says “each time” my heart speeds up. For some reason, the fact that being in Special Forces will have Tony gone for more than two hundred days a year didn’t really compute until just now. It wasn’t a fact I thought about when I signed up for the program, nor when Tony showed up. But now my chest aches from his absence. The more I see what Taya goes through, the more I question if signing up to marry someone in the military was such a great idea.
Given my reaction when Tony first got the news he was leaving? Yeah, I’m not so sure I’m cut out for this. God, I’m just like my mom. Jumping into marriage without thinking it through.
“I’m sorry your birthday last year sucked so bad.” I put the car in park and turn to her. “But this one will be way different. Jim might not be here, but he’ll make it up to you.”
“You’re right, he will. And I am kind of glad that you dragged me out of the house as I do have something to celebrate outside of my birthday.” Taya fiddles with the strap of her purse as she takes a deep breath. “Lyons called earlier.”
My brow quirks at the same time my eyes narrow. “To wish you a happy birthday?”
“And to let me know Santoro was not only convicted but sentenced to life in prison without parole.”
She bursts into tears and I reach over and engulf my best friend in a hug. This is huge news. After a couple of minutes pass, I pull back and wipe the tears from Taya’s face. “We do have a lot to celebrate. So, let’s get started on enjoying our own ridiculous version of Comic-Con.” My hand waves up and down our bodies, and we both explode into laughter, glancing down
at our costumes.
We exit the car and meet at the back, already garnering glances from people in the lot. By the time I grab the door to the restaurant, Taya and I are not just comfortable in our garb but playing it up. Cue the blockbuster movie music in my head and slow motion entry—the superheroes have arrived.
“They beat us here.” Taya points to a primo table with a killer view of the ocean where Marge and Hayden wave us over as inconspicuously as they can.
Marge stands to hug Taya. Damn, she looks sexy in her Catwoman getup. Fingers crossed I’ll look that good after having children.
“You guys, thank you so much for doing this, for putting on these costumes and going out with me. And, Hayden, I know we don’t know each other well, but I’m so glad you’re here,” Taya says.
“Any chance I have to put on my Harley Quinn costume is a surefire way to get me to go out,” Hayden says.
We all laugh just as the server approaches, pulling out his pad and pencil. “I’d ask if you’re having drinks tonight, but I can see that would be a stupid question.”
“Ladies, a pitcher of margaritas to start?” When I get nods all around, I turn back to the server. “And can you start us with your best sampler?”
“The best? Ooh, that’s a tough choice.”
I wave my hand in the air. “Surprise us. We’re wild women tonight.”
He nods and sticks the pen back into his pocket. “You got it.”
Taya catches my gaze and mouths a thank you, gratitude evident in her eyes, and my heart fills with warmth.
We spend the next few minutes oohing and aahing over our costumes, taking selfies, and laughing at the looks people are giving us. Then Taya fills the rest of our group in on the good news. Marge reaches across and grabs her hand. “Have you told Jim yet?”
“No.”
I purse my lips. “He’s going to pitch a fit you didn’t call him right away with the news, which means we all are going to have to deal him being extra grumpy.”
Taya rolls her eyes. “He’ll get over it. And hopefully be relieved. Maybe even call off some of the team guys still here from being my unofficial bodyguards.”
We all laugh having encountered her protection detail in one way or another. Like the one guy who insisted on coming to the movies with us. Or the newbie who followed us into the nail salon. We treated him to a pedicure.
When a runner brings our margaritas to the table, I hand him my phone and ask if he would take a group shot of us. After the photo is taken, I grab the pitcher and start pouring.
Marge lifts her glass in the air. Crap, a toast. Going from exhaustion to full-speed-ahead party planner was a whirlwind for my brain, so I appreciate the help. The rest of us follow her and clink. “Happy birthday, Taya.”
I take one sip and set mine down—Marge seems to be at my pace—while Taya and Hayden keep theirs tipped back until they’ve got a nice buzz going. We chat and eat and have girl talk, and for a few precious moments, it’s like we don’t have a care in the world.
“This ceviche is to die for.” I shove another loaded chip into my face and refuse to pull that I’m going to the gym later mindfuck.
“I like these melon-skewer thingies,” Taya says.
Another pitcher comes our way as the once-bright sky now fades to a soft gray on this beautiful summer night. Taya pours this time and as she fills Hayden’s glass, she says, “God, I love your hair, Hayden.”
I was thinking the same, admiring how the pink at the top blends into a gorgeous purple.
“Don’t let Bear hear you say that,” Marge warns.
“Who’s Bear? We have no husbands tonight.” I meant it to be funny, but an awkward silence passes over the table for a moment, and I want to kick myself.
Hayden clears her throat and waves over the server. “Shots! We haven’t done a birthday shot yet.”
Thirty minutes later, Marge and Taya head to the restroom and I get the pleasure of watching all the heads turn as they go.
“You went to Italy to study sculpting?” I say to Hayden.
“Yeah, it was a great experience. We studied under a master sculptor and then shared our work at the end of the class. I’m so glad I did it.”
I’m genuinely shocked someone so young has had her artwork on display. When I was twenty-two, all I was doing was getting trashed and trying to keep up with my mom’s relationships. “That’s really cool. Did your family go out to see it?”
“No, Dad was either on a mission or training and Mom was with Leslie. I don’t think they really know all the details or understand it fully.”
“Well, I’d love to see your stuff someday.”
Marge and Taya return arm in arm. When they sit down, Marge takes hold of Taya’s hand. “I know this is still all new to you, and the other wives haven’t been as comforting.” Taya is smiling, but her eyes have a sheen on them.
I’m in awe of how put together Marge is. This has been her life for most of her adulthood—having Bear leave over and over, never really being able to make plans together, never really knowing if he would be okay. And while our husbands are only gone at training right now, it’s all a stark reminder of how often they do leave and what they’re training for.
I raise my glass and salute Marge with it. “Bear’s lucky to have you.”
“Hell yes, he is, and you better bet I remind him every day.” She pauses to wipe a small tear that runs down her cheek. “But I’m lucky too. He really cares about us.” She looks over to Taya. “It doesn’t ever go away, the missing and the fear, but you get more used to it. And you have us.”
Taya leans in to hug Marge and it hits me that this is what it means to be a wife to these men. There’s a strength most people don’t realize. Through it all, these women have to be at home alone or act as single moms for months at a time. Even if things continued getting better with Tony, would I be able to handle a life like this?
Taya looks over at me and I try to hide the anxiety written across my face by taking a large gulp of my drink. But there’s no use, since she knows me so well. She offers me a weak smile. “Is all of this getting to you?”
I set the glass back down and sigh. “No, I’m just thinking about Tony is all.”
Marge’s eyes go wide and she looks at me. “Honey, I’m sorry I haven’t even checked in with you. This is your first time with Tony gone.”
To my surprise and horror, my eyes start to well with soft tears. “No, it’s okay, I’m fine.” My voice catches in my throat. Christ, I’m far from fine.
“You probably miss him like crazy.”
I don’t need Taya’s truth bombs at this moment. “Not in the slightest.”
The three woman stare at me, eyes unblinking and with a slight tilt to their heads.
I quiver a little bit under their combined assault and throw my hands up. “Okay, I do miss him. I just don’t know where we stand. Every time I think things are working, something happens to make us take two steps back.”
Marge leans across the table and puts her hand on mine. “We’ve all let our husbands leave during some of the most inopportune moments. Their jobs don’t stop for their home lives. And I think it’s pretty evident Tony means a lot to you.”
I don’t want to be like my mother, divorce after divorce. But more than that, a big part of my heart wants things to work out with Tony for the long haul. Just for me. And I can’t say his body doesn’t light me up. We might have had a little bit of an awkward first time, but that can be worked through.
Let’s be real. I would love to work through that part with him.
I wipe my eyes and tuck a loose curl behind my ear. “Hey now, we’re not here to listen to me vent about Tony’s being gone. We still got movie and wine time.”
We eventually settle the check, and Marge and I make sure the other is okay to drive. We both tapered off our drinking earlier so that we wouldn’t have to leave our cars here overnight. After Taya and I get into my car, I follow Marge back to her place and we all change
into our comfy lounging clothes to finish the night gawking at a longhaired, buff, blond Asgardian god.
Although, deep in my heart, I’d do anything to be gawking at my husband right now.
Chapter Fifteen
Tony
Goddamn Texas heat. And thank fuck for the AC in this hotel. Bear pushes me and I almost stumble as we head into the small dining area we’ve been monopolizing the past couple of nights. I turn and give the big behemoth the middle-finger salute, even though I’m not really mad. On tough days, Bear is the glue that holds us all together.
The training is long and exhausting, but there’s something so satisfying about working my body to its limits. But I miss Inara. And her lips. And the way her tiny frame and curves fit right into me. The mere thought of her sends the blood pulsing to my dick, and I bite back a groan. Fuck, I can’t be popping a boner right now.
“Inara say anything about the broken vase?” Craiger asks.
“Nope.” I stop in front of the TV, shoulder to shoulder with Jim. A cable weather station is focused on the East Coast, and a blob containing a large amount of purple and red on the computer model is moving off the Atlantic, with the predicted path to take it right over Virginia. Exhaustion makes me a little slow on the uptake, but when I realize what I’m looking at, my stomach dives into my boots.
“Shit.” Jim steals the word right out of my mouth.
The weatherman starts talking and as soon I catch the words storm and hurricane, I whip out my cell and immediately call Inara. The phone rings and rings as I pace toward the back patio and with each passing second, the pain grows in my stomach. When the call goes to voice mail, I hang up and dial her again, standing at the door, unable to force myself out into the punishing heat.
“Tony?” Inara picks up at last, sounding out of breath. “Is everything okay? Are you hurt?”
Her familiar voice pours over me, and I close my eyes and picture her beautiful face while I hasten to calm her fears. “Everything’s fine. I’m calling because I saw the weather report and wanted to make sure you were home safe. There’s a storm heading your way and it’s going to be a big one.”
Matched (Navy Seals of Little Creek Book 2) Page 13