I'd spoken to Lithgow recently to apologize for how I may have reacted when he told me he was pulling his investment. I said that I had another potential project he might be interested in and that I'd like to discuss it over dinner.
It was a lie.
“She's no one,” I said. “Just a stupid girl.”
I could see Lithgow eyeing her up as she was taken away, his sleazy eyes sliding over her like a snake. Keep your fucking eyes off her.
I was telling the truth there though. She was a stupid fucking girl. What the hell was she playing at?! She was clearly drunk, her words completely unrestrained. She was like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde: quiet and reserved when sober but completely fucking insane when drunk. She has some balls, I'll give her that.
“Right Crash, let's cut to the chase. What exactly is it that you've brought me here to discuss?”
I was finding it hard sitting there with this man without telling him how I really felt, without telling him exactly what was going to happen to him.
The man had murdered my father. Everything inside my body was making me want to stand up right there, grab the steak knife from the table, and saw his fucking head off.
But no, I needed him to do something for me first.
I'd managed to convince him to meet, but was yet to reveal my true purpose. He'd help me secure the investment I needed for my casino development. He'd do that, or his public persona would be completely destroyed.
And when he'd served his purpose, when he'd done everything I needed of him, then he'd face the consequences of what he'd done to my father. Once my use for him was spent, so was his life.
“Mr Lithgow, I wanted to get you here to talk about another proposal I have. As you know, my family have always been enterprising and are always looking for opportunities to expand.”
He nodded, his eyes filled with memories of how he'd fucked over my father. He didn't know I knew. But I did.
“OK, let's hear it.”
I reached for my whiskey and took a sip, letting a short silence fall between us.
“My new proposal is simply this: rethink your position on my original proposal.”
His face contorted into a deep frown.
“Your original proposal? I told you already what my position is on that Crash. I haven't, and won't, change my mind.”
I nodded. “I understand that, but some things have come to light that might make you think again.”
“I'm afraid the decision is done. No changes to your proposal will alter my thinking, or my decision.”
He made a move to stand, an irritation in his words that I'd wasted his precious time.
“Now, if that's all you've brought me here for, I'll be going."
“Sit down,” I said, my words drawing cold.
It was an order, something a man like Walter Lithgow wasn't used to.
“Excuse me,” he said, his eyes narrowing on me. “Do you have any idea who you're talking to young man?”
“Oh, I believe I know more than you think.” I smiled as I spoke, a devious look spreading over my face.
His eyes widened slightly at my words, his brow still furrowed and deep.
“What do you mean?” His words were no longer inflected with indignation. Now he sounded worried, the look on my face and the confidence with which I spoke unsettling him slightly.
Yes Walter, I know your secret.
....
It was almost a week ago that Jones had called me to his office once more. This time he had the information I was looking for.
“I've got the information you want about Lithgow,” he'd said.
“Is it good?” I'd asked excitedly.
He'd nodded slowly, “Oh yes, it's good.”
“Tell me.”
He'd launched into it from there, spilling Lithgow's dirty little secret, a secret he'd been living with for years. A secret which, if revealed, could spell the end for him. After they knew what he'd done, no one would want to work with him, no one would want to be associated with him. He'd be finished.
It was a long time ago, when Lithgow was a younger businessman building his fortune. He had a young wife and child, a family he was supposedly devoted to.
He'd built on that image his entire career: the image of a devoted family man, a man with ethics and morals, a man who would always make a steady return on any investment.
But back then, he also harbored a need that he would see attended regularly. He hired attractive secretaries who he'd fuck in his office. He'd cheat on his wife and family, playing the family man in public, and abusing his power behind closed doors.
It was a secret that he'd kept carefully hidden until now. But nothing can be hidden from someone like Jones. He had his methods of extracting information, and it sounded as though he'd used those to full effect.
“By any means.” That's what I'd told him. He didn't need to be told twice.
But there was more.
One of the girls Lithgow cheated on his wife with got pregnant and raised a son. He'd secretly supported that woman and his illegitimate son for years in return for her silence. One paternity test and word to the press and Walter Lithgow's name would come crumbling down around him.
I knew that he'd do anything to keep that secret safe in his vault. I knew I had him by the fucking balls.
And now - now I'd get exactly what I wanted as a result.
....
Lithgow sat back down into his chair, staring at me like a rabbit caught in the headlights. Fucking coward. I'd see him give me what I want. Then I'd see him burn.
“Correct me if I'm wrong, Walter, but you've built your name and your fortune on the back of your reputation as a family man, a man with unimpeachable morals and ethics, a man who will always do the right thing, no matter what. Is that all correct?”
I was going to enjoy torturing this old fuck.
He nodded suspiciously, still wondering where I was going with it.
“Interesting. I wonder how your name and reputation will suffer if, suddenly, you had been shown to be a fraud all this time. We wouldn't want that, would we?”
His eyes began narrowing, a realization hitting him. He knew what I was talking about.
“You know?”
I nodded and smiled. I must have looked like a smug cunt but I didn't care. In fact, that's exactly how I wanted to look.
"About Andrew? You mean your illegitimate son who you've been trying to hide for 20 years?”
I hailed the waiter and ordered another whiskey, giving Lithgow time for the information to settle in.
When he next spoke his tone was dreary, defeated. He knew I had him.
“What is it that you want?”
“You know what I want Walter. You're a smart man, I'm sure you can figure it out.”
“Your casino? You want me to back your casino?”
I clapped sarcastically. “Give this man a gold star. Yes, you dopey old fuck, I want you to back my casino. If you don't, then expect to wake up tomorrow with the press all over your front lawn.”
“I can't do that. I've already set the wheels in motion. I can't just do a u-turn, not now.”
My teeth gritted, my jaw clenching. I leaned in closely, staring through fierce eyes.
“You will do this Mr Lithgow. Or be prepared to suffer the consequences.”
I leaned back and sunk my whiskey.
“I'll give you 24 hours to make your decision and give me positive assurance that my project is being put into action. One day, Mr Lithgow, nothing more.”
With those parting words I stood and paced straight past him towards the exit of the restaurant, leaving the old shit to pay the bill.
In 24 hours I'd have my casino back. In 24 hours, after Lithgow had corrected his wrongs, his days would be numbered.
Chapter 18
Elle
I lay, face down on my bed, my head pressed hard against my pillow.
My head was throbbing, and not only because of the alcohol. I'd never done anything so downright reckless and stupid. I mean, what the hell was I thinking?
Ray had ushered me into a cab outside and sent me packing. I guess he wanted to make his own way back without me in tow. I didn't blame him. I was an embarrassment.
I heard the door to the room swing open fast but kept my head to my pillow. I didn't want to have to field any questions from Alice right now. Maybe I'd just pretend to be asleep?
But no, it wasn't Alice. It wasn't Tess either.
Oh shit, it was Crash.
“What in the name of fuck was that?”
The voice sent a shiver into my body. The last thing I wanted to do now was see him. I wish I could just disappear into my bed and die.
I heard the door shut hard and his footsteps come towards me from behind.
“I said, what the fuck was that Elle?”
I couldn't move. I couldn't turn around and look at him. I'd sooner spend the rest of my life hugging my duvet.
“I know you're awake. Look at me.” His hand reached onto my shoulder and forced me over onto my side.
My eyes were full of tears, my face growing red with abject humiliation. His, on the other hand, were fierce and furious. They looked like they did when I first met him.
“Do you have any idea what just happened Elle. You almost spoiled a fucking important meeting for me.”
I sniffed, rolling back onto my side to hide my face. I couldn't bare to look at him right now.
I felt him sit down on the bed, my back to him. His words began softening at the sight of me. I must have looked so pathetic.
“I'm sorry,” I sniffed, “I had a few too many drinks. I wasn't thinking.”
“Too damn right you weren't thinking. You were shouting like a loon in the middle of a fucking restaurant!”
“I know. I can't take my drink sometimes.”
I felt his hand lift onto my shoulder, his touch growing more gentle.
“So who were you with? That guy, who was he?” Was that jealousy in his voice?
“Um, he was a date. Tess set us up.”
“That's what I thought.” His voice did seem to drop a little. “Was it going well, before...?”
I sniffed again. “Not really. Hence all the drinking. He was pretty boring actually.”
He laughed lightly. He sounded almost relieved.
“First dates can be like that I guess.”
“Yep, not that I'd know. I haven't had one in years.”
His tone perked up. The anger in his voice was lost now.
“Really?” He sounded surprised.
“Yep. Last proper first date I had was way before I started uni. Before I met Brad.” The name still left a bitter taste in my mouth.
“Brad? Ex boyfriend?” I realized suddenly that he wouldn't know who Brad was. Why should he?
“Psycho ex, yeah. He's the reason I'm here.” The lingering alcohol in my body was making me open up more than usual.
I felt him pull at my shoulder and roll me back around to look at him. His eyes were full of concern all of a sudden.
“What do you mean?”
“Oh, nothing serious,” I lied. “Things just got weird with him when we broke up so I moved here to get away. I mean, I didn't have to move. I guess I wanted a change anyway.”
All lies. I didn't want to move. It was the last thing I wanted. That freak had forced me out.
“I'm sorry to hear that Elle.” He sounded genuine.
“And I'm sorry for the other night as well,” he continued. “I guess I reacted badly when you pushed me away.” His eyes dropped a little and he turned his head from my gaze. “I just thought you liked me is all.”
I felt my heart quicken slightly, my breath growing more heavy. “I do like you. I just...”
His eyes returned to mine. “Just what?”
“I don't know Crash. I mean, we're so different. I don't just sleep with guys randomly. It's not me.”
“And you think that's what I wanted? You think I'd treat you like that?”
I didn't really know what to say. I felt awkward talking about this. Literally everyone had warned me off him, told me he wasn't someone to get involved with. I didn't have a clue what to think.
“I don't know. I don't know you really.”
He was shaking his head lightly. “No one does,” he said, his voice dropping. “No one knows who I really am. I get it Elle. I know what people have probably said about me. I know what you probably think.”
He turned and looked towards the door.
“I walked away because I like you Elle. There's something about you that draws me in. You're not like the sort of girls I know. But...”
His words hung in the air for a moment.
“...but I can't see you. Not right now.”
I felt a real conflict inside of him. It was like he wanted to lean in and kiss me but couldn't, but wouldn't.
I reached out and took his hand in mine, his eyes turning back on me. “You don't have to be Crash with me, you know. You don't have to be that guy. If no one knows who you really are, show me.”
I felt his hand tighten on mine, his hazel eyes lowering to my lips. He sat there looking at me, a solemn stare on his face like he was weighing things up in his mind.
I wanted him to lean in and kiss me, I wanted those lips on mine. I wanted more. I wanted his hands to caress my body, his fingers to brush through my hair. I wanted his lips to spread over my neck and down. I wanted his hands to touch me where I hadn't been touched in months. I wanted the feel of his warm body next to mine. I wanted it all.
But I wouldn't instigate it. I wouldn't force it.
If he wanted it too, it was down to him.
His hand slowly slipped from my grasp, the tips of his fingers lightly brushing past mine as he stood, slowly, and turned again at the door.
“I'm sorry Elle,” he said, his words now almost a whisper. “I can't be here any more.”
He turned and looked at me, my eyes full of want, a desire for him building inside me.
“I have feelings for you. But I can't act on them now. Not right now.” His voice turned less emotional, more businesslike.
“But I'll always be there, OK. If you ever need me, I'll be there.”
Those were his final words to me. He turned back towards the door and walked briskly towards it, opening it quietly and disappearing out into the hall.
I lay there in silence once more, a heavy weight of disappointment and loss filling me up from the core.
They say you don't miss what you've never had. That was bullshit.
I'd never had him, but I missed him already. The idea of him, the thought of him, the fantasy that we might be together.
It was all just a dream, one that would never become reality.
And yes, call me stupid, but I couldn't help but miss that.
Chapter 19
Crash
I stood in a large meeting room. There were several men sat around the table, each with files and folders and pads and pens in front of them. At the head of the table sat Walter Lithgow, his manner entirely professional and businesses-like.
Not like the last time I'd seen him.
He'd called me early the next morning to tell me that he'd concede; admit defeat; convince the other investors to accept his change in direction. He'd made that phone call two days ago. Now it was his chance to prove to me, in person, that he'd truly live up to his word.
My mind was set in a single direction now. My tunnel vision was all consuming. Make the deal, get all the necessary paperwork for my new project signed off, and then deal with Lithgow in whatever manner I saw fit.
I wanted his life as well.
“Right gentlemen, shall we begin.” His words rung out, loud and proud, across the room, bringing to a close conversations and the scribbling of fountain pens.
Everyone turned to him and waited in silence. They were yet to know exactly why they had been gathered together so promptly, and exactly why I was there.
“You all remember Mr Logan here. He delivered a wonderful proposal for a casino which we all thought had fantastic long term potential.”
There was a muttering of agreement as people turned towards me and back to Lithgow.
“Now, as you know, we decided in the end to favor another project. I have called this urgent meeting to discuss the option of reverting to Mr Logan's proposal.”
I sat in silence, smiling politely as people turned to me. I didn't have to play any part in this. No longer was it my job to convince these men of my worth. No, I'd passed the baton to Lithgow now.
A man stood up. I remembered him as Bruce Cromwell, a man who hadn't been so keen on my proposal from the start. He'd questioned me extensively on it, eventually saying that it was too high risk.
“Walter, didn't we agree that Mr Logan's project was a little, I don't know, risky. This real estate venture will secure us a very high return on our investment, and fast. And a casino? Is that not a little immoral? Call me old fashioned, but I don't like to invest in vice and addiction.”
He glanced over at me as he sat back down. The stupid naive fuck. What he called vice and addiction, I called entertainment. He was living in the fucking Dark Ages.
“Obviously Bruce, I understand that this is a bit of a turnaround on my part. However, after extensive thought I have seen the long term potential in such a venture.”
He looked directly at me, holding his hand out in my direction.
“I have also come to see that Mr Logan here is an investment in himself. He has a great deal of ambition, and that will see our bank accounts swell in years to come. We won't stop at one casino. We're going to turn the entire plot into a Las Vegas of the North, a mecca for gaming, entertainment, and wonderful dining in this humble part of the country.”
The Logan Brothers - Books 1-4: (EXPOSURE, CRASH, TWIN PASSIONS, and ADDICTED TO YOU) Page 29