by K Larsen
“Sorry, baby girl, I’m sick,” I answer.
“You sound funny.”
“It’s the cold.”
“I want to come over today after school,” she states.
“Tell your mom I’m sick and see what she says. I don’t want you getting an infection or cold from me.”
“I’m not weak anymore, Sawyer,” she says in a snit.
“Babe, you know what I mean. Stop splitting hairs and just run it by her first,” I say sternly.
“Fine,” she huffs and hangs up the phone. I take it back to the bedroom with me and fall into bed. I can still remember the first time Allie got really sick. I’d panicked like a new parent.
Allie was almost five and had a fever of 104 that Clara and I couldn't manage to bring down. We didn't know what was wrong. We’d finally rushed her to the Emergency Room. After a night spent pumping her full of fluids the fever broke and she was all better. I snort a little at the memory of myself running around frantically, trying every known natural fever reducer Google had to offer. Clara had laughed at me and told me to start the truck because Doctors know best.
Two hours later I wake up sweating in damp sheets. I sit up and rub my face. This is bad. I’m freezing yet sweating. I check my cell and have two texts from Clara, saying that Allie will pop in after school to check on me but isn’t to stay. After the kidney transplant we’re both still cautious with her when it comes to colds. One close call in this lifetime is more than enough. It’s hard to adjust to her being back to good health after watching her struggle for months to recuperate from her transplant.
A third text is from Pepper, bored at work, just saying hi. I type out a quick “hi” back and toss the phone on my nightstand. I should brush my teeth. That always makes me feel better but I just don’t have the energy to get up and do it. Maybe I’ll just sleep until Allie gets here. I set my alarm for three thirty p.m. and bury myself under the covers again.
When I finally wake up it is dark out. I leap out of bed and call for Allie on my way down the stairs. No one answers me. Crap. Wrapping my arms around myself as a shiver runs through me, I hit the landing and turn to the kitchen. Pepper moves silently between the sink and the stove, stirring something on the burner.
“You’re up,” she says over her shoulder. I think I’m hallucinating. I must be. Shaking my head slightly, I close my eyes and reopen them.
“Pepper?” I sound like I’m underwater. Distorted and far away. She moves towards me, reaching a hand out and placing the back of her hand on my forehead as I stare down at her concerned face. Her hand is cool and soft.
“Jesus, you’re burning up,” she says. “Allie texted me from your phone. She said you were sick and sleeping when she checked in on you. I told her I’d stop by, too,” she explains.
“Allie was here?” I ask, confused.
“As far as I know. How else would she text me from your number?” she asks and cocks her head and pouts. “Why don’t you go lie down on the couch? I’m making some soup for you,” she states.
I try to shake the cobwebs from my brain but it proves impossible. I feel so out of it. I tug the throw off the back of the couch and lay down with it. My lips hurt, my skin hurts. I hurt. It feels like hours have gone by when Pepper emerges with a bowl of soup.
“I hope you don’t mind that I came over,” she says, setting it down on the coffee table.
“No, I just wish Allie had woken me up,” I pout. I can’t believe I missed her.
“From what I gathered she didn't stay long, Clara was coming to pick her up. Something about paranoid parents?” She waves her hand dramatically.
“For a reason. She had a kidney transplant. Two years ago now. We try to keep her healthy.” My sentence sounds gritty and a coughing fit racks my body. Pepper rushes to the kitchen and brings back a glass of water.
“Thanks.” I lift the glass and chug the contents.
“I’m glad I came, you are really sick. Eat your soup. It’s butternut squash bisque. I made it from scratch,” she says and smiles. I reach for the bowl as she disappears in the house and I try to enjoy the fact that someone made me soup. Shuffling back into the room, she sits at my feet with her own bowl of soup and flicks on the TV. It calms me having her here, knowing that I’m not in this house all alone. I watch her easy, bright smile and feel my chest tighten with contentment.
“What do you like to watch?” she asks casually.
* * * * *
Pepper stays through dinner, cleans up, and brings me tissues, Nyquil, and cool cloths for my fever. Basically she dotes on me like no one ever has, not even my mother when I was little. After finding nothing on TV we’d decided on putting on a movie, to which I promptly fell asleep.
When I rejoin the world of the waking, Pepper is curled into a tiny ball at the far end of the couch staring blankly at the credits rolling.
“I have a guest room. If you’re tired,” I croak, throat tight.
“Naw, I don’t really sleep well,” she admits.
“I also have sleeping pills or Nyquil.” I laugh even though it brings on a coughing fit. She tutts and rushes off to bring me a fresh glass of water before sitting again.
“Sometimes I wake up crying at night or screaming. I just don’t sleep well,” she admits quietly.
“What do you dream about?” I ask.
“I...I don’t know. Never really remember them.” She shrugs. She’s lying. I know and she can sense that I’m about to call bullshit. “I should get going. I work tomorrow but…I’ll check in on you Tuesday evening, yeah?” Her attempt at distraction is lame but I’m too tired and out of it to bother digging deeper.
“It’s okay. I am a grown man,” I answer.
“I don’t mind. Sometimes…well, sometimes it’s nice to be needed. Have a purpose. But if you don’t want me to stop by I won’t.” She looks down at the worn rug.
“I just meant I didn’t want to be a burden. By all means, stop by. I’ll gladly take homemade soup any day of the week.” I push up and reach out, tilting her chin back up. “Thank you. It was actually really nice to wake up to someone being here, even more nice to have someone doting on me,” I say with a smirk, dropping my hand. The moment feels like its gaining intensity and it would suck to be denied a first kiss based on possibly being contagious and having disgusting breath.
“Okay, well, it was nice to just be around someone else versus home alone. So, we’re even.” She grins. As she pushes off the couch to walk past me I grab her hand. She stops and eyes our connected hands wearily.
“Really. Thanks,” I say gently. She nods, clicks off the TV, and heads out, nothing but the sound of the door clicking into place as she exits. This entire situation is so frustrating.
* * * * *
The morning comes too quickly. I feel like I’ve been run over by a semi. I gather all the strength I have and call my appointments for the day to reschedule. I haven’t had to do that in almost three years. Sick is not something I do well. As promised, Pepper texts me mid-day to check in. Lacking the energy to respond any way other than curtly, I let her know that I’m still feeling terrible but that I’ll live. Allie stops by after school to sit with me and it ends up being the highlight of my day. At seven, Clara arrives to pick up Allie.
She breezes through the door and plops down on the couch next to my head, wiggling her butt in for purchase.
“How you holding up?” she asks, looking mildly worried.
“I’ll live,” I grumble.
“Do you need anything?” Her hand reaches out to me, pushing hair from my forehead gently. It’s an intimate gesture that somehow only makes me think of Pepper. Pink lips, full and lush. Dark chocolate hair tipped with purple hanging at her shoulders. The ceiling fan turns lazily overhead. I used to covet these moments.
“No, Allie’s quite the nursemaid.” I grin, nodding to the other end of the couch. Allie’s white teeth gleam in the mellow light as she smiles.
“I got him water, made soup, and put the tissues right n
ext to him. Just like you do for me,” she tells Clara, a proud tinge to her little voice. I smile even though it makes my chapped lips hurt. She is so damned cute.
“Perfect, babe. Just what the doctor ordered,” Clara responds lovingly.
“I think if you are ready to go, I might hit the sack,” I interject.
“Of course. Allie, pack up your backpack and let’s let Sawyer get some rest.” Her fingers thread my hair just slightly before she gives me the “mom” once-over and retreats. Allie gives me a whopper of a hug and then they’re gone.
Silence.
I shouldn’t, but I lie in bed and wish Pepper was over again tonight, just sitting in the house with me. Just someone else to help take up the silence.
Chapter 14
Family Movie Night
Four. Days. It took four days but I finally feel like myself again. Slightly weak but no more cold sweats, hot chills, or general discomfort. Pepper, true to her word, checked in on me via text twice a day. I’d grown really used to seeing her name appear on my phone’s screen. I like it. A lot. I learned more about her dessert addiction, her love of long bike rides, bourbon, and live music. Last night we had a long text conversation about dying hair. Not very manly but it was entertaining to say the least. She’d asked if Clara always dyed the same chunk of hair new colors and that she’d be too afraid to do that repeatedly to the same area because eventually your hair would fall out. She cited not wanting to be bald by Monday from over-dying.
Then we got on this whole topic of hashtags and how to make #baldbymonday trend on Twitter. I’m not very social media friendly and had to ask what the hell a hashtag was, but that got us going on a whole new conversation. Needless to say, she had me smiling and entertained for the night. I look forward to her messages. I smile preemptively when my phone dings just at the thought that whatever message is, it could be from her.
Allie and I are gearing up for our weekly movie night, one of her favorite playlists blaring through the house speakers. We’re taking turns showing off our freakishly good dance moves to each other. Don’t all line up at once, ladies, I know I am beyond a catch, if you like dork. Miley Cyrus’s “Hoedown Throwdown” is blaring and I am lip syncing using a spatula as a microphone and trying to do the dance to it. Allie is in stitches laughing at me. Seeing her face light up the way it does when I goof off with her is well worth the effort.
“Sweet dance moves, but I come bearing dessert,” a voice quips at me. I jump, grunting, and spin towards the sound. Allie rushes around me with a smile and squeals.
“SHIT FUCK CRAP SHITTY MCSHITTERTON!” I scream at Pepper in pure horror. Pure. Horror. Pepper stands in the entrance to the living room, the music still blasting from the surround sound. Allie is twirling around oblivious. I’ve just been caught dancing to Miley Cyrus with an eleven-year-old girl. Pepper’s smile is wide and mocking but in a good way. Her smile reaches from one ear to the next. I am so embarrassed. Her body shakes softly as she tries to hold in her laughter.
“Hi! You brought dessert?” Allie asks, peering inside the bag Pepper is holding.
“Yes ma’am, I brought ice cream sundaes for your movie night,” Pepper preens.
“Yes!” Allie fist pumps the air.
“Ahhhh, Pepper? Hello?” I call.
“Hi. Want ice cream?” Pepper says, holding up the bag in her hands.
“You really brought dessert?” I ask.
“All the fixin’s, too!” She nods.
“You really shouldn’t have.”
“Well, I did. Let’s make some sundaes,” she suggests. Allie squeals again and runs to the kitchen to grab three bowls and three spoons.
I pull Pepper aside. “Pepper, in front Allie we’re nothing but friends. I don’t want her getting any ideas or attached. She already likes you,” I whisper.
“Understood.” She nods, heading to the kitchen. She drops the bag on the counter and pulls out chocolate and cookie dough ice cream, hot fudge, and peanut butter sauce and cherries and sprinkles. Jesus. This woman can do no wrong.
“Whoa, Sawyer! Check. It. Out. She brought everything!” Allie cries out in pure delight.
“I see that, Allie. Geez, Pepper, these are going to be the best sundaes ever. Mmmmmmmm. Peanut butter sauce, my favorite!” I moan, licking my lips. It takes all of my willpower not to sweep her up into a kiss. Friends don't kiss, I mentally remind myself.
“Allie, this is my friend, Pepper, remember?”
“Yeah. Of course I remember her. You like her.” Allie snickers. I moan and shake my head at Allie. Pepper turns three shades of red and opens the drawer to her left, digging for something that she never finds. My chest shakes and I can't stop the laughter from rumbling out. Pepper’s head snaps up and her eyes narrow at me as her nose wrinkles. Cute.
“Your dad’s a sweet guy, Allie,” Pepper says. Allie casts a curious glance at Pepper, me, and then Pepper again.
“I know.” She shrugs like it’s no big deal. We make three sundaes and invite Pepper to stay for the movie.
The couch is roughly big enough for me and Allie to sit on together comfortably. Including Pepper on it has my heart pumping. Should I sit next to her or should Allie sit in the middle of us? Or is that weird? Maybe I’ll just stand. I have no idea what to do in this situation. I want to wedge myself in between them. I want to wrap my arms around them both but I know Pepper isn’t there yet. I told her I could be her friend and I need to prove that or she’ll never trust me. I want her trust.
“You two sit while I load the movie.” I am biding my time and it feels weird. Why can’t I just man up and make a move?
I pop the DVD in and push the play button. Then I stand up, grab my sundae, and eye the couch. I decide to sit on the floor in front of the couch and lean back against it between Pepper and Allie. That’s safe, right?
“You can’t see from there.” Pepper’s breath at my ear makes me shiver. Her hair brushes against my neck, she’s leaned in so close to me. It smells delicious.
“Shhh. I can see just fine,” I admonish. I can't focus on the movie anyways. The idea of a super gorgeous, super-hot, super funny woman sitting inches away has me completely distracted. Two slender arms slip under my armpits and I’m guided onto the couch in between Allie and Pepper. Her lips twitch and she leans into me. “Now you can see just fine,” she whispers. I open my mouth to protest but then smack my lips together. She was right so I don’t argue. Allie nudges my arm up and curls into me. This is nice. I catch Pepper watching Allie snuggling into me with a soft look in her eyes. I wonder if she wants kids.
At nine p.m. Allie is asleep, still curled into my side. I elbow Pepper who is actually watching the movie. “Yeah?” She sounds sleepy.
“Can you get up so I can carry Allie to bed?” I ask quietly. Pepper nods, standing to give me room to pick up Allie. There is an ease in this moment that feels so right, the three of us being here. Something warm slides through my insides and when her eyes catch mine they go warm like my insides feel. I stand up, making my way to Allie’s room, where I gently set her in bed. I pull off her pants, pull the covers up over her, and give her a kiss before heading back to the living room.
Pepper isn’t there. Turning to the kitchen, I find her washing the ice cream bowls and spoons. Wow. That’s nice. Not just because I detest doing dishes, but because she wasn’t even asked to do it. Thoughtful. She’s hard and closed off yet opens up in the smallest of ways. I’m making progress. I feel like it’s a victory.
“Woman of many talents I see,” I tease as I lean a hip into the counter. She reaches out and wraps her hand around the back of my neck, pulling me closer. Surprise pummels me. Please God, please, let her kiss me. Let her finally make the move! She giggles and her fingers curl deeper into my neck before she says, “You’re welcome,” and crushes me to her chest in a long, deep hug. My hands work soothing strokes up and down the length of her back. I’m disappointed that this wasn’t the defining moment, yet I haven’t been handled with this
much care by a woman in a long time. It feels amazing. I pull away and look down to her, admiring her. She’s breaking down. I can feel it. I am going to win her over.
“You really made Allie’s night bringing the ice cream,” I admit.
“She seems like a good kid and you had a shit day,” she says, referencing my back-to-back frat-house clients who all wanted ridiculous tatts today.
“She is and I did. But sometimes being a dad is like, ‘Hey, Dad, let me know when you want to go to the bathroom and I’ll come stare at you and ask for food,’ versus the Norman Rockwell ice cream sundae picture you created tonight.” My statement earns me a full-blown belly laugh from Pepper. Her eyes sparkle, crinkling just barely at the corners.
“I should head out,” she says.
“Allie and I are going tubing tomorrow. Come with us,” I state as she gathers her stuff. She pauses and hope flares in my chest.
“Tubing?” she asks, cocking her head sideways just so.
“You know, inner tubes, a river, sun,” I say, walking with her towards the door. I’m trying to make this sound like a casual invite, not a date.
“Hmm, what time?” she asks, staring at me.
“We’ll pick you up at ten and have you home by seven,” I answer.
“What if I have to work?” She raises an eyebrow at me.
“Call out,” I say as she palms the doorknob. She pauses, contemplating her options silently. I’m sure she’s going to just leave without answering when she pauses in the doorway.
“See you tomorrow then.” She laughs lightly before stepping through the door and shutting it softly behind her. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t fist pump the air as soon as the door shut.
Chapter 15
Bubble of Bliss
"Do you have some CDs to bring for the car ride?" Pepper asks, moving around the truck.
"Why, where are we going, 2001?" I joke. Her eyes shoot daggers at me but laughter bubbles out of her throat. God, her smile is addicting. I need to see it more.