Kayla pulls out two small spoons and hands me one. “So, do you think you’ll forgive Lance?” I ask as I take one from her.
“Yeah. I think so.” She sighs. “I love him. He makes me mad sometimes and when he ran off to the first available you know.” I don’t say a word just nod. “I felt like he should trust me. But he just …”
I remove the plastic from the spread-out dough. “I know,” my voice cracks a little. I hope she isn’t paying close enough attention to tell. We scoop dollops of filling on one side of the dough squares.
Kayla says in a soothing voice, “Sky.” I glance over at her. She observes me for a moment. “What’s wrong?”
I break eye contact and go back to filling the pasta. “I think Caleb’s going to break up with me. He’s been … God, Kayla, I don’t know. The other night after work, he didn’t stop by. Hell, he didn’t even call me.”
She digs into her mixture and frowns. “Maybe he got busy studying or something.”
“That’s the thing, he wasn’t. My mom told me his uncle talked to him. And he was hanging out in his room. Maybe I’m worried because he’s been flaking out. Or maybe I’m making this out to be a bigger deal than it really is, but … I don’t know. It’s just off somehow. You know what I mean?”
“Sure. When I lived in California, that guy I dated? The one that was trouble? Well, before we got into trouble together I kept getting this funny feeling like what he was telling me was different than what he really meant.”
I nod. That’s kind of how I feel with Caleb. Lately we seem fine, but then he avoids me for days at a time. “Everything with us has been amazing. We had one little fight a few days ago. Before that, though, everything was absolutely fine. We were on the same page. Made these future plans. Then out of nowhere he starts ignoring my calls, missing appointments.” I shake my head. “I chalked it up to nerves. But when he didn’t come to my place the other night … Yeah, something is definitely going on. When I ask him about it, though, he tells me everything is fine. I can tell he’s lying about it.”
“So …”
“That’s why I’m putting all this effort into this meal.” I can’t lose Caleb. My life without Caleb is meaningless. I know. I tried it. It wasn’t fun then and it wouldn’t be fun now. And I don’t want to hear that plenty of fish in the sea shit. There isn’t, if you’ve already found the person who makes your soul feel like it’s on fire. There’s only one of those in the whole sea and I have mine.
After I finish my mini meltdown, we cook the pasta, and combine the ravioli with the sauce, separate them into two glass baking dishes, top them off with cheese, and put them in the oven. As the dishes bake, I busy myself cleaning up the kitchen.
I hand Kayla a bowl to rinse off and ask, “When you’re with Lance, do you see the whole wedding and future mapped out?”
Kayla laughs. “In high school, I thought that about anyone I had a crush on. I would think, ‘Oh man, but he’s my everything!’ And I thought the universe was against me when the guy didn’t even know my name. But with Lance it was different. I mean, yeah, I thought he was this whole sexy god-like type and there was no chance in hell he’d ever want me. But we started dating and it was fantastic. Like everything was right and nothing could go wrong. At first I could see this being so final and I loved it. Then we had that major fight over my internship, and I don’t know. Everything kind of changed.”
“Changed how?”
Kayla sighs. “I don’t know. I don’t see the whole ‘two-story house, kids, and neighbors that are overly jealous of our happy family’ future anymore. I’m just living in the moment. If stuff with us works out, fine. If not … I’ll be okay. Eventually. Not right away, but I’ll get there.”
The oven’s timer goes off right as she rinses the last pan. I pull out the baking dishes, shut off the oven, gather up my things, and hug Kayla goodbye.
On my way back to the dorm, all I can think about is how everything has to be perfect. I need to lay it all out there, too. How I’m feeling. Tell him there is no pressure to move in with me; if this step is too fast, then fine, I can move in with Kayla or something.
I pull into my dorm’s parking lot and carefully remove the glass from the back floor. I hurry to the steps and frown. The entrance to my dorm slipped my mind for a second. In order to get in I’m going to have to set my dish down and swipe my ID. Then I have to open the door, prop my foot in between the door and the jamb so it doesn’t shut, pick up the pan, and go on through. I just manage it and head up to my room.
My roommate isn’t home, of course, so I repeat the same steps with the door. When I get my door open, my jaw almost hits the floor.
Our room looks like a cyclone just tore through. Clothes, shoes, coats, possibly some underwear, are strung over every surface. Makeup is spilled out all over her desk. Mine is covered in sticky notes. There are skirts, bras, and jeans strewn all over my bed. The two chairs and small eating table are covered in papers, books, and envelopes. Ugh! I didn’t plan for this.
My roommate was going to her friend’s party and said she’d be staying the night. Which is fine, but holy crap, why leave a whole big mess? This is one of the main reasons I need to get a place of my own. Sure, Brie is nice, and she doesn’t make me feel awkward to be around her, but she’s messy. And sometimes I think she does it on purpose because she knows I’ll clean up.
I put down the pan and get to work. This will leave me with less time to do my own makeup, but there was no way I’d ever let Caleb see this room as it is right now.
A half-hour later, I’m literally tidying up the last bit of the room, remaking the beds, when my dorm intercom buzzes. “Skylar, you have a guest ready to be checked in.”
Crap! I have no makeup on, didn’t take a shower, and I’m wearing the worst clothes imaginable for a date. I buzz back. “Okay. Be right down.”
I look around the room and smile. Well, at least it’s in order. I grab my shower caddy and change of clothes then head down to greet Caleb.
He paces around the lobby area and stops when he spots me. I smile at the girl working the front desk and sign Caleb in. He looks me over as we start to move toward the elevator. “Did I come too early?”
“Not really. I just … I had a lot of cleaning to do and haven’t changed yet.”
He smiles as we enter the elevator and the doors close. I hit the button for the fifth floor and rock back and forth on my heels. Caleb leans in and captures my mouth with his. I moan lightly against his lips as he pulls me closer to him.
He inches back a little and breathes, “I thought you said this was going to be dinner. I didn’t know we were going to be showering together.”
A blush ignites my face. “I didn’t plan on this.”
Caleb grins. “Uh huh. Teasing me with your shower caddy is a very low blow, Fletch. But in the future, all you have to do is ask.”
“I’m not teasing you. But now that you’ve brought it up, did you want to take a shower with me?” It comes out like a typical question, like do you have any sugar? Not at all sexy or mysterious, which is what I probably should have aimed for.
Caleb quirks up a brow and says, “Is that what you want?”
The last time Caleb and I showered together was last summer. He and I were coming back from the beach and he said it would be faster if we took a shower together. Call me weird, but I kind of wanted our next shower to be romantic. Candles, maybe some soft music, and in our own apartment. Not in the dorms, where anyone can just waltz in on us.
I shrug. “If you want to. I was just going to take a quick one. Ten minutes, tops.”
“And if I’m there?” He nuzzles on my neck as the door slides open and a giggle slips from my mouth.
We step out of the elevator and we head to my room. Caleb looks over at the table and then around the room. “Babe, it smells amazing in here.”
“Thanks. So … um … did you want to shower with me? Or did you want to wait here?”
Chapter 10
Caleb
Skylar undresses slowly and it takes all of my willpower to remain where I am. Trust me, I’m thinking about bending her over her desk and possibly taking her on the floor. I know if I start this we won’t make it to the bed.
She casts me a look over her shoulder as she swathes a towel around her body. My need to stay good falls away and I approach her. I lace my arms around her and kiss her shoulders, then up her neck. She leans into me and mumbles, “Caleb, I really …”
“We will. But I need you now.” I rip the towel from her and let my hands roam her body while my mouth covers hers. I rub my hand against her sex, God, she’s so wet. I slide a finger inside her and feel her arch against me.
She moans. I glide another finger inside and continue pleasuring her until she begs for me to stop.
I spin her around to face me and kiss her while she wraps her legs around my waist. Pressing her against the wall, I groan as her lips trail down my jawline. She works her mouth up my neck and flicks her tongue across my earlobe. “Jesus, babe, you do that so good.”
She giggles lightly against my skin and I can’t stand it. I need her now. I unbutton my jeans and try sliding out of them without dropping her. My hands are preoccupied cupping her ass while I kiss her breasts. Skylar grinds against me and I suddenly drop her into her computer chair.
Her eyes are on mine, full of hurt and I instantly regret letting her go, but we came damn close to doing something really stupid. “Babe, I need a condom. You almost …” I stop as tears start to form in her eyes. “Babe.” I kick off my shoes and socks along with jeans and boxers then kneel down in front of her. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I just … everything lately … You’ve been so distant. I don’t know what’s wrong or how to fix it. And then we were … and you just tossed me down like I was trash to throw out.” She sighs. “I’m sorry. I just … lately I feel like you’re trying to get rid of me.”
I stiffen. She’s so close to the truth. Not that I want to leave her. I don’t. If there were a way to follow my dreams and for her to pursue hers and we’d be together, I’d do it in a heartbeat. There isn’t, though. If I don’t let her go and she follows, she’ll hate me. At the same time, if she stays, we’ll both be miserable missing each other like crazy.
I’m so selfish. I want as much time with her as I can possibly get. So instead of being a man and telling her, I say, “No babe,” I kiss her lips and then her cheek. I lick off a salty tear and kiss her some more. In between kisses I breathe, “I love you. I just didn’t have a condom on. That’s all. I know you’re on the pill, but I don’t trust those damn things.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” She kisses me back as her fingers roam through my hair. She grabs some and tugs a little.
I groan and pull back to fish out a condom from the pocket of my discarded pants and go back to assaulting her mouth with my tongue. Cupping her ass again, I lift her from the chair and walk her to her bed. I lay her against her sheets and she moans loudly as I pinch and twist her nipples between my fingers. She cries out my name and whispers, “Please.”
“Impatient, aren’t we?” I chuckle against her navel and continue a path of kisses down her thighs.
“I need you.”
“I can tell, baby. Believe me. I can definitely tell.” I lick her sex until she orgasms. “Fuck, you’re beautiful, Skylar.”
Her hands finally release their grip on the sheets and she groans, “I need more. Please.”
I can’t hold out anymore and oblige her demands. After I tear the foil of the condom and slide it down my length, I give her exactly what she wants. She cries out after a few thrusts but she doesn’t come.
As I watch her each time I enter and pull out, the guilt seeps in. I shouldn’t be making love to her. This is wrong. She won’t be mine much longer, and knowing that makes this very wrong. Showing her how much she means to me, making slow, passionate love to her, is wrong.
I can’t stop though. She’s everything to me. This is killing me. I thrust a few more times and then we both explode. I fall against her and kiss her forehead. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Yeah, but for how long once you find out what I did?
We smile at each other and she rolls out from underneath me. “I need a shower. I’ll be right back.”
I nod.
She waits by the door, probably waiting for me to ask to join her. As much as I want to do that, I won’t. I grab her box of baby wipes from her desk and get to cleaning myself. After I discard the wrapper and my mess, I get dressed again.
My eyes land on the small dining table and a large pan of something in the middle. She cooked, that much is clear, and the guilt continues to press on me. She’s too fucking good for me. She was right earlier—I’ve been purposely avoiding her not because I want to break up with her, but because I don’t see any other way. She won’t come. This place is her dream. Mine is being in the pros.
“Caleb?” Sky asks.
I look into her wild-colored eyes and smile. “Hi.”
“Hey. Are you okay?”
“That was fast,” I say like an idiot.
“I said I would be. Want to eat?” She’s all smiles. How could I refuse?
Skylar picks up a plate and plastic spoon and removes the lid from the glass container. She spoons ravioli onto my plate then pops it in the microwave. “I need to heat it up.”
The microwave beeps and she returns with my plate. I wait until she has her plate before I dig in. Hey, I’ve got some manners.
The ravioli is delicious. “This is probably the best pasta I’ve ever had.”
She smiles. “Kayla and I made it together. She helped with the sauce and filling. I made the dough. I’m glad you like it. I was a little worried. It’s the first time I ever hand-rolled the dough out.”
I choke on a sip of wine and sputter, “You made this from scratch?”
Sky blushes and nods. I’m touched. She obviously went through a lot of trouble for this dinner and it just makes me realize even more how much of an asshole I am.
“Sky, I …”
She looks at me, waiting for me to finish my sentence. Her gorgeous eyes bore into me and I feel my entire self-worth being examined. Who am I kidding anymore? I clearly don’t deserve her.
“May I ask you something?”
Sky looks puzzled but nods. “You may.”
I swallow. This is it. “Where are you applying to medical school?”
She leans back in her chair and laughs. “Oh man, I thought you were going to ask me something life altering. You looked so serious, it was quite scary.” She pauses. “Hmm … of course I am applying here. But I’m looking at other schools around this area. Why do you ask? Is this what you’re worried about?”
“Kind of. So, you won’t leave?”
She shakes her head. “No. I really like it here. And they’ve got a really good medical unit. I want to get into the pediatrics department but I would like the neurology department too. I don’t know yet. There is so much to do and all of it is great. You know? I feel like I was meant to be here.”
And that’s why I’ll never ask you to come with me. Because you are meant to be here, without me.
“Caleb, you look all serious again. What is it?”
“Nothing, babe. I’m fine. Really.” It’s just that my deepest fear has been confirmed. I’m going to lose you very soon.
Chapter 11
Skylar
It’s Valentine’s Day. Caleb and I have barely talked since our dinner a few days ago. In all fairness, we’ve been really busy studying and writing papers, and don’t even get me started about work. We have a couple of author signings coming up and that means reorganizing things. Lots of reorganizing. But more hours are good for the paycheck, so I shouldn’t complain. It just means less time with Caleb.
As I’m driving back to my dorm, my phone rings, and I answer it with a giddy smile. “Hi.”
“Liv, it’s yo
ur mom.”
I frown. Not that I don’t love talking to my mom, I just wish it were Caleb calling. “Hey, Mom. Are you guys in town?”
“We’re almost there. Do you kids have plans tonight? If you do, go ahead, and we’ll have breakfast and lunch tomorrow.”
“Sounds great, Mom.” It does. Really. The problem is I don’t actually know what I’m doing tonight. Caleb and I haven’t even had a discussion via text about this. That’s sad, isn’t it? I certainly don’t want to tell my mom this. I love her, but there are some conversations I’d rather stab my eyeballs with a pencil than have with her.
“Just call me back with places you kids want to eat at tomorrow.”
“Will do.”
We hang up and I sigh.
I pull into my dorm parking lot and call Caleb. The phone rings twice and then I get his voicemail. I groan and head into my building.
Great. I thought one of the perks of having a boyfriend on this holiday is not spending it alone? It’s not like he’s away overseas, or in a different state. He’s literally four dorm buildings away from mine.
And that’s when the little light bulb in my head goes off. I hurry to my room and change my clothes. Brie does her hair while I examine potential outfits.
“Where are you and your Mr. Wonderful going?”
“I don’t know yet,” I say as I make my final choice of wardrobe for tonight.
I notice Brie’s eyebrow is raised while her lips form an “O.” The need to explain feels like a very bad idea, because even in my own head it sounds ridiculous. Look, I’ll show you. Caleb and I haven’t really spoken, let alone seen each other, since Wednesday. I realize it’s been three days, but hey, this is us. Sometimes we go through these spells of not speaking. Of course, it usually happens when we’re mad at each other. But I can’t remember ticking him off, so … See? Ridiculous. Ugh!
Brie studies me. It makes me uncomfortable, like in the huge-elephant-in-the-room kind of way. Awkward. “I was wondering if you would mind doing me a favor tonight?” she asks.
Rival Dreams (Rival Love #3) Page 5