“Carla!”
That voice gripped her throat and squeezed until she couldn’t breathe. She turned and snatched the glasses off her feet.
Ashton and Jared rushed out from a yawning doorway toward her.
The sight of them hit her in the gut so hard her eyes prickled with tears.
Her guys. Her family. They were okay. Safe.
The tears she’d wanted to cry all night began to fall. Ashton scooped her up, and she sobbed into his shirt. Jared hugged her from behind, creating a Carla sandwich. Safely in her bubble, she let go of all the pain inside of her. The tears and sorrow she’d been ignoring now felt as though it might smother her.
“Carla? Are you okay? What’s wrong?” Ashton tipped her face up.
She saw Vaughn out of the corner of her eye watching them. He didn’t speak or make a move. Somehow knowing he cared and chose to do nothing hurt even worse.
“Nothing,” she whispered.
“She needs her feet checked out,” Jamie said.
“Feet? What?” Ashton stepped back, took one look at her cheap flip flops then scooped her up.
She couldn’t muster the energy to protest being carried. Right about now she wanted someone to take the weight off her shoulders so she could wallow in her pain.
Ashton carried her through the open doors, down a short hall and into what looked like a seriously decked out nurse’s room. It made sense they’d be equipped for anything given the dangerous work the guys did.
Had Vaughn ever wound up here?
She’d seen the scars...
“Carla, right?” A big man sporting a ponytail and a smile he probably intended to be kind filled the side door.
“Yeah.” She glanced from the newcomer to Ashton and Jared.
The guys were standing by the other door, hands clasped.
Holding hands?
“I’m Marco,” the giant said.
“Marco. Hi. Carla.” She winced. “You know that.”
“Yup.” He crouched in front of her. “I heard my friend was able to help you out?”
She stared at the top of the guy’s head. “The snippy guy on the phone?”
“That would be him. Not very chatty.”
They didn’t talk much as Marco examined her feet. He dug out two pieces of glass that were small and deep, then cleaned her up and gave her a shot of antibiotics before applying bandages and ordering her to walk as little as possible. Which he really didn’t have to do since Ashton seemed determined to keep her from putting any weight on her feet.
She was whisked upstairs to the main room, the one with the computers and the projector where everyone else was currently tucked into a meal. Ashton set her down in a chair at the far side of the room on one end of the table. It was as removed from the others as they were going to get. She knew Vaughn was there without looking. His presence scraped at her nerves and though she didn’t want to look for him, she glanced toward the door and found him with his back turned toward her.
A fresh wave of tears threatened to fall.
She didn’t know why this hurt so bad. Her heart felt as though it were weeping blood.
Jared set a plate of food in front of her.
She stared at it, the spicy aroma tickling her nose.
Carla should eat. Her stomach growled. All the indicators were there. And yet she didn’t want to.
The conversation washed over her. Bits of it penetrated the fog around her enough for her to understand they were discussing Ethan. She picked at her meal, but mostly she watched Ashton and Jared watching her.
Ashton sat with his right arm around the back of Jared’s chair. Jared’s left hand rest on Ashton’s thigh. It wasn’t a subtle pose. They looked like a couple. Better than Carla and Ashton ever did. The Aegis Team didn’t seem fazed by the display of affection either.
Wasn’t it Jamie who mentioned a dramatic lip lock?
“How you feeling?” Jared extended his right hand toward her.
She took it because that was the natural thing to do. Jared was the affectionate love bug out of the three of them. “Okay. Tired.”
Jared turned his head and narrowed his gaze. “Ashton wants to run something by you, but it can wait until you’ve rested.”
“What is it?” Her stomach knotted up and her hands went clammy. The discussion happening around them faded from her awareness, leaving the three of them in this bubble.
“Later.” Ashton waved his free hand at her.
“Now I want to know.” She pushed her food away and eased back in the chair.
Ashton glared at Jared, but not the I’m-going-to-make-you-regret-that kind of glare that made people scared of Ashton. This was the endearing glare, the one even Carla liked. It was the glare of love, familiarity, knowing each other so well under the skin.
She glanced down the table at Vaughn.
He’d turned so now she saw his profile, the bump of his many times over broken nose, the curl of his lip as he held back a smile at something someone said.
“Jared and I...” Ashton drew in a deep breath.
Carla turned her attention back on the couple and the tension inside of her seemed to double down harder. It felt like there was a Jack-in-the-box inside her chest and they were turning the crank. Any moment now they’d spring the surprise. Was she going to like it? Or was this more bad news?
Ashton locked eyes with her. “We’re getting married.”
It took a moment for those three words to penetrate her brain. Then the box inside her burst open, spraying imaginary confetti and streamers everywhere.
Carla gaped at the two of them, relief, joy, excitement warring with her to get out first.
“Seriously?” She clenched Jared’s hand. If they meant it, then the charade was over. She was free of her gold gilt prison.
That meant, Vaughn—
“Yeah.” Ashton glanced at Jared then back at her. “We’ll do it privately, of course, that way nothing has to change.”
He kept talking, but all Carla heard was the clang-clang of that prison door slamming shut on her once more and the lights going out.
Jared’s hand tightened on hers. Instead of it being the lifeline she was used to, now his touch was holding her in the darkness.
Ever since Ashton and Jared met and became serious, Carla had mentally prepared herself for the end of her arrangement. The guys getting married had always been the goal, the thing that marked the beginning of her solo journey through life. And now that was gone.
“Carla? Hey? Hey, Carla?”
“Don’t cry.”
Ashton and Jared crowded around her.
She couldn’t breathe. The room spun and her stomach clenched. The tears wanted out, the air wanted in and she wanted the ground to open up and swallow her.
“What the hell?”
That voice was like a window opening.
She lifted her head, but couldn’t see anything for the tears.
Strong arms scooped her up and then she was sitting nestled up against a warm wall of man she’d come to care for. She buried her face against his neck and stopped pretending as though it was going to be fine.
“What the fuck did you do?” Vaughn snarled.
Jared sputtered, “Nothing!”
“Carla?” Ashton’s stern voice made her flinch and hold tighter to Vaughn.
“Give us the room?” Vaughn twisted, becoming the wall between her and the guys.
Carla cried uncontrollable tears. Years of loneliness and want poured out of her in those moments, wringing her emotions dry until there was nothing left. It was a purging of everything she’d stored up, all the times she’d told herself just a little longer, it all came out and straight onto Vaughn’s shirt.
She didn’t know how long she cried only that she gradually became aware of an awkward silence surrounding her spectacular display of waterworks. Vaughn rubbed her back while his other hand kept her cradled tightly to him.
No one spoke.
Were they waiting on
her?
She peered up at Vaughn and found him studying her, lines marring his brow, lips curved into a frown.
He’d come to her. Did that mean something? Could it?
She was about to do the thing she’d said she couldn’t do. All the rules were about to change.
“Want a tissue, Carla?” Jared scooted his chair into her field of vision.
Ashton stepped around his partner, a box of Kleenex in hand. He knelt at Vaughn’s side by her feet and pulled two out for her.
She took them. What else was she supposed to do? She swiped at her face, using the moment to collect her thoughts.
The room was empty. The others had gone, leaving plates with half-eaten meals and cups behind. Things were in motion and she was a day behind.
It had to be now.
She turned her attention back to Ashton. The man who’d become her brother, the person she knew would love her until the end of time. But not how she needed to be loved.
No, she couldn’t do this sitting in Vaughn’s lap. It wasn’t about them or any configuration of people and relationships. This was about her and doing what was best for Carla.
She braced her hand on the arm rest and pushed up.
“No!”
“Don’t.”
“Carla.”
Vaughn’s hand clamped down on her thigh and Ashton grabbed her hand. Jared was half out of his seat.
“Back off,” she snapped. “My ass is going to sleep.”
Ashton let go, but Vaughn wasn’t listening.
“I’m going to sit right there.” She pointed at the table. It wasn’t proper, but it was the closest flat surface.
Vaughn stood and set her on the table because of course he would. All three men seemed to forget she wasn’t some delicate thing. She was ready to crack their heads together even if it was sweet.
Carla sat perched on the dining table facing the three men. She had just enough touch of mad that it overpowered the guilt that would be the death of her.
“Ash?” She braced her hands on the table and locked eyes with him. “I love you like family. You’ve been there for me when no one else was and...I can’t ever repay you for what you’ve done for me. But this thing we’re doing, the pretending, it has to stop. I can’t keep doing it.”
Ashton’s eyes went wide and his mouth opened. He was going to see this as abandonment. The person he’d bared it all to rejecting him. She didn’t know how to make him see it as anything else, but she had to try.
“I’ve adored watching you and Jared fall in love and be in love.” She glanced at the other man and found him grinning at her. Because of course he was. Jared loved love.
Carla looked back at Ashton. At the core, this was about them. Their relationship, the friendship that had become more, deeper, family. “But I’m tired of being the lonely one. Watching the two of you makes me want what you have, and I can’t have that if we keep up this farce. I’m sorry, but I can’t keep doing this.”
Ashton turned away from her, his hand covering his mouth.
Carla darted a glance at Vaughn and found him staring at her with wide eyes.
Yeah, that was how most of her still felt.
Ashton whirled toward her, his finger jabbing at her. “Are you serious?”
She swallowed. “Yes.”
“How long have you felt like this?” Ashton straightened. His arm dropped and his shoulders slumped. The lost puppy look on his face hurt more than her head or her feet or just about anything.
“The truth?” She gripped the edge of the table. “A while.”
“You two?” Jared snorted. “You are the same person. The fucking same.”
Ashton bent forward and laughed, a deep sound straight from his belly. He pushed up and looked at her, smiling with—were those tears?
What the hell?
She was laying her soul bare, and he thought it was funny?
“I thought this was what you wanted.” He gestured her. “I thought you were happy.”
“What?” Carla looked at Jared for a clearer answer. “I want my own life.”
“You’re like that couple in that story—Gift of the Magi? The one where he sells his pocket watch to buy her fancy hair stuff. She cuts off her hair to buy him a chain for his pocket watch.” Jared’s impossibly wide grin seemed bigger.
Maybe it was the lack of sleep or the emotional dump she’d just experienced, but Carla wasn’t following. “I don’t understand.”
Ashton gestured at Jared. “We’ve talked about this, about what happens when we want to get married and how to keep things the same for you so we didn’t push you out. Carla, I’ve accepted that you two are my family. My real family. And I’m okay with it.”
“Are you fucking serious?” Carla glanced between the two of them. “I keep telling myself that when you two get married, I’ll finally get my own life.”
Ashton closed the distance between them and gave her a gentle hug, still shaking with laughter.
Carla was too stunned to see the humor in it. In fact, she didn’t feel so great, but at least the heavyweight was off her chest. And her relationship with Ashton didn’t appear to be the worse for it.
He let go of her and turned toward Jared.
She once more found herself looking at Vaughn and wishing she knew what he was thinking. He dragged his hand across his mouth, his gaze on the table—not her. She kicked her foot out and prodded his shin with her toe.
His head snapped up and their gazes locked.
That familiar feeling kicked in, the one where the room faded and butterflies buzzed in her stomach. She felt things for this man, big, scary things she needed to get out now if they were ever going to have a chance.
“I think I’ve had enough excitement for one day. Is there time for a nap?” she asked.
Vaughn pushed to his feet and leaned over her, but he didn’t speak.
What if he was really done with her? What if she was too much drama?
He’d changed his mind on her before. He could do it again. And she had no way of knowing if he felt as deeply as she did. For all she knew, this was lust for him and love for her.
VAUGHN NEEDED THE climb to the third floor to let the facts settle. He was vaguely aware of the guys watching him and some looks, but holy hell, a lot just got unpacked. This—him and Carla—wasn’t over, which was an important fact to remember.
Neither he nor Carla spoke all the way to the master suite. It was still untouched though a few luggage pieces had been stowed by the door. He set Carla down on the big, platform bed then stepped out of reach before she could pull him in. He knew her, all action, that brilliant head of hers snapping out ideas and solutions while he was still sorting things out.
Carla gripped the comforter in both hands and leaned forward. Her black T-shirt and yoga pants had seen far better days. Her face was red from crying and her hair had partially fallen out of the bun she’d secured it in that morning.
In a word she was beautiful.
But that wasn’t the only thing he saw when he looked at her.
He licked his lips. “Please tell me you aren’t doing this for me.”
“What?” She squinted at him.
“You guys just shook up your whole lives in the span of a few minutes and I don’t want you to make any decision based on me.”
Carla straightened her spine, drawing herself up as tall as she could get sitting on a bed.
“Don’t worry.” Her voice was icy. “This had nothing to do with you. You said we were done, and I listened. This is for me. I’m tired of watching them be in love and me be alone. Okay? It’s a completely selfish move.”
“Good.” He let go of that uncertainty that had been building in the back of his mind.
“I’m sorry about your shirt. Thanks for helping me up here.” She twisted and pulled the comforter down.
“Wait.” Vaughn reached over and grabbed her hand. “Just give me a moment?”
“Why?”
He eased onto
the bed next to her and collected both of her hands. “I’m getting whiplash here, babe.”
Carla stared at him, her guard up. And he deserved that.
“What happens next, you think? What are you going to do?” He had ideas, but she was the one who’d been living on other people’s schedules.
She lifted a shoulder. “I don’t know. I suppose I should figure that out.”
“What if...” He swallowed and tried again. “What if I promised to stop being an ass—to the best of my ability—would you consider making a real go at this? You and me?”
Her lashes fluttered a bit before the words seemed to process in that beautiful head of hers and she stared at him. “That’s a big promise to make.”
“I know.” He swallowed.
“Vaughn—I don’t know.” She pulled her hands away from him and twisted to face him fully. “This week. Me. You. It’s been intense. It feels right. Then it’s wrong. Then I don’t know.”
“Yeah.” He nodded right along with her. “And maybe we’ll crash and burn, or maybe...” Maybe he really did love her. Because this feeling in his chest felt a lot like love.
“I don’t want to just test it out, Vaughn.” Her gaze went to his mouth, her stare so intense he could almost feel her kiss. “I feel... I feel like I’m falling in love with you and I can’t play around if this is just fun. Sorry to put that on you like this—”
“It’s fine,” he said though his throat tightened so much the words were forced.
Vaughn reached over and covered her hand with his. He stared into her eyes and for him—he knew.
“I think I started falling in love with you the moment you shimmied your ass and ran into me.” He watched her eyes widen. The more he said the easier it got to speak, so he kept going. “I’ve always been the guy that doesn’t fight a woman to stay with him so this has been a learning experience for me. I’ve failed more than I’ve succeeded. You have every right to wonder if I’m serious, if I’ll change my mind. But if you give me the green light, babe, I’m all in.”
“That sounds really good, and I want to believe you—”
“Then test me out. Let me prove to you that I’m telling you the truth.” He leaned in and ran his knuckles down her cheek. “I’m in love with you, Carla.”
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