by Sara Shirley
I turn the knob instead and open the door slowly. Sam sits on the frame of the tub, looking up at me as I make my way into the small space with her. “Did you mean what you said when you said candy was the way to your heart?” I ask, trying to make her smile again. The last thing I want is to see her cry, but damn, if she doesn’t have my mind spinning a mile a minute.
She nods back at me in agreement. “Then, why the hell are you in here alone?”
“Josh, you said—”
I immediately interject, “I said I chose to ask you on a date. You chose not to give me an answer. So, what’s it going to be?”
“What do you want me to say? I can’t guarantee anything when I know nothing about dating a guy anymore. My story isn’t a pretty one, and you need to be patient with me.”
“Sam, I promise I won’t hurt you. Please, give me a chance to show you.”
Standing, she slowly makes her way to within a foot of me. Reaching out her hand, she barely places it flat against my chest. “Kiss me, please.”
“Sam? Not that I’d say no, but why the sudden change of heart?”
“If I can’t handle a simple kiss from you right now, then there may never be any hope for us dating.”
“God, Sam, what the hell…” No, that’s not going to come out right.
Her eyes roam from her hand on my chest to my eyes as she silently pleads for my help. “Please,” she whispers.
It’s been three years since I’ve touched a man intimately and just as long since I’ve kissed a man. I need to know for sure if I have a chance at forgetting my past and moving forward from the damage Stone has inflicted on me. I know I’ll never be able to fully forget my past. He’ll haunt me until the day I die. Right now, I need to find out if I’m at a point where I’m able to start moving forward. Am I broken completely or fixable?
This is why I need Josh to kiss me. There will be no point in us having a date and attempting a relationship in the future if I can’t physically handle a simple kiss. I slowly run my eyes from my hand that warily sits on his chest up to his eyes. I can’t comprehend the look he’s giving me. He runs his fingers over his mouth before he says, “God, Sam, what the hell…”
“Please,” I beg, because I can’t hear the words that will finish this statement. What the hell happened to me? He’s not ready for that story yet, and I’m not ready to tell him.
Grappling with the many scenarios I’m sure are coursing through his mind, he says, “If that’s what you want, I’ll kiss you, but this is not how I wanted this to happen, especially not in here. Follow me.” He turns to open the door and walk us out of the bathroom. I follow him back to his bedroom where he fiddles with his tablet as he searches for a particular song. Once he finds it, he comes back to my side. The bluesy-sultry voice of a woman filters through the speakers as she sings about taking care of someone she loves who’s been hurt in the past.
“Sam,” he says as his hands tentatively hover just over my shoulders. I nod, giving him permission to touch me. His hands ever so slightly touch me, and I let go of the breath I’ve been holding for what seems like eons. “Don’t think. Just feel,” he relaxingly says. A fluttering in my stomach makes me close my eyes, but I fight whatever might be about to tell me to push back. I feel his hands slowly move up my neck, and my eyes pop open to meet his.
He has to feel my heart racing. Josh lowers his hands to my waist, pulling me even closer to his body. The heat radiating from him invades my shivering body as his head inches closer to mine. Within seconds, his lips are inches away from my face, and my eyes never leave his.
Then, it all happens so fast. His soft lips touch mine, and the fear that has consumed me for all these years seems to suddenly disappear.
My body stiffens, but knowing and seeing Josh’s eyes on me, relaxes my nervousness. I surprise myself as my hands deftly move to touch him, but shy back into timid fists. Josh closes his eyes and moves back faintly to gauge my reaction.
Standing there while wondering what it is I’m feeling, I realize it’s no longer fear of the unknown. For years, I thought I was incapable of opening up myself to another man. Why now am I at ease in the arms of this man? Why is this sexy ass man, who came crashing into my life a month ago, bringing me candy to my melt my heart and kissing me to heal me?
“Are you okay? You seem a little quiet. I’m not sure how to read your feelings right now,” Josh says as he moves to grab his phone that’s vibrating on the bed. After picking it up to look at the screen, he forcefully throws it back onto the bed.
I cup my hands over my cheeks as I let out a long breath. “Yeah, I’m good. I mean, it’s been so long…” I pause mid-sentence, thinking I can’t continue to tell him that story. “I didn’t freak out on you, so I can only assume it’s a positive thing for me.”
“Does that mean you’re able to move forward and see where dating can lead us?”
“I think so. It’s going to be slow for me, Josh. You have to understand that much. Everything for me will be new, and I’m not sure I can give you what you need.”
“Sam,” Josh says my name as he moves toward me. “I’ll be as patient as you need me to be. Tell me when I move too fast or too slow.”
“Well, if I’m being completely honest here, that kiss you just planted on me was sweet. I know you were being cautious, but now that we know I can handle that, would it be rude of me to ask you to perhaps up your game a little?” Smiling slyly at me, he motions with his index finger for me to move closer to him. I furrow my brow, wondering what he’s up to.
“Why, Miss Daley, are you suggesting I didn’t give you a proper first kiss?” he asks as I move a little closer.
“Maybe,” I tease. “That was good for a high school kiss, but if I’m going to go out with you, you’re going to have to do better than that.”
“Oh, is that right? You want to see better than that?”
“Mmmm Hmmm.”
Inching slowly toward me, Josh comes so close I can feel his chest touching mine every time he inhales. Eyeing me with caution, his hands slink around me and skim just above my ass. My breathing starts becoming labored, and I cannot tell if it’s my mind telling me to fight or if it’s nerves of what is about to happen between us.
“I need you to touch me,” Josh says tenderly. Closing my eyes, I feel his hot breath against my face. “I’m about to go all-on with this kiss. I need you touching me to know you want this just as much as I do. I won’t kiss you unless I know for sure you’re okay with touching me.”
Swallowing a deep gulp in my throat, I raise my clenched hands from my side. My hands open as I pulse my palms against his oversized sweatshirt. Finally, keeping contact as I continue to throw caution to the wind, I surprise myself as my hands continue to move north until they stop at his shoulders.
Reaching closer until I’m on my tiptoes so my hands conjoin behind his neck, I pull him tighter. It’s as if this action alone is all he needed from me. Within seconds, his lips begin skimming over my neck, placing soft kisses in his trail until they are touching my own lips.
I wet my lips and give him a slight nod, pleading with his eyes to kiss me. Then, in a flash, we’re connecting, and his tongue pushes through my lips, dancing and twisting with mine. My eyes suddenly close, and for the moment I feel what’s happening. My body isn’t rejecting this. My mind is telling me more.
Knowing I am able to handle his physical touch and sensual kiss with a relaxed state of mind, I move to deepen our connection. My arms wrap around him a little firmer as my hands push into his short hair at the back of his neck. His own hand moves tenderly up my spine, causing my stomach to flutter with anticipation. A state of arousal flows through me as we continue to kiss, and my breasts push into his chest.
We break our kiss as he rests his forehead on mine. “Sam, if you push those gorgeous tits into me again, I cannot be held responsible for what I do besides kiss you,” Josh says, backing away a little more, but running his fingertips along my arms. He pulls m
y hands from his neck and kisses them before dropping them between us. “Well, was that first kiss any better than the last one?”
“I’d say you’ve upped your game. I’m pretty sure we can date now. Oh, wait,” I say, looking back at the open door and scrunching my face as I remember Drew. Why do I keep forgetting about people with me today?
“What is it?”
“Well, my brother is downstairs, and…well…see, you can’t officially date me until you get through him.”
Laughing, he quickly gives me soft peck on my forehead. “Well, let’s go then. I’m used to interrogations, but they usually involve handcuffs, so this should be a piece of cake.”
“Don’t be so sure. Marine, remember?”
Josh continues to laugh as he pulls me toward the stairway. I’m going to need a lot more candy for this.
A week has passed, and a lot has transpired since Sam and Drew left the townhouse. Sam wasn’t kidding when she said I had to pass Drew’s interrogation. I felt as though I was being grilled by a legitimate drill sergeant for a half hour. Thank God she brought beer with a high alcohol percentage, because Nick didn’t have an ounce of hard liquor in the house. Trust me; I checked. Shit out.
I was finally given the green light to date his sister after answering some pretty bizarre questions. Given that I know Sam had something happen in her past, I could only assume, at the time, that his questions had significant meaning behind them. As much as I wanted to ask her about it then, I know she’ll tell me her story when she’s ready.
Now, it’s a week later, and we still haven’t had our first official date. It’s not that we haven’t tried, though. Recently, I started back on my second shifts at work while Sam runs the bar. Outside of that, on my only days off, she has C-Naughtie practice.
Nick actually sees her more than I do, since he is lucky enough to work the day shift and stops in at Vines before heading home. He and Cara seem to have this secret attraction to each other. Nick still won’t admit that he’s screwed her, but it’s obvious. It also doesn’t help that the townhouse walls are not soundproof. If it wasn’t for my television and headphones, I would hear every moan and thump on the other side of the wall.
It does help that Sam and I talk on the phone, even if it’s brief. When I know she’s not working, I drop off bags of candy for her. Yesterday, I left a note with a bag of jelly beans, saying she owed me a date before I brought any more candy. I knew bribery would make her think long and hard about stretching out this date night another week.
Sitting here now in my living room, I am anxiously waiting for seven o’clock to roll around. That’s when I finally get to pick up Sam for our date night. She said something about it being “Derby Date” something or another. I don’t really know. All I know is I’m heading over there in a couple of hours, and I’m nervous as all hell.
I feel like I’m in high school all over again. Shit. Don’t think about Sue. That’s over. My phone vibrates and jolts me from my thoughts. Picking it up, I notice it’s my sister, Courtney, calling.
“Hey, Court. What’s up?”
“Josh! Did you hear? Jeremy is coming home. He’s been traded back to the minor leagues, which means he’ll be playing with his old team again.”
“Wait. When did you find this out? Does Emily know?”
“Mom just got off the phone with him. He said not to tell Emily anything; he wants to surprise her.”
“Well, having him home will be good for her. She’s been getting better, but Jeremy is the one who will help her the most.”
“You’re right. I guess he’ll be home in another week or so. He’s going to let me know, so I can pick him up at the airport.”
“It will be good to have the whole family together again,” I say, knowing we’ve been distant since the night of the girls’ accident.
“Yeah, speaking of which, have you talked to Sue yet? She said you have avoided her for months. You know she’s basically family, Josh. You have to talk to her at some point.”
“Court!” I yell as my fist pounds into the coffee table in front of me. After reining in my emotions, I continue, “I know what I need to do, but you, out of everyone, should understand why I need to take time away from her.”
“I know, Josh, but she thinks you hate her. Come over for Sunday dinner and talk to her. Maybe then you can finally have the closure you need.” I hear Courtney pleading with me through the phone.
“I’ll try, Court. I’ve got to get going. I’m heading out tonight.”
She laughs as though she finds something amusing. “Fine. What? Do you have a hot date or something?”
Words do not process for me at the moment, which is a dead giveaway that she hit the nail on the head. Before I can come up with any other reason, Courtney shrieks through the phone. I pull it away from my ear before I suffer from any more hearing loss than I already have from being at the shooting range for work.
“Oh. My. Gosh! You do! Who is she? Do I know her? What’s she like?”
“Court, calm down. Do not say anything to Mom. Understood?”
“But—”
I cut her off. “Not a word! You’ve seen her in action. I don’t even know if this is serious. It’s just a date.”
She sighs. “All right, can I at least know her name and what she looks like?”
“Her name is Samantha, and that’s all you’re getting out of me.”
“I’ll get more out of you. I have my methods, but your secret is safe with me, for now,” she stresses her last two words.
“We’ll see about that,” I mutter since I know she has a sneaky way of finding out shit. “Good night, Court,” I calmly say as I check the clock, knowing I have to get going.
“Night, big brother. Text me later, and tell me how the date went.”
“Fine. Bye.”
After what can only be described as one of my craziest weeks, I’m finally getting ready for my date with Josh. Between handling the shifts at Vines and derby practice, I haven’t had a chance to spend more than a few minutes with him. In some ways, I think the past week of just talking to him on the phone and having those few minutes when he’d stop in at the bar to see me have helped me acclimate to the idea of him being around me.
Either that or it’s all the candy he’s been leaving me at work. Yeah, it’s definitely the candy.
Since we kissed last week, he hasn’t made any moves to be intimate like that again. I think he understands now that I’ll have my walls up for a while, but he’s patient and kind-hearted, and despite our little bump in the road last week, he still wants to date me. Why, I honestly don’t know, but I’m giving it a shot.
I’ve been standing in front of my mirror matching my clothes, readjusting my boobs, and stomping my feet for at least an hour. Nothing I put on seems right for a first date. It doesn’t help that he hasn’t told me where we’re even going yet. I’ve finally settled on a blazer, boot-cut jeans, and platform heels. After wrapping a wide belt over the blazer and tossing on a chunky necklace, I think I’m ready to go.
As I head downstairs to the living room, whistles and catcalls sound as I make my presence known. “Holy hotness, girl! Where is Sam, and what have you done with her?” I hear Kim shout. I’m not this glamorized, ever. Either I’m casual at best or I’m decked out in my roller derby attire.
“When did you learn to become a little sex kitten?” Rose asks as I make my way into the kitchen, dropping my purse onto the counter.
“I’ve always been a sex kitten. I just don’t let her out to play very often. Tonight is an exception,” I tease as I grab the shot glasses from the freezer.
Derby Date Night always begins with a shot. I usually partake in the shot, even though this is the first date I’ve had since living in the house. Rose stops by my side, pushing my hair away from my face. “You look gorgeous, Sam. Just enjoy the night, and see where it takes you,” she says softly before grabbing the bottles of liquor from the counter. That’s Rose, my fill-in mom and protector. �
�Okay, girls! Let’s get this night started!” Rose shouts as Lucy and Kim saddle up to the kitchen island. Rose starts pouring the butterscotch schnapps as Lucy skillfully pours the Irish liqueur on top. Everyone knows my favorite shots are the sweet ones. It’s no surprise they pulled out the butterballs for me tonight.
Everyone grabs their shot glass and raises it for a toast. Lucy clears her throat before speaking, “Raise it up. Suck it back. It’s Derby Date Night, bitches!” Everyone slams back their shots and places their empty glasses onto the counter.
Kim looks over at me and says, “I know I’m not really the right one to give you advice, Sam, given I don’t exactly play on your team, but you couldn’t have found a better guy to pop your dating cherry. I mean, if I weren’t into chicks, I’d be all up on that guy.”
She’s right in some regards. If I had to hand pick the first guy I dated after everything I’ve gone through, I’m pretty sure a cop would have been at the top of my list. I’ve never been one to believe in the whole fate thing, but the way Josh and I met, well, it’s pretty damn close.
The doorbell chimes, and I check the clock in the kitchen. Shit. It’s that time already. My palms suddenly feel clammy as I watch Rose head to answer the door. I’ve talked to him dozens of times, had my tongue down his throat, and now I’m nervous. Turning around quickly, I try moving toward the cabinet that I know holds my candy. My addiction grows ten-fold the more apprehensive I get. Kim steps in my path as if she knows exactly why I’ve turned in that direction.
Staring me down, she says, “You aren’t getting to them, Sam.” My pleading eyes are no match for her. “Turn away from the candy. You don’t need it. There’s a hunk of a man standing in the living room at the moment, and if I were you, I wouldn’t keep him waiting.” Twisting my neck to glance over my shoulder, I see Josh’s firm eyes focused solely on me, even though Rose continues to say something quietly to him.