Gemma was at the source of it all. I couldn't help my feelings for her and yet there was nothing I could do about them. Every time I saw her with him I felt this constriction in my chest, this hopeless feeling that I could never have her. It was something I'd always wanted, and now Cade had just waltzed in, as he did, and taken her from under my nose.
I walked into my bathroom and looked in the mirror. My eyes were dark and sullen, my hair unkempt and wild. I could taste the smoke still lingering on the edge of my tongue, remnants of yet another night spent smoking and drinking late into the night.
It had to stop. Stop smoking, stop partying, stop fucking random chicks.
I turned back to my bed to see a thatch of hair splayed out over the duvet, an arm hanging down the side of the bed. It was that girl Tess, the girl who was always chasing me down. She was the third different girl I'd taken home this week.
I walked out into my living room. There were empty bottles of vodka and beer scattered everywhere, the remains of a week of heavy drinking.
I was young, wealthy, and powerful in my own way. I had dozens of women coming onto me every night, a flash apartment in the center of town, and a large network of family and friends, and, right now, a fucking hot girl in my bed.
So why the fuck wasn't it enough?! What was my fucking problem?!
My phone started ringing loudly somewhere over in the living room, stuck down the side of the sofa where I'd fucked Tess the night before. I walked over and reached in, dragging it out and picking it up without even looking at the number.
“Yeah,” I said dryly. It didn't seem to matter to me who it was.
“Hey Zack, you sound terrible!” The voice perked me up immediately. It was Gemma.
“Oh hey Gem, sorry, yeah, rough night. What's up?”
“Oh nothing, I just wondered if you wanted to grab a drink before the fight later on? It might be nice to catch up and everything, get all excited for later.”
I shook the cobwebs out of my head. “Oh yeah, that sounds great. Shall we meet near the arena? Like 6ish?” I glanced at my watch. It was already nearing 2 PM.
“Errr, yeah, 6 works well for me.”
“OK, great, I'll text you where to meet.”
“Cool, see you later,” she finished, her voice excited and energetic.
I shut off the phone and threw it back down onto the sofa, collapsing next to it.
“Hey you,” I heard the voice come from behind me.
I arched my neck to see Tess come walking in, one of my shirts hanging down over the tops of her thighs. She stumbled slightly as she got closer and giggled drunkenly, before climbing on top of me, straddling my lap as I sat there.
She started kissing my neck and sucking on my earlobe, whispering something about repeating what we did last night. But that was with the alcohol still dominating my actions. Now I was sober, and wanted nothing to do with her.
“Sorry babe,” I said casually, “I think you should go.”
She leaned back and unbuttoned the top of her shirt, revealing nothing but skin underneath. “Are you sure?” she teased, her hand sliding down to my crotch.
I could feel myself hardening against my wishes, thoughts of Gemma now shooting around in my head. Suddenly this girl, pretty as she was, didn't seem all that appealing to me.
I pulled her hand back up and lifted her off me, standing up as I did. She was light as a feather, her slim frame not carrying the curves I liked.
“Sorry Tess,” I really do have things to do.
Her expression turned to one of anger and disappointment as she turned and huffed back towards my bedroom, storming off like a child. A moment later she came back out, glaring at me through evil eyes as she pulled her skimpy dress back over her pink underwear.
I couldn't help but laugh inside at the sight of her storming around like a child. It was kinda pathetic the way she'd behave when she wasn't getting what she wanted. I guess, in a way, I was being the same.
I watched on as she walked out and slammed the door, ready to complete the walk of shame back to her dorm room on the other side of the town.
It was time for me to get past all this shit. Tonight would be a new beginning. I'd support my brother as he fought for his future. I'd be behind him every step of the way.
Chapter 16
Present Day
Gemma
I sat waiting patiently in a bar near Stadmore Arena. Zack had chosen sensibly, picking a place near enough to get to the arena quickly, but not so near that it would be filled with people preparing to watch the fight with a couple of drinks.
My mind was still battling the various revelations that had fallen into my lap recently as I sat there waiting. Well, 'fallen into' might be the wrong way of putting it. On both occasions I'd actively been trespassing, in Cade's apartment, and in Martha Banks' office.
But whatever the case, both were gnawing at my mind, and I was having some difficulty knowing exactly what to do with them. The great irony was that what I'd found out about Martha Banks was exactly the sort of thing I'd been looking for; the sort of thing I could use as leverage against her.
However, there were two problems. Firstly, as much as I wanted to rise to the challenge and show Mrs Banks what sort of person I could be, it just wasn't me to act like this. And frankly, I didn't think myself unusual for not finding it easy sticking the knife in someone's back, even if that person had effectively done something similar to me.
The second problem was that the entire thing was incriminating for Cade and Zack's father. If anything came out about it, it would drag Charles Logan's name through the mud, tainting their memories of him. I couldn't do that to them, not for the sake of my own career.
And the other secret I was now privy to, even though no one knew it? Well that was something so much more serious, so much more perilous. We were talking murder here, murder and revenge. It was something I truly wish I'd never heard, something that I'd done my best to erase from my memory. But it had been little more than a week since I'd found out, and it still weighed heavy on my mind.
The sound of footsteps drew me from my thoughts and I turned my head up. Zack was walking towards me, a bottle of wine and two glasses already in hand.
“You looked deep in thought when I came in,” he said with a large smile, “and, unforgivably, without a drink. So, I thought I'd grab a bottle and let you finish whatever it was you were thinking about.”
He sat down in front of me, his beaming smile bright and radiant. He looked so much more relaxed than I'd seen him since recently. He had always looked so glum when we would hang out together as a group. In fact, the only times I ever saw him return to the boy I knew was when we were alone.
He poured two glasses and set the bottle to one side before leaning in and asking me what I'd been thinking so deeply about. I shirked the question, thoughts of murder and affairs and betrayal and revenge still crashing around in my head as he started talking about his excitement for Cade's fight.
“I think I've been a little selfish recently,” he was saying. “It's time I really got behind Cade and supported him fully, like a good brother should. He's always been there for me, and I've let him down. I won't make the same mistake again.”
I guess I must have missed the beginning because Zack had always seemed like such a great brother to me. It sounded like he was probably being a little hard on himself, maybe overthinking things that other people would barely even notice.
“So...what exactly have you done to let him down?” I quizzed. “You're a good brother Zack, from what I've seen...and heard. Cade's only ever had good things to say about you.”
His eyes went a little downcast as I spoke. “Really?” He looked almost guilty. “Well I don't think I deserve it, not recently anyway. I left him there with no one to spar with ahead of the most important fight of his life. That sucks. I know how important that type of practice is.”
“You sparred with him? I had no idea you boxed as well.”
“
Yeah, I used to, but I just walked off after a few minutes. I should have stuck it out, helped him out. I should have been down there helping him train every day, rather than lying in bed nursing a hangover and screwing random chicks...” He stopped abruptly and took a sip of his drink.
“So you've been having fun recently then?” I asked. I felt a twinge of jealousy shoot through me.
He smiled. “A gentleman never tells.”
“Well it doesn't sound like you're much of a gentleman,” I retorted with a wry smile.
“No, I am...don't you remember how I used to walk you to your car after school everyday?”
I smiled, the memory flooding back. “Yeah, that was kinda sweet. But it was nearly ten years ago honey. People change.”
“And do you think I've changed?” he asked quickly, looking me dead in the eye.
I stared back at him in silence for a few moments. “I think we've both changed a lot. Although, I guess some things are still the same. Like...this.” I gestured with my hands, pointing between the two of us.
He looked confused. “What do you mean?”
“Well, we still click, that hasn't changed.”
“Yeah, well, only when sneaking off behind people's backs. I think people might be confused if we started babbling about old times when they think we only met a few months ago!”
“Yeah, true....although I wonder how long it's going to take for one of us to slip. I bet it'll be you first, probably after a few drinks.”
“Ha! Rubbish! I'm great at keeping secrets Gem...when these lips seal tight, they never open.”
I laughed lightly, the thought occurring to me that I was now carrying the same secret as him – about Crash, about Walter Lithgow, about his father. I wonder...maybe I should say something...
“Well we never shared secrets when we were younger. So come on, tell me your deepest secret now. I promise, hand on heart, that I won't tell anyone.”
He looked at me like I was slightly mad for a second before leaning in close.
“OK....all right....how about this.” He paused for dramatic effect. “I...I...I don't have a clue what to say! Gem, this is stupid...the whole point of secrets is that you're not meant to tell anyone!”
“Oh come on, it's fun. We can trust each other, right? OK, I'll go...”
Shit, should I tell him that I know? How should I say I found out?
I could feel my heart rate rising steadily as the words crept closer and closer to the tip of my tongue.
“...I...I think you're right...this is too hard.”
I couldn't do this. It was too weird, it had nothing to do with me.
“I know, told you,” he said nodding, “it's not as easy as you think is it! OK, how about this – let's play truth or dare instead.”
“Well, isn't that the same thing?”
“Kinda, but you get to ask the questions and find out the secrets you're interested in. It's more like little secrets, you know, rather than really serious ones.”
“OK, I'll go first. Truth. There's no way I'm doing a dare that you give me!”
He sat back in his seat, smiling and thinking. “Have you ever had a threesome? POW!”
God, what a typical boy, straight in with the sex.
“Simple. No. Right, truth or dare?”
“Truth. I'm not in the mood for dares either. You know we might as well just call this truth or secrets or something!”
“Same question then, have you ever had a threesome.”
His smile widened in pleasurable memory.
“Holy shit, you have?!”
He nodded and took a sip of wine. “Sure.”
“Was it with two girls or a guy and a girl?” I asked, completely seriously.
“Huh! Are you fucking kidding?! Two girls, of course. Fuck no, I'd never do it the other way!” He screwed his face up in disgust as I laughed.
We carried on playing, conversation mingled in between the reveals, moving onto cocktails after the first bottle of wine. It was the most fun I'd had in a long time, despite all the shit in my head. Zack was so full of life, so garrulous and upbeat. I guess we had a lot more in common than me and Cade. A lot of our relationship had been based on sex, and in reality I really hadn't missed seeing him all that much over the last couple of weeks.
After learning a great deal more about each other's lives and the turns they'd taken over the last 8 or so years, Zack came at me with a question that I would usually lie to or avoid. With the alcohol loosening me up, however, I wasn't in the mood for side-stepping the truth.
“So you and Cade...where do you see that going?” he asked. “Is it serious?”
“Are we still playing truth or dare – sorry, secrets – here?”
He nodded, his expression growing a tad more serious.
“Um, I don't know to be honest. I...I guess I...well...”
“Hey Gem, it's me, OK. You can tell me the truth, I won't tell Cade, I promise.”
“Well, I haven't seen him or really spoken to him for two weeks and, really, I haven't missed him.”
A smile began to grow in the corner of his mouth, although he was trying to hide it.
“That's amusing to you?” I asked casually.
He was shaking his head but his expression told me otherwise. “No, not at all, it's just...no, nothing.”
“What? What were you going to say?”
“I dunno. I just don't see you two as a good fit, that's all.” He shut his mouth and bit his tongue, reaching again for his drink.
“So you think we should break up?” I asked bluntly.
“That's not for me to say Gem. It's not my place.”
“No, go on, what do you think? I want to know...do you think we should break up?”
“Yeah, I do.” His words came out quick, his eyes turning straight on mine and flashing green.
We looked at each other for a few moments, each of us with plenty to say, neither of us willing to do so. The way he was looking at me, it was like Cade did, only deeper. There was more between us; more history, more feeling. I could feel it pulsing out of him, this longing, this desire.
An energy caught us, dragging us in closer across the table. I leaned in as he did, our lips moving towards one another like magnets. I couldn't stop it. Did I want to stop it? They moved closer, inching towards each other, about to touch...
A sudden chime broke us from the spell, a large clock over the bar shouting us the time. A look of horror swarmed over Zack's face as he shot his eyes at the clock.
“Holy shit, it's 8 already!!”
He grabbed his phone from his pocket to double check the time. It looked to be filled with missed calls from his brothers.
It was the last thing Cade had said to me when we spoke on the phone: “The fight starts at 8 PM. I'll look for you in the front row for good luck.”
It was starting right now. And neither his girlfriend nor his twin brother were there.
Chapter 17
Present Day
Cade
I'd been to Stadmore arena many times in my lifetime, but never like this. Tonight I'd be stepping into the ring myself and trying to make my own dreams come true. Tonight I'd join all those fighters I'd watched come and go over the years, some of them rising to the top, many others falling back down into obscurity.
I hoped, I prayed, that I would join the ranks of the former.
I had sat in the upper reaches of the arena earlier that day, looking down on the ring. It was so small in the middle of the wide space, encircled by row upon row of seats, starting level with the ring and climbing higher and higher the further back they went.
I had never sat so far back, not even as a kid. Dad would always pay for the best seats, often getting great tickets from business associates and other contacts. I'd watched the action up close, so near I could almost taste the blood, smell the sweat, sense the nerves that so many fighters carried into the ring with them. They were a burden for many, but not for me. When I stepped into the ring, I wa
s fearless. One day, I'd be peerless too.
But tonight, in so many ways, was different from all the others. There was more on the line this night than any other, more for me to win, more for me to lose. Win, and my chances of rising to the top would be greatly improved. Lose, and they'd take a real hit.
It all weighed down on me, creating pressure that I'd never had to deal with. But even so, even with the prospect of thousands of fans cheering and roaring my name, I wouldn't be phased. I had this inner confidence, this inner tranquility that would help me focus, help me perform at my peak. I just hoped, tonight, the home crowd would give me an edge.
And then there was Gemma, my lucky charm. The thought of seeing her face in the audience watching me gave me confidence. I still didn't know what it was, but ever since she'd entered my life, my boxing had gone from strength to strength. It wasn't something I wanted to lose.
It was a few hours later that I sat on the bench in my changing room, my gloves being taped up by coach. He was giving me his usual pep talk, talking me up, making sure that when the bell for the first round went, I'd have my full energy stores intact.
“This is your time Cade, this is your town, your crowd. They're all here for you, all here to see you win. This night will be remembered as the night when Cade Logan made a real name for himself, a name that will soon be accompanied with the word 'champion'. You're in the best shape you've ever been, you're faster than him, stronger than him, younger than him, fitter than him. Agulla is a no-hoper, he's in your way. You're going to trample him tonight, walk straight over him. Nothing's going to stop you getting to the title. Nothing.”
I'd never told him, but most of the time I wasn't really listening. I liked to go into my own zone, my own little world, a place where I could focus on the fight, visualize what I'd do, how I'd win. I'd done my homework on Agulla, watching footage of him fighting every night for hours. I knew his strengths, I knew his weaknesses, and I knew exactly how to exploit them.
I could hear the heavy roar of the crowd begin to rise now as the current fight moved towards its conclusion. It had gone the full distance, both young light middleweight fighters clearly well matched. But it was merely a warm-up for my own bout. I was the one people had come to see.
The Logan Brothers - Books 1-4: (EXPOSURE, CRASH, TWIN PASSIONS, and ADDICTED TO YOU) Page 46