by K Larsen
After three rounds I am sated, close to drooling, and spent. We lay snuggled, her back to my front, my arm tightly wound around her. Heaven.
“Night, love,” I whisper, burying my face in her hair.
“Night,” she murmurs sleepily. Just like that, I physically feel the last shred of resistance dissolving between us.
I lay awake until I hear her breathing steadily. Then I find sleep.
* * * * *
I open my eyes slowly, feeling a warm, sleepy, heavy arm draped across my stomach. Her head is on my shoulder, face tucked into my neck. One arm slung across my waist and a leg wrapped around my leg. Her breathing is heavy and steady. Three in the morning. No nightmare. I close my eyes and drift back to sleep with my girl in my arms.
Chapter 45
Smothering
She rolls slightly but doesn't get far before I pull her back against me. The sun is shining through the bedroom window with the promise of a beautiful day.
“Promise you’ll wear out those three little words,” I whisper in her ear.
“Good morning to you, too,” her voice, heavy with sleep, replies.
I chuckle before showing her just how good of a morning it is.
Watching her move around the kitchen sends something warm and liquid through my belly. I tell myself it’s because I can smell coffee brewing, a trigger response, really. I move to the coffee pot and pour two mugs, careful to make hers just the way she mentioned over dinner she likes it.
“How is it you remember everything?” she says, eyes wide with humor.
“You’re hard to forget.”
“Good answer,” she answers, a tiny sliver of a smile on her lips.
“Good enough to convince you to take a bike ride today with me?”
“I promised Greta I’d meet her at the gym, but after, yeah.”
“Perfect,” I call from the fridge. “Pancakes or eggs?”
“French toast!” she replies. I chuckle at her idea but start pulling out all the items I’ll need to make my girl French toast.
We’re on our bikes. Pepper’s speeding ahead of me, decked out head to toe in a leather get-up. It’s still a little chilly for bike rides but we were both so ready to get back out and ride that we just bundled up. The trees blur past as I speed up to catch her. Greta had put Pepper in a funk at the gym earlier. I think mostly it’s just because Pepper is starting to push Greta into talking more, about personal things. Pepper’s heart is in the right place but I’m not sure Greta is the friend to try and save. She’s always polite and friendly enough, but she definitely has a fortress built around her heart. She’s very reserved, emotionally speaking. It’s almost like she has a permanent poker face. She’s always quiet, watching, surveying her surroundings. I don’t mind her at all and if Pepper wants to try and dive inside that head of hers, more power to her, but I’ll stay out of it.
Pepper’s tail lights shine. She’s pulling into the spot where I first took her. Her hair tumbles out of her helmet as she waits for me to catch up.
“Here?” I laugh.
“What? You too good for a repeat performance?” she asks. My heart leaps out of my chest with excitement. Blood rushes, making it impossible to hear anything over the sound.
“Calm down, lover boy. That’s not what I had in mind, but maybe if you behave...” She crooks a finger for me to follow her up the path as I try and quell my raging hormones.
We climb the half-mile path to the flat rock that overlooks the road we just travelled. You can almost see the whole of Blacksburg from it. When we reach the landing, she sits and motions for me to join her.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Anything,” I answer.
“Do you want kids? I mean, more kids?” Her question hits me out of left field. She’s never mentioned anything about her wants or needs regarding having a family of her own outside of the fact that she chose a life where she couldn't have that.
“Absolutely. I want marriage, too though.”
“Truth or lie?” she asks.
“Truth.”
“The idea of living with me.” Her caramel eyes bore into mine, presumably looking for any hesitation or negative feelings.
“Living with Pepper. Hmmm.” I tap my chin, drawing out the moment. “The truth. I’d wake up a happy man, every single day. It wouldn’t be easy. She doesn’t like to share her sweets, she hogs most of the couch during movie time, and she definitely has some communication issues, but I think as a whole, the truth about living with Pepper is that it’d be…amazing.” Her gaze holds mine. “Are you asking me to move in with you?”
“I’m…I’m asking if we should move in together.” Her voice is quiet, reserved.
“Don't clam up on me now. This conversation is just starting to get good.” I smile. She tips sideways, resting her head on my shoulder. I kiss the top of her head.
“I need smothering, I think,” she mumbles. I wrap my arms around her and hold her firmly to me.
“Pepper. Will you move in with me?” I ask formally.
“Yes please.”
“Yes please?” I repeat.
“Yes please, I would like to move in with you, Sawyer Crown. I want to share our lives. I want to claim you. I want everyone to know me with you and you with me,” she rambles off quickly.
“Are you going all cavewoman on me?”
“Me, Pepper, you, lay down.” She laughs and pushes me to my back.
“If cavewoman is going to unzip my pants, I like her.” I laugh. Pepper’s eyes glimmer with desire as her hands work the zipper of my jeans. I am seriously the luckiest man on the entire planet. The. Entire. Planet.
“I’ll be over tomorrow with the truck to move you.”
She licks the head of my dick before bursting out laughing. A belly laugh so deep and true that she doesn’t continue her plight in my pants.
“Moment ruiner!” she says and giggles, crawling up my body. I pull her down on top of me and kiss her until I’m sure she’s breathless.
“Pepper, you’re my heart. Do you understand that?”
She closes her eyes for a moment and breathes deeply before nodding and nuzzling her face into my neck. Piece by piece I will chip away all the resistance.
Chapter 46
Families
It’s family night: declared to happen once a week, no matter what, by Allie. Not just our new little unit either, but close friends and Dom and Clara, too. This is the second one we’ve had so far. The weather has finally warmed up enough to grill and sit outside on the patio.
Arms loaded with plastic cups for everyone, I pause outside the patio doors, just out of sight. Clara and Pepper are deep in conversation and although I know it’s horrid to listen in, I want to know how Pepper’s doing. She’s formed a strong bond with Clara over the last few months. Maybe it’s sharing the same therapist or maybe it’s built from sharing some experiences. Either way, I’m listening while Dom grills and Allie dances around the backyard and Greta fends off Hoot’s advances at the table.
“He said I was his heart, and you don’t leave your heart behind. You can’t live without your heart, Clara,” Pepper says disbelievingly.
“He loves you. I mean it's obvious how much he cares for you, but I was hoping he didn't really love you, not like I saw when he held you that night...like your pain was his and he would do anything in the world for you, to protect you...” Clara answers.
“I know. That’s what scares me. I’m destined to screw it up.” Pepper’s voice sounds timid and fragile.
“You can’t screw up true love. Trust me. I’d know. Buck up, kid.”
I push through the doors to the patio, slapping a smile on my face so the girls don’t know that I’ve been eavesdropping. Dom announces that the food is done and everyone shuffles to the table. Taking their seats, Hoot, Dom, and I start passing around platters with various delicious foods to everyone.
Silence ensues as people chow down. The food is damn good if I dare say so. Peppe
r wipes her mouth on her napkin and shoots me a grin. I nod and finish what’s in my mouth before speaking.
“Hey guys,” I say, getting everyone’s attention. All eyes stare, waiting. I glance at Pepper and she nods at me. “Pepper and I have decided to move in together,” I state proudly. Dom smiles his dazzling pearly whites. Clara claps her hands together and gasps while Allie jumps up and hugs Pepper. Hoot and Greta both stare at us.
“Why ruin a good thing?” Hoot calls out, chuckling. Greta smacks him, hard.
“Congratulations,” she says over Hoot’s grumbling. And just like that, we’re a solid thing. A family of sorts.
* * * * *
Everything from our dinner is picked up, washed, and put away. Pepper’s gone upstairs to change into pajamas while I take a breather and plant my ass on the couch.
“Will you bring me a beer?” I ask, hearing her footsteps in the stairwell. She agrees. I hear the suction on the fridge door as she retrieves my drink. The bottle appears in front of me. I look back to Pepper to thank her and my eyes nearly bug out of my head.
She’s wearing a tank strap nightie covered in little cherries. It clings to her chest just enough to suggest that what lives under the fabric is the stuff wet dreams were made of. I push off the couch, beer forgotten, bend at the waist, and slide my arm under her knees while my other one comes around her ribs. She reaches up and laces her arms around my neck as I pick her up. I press our foreheads together.
“Your nighties are hot,” I grunt.
“You like? This old thing?” she responds playfully.
“I more than like,” I answer. She juts her chin, angling her face to kiss me. It’s soft. Her lips just barely graze mine. Her tongue runs over my lip ring before she pulls back and wiggles free of my hold. She heads towards the stairs, tossing me a sultry look over her shoulder. I don't need to be told twice. I follow after her, ready to play.
Chapter 47
Changes
Pepper's arms wrap tighter around my waist and her hands rub against my abdomen and chest as she presses the side of her face against my back. The temperature just dropped dramatically. We have another twenty minutes to go before we’d arrive home. An ominous cloud moves over the sun as we cruise down the twisty road. When the first drops start to pelt us, I pull to the side.
"Come on, let's wait it out under cover." I grab her hand and tug her towards the thick canopy of trees that will provide minimal shelter from the passing rain. Her long, black hair is drenched and rain falls down her face and drips off her lips. Those perfect lips draw me in like a magnet. Overcome by need, I grab the back of her neck, and pull her into a kiss. I step forward into her until she's pressed against a tree. My soaked shirt clings to me and it sticks to my skin as Pepper starts trying pull it up and off.
"What're you doing?" I raise a brow at her playfully.
"Passing the time?" she suggests with a predatory grin. Who am I to stop her?
I pull Pepper in close as we kiss and each press of her lips against mine feels like our very first kiss all over again. There is this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. I can't control the jerk of my dick as she presses into me and moans.
I lose it.
Fumbling slightly with her wet jeans, I yank the zipper down and button open before peeling her jeans down her legs. She laughs as they get caught on one ankle. Lifting Pepper off of the ground, she wraps her legs around me. With her pinned there, I free myself from my wet pants and with her back pressed against the tree, I make passionate love to her in the rain, our breaths making little fog clouds as we pant into the chilled, damp air.
It’s not until the rain has stopped that we hop back on the bike. The rush I get when her arms wrap tightly around my waist borders ridiculousness. Love is a simple thing, really. It’s not in the gifts or the money spent. Sometimes it’s not even in the time spent. It’s something that happens in the “in between” moments. The space between minutes. The space between music notes. Love is having all the little things. The hand holding, the unwavering devotion and respect. It’s the bland nights of cooking together and watching trashy TV. It’s being content in all that.
It’s been a little over a year since Pepper first walked into my life. I still get a heady schoolboy rush watching her twist her dripping hair up into a towel or sing under her breath while making sundaes or gather her panties around her thumbs as she poises a foot for entry. I draw near and kiss her between the shoulder blades.
“How was your day?” I ask as she stirs a pot of tomato sauce.
“It was wonderful. I’m really learning a ton from Dominic on running a business.” She smiles as she turns into my arms.
“Yours?” she asks.
“It’s perfect, now,” I tell her before closing the distance between our faces and kissing her senseless. Her chest presses against mine, chest heaving, just as it should be.
“Uhhh guys, can you do that not in the kitchen?” Allie snits from the entryway. I release Pepper and scoop up my girl, causing her to squeal with laughter.
“And how was your day, Alliecat?” I ask, keeping her in my arms.
“Fine. It was actually kinda boring today. We didn’t learn much,” she answers.
“Oh no?! Really? I’m sure you learned something,” I state with mock concern. She shakes her head at me, wide-eyed. Pepper laughs in the background. My heart swells in my chest.
“Hmm, I’m sure you did. If you want me to stop, you have to think of one thing you learned today,” I say.
“Stop what?” Allie asks curiously. I wiggle my fingers against her ribs, moving towards her pits. She screams with laughter, begging and gasping for me to stop. She only holds out for thirty seconds before reciting some new piece of knowledge she learned today.
* * * * *
“Wake up,” Allie’s voice interrupts my dream. I groan. Noooo, it was a good dream.
“No,” I mumble.
“Wake up!” she calls again with attitude. I rub the sleep from my eyes and roll toward Allie’s voice before glancing at the clock. Eight fucking thirty. Why?
“What is it, Allie?” My voice is still thick with sleep.
“Surprise!” she yells and points to the door frame where Pepper stands, holding a tray complete with breakfast, coffee, and a Maxim magazine. I barely notice the tray, though; Pepper is there in bare feet, wearing a green nightie with lace on it. It’s modest but sexy as fuck. Her hair is sleep-tossed and her mega-watt smile sets me on fire. My boxers incinerate themselves as I stare at her. I’ll have to let her know that later, when we’re alone.
“Breakfast in bed, love.” She smiles from the doorway. I make some kind of grunt before I snap out of it and come to my senses. Holy mother of God.
“Wow!” I direct at Allie.
“Are you surprised?!” she squeals.
“Very. What’s the special occasion?” I ask her.
“We just wanted to do something nice.” She beams with pride.
“Well thank you!”
Pepper sets the tray on the bed and winks at me.
“Relax and enjoy.” Then she turns to Allie. “Time to eat ours now, pretty girl.” They head towards the kitchen and I look down to my tray.
I take two bites and listen to Allie’s giggles floating down the hall.
“Hey!” I call.
“Yeah?” Pepper calls back.
“It’s lonely in here. Come eat with me.” My two favorite people carry their plates to my bedroom, hop on the bed with me, and we all eat our breakfast together. This life I’ve found, the one I’ve claimed, has sorted itself out. The wrinkles dissipate a little more each day, leaving behind a smooth, stunning surface.
Epilogue
Pepper Philips
Life is what Sawyer gives me. It's the most amazing gift to give, really. Every moment I am with him I feel alive. For so long I lived with grief and lies. Grief is a place where a person goes alone. A windowless space where you can't see a way out. I've never been good at sa
ying out loud what really matters to me but, I'm working on that. Because if you wait for the right time, you end up running out of time. Without Sawyer there is no color, no passion, there is no fun in existing. He ignites a fire inside my soul that helps heal me.
There is a certain safety in pretending you are okay. Real pain requires actual feeling. It hurts. If you don't feel it, though, you'll never accept it, move on, and heal. It's been hard for me to face everything I've experienced. Yet, somehow I've managed, and all along Sawyer's been right next to me, supporting me.
“Mmmm,” he growls in my ear as his arms tighten around me. “Love wakin’ up with you.” And cue the belly whoosh. It never gets old. It never goes away. He makes my stomach feel like we’ve hit a big bump in the road and are in mid-air. He tells me this almost every morning we wake up together. Every morning I need to hear his words. They bring a calm peace with them.
“I think you overuse the words ‘I love you,’” I tease him.
“Maybe I should just show you,” he grumbles as his hands slide up under my nightie. I have invested in a few new ones after finding out how much he likes them on me. This one is pale green with lace trim. It seems to be his favorite.
“Hop to it then.” I smirk. He chuckles and then gets to it.
* * * * *
Today we are spending a day lazily hanging around the house. Allie had picked the first two movies and is now playing in her room after declaring Sawyer’s movie choice boring.
His arms are wound tightly around me as I snuggle into his hard, large frame before the movie comes on. His thumb draws slow circles on my hip. The circling thumb hooks my pj pants and pulls them lower to expose more of the tattoo he recently did for me. Tiny lettering on my hip spells out “Adapted.” It’s my own personal “fuck you” to the universe. I made it. I survived. I thrived. And I did it while finding happiness. No small feat. Beside the word is a small aster flower. I’d finally told him about my cousin Aster and how much I love and miss her. About how, like him, she just was. She’s a constant in my life. I don’t need her physically around because I’ve got her words inside me. In my heart and head. Her support and love lives there, deeply rooted in me. I’d finally been able to tell him everything about my life before Christiansburg and it felt so good.