by Renea Mason
With my eyes still closed and slumber threatening, I mouthed, “I’m sorry.”
“Shhh...we can talk in the morning. We’re together now. That’s all that matters.”
The last thing I remembered, before succumbing to exhaustion, was the feel of his warm lips on my forehead.
CHAPTER THREE
Fragile
I woke up from the strangest dream. Xavier with handcuffs. Creepy Society bullshit. Ménage á quatre? Usually, my dreams of him involved our time in Paris.
The sound of clinking glass carried from the kitchen. I sat up. Awareness seeped through the haze—the rumpled covers on the other side of the bed, the unmistakable smell of sex, the dampness between my legs. I grabbed the throw still on the bottom of the bed, wrapped the warm cloth around myself, and walked to the doorway. I paused, afraid he’d be there. Terrified he wouldn’t be. I closed my eyes and stepped across the threshold.
When I opened them, he stared back at me, shirtless with his hair tousled, busying himself behind the island. Paper bags littered the countertop.
“Good morning, beautiful.” He smiled.
I inhaled and decided after smelling my breath, freshening up was best before getting any closer. “Good morning. What is all of that?”
“Breakfast. I had it delivered because...you’re not much of a cook are you?”
“What gave it away?”
“The only thing in the refrigerator was coffee creamer, hummus and the takeout from last night, which you never did get a chance to eat.” He sliced through a strawberry, removing the top.
“It’s a bit difficult to eat when you’re handcuffed to a chair.”
He popped a slice of the berry into his mouth, chewed, and then pointed at me. “I tried to feed you, if you remember, but you were too busy being angry with me about my possible sister.”
“Oh, that wasn’t all...”
“Yes, but I’m trying to move past that.” He smirked. “You planning on joining me, or am I going to have to toss your breakfast to you?”
“Let me go wash up and I’ll be right there.”
* * *
I had a hard time adjusting to him being in my home. The combination was incongruous; hard to reconcile the celebrity Dr. Xavier with the man who stood at my counter—my lover. During the surreal week in Paris, he fit perfectly, but here... He posed a great danger in this setting. Like a wild animal that showed me his tame side, but at any moment could turn into an elusive creature best admired from a distance. I should have known better.
The way he held his utensils, so delicately, yet precisely in his large hands drew me in. His fingers gripped a berry, and he raised the succulent fruit to my mouth, urging me to lick juice from his fingertip by painting the nectar across my lower lip. His smile, so charming and happy, lit me up too. I never wanted to see his exuberance fade.
With breakfast finished, he gathered the cartons and stuffed them into bags for disposal. With a quick kiss, he smiled and playfully swatted my ass. “Go pack your things. I’ll send the movers for the rest.”
I dropped the bowl from my hand, sending splatters of yogurt onto the floor and cabinet doors. “Shit.” I grabbed a napkin and bent to clean the mess. A couple of swipes and I looked up at him. “Movers? Why do I need movers?”
He extended a hand to help me up from the floor. I tossed the used napkin in the bowl and slid my hand into his. As he pulled, he said, “You can’t stay here. I thought I told you it wouldn’t be safe here.”
“For now.”
He grabbed the edge of the bowl, set it in the sink and then tossed the napkin in the trash. He looped his arms around my waist and pressed me against his body. “No, Elaine, not for now. When we leave here today, there is no more you. There is only us. Our home. Our life.”
His words came rushing back; I don’t do anything halfway. I envisioned dinners, movies, and fundraisers. “Xavier, geesh, you make the situation sound like we’re getting married.”
“Do you want marriage? Would that make this easier for you?” He smoothed his hand over my hair. “Before you left Paris that I wanted your love at all costs. After almost losing you, I’d give you the world.”
“So my own place is out of the question, but the world is just fine?” I tried to hide the incredulous tone in my words behind a grin.
He laughed, but soon sobered. “Your safety is of the utmost importance. Your safekeeping is the only thing I’ll let trump your desires, but when we’re done bringing those bastards to their knees, if you still want to leave me, I won’t stop you. Until then, when you aren’t with me, Marco or Sebastian will be there.”
“I’m not fragile, you know.”
He smiled. “Believe me, I know. But I refuse to underestimate them. I don’t fully understand the end game yet. I will not risk you anymore than I already have.”
Him and his declarations. “What if I said I did want you to marry me?”
With a dead serious expression, he countered me. “We’d make a detour before heading to the cabin, and when we arrived, you’d be Mrs. Xavier Vincent.”
“You are so full of shit.”
“Care to test me?” He placed a finger under my chin, lifting, so that our gazes met. “I love you, Elaine. The rest is merely a formality. I’ve already made my commitment. My love isn’t going to get any stronger with a piece of paper and a ring, and my dedication won’t be weakened without them. But I’m not foolish enough to believe that everyone thinks like me. I mean, isn’t making assumptions about what you do and don’t care about what got me in trouble in the first place? If you need a ceremony to make your commitment real or for me to prove you’re mine, let me know and I’ll make a few phone calls.” There was no hint of sarcasm in his voice or smirk on his lips.
“I think I’m going to vote for a nuptials free afternoon. We barely know each other, even talking of marriage as a joke is insanity.”
He bent and kissed me on the cheek. “It’s fine. Take your time. One day you’ll be as certain as I am.”
“You mean as crazy as you are.”
“One person’s crazy is another person’s normal.”
“Did you use that in your practice?”
He laughed. “No. Crazy isn’t a word that’s passed around so freely in a clinical setting, but as you suggest, the lesson is important. We’re all governed by degrees of certainty, with ignorance and confidence being poles on the same axis.”
“I guess you have a point.”
“Get moving. Start packing.” He swatted my ass again.
“I’ll need to call Gretchen to let her know I’ll be away and not to worry. And to see if she can take Prince until we get things situated.” I paused. “See...this is why this is all so crazy. I don’t even know if you like cats.”
He wrapped his arms around me. “I do. But if you have one, he’s been rather elusive.”
“He’s not used to me having company.”
“Good.” He kissed me quickly.
“Why is that good?”
“Because, I would hate to think you had another man here. You haven’t seen me jealous yet.”
I shook my head in disbelief and let out a chuckle. “So, sleeping with your friends is fine, but no one is allowed to visit?”
He clutched my shoulders in both his hands holding me still. “It seems I need to clarify the rules.” His gaze was so intense; I wanted to look away. “There is no one else. I’ve given you a choice regarding Sebastian and Marco, but that is a very special circumstance—one that I created when I underestimated your impact on me. Beyond that, you are mine. I won’t have you with anyone else—not physically, not emotionally or otherwise. Do you understand?”
My back stiffened. I had no intention of seeing anyone else, but his demands begged a question. “What about you? Is this a one-sided arrangement?”
“Absolutely not. Every part of me belongs to you. You’ll find my singular focus also applies to when I love. I’m not even sure I’d be capable of splitting my
attentions. I just hope you can handle being my focus because the cabin has a beautiful balcony overlooking a lake, and I can’t stop thinking about fucking you under the stars tonight.”
* * *
Evening was upon us by the time we reached the cabin. During the hours of driving through forested mountains, Xavier kept his hand on my knee. The pitted, bumpy, dirt road that snaked through the woods proved no match for the Audi RS 7. He refused to use a driver and kept a constant watch in the mirror for followers.
He pulled in behind the cedar log cabin, which faced a lake situated between two tall mountain peaks. The sounds of croaking frogs and buzzing crickets made the crisp air feel alive. The fresh forest scent filled my nostrils, giving me an appreciation for how much I missed by living in the city.
He grabbed my hand and threaded his fingers between mine. “I’ll get your things later. Let’s go check on Sebastian.”
Light streamed through the windows, casting shadows on the porch. The screen door creaked, and I shivered. He slid a key into the lock and turned. The interior door opened, exposing a large, expansive room. “He’s expecting us. Come on.” His shoes clicked against the floorboards, the sound echoing off the rafters as he walked farther into the house and called out, “Sebastian? It’s Xavier and Elaine.”
A figure sat in the far corner of the room in a dark leather chair facing the lake. The large glass windows of the cabin provided a perfect view of the water glinting with moonlight. He stood, sat his glass on the end table beside him, and turned to face us—Sebastian. He looked as if he had aged twenty years. He was thinner, his face lined with fatigue, and he hadn’t tended his beard or hair for some time. My heart fell the instant our eyes met. He was anguish embodied. Xavier squeezed my hand and then let go.
Sebastian didn’t say a word. He simply stood there watching me. I wasn’t sure what I should do. Xavier pressed on my back, giving me a slight nudge.
I took his cue and walked to the beautiful man with the scraggly blond hair. “Hey... I’m so sorry.” I wrapped my arms around him in a hug.
He accepted my embrace and held me tight, resting his head on the top of mine. A defeated sigh left his lips, as his body relaxed, encasing me in his warmth, but his grip remained firm as though he were afraid I might get away. Another long exhale and the scent of Scotch filled my nostrils.
He whispered, “I’m so happy you agreed to come.”
I chuckled. “We’ll, I’m happy to be here, but I don’t know that I agreed to anything. The tornado that is Xavier Vincent hit, and here I am.”
“Xavier, what did you do?” Sebastian rubbed my back, tracing soft circles against my skin.
The doctor approached me from behind and kissed my shoulder. “Elaine needed a little persuasion. She saw me with the breeder’s daughter and thought Monica was my date. We almost lost her. I improvised.” He rubbed his hand along the small of my back. “I’ll give you two a few minutes to get reacquainted while I get the bags.”
Sebastian didn’t let go. I knew little about the man that Xavier called friend, but the doctor had a way of forming friendships that linked at the soul. I had no doubt that both Marco and Sebastian would do anything for Xavier, and he for them.
Sebastian’s grief was almost tangible. My heart ached for him. He loved Miriam, had been her devoted husband and caretaker for many years, but in her final act she left him broken. Her suicide and treasure chest of secrets left no place for closure.
I pulled back from him, so I could look into his eyes. “I’m here to talk if you want, or if all you need is comfort, I can do that too.”
He smiled through the pain. “I honestly don’t know what I need. I just can’t believe she’s gone. I can’t believe she knew what Lydia did to Xavier and never told me. Never told him. How could she not help him?”
“I think the situation is more complicated than we realized. Xavier now wonders if Lydia wasn’t trying to protect him.” I grabbed his hand and led him to the oversize brown leather sofa. I sat and patted the seat beside me. He took my lead.
He spread his fingers and combed his hands through his hair. “I’m glad you’re here, Elaine. I don’t want you near those people. They can’t know you’re important to X.”
“I think he plans on pretending I’m his subject, so they can’t touch me. He believes they’ll abide by their own rules.”
He sat up straight and faced directly ahead. He enunciated the word. “What?”
“He said the Society has rules. They aren’t allowed to interfere between a keeper and a subject.”
He turned to face me, his brow furrowed. “No! No, I don’t like the plan. That’s too close. You can’t trust anything they say.”
The door opened. Xavier slipped inside, his hair plastered to his head. “It’s raining out.”
Sebastian rose and moved to the doorway. “You can’t make her your subject.” Sebastian’s harsh words reverberated off the glass.
“Why? She won’t be content being locked away, so this plan is the only way to protect her.”
“No. You can’t. They can’t be trusted. Just leave her here.” He stood rigid with his jaw set.
Xavier shook the water from his hair and pushed the bags aside. “That’s the plan for now, but that can’t last long. She needs her freedom.”
Sebastian clenched his fists.
I stood and placed a hand on each of their arms. “Look, we’re all tired. We can talk about this tomorrow. Let’s get some rest and then we can come up with a plan.”
I gave Sebastian a quick hug and stood on my tiptoes to place a kiss on his whisker-covered cheek. “Get some rest. Please.”
He nodded.
“Good night.” Xavier picked up a bag in each hand and headed for the upstairs bedroom. I turned to follow him.
“Elaine...” Sebastian’s voice was little more than a whisper.
I stopped, turned, and faced him. “Yes.”
“Thank you.”
I smiled to hide how much my heart hurt for him, then turned and followed Xavier to our room.
He hoisted the bags onto the bed that sat centered under a vaulted wooden ceiling. The a-frame window led to a quaint balcony. The lake rippled from the raindrops, causing the surface to shimmer with moonlight.
“This is a beautiful location. Do you come here often?”
“No. Sebastian comes for long weekends on occasion, but he rarely uses the cabin.” Xavier unzipped the suitcase and pulled out a stack of neatly folded shirts.
I clasped my hands in front of me. Those moments of normalcy with Xavier remained awkward. “Sebastian doesn’t look good. Has he seen a counselor?”
He placed his pants, socks and other garments on the wooden shelves of the wardrobe. “No. He’s stubborn. Says he’s fine, but the grief is taking a toll on him. I guess since Lydia and I never really had a conventional relationship, and she passed years ago, the process was easier for me when I learned the truth. I wish Miriam had told him. Had she at least confided in him, or if she had just waited for the disease to kill her, he might have had a better chance at getting through his grief faster. Her suicide is the hardest part. He sees her death as a betrayal.”
“Perhaps she saw him suffering as her illness progressed and ended her life as a gift of sorts. I mean, she obviously loved him. That was evident in the few interactions I had with her.”
With his clothes neatly unpacked, he grabbed my suitcase and pulled it to him. He paused with his hand on the zipper. “You could be right. Maybe leaving was her way of protecting and freeing him. He’s not going to be able to realize that for some time though.” He set my clothes beside his and then turned to face me.
Cohabitating with the doctor was going to take some getting used to. Overcome by the emotional confusion he spurred in me so often, I moved to the window, so I wouldn’t need to look at him as I spoke. “I’m worried for him.”
His footsteps sounded just before he hugged me from behind. “I know. Me too. But if anyone can get hi
m to heal faster, it’s you.”
“I don’t think I can. I’m not an expert.”
“Good, because he doesn’t want an expert. He doesn’t want someone to fix him, but rather someone who will accept him and demand nothing else. Someone who won’t rush his grief, but will push him when he needs that extra boost of confidence.” He kissed my neck. “For that, I can’t think of anyone better.”
I wasn’t prepared for what he was asking. I was a PR rep. trained to deliver the message convincingly, prepare presentations for the public eye. Sebastian needed Xavier, a trained psychiatrist, not me. “He needs you. You’re the doctor.”
“Yes, and you’re exactly what...” He spun me in his arms. “...I ordered.” He smiled, satisfied with his play on words. His gaze darted to the window. “The weather isn’t going to cooperate with my plans. I wanted to take you on the balcony and hear my name echo off the mountains when I forced the scream from your lips.”
“Rain check?”
He laughed, grabbed the hem of my shirt, and pulled the woven fabric over my head. “I think the bath will be a good compromise.” Wrapping his arms around me, he unhooked my bra, allowing the confining garment to slide from my arms onto the floor. He pulled me close to him and kissed my neck as his fingers worked the buttons on my jeans. “Do you know how wonderful it is to be able to touch you, and have you touch me?”
“Xavier, can I confess something?”
He finished sliding my pants and panties over my hips, bunching them at my ankles. “Of course.”
I stepped out of the first leg and then the next. I stood bare before him. “You scare me.”
He gripped my shoulders. “I’d never hurt you. I swear.” He searched my eyes, concern lacing his features. “Why on Earth would you say that?”
“I’m afraid you’re going to wake up one day and realize I’m not the only one you can touch, or who can touch you. I will have fallen more in love with you. I fall harder with every word, and I’m terrified that I will sacrifice every part of my identity and have nothing in the end to show for my effort.”
Without another word, he wove his fingers between mine and led me into the bathroom. The rustic wooden beams and claw foot tub were inviting. When we reached the tub, he stopped and grasped my other hand. “I’m going to respond to what you said, but first, I want you to relax.” He bent and turned the spoked knobs on the faucet, placed his hand under the water, and adjusted each dial, until achieving the perfect temperature.