Chapter 11
“I'm so proud of you!”
Yeah this she's proud of me for. Not when I got top of the class in that paper. Not when I worked every night for a month straight at that job cleaning toilets just so I could pay my rent. Nope, she was proud of me for agreeing to take my clothes off in front of a man. Jesus Christ.
“How about this?” I asked, holding out a small black thong.
“Well I won't know until I see it on will I!” she said. “Go on, let's see it.”
I took off my jeans and jumper, bringing me down to my current set of underwear.
“Ha,” Tess laughed, “yeah you don't wanna be stripping down to that!”
Screw you. “Well go on, turn around, I don't want you to see me naked.” I held my arms up over my chest for extra coverage.
“Alice, honey, if you can't get naked in front of me, how the hell are you going to do it in front of him?”
That was the whole problem. I wasn't like her, I couldn't just drop my pants in front of people. In fact, I hadn't been naked in front of anyone for over a long time.
“Who said I'd be getting naked? I'll go down to my underwear and that's it.”
“Girl, you don't know what you're packing do you. Your bod is hot as hell Alice, I'd kill to have a rack like yours, an ass like that.”
I shook my head. Taking compliments well wasn't my thing.
“Now come on, lets see it. Call it practice, like rehearsals for the big show.”
I felt so isolated, so exposed as I stood there in the middle of the room, Tess's eyes ogling me. We'd never spoken about it directly, but I swear she was bisexual, and that made me feel even more uneasy. She was my best friend, and I didn't want her looking at me in that way.
“I dunno Tess, it's weird, you're my friend. At least I don't know this guy - and after tonight I won't see him again.”
“For crying out loud Alice just take your bra and panties off girl. Look, it's not hard.”
She stood up off the bed and whipped off her top, reaching down to unzip her jeans. “OK, OK,” I said, holding my hands up, “I'll do it.”
She sat back down as I reached behind my back and clipped open my bra, letting the straps slide over my shoulders. I dropped it to the floor and begrudgingly removed my hands from my breasts, letting my arms fall down to my sides.
“Happy now?”
She traced her eyes down towards my panties, raising her eyebrows as she looked at my crotch. “And the rest.”
I reached down and pulled the lacy fabric down the side of my thighs, allowing the panties to fall lightly to the floor.
I could see her chest heaving slightly under her top, her breath slightly quicker as she sent her gaze over me. “Wow Alice, just wow.”
“Are we done?” I said, turning and reaching for my dressing gown that was hanging on a hook on the door.
“AND THAT ASS!” she explained loudly as I twisted round. “Girl you're rocking it like Scarlett Johansson!”
I slipped my gown on and turned back to her.
“Hey hey now, you've gotta sell it more than that. Stripping isn't just taking your clothes off, it's an art. You've gotta draw him in and get him hot babe, it's not about just showing him the goods straight up.”
“Yeah I know that, obviously,” I snapped.
“OK, easy, just try to have fun with it is all I'm saying. You've got an incredible figure that any guy would love, so use that.”
Somehow the idea that random strangers wanted to fuck me wasn't overly appealing. But tonight wasn't a random stranger, it was Kyle.
“So how are you getting there? You know, without your car?”
Shit, I hadn't thought of that. “Bus I guess.”
“Babe, don't be silly, I'll take you.”
“Thanks, but I don't want to put you out.” Realistically the thought of having her take me would make me even more nervous.
“No it's fine, I don't have anything on. Do you know when you'll be done. I could wait around if you want, find something to keep me busy?”
“Seriously Tess, that's really sweet but I don't have a clue. I'll get the bus home, don't worry.”
She had another couple of go's at convincing me but eventually relented. She could be such a good friend at times, and this was one of them.
In truth I wanted to be alone right now, be alone on the way, be alone on the way back. I didn't want any part of this creeping its way into another part of my life - I wanted it completely separate, completely cut off.
It was one night, just one night that I wanted to get through and forget. Nothing more.
Chapter 12
My nerves were building as we drove along the icy roads, my knees shaking despite the warmth in the car. Tess had been chatting away about regular things, college stuff, trying to keep me at ease. But there was nothing on my mind but what I was about to do.
When we reached the address my heart was in my mouth. “You can do it Alice, have confidence,” Tess said as I prepared to step from the car. “Are you sure you don't want me to stick around? Maybe I could come down with you?” There was a desire in her voice.
“No Tess, you go. I'll be fine.”
I steadied myself and stepped out from the car, the biting wind rushing against my body. I saw my reflection in the window as I waved Tess off, my hollow eyes and pale complexion hidden under make up.
I looked up at the building, a bland place from the outside, it's unassuming visage hiding what was going on within. Steeling myself I walked towards the main door, and the heavyset bouncer guarding it.
“I'm here to see Kyle Logan,” I said to him as his eyes lingered on my breasts, peeking out from under my coat.
“Right,” he said knowingly, nodding his head slowly, “in you go, down the steps and to the left. His office is at the end of the corridor.”
I stepped past him, feeling his eyes burning through my coat at my ass, and carefully made my way down the steps. The inside was in marked contrast to the outside, warm reds on the walls and beautifully carved lamp fixtures dousing the stairway in an inviting glow.
The carpet felt soft and well kept underneath my feet as I stepped further down, with golden touches where the walls met the ceiling contrasting nicely with the reds. I'd never have guessed they'd be women stripping naked only meters from where I stood.
My pulse continued to rise as I reached the bottom. To the right was a heavy double door - no doubt where the main area was located - while to my left the corridor stretched out ahead of me, doors to the left and right. I walked past them, onwards towards the door at the end labeled Manager.
I was choking on my heart as I reached the end and lifted my hand to knock, my fist shaking gently. I steadied myself and gulped down a sizable breath before tapping gently on the wood.
“Come in,” came the voice from the other side.
I turned the ivory handle and the door clicked open, revealing a stately office beyond. In front of me, sitting behind a heavy oak desk, sat Kyle, a smile spreading across his face as he saw me. My heart fluttered with a different kind of nerves as his dashing smile lit up the room, his deepset eyes twinkling blue.
“I hoped you'd come,” he said, placing a gold tipped fountain pen on a small pile of documents on the desk in front of him, “but I wasn't sure you would.”
My nerves settled quickly at the sight of him, his easy way somehow comforting. “I had to repay my debt,” I retorted, “I've got enough creditors as it is.”
He smiled and stepped around the desk, moving in close to me and grasping the front of my coat with his two hands. He peeled it open slightly, peering down through the crack, his lips pursed and eyes steely. My breath was lost for a moment as his eyes washed over my breasts before return
ing to my face.
“You are truly stunning,” he said, “I've seen few like you.”
I could feel my cheeks reddening but didn't turn from his gaze. “Thank you,” I whispered, my lips so close to his. My heart was pounding wildly as we stood there, our bodies almost touching, our lips drawn towards each other like magnets. Our faces inched closer as my eyes began to shut, the sound of his light breathing, the scent from his neck, intoxicating.
He pulled back suddenly, stepping backwards, his eyes blinking. “I'm sorry,” he said, “I overstep the mark.”
I gulped, breathing heavily, my pulse racing. How did he overstep the mark. I was about to strip for him! What was a little kiss compared to that!
A silence fell between us for a moment before he spoke again, suddenly more serious, more businesslike.
“Are you ready Alice?”
The words sent a jolt through my body, my head going light. I nodded without speaking and slowly began removing my coat, letting it slide off my body as gracefully as I could. I couldn't help the look of nerves on my face, trying to smile confidently, sexily.
“Wait,” Kyle said, holding his hand up. “This isn't right.”
I dropped my head in shame. I must have looked like an idiot.
“Not here Alice,” he said, “not in the office.”
His demeanour was all work now, all serious. “Follow me,” he said, walking towards the door and out into the corridor.
I followed as he stepped down the quiet corridor and towards the double doors at the bottom of the stairs. I could hear a sound of music beyond, lights flashing through the cracks around the door.
He pushed the double doors open and walked into the space beyond. Along the top of the room to the right was a bar, stretching towards the wall on the other side. The rest of the room was filled with podiums and poles and drinking booths. In the middle was a larger stage, seating around it, men sitting quietly in their suits, smoking cigars and drinking whiskey.
The podiums were adorned with beautiful women, wrapping themselves around poles and dancing gracefully. Some were in lingerie, others nude, and everywhere there were men watching, their eyes enjoying the flesh on show.
One the main stage were two women, stripping each other off, flicking their discarded garments to the crowd. I wanted to turn away but couldn't, the show of debauchery and seduction unlike anything I'd ever seen.
“How do you feel?” Kyle's voice brought me back to reality. “You ready?”
I looked at him, my eyes slightly wide. “You want me to strip out here?!” I said disbelievingly. “I thought you said it would just be you?”
He smiled at me, seeing the look on my face. “It will be Alice. You're not for public consumption.” He was speaking about me like I was a commodity to be bought and sold. I guess that's exactly what these girls were.
He grabbed a glass of whiskey from a passing waitress, herself dressed in only lingerie, and continued on to the end wall and through another door. There was a long corridor running adjacent to the back wall, numbered doors along the right side - 1, 2, 3, stretching off to what must have been at least 10.
“Here,” he said, stopping at number 5.
I followed him in as he opened the door, letting it shut behind me. It was small and extremely private. In the middle was a mini circular stage, and around it a long, curved, sofa. The walls were white and the sofa red, with a small table at either end for drinks.
“Here we are,” Kyle said, sitting down and placing his whiskey on the table, “just me and you.”
I felt impossibly awkward standing there by the door. What did he expect, for me to just climb onto the stage and starting taking my clothes off?
“Do what feels natural Alice,” he said, “show me what you can do.”
I knew he must have done this a thousand times with a hundred women. He was only young, maybe mid twenties, but he'd probably experienced enough women for ten lifetimes. He sat there, where he'd probably sat countless times, waiting for me to do what comes naturally. Unfortunately, none of this was natural to me.
“I don't know what to do,” I said, “can you not give me some instruction?”
His professional veneer faded a touch as I spoke, a look of sympathy and regret in his eyes. “Um, don't worry Alice, don't worry about impressing me or trying to mimic the girls out there. You are a beautiful, stunning young women. Show me that.”
He looked at me, his expression earnest, his closed lips stretched out in a light smile. His words gave me confidence, but I did want to impress him, I did want him to like it, to want me. I slid off my coat as I had before, throwing it to the ground.
Beneath I wore a light blue dress, zipped up from the back. I stepped towards him and planted a look of seduction on my face. It was half feigned, half genuine, but I knew I must have looked like a fool to him.
Fuck it, let's continue.
I reached to my back with my left hand and turned around, pulling the zip down slowly. The fabric loosened over my chest as I turned back round and faced him, bending down slightly as I dragged the sides of the dress down, shuffling out of it as sexily as possible. I look so stupid, this isn't working.
His eyes remained fixed on me as I stepped out of the dress and up towards the stage. My breasts bulged out from my bra as I drew my hands around my skin, moving my hips as I thought a stripper might. I was playing the role like an amateur, botching my lines, but his face never showed it. He didn't speak, didn't move but for the odd sip of his whiskey, keeping his eyes on me the entire time.
I didn't know where to go from here. I continued to dance, trying to pluck up the courage to unclip my bra, but couldn't. The sight of him there was making me hot. I wanted to jump off the stage and onto him. A primal urge coursed through me, my thong beginning to wet.
“It's OK,” he said suddenly, unmoving on the sofa, “you can stop.”
I knew he didn't like it, I knew I was doing badly.
I stepped bashfully from the stage and stepped back into my dress, pulling the straps back over my shoulders and reaching round to zip it up. Why wouldn't it zip up. Fucking thing. I pulled at the zip but it wouldn't budge, feeling his hand suddenly touch mine from the blue.
“Let me,” he said. He was next to me, standing close to my back.
I breathed heavily as I let my hands drop, a tear building in my eye. I felt ashamed that he didn't enjoy it, ashamed that he'd had to ask me to stop. I must have been awful, so unsexy, so unappealing to a man like him.
He put his right hand to my side as he gently lifted the zip with his left, pulling it up carefully as the dress closed around my bra.
“Was I that bad?” I sniffed quietly, not wanting to turn to look at him.
“No,” he said calmly, “you're inexperienced.”
He turned me round, placing both of his strong hands on my waist and looking into my tear stained eyes. “You are an exquisite creature Alice. Any man would be lucky to witness you as I have.”
I couldn't help myself as his words fell, leaning in close and planting my lips to his. They were so warm and soft, forceful yet gentle. He kissed me back, his hands rushing from my waist to my face, brushing back my hair, pulling me in close.
He dragged himself away suddenly, leaving his hands dangling out in front of him as he glanced up into the corner of the room. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't take advantage.”
He picked up my coat and passed it to me, placing it over my shoulders. “You should go Alice.”
I looked at him bewildered. He stopped me from stripping, he stopped me from kissing him. He could have seen it all, had it all, but he didn't. He looked concerned, his eye darting once more to the top corner of the room.
“What's wrong?” I asked, turning to look where
his eyes had fallen.
“Nothing,” he said, grabbing me and turning me back towards the door. “Consider your debt paid Alice, you don't have to come back here.”
Without giving me a chance to think he rushed me back down the corridor and through the main area.
“I have work to do,” he said as we reached the bottom of the stairs. “Please, Mace will sort a car for you.” He nodded to the exit at the top.
Then, without so much as a goodbye, he paced off back down the corridor and into his office, not turning back before the door shut behind him.
Chapter 13
I felt stupid as I sat in the car back to campus. Why had he reacted like that when I kissed him? Why did he stop me before I took my underwear off?
What troubled me most, however, was the fact that I wanted him to enjoy my body as I stripped. I wanted him to want me to continue. I wanted him to want to see me naked. That he didn't seem to want it made me feel used, abused, and pathetic.
It was only about 10 PM when I got back and my dorm was alive with activity. I hadn't realized it but there was a party going on on the floor below me, and half the college seemed to be there. I could barely squeeze through the main doors to get up the stairs it was so rammed.
True to form I saw Tom and his football mates downing beers and chanting right in the center of the action, a crowd of female admirers giggling and laughing at their every joke, lame and base as they probably were. How could I talk about being base? I'd just been dancing in a fucking strip club!
I pushed my way through the throng and up the stairs before finding some space on my own floor and settling in the solitude of my dorm. My mind was racing in a hundred different directions as the door opened and Tess came in.
“I just saw you come back hun, how'd it go?” Her words were rushed, excited, energized by a few drinks.
“Well, I paid my debt and I'm not going back, let's leave it at that.”
The Logan Brothers - Books 1-4: (EXPOSURE, CRASH, TWIN PASSIONS, and ADDICTED TO YOU) Page 5