Hidden Barriers

by Sara Shirley

  “Well, Maverick, somehow Kim decided to steal those from me earlier and replace them with this ridiculous attempt at clothing,” she says as she tugs at the sweatshirt that is clearly aggravating her to no end.

  “Are you even wearing underwear under that? Because if not, that will make things much easier later,” I tease as I make my way across the room to her. She playfully slaps my arm before I pull her in for a kiss. My hands roam up her thighs to her ass before I pull away from her lips. “Damn,” I say as she giggles and pulls up her sweatshirt to reveal her booty shorts.

  “I’m not about to reveal my coochie to my parents or yours tonight,” Sam says, wrapping her arms around my waist. “Which, by the way, how is that going down there?”

  “Fine, as far as I know. They were talking when I came up here. Why?”

  “No reason. I was just worried they wouldn’t get along. It’s the first time…well, it’s just a first for my parents to meet another guy’s family.”

  “Sam,” I pull her to arm’s length before I continue, “what’s going on in that head of yours?”

  She hesitates and chews on her glossy lip before answering me. “It’s just that by our parents meeting tonight, that means…it means this thing with us…it’s real and serious.”

  “Sam, this thing with us is not just real or serious. It’s fuckin’ permanent. I’m not leaving you, ever. You have to know how much I love you by now.”

  “Yeah, I know. It’s just taken me a while to finally realize it. Ask Rose what happened this morning.”

  “Do I even want to know?”

  “Not unless you want to know why I needed a shot of Jack at ten in the morning.”

  Something tells me this has nothing to do with the number of balloons I set up before I went to work.

  I explain to Josh just how much being in a “serious” relationship scares me. It isn’t so much the relationship that freaks me out anymore; it is the fear of the unknown.

  What does this mean for us in the future? Are we moving too fast? What happens if one day we wake up and realize that we’re no longer working as a couple anymore?

  I tell him how much I love him and how much it will kill me if he ever decides to leave me. I explain it isn’t so much us breaking up the relationship as it is about losing him as a friend. Losing that connection will crush me more than I think he knows. Somewhere over the course of the past three months, he’s become my best friend.

  He stands, silently listening to me spill my thoughts. Once I finish, Josh holds me tightly in his arms and tells me that he doubts his love for me will ever go away because it is the real deal. But, if ever the situation comes up when we both feel we are no longer working as a couple, he will never stop being a friend.

  I’m not sure how to take that confession, considering he did stop being a friend to Sue shortly after he found out she was pregnant with another man’s baby. I can only hope he’s changed his ways enough to not let that happen again with her or with me.

  I know now the only way to truly understand the whole story is to meet her. She’s part of the unknown, but she holds the answers to many of the questions. What is it about her that he’s been keeping from me? Does he still have feelings for her and just doesn’t want to tell me? Jesus, I have to stop letting my mind wander. It’s these thoughts that will get me into trouble again, like what happened with the redhead on the phone.

  The party is in full swing now. Everyone is puttering around and chatting with each other. My parents are sitting around inside the house with Josh’s parents, sipping wine and getting acquainted.

  Josh, Courtney, and Drew have joined me around the fire pit. Evidently, my brother’s attempt at dressing up meant wearing no pants at all. The minute he found out Courtney was coming, he changed his mind about what to wear. The last I heard he was supposed to dress up as Marty McFly from Back to the Future. Apparently, he decided to go a different route. I’m still uncomfortable with the idea of my brother hooking up with Josh’s little sister, but I’m keeping my mouth shut for now. I know my brother, and he breaks a lot of hearts. I just don’t want Courtney to be on the receiving end of the heartbreak.

  As I finish licking all the frosting from my cake off my fork, I see Josh remove something from his pocket. He hands me a small wrapped box, and my eyes widen with shock. I lower the fork from my tongue as I watch his every move. Standing in front of me, he hovers over my chair, resting his hands on either side of me before pulling away the empty plate and tossing it into the fire.

  “Josh, what are you doing?”

  “Sam, I still have one more gift I need to give you for your birthday.”

  I look up at his serious face. “But, you already gave me so many gifts this morning. Between the sweater and wine glasses, you’ve spoiled me enough. Seriously, you went way overboard.”

  Crouching down into a squatting position in front of my low chair, he pulls up the box to place onto my lap before running his hands over my knit-covered knees. “The gifts I gave you earlier were gifts for my girlfriend. This,” his eyes trail to the box as he says, “is for the woman I love.”

  I glance over at Courtney, whose smile is infectious at the moment, as she claps her hands in anticipation. Clearly, she’s already aware of what’s inside the box. I return my eyes to the box in front of me as my hands begin to pull away the wrapping paper. Josh remains quiet as my hands run the length of the black velvet box. I slowly click it open, and my mouth drops at the sight in front of me.

  “Do you like it?” Josh’s voice interrupts my admiration of what I see. I struggle to find my voice as I take in the sterling silver bracelet adorned with a number of charms that signify something about me. A roller skate, a wine glass, a slice of cake, tulips, and initials when put together spell out “J ♥ S”.

  “Josh,” I barely whisper as his fingers pull the bracelet from the box and begin to wrap it around my wrist. I continue to watch him clasp it together before he stands over me again. My hand reaches up to caress his cheek as his lips part. I watch as the flames from the fire ripple over the silver bracelet jingling on my wrist.

  My lips curl into a soft smile as I pull his face to mine. “I don’t think I’ve had a birthday like this, ever. You, Josh Page, have made me so happy, and I love you more every day.” My lips linger close to his, but never touch. I gently brush my nose with his, encouraging him to kiss me, and when he does, it’s like fireworks igniting. Nothing else around us exists; it’s just us.

  Josh’s arms push under my legs and behind my back, lifting me. Our lips may no longer be connected, but as I’m cradled in his arms, he continues to walk with purpose as we move across the yard and into the house. We pass both of our parents sitting in the living room. They are engrossed in conversation to not even notice us moving across the room. As Josh bounds up the stairs and into my room, he lowers me onto the bed. I watch as he crosses the room to lock the door and turn on the music on my phone in the docking station. Josh Radin’s calm voice fills the room as Josh moves to my bed.

  He climbs over me, as he remains perched above me, our chests barely touching. A look passes over his face that I’ve yet to see from him as his hand cups my cheek. His thumb runs along my lips. “Sam, I love you with all my heart. Let me make love to you. Let me show you how much you truly mean to me.”

  Tears threaten to fill my eyes, but I force them away and find that tough girl that I know needs to come out. If I don’t, I’ll be bawling in seconds before I finally make love for the first time. “Josh Page, are you going all soft on me?”

  “Sam…” His eyes and the tone of his voice tell me he’s dead serious, and it’s no time for jokes.

  I shut my sassy mouth for the time being and let him love me. “Josh, make love to me tonight, tomorrow, and for the rest of my days,” I say as I slowly unzip his jumpsuit, running my hands down his back as his hands tenderly caress my thighs. Josh pulls down my shorts to my knees as I make quick work of removing my heels before he slowly peels off m
y leg warmers.

  The slow pace of his movements causes a tingling sensation over my body. Josh steps back to remove his jumpsuit and drops his boxers and undershirt, pulling my feet toward him so my legs dangle over the edge of the bed. I throw my head back as his hands push under my sweatshirt, bringing it up over my head.

  My hands reach out to run along the length of his torso before he lifts me, and we move in unison to the middle of the bed again. Josh’s hand reaches behind my back to unclasp my strapless bra and then tosses it to the floor. He positions himself at my entrance before gently easing himself inside me. My breath hitches at the feeling, no matter how many times we’ve done this. Something about this time is different, though. This time is more than just sex; neither of us says anything. We let our bodies talk as we move in harmony, together as one. Both of us reach our peak, and Josh pushes inside me so deep that we find our release at the same time. Our breathing levels, and Josh scrapes the tangled hair from my face before bringing his lips to mine. “I love you, Samantha Daley. Happy Birthday, sugar.”

  Sometimes things seem to go way too smoothly in life that you tend to let down your guard. It’s at that moment when the shit hits the fan.

  Since Sam’s birthday party last week, we’ve been inseparable other than when we’re working. I often bring her dinner at Vines, and we open a bottle of wine at the end of the night after she closes up shop. The flickering tea lights on the café table add to the romance that seems to be growing between us by the day.

  Jeremy’s surprise wedding weekend is just a week away, and although Sam has a derby event and can’t join us, there is still something nagging her about the whole thing. We’ve been open and honest about everything up until this point. I have no idea why she won’t tell me what is bugging her.

  Two days ago, I was working a Friday night shift and wouldn’t see Sam until Saturday. Courtney said she received a text from Sam shortly after I went to work that asked if she would stop in to Vines for a while.

  Now, I don’t know about you, but when your girlfriend asks your sister to stop in for a while, the red flags go up, especially when your girlfriend has been acting strangely the last few days. I had yet to hit the panic mode, even after Courtney reported back to me that all they did was talk about girl stuff.

  Bullshit.

  Saturday rolled around, and Sam and I went to the local cinema pub for a few hours. Everything appeared to be back to normal with her. We laughed and did what we normally do when we’re out together.

  I drove her home, and because I had to work Sunday morning for another trooper, I told her I’d see her after I left Mom and Dad’s Sunday evening when she got out of work. She didn’t say anything that would have led me to believe something was troubling her.

  I arrived at my parents’ house for Sunday dinner, and everyone was already there, including Dave and Sue. Given my little talk with Sue a while ago, we were at least talking again whenever we were in the same room.

  When Sue and I were in the kitchen finishing up the whipped cream for the banana cream pie and the doorbell rang, nothing registered in my mind. Sue being Sue, always the goofy one, stuck her finger into the whipped cream and smeared it across my face. I grabbed her wrist and was jokingly playing with her when I asked, “So, you think you’re a funny one, huh?” I never in a million years thought I’d see Sam standing in the doorway next to Courtney.

  And, that brings us to the present. Sam standing here, staring at me with wounded eyes while Courtney shakes her head, and me having an inopportune moment in the kitchen with Sue.

  My hand quickly jerks away from Sue as Sam watches me intently, still not saying a word. Sue’s eye zone in on Sam. “Who’s this?” Sue asks, pointing the spatula toward Sam. My eyes never leave Sam’s, and I watch hers as they move to Sue and back to me. Her bottom lip begins to quiver before her feet move backward toward the front door.

  I push by Sue in the kitchen trying to get to Sam, who clearly has the wrong impression of what was going on earlier. My mom appears beside Courtney. “Was that Sam I saw running down the hall?” I hear her ask as I open the front door.

  I know I’m too late when I see her Honda Civic pulling out of the driveway and driving down the street. “Sam!” I shout, running down the driveway, hoping for the chance to explain. Explain what, I have no idea. Why I didn’t invite her to Sunday dinner with my family? Why I never told Sue I had a girlfriend or introduce her to everyone ages ago? There are so many things I could have done differently, that could have had another outcome rather than me standing here watching as Sam’s car drives farther and farther away.

  My feet move, but I don’t realize I’m back inside the house until my mom touches my arm. “Josh? Is everything okay with Sam? Is she coming back for dinner?” My eyes move around the dining room at everyone staring at me.

  “Who’s Sam?” Emily whispers to Jeremy before she looks to Sue and Courtney for that answer as well.

  “Sam is my girlfriend,” I say, still standing with Mom at my side. “We’ve been dating since February. I probably should have told everyone then and avoided this awkwardness altogether.” Running my fingers across my brow, I try to think of a way to figure out this shit with her. I know if I call her she’s going to send me right to voicemail, and I know if I follow her to her house, she most likely won’t be there. She’s always been a step ahead of me, and this time I know she’ll know exactly what I’ll do to try to explain my situation.

  “Josh, call her from the house phone. She’ll never recognize the caller ID, or would you prefer I wait until you ask for my help again?” Courtney chimes in from the dinner table.

  My eyes shoot up to her. “Enough, Courtney! I get it. I continue to fuck things up with Sam, but right now…just don’t. Not now.”

  A gasp sounds from Mom’s mouth, and I know I’ve offended her. “I’m really sorry, Mom. I’m just going to head home, if that’s all right with you.”

  “Josh, do what you have to do. If there’s anything you need from me, please just ask. I told her parents last weekend that I’d certainly look after her if she needed us,” Mom says softly while rubbing my arm.

  I make my way back into the kitchen without another word to anyone and grab my keys from the counter. Before I’m at the front door, I hear Sue’s voice behind me. “Josh?” I stop and turn to see her back in the doorway to the kitchen. “If there’s anything I can do to help, please let me know. I didn’t mean to make it look…well, you know.”

  “It’s fine, Sue. I should have told everyone a long time ago about Sam. It’s my fault that I’ve made her feel as though she isn’t a part of the whole family yet. But, thanks,” I say as she nods in understanding before I turn to open the front door and walk out of the house, not knowing what I can possibly say to apologize again for screwing up with Sam.

  I only hope that she loves me enough to listen to me grovel at her feet for being such an idiot again.

  The minute my car pulls away from the driveway, I want to turn around. I know there has to be more to it than what I saw. But, damn, if my mind doesn’t like to screw with me all the time. I watch as Josh becomes smaller and smaller in my rearview mirror and then the tears well in my eyes. I know I’ve made a mistake by leaving, but it hurt watching him there in the kitchen, laughing and casually flirting with whom I can only assume by the pregnant belly is Sue.

  As I continue to drive around the back roads this late April Sunday afternoon, my mind begins to drift. Is this why Josh never invites me to Sunday dinners? He doesn’t want me to see how he really is with her? And, it’s clear he has never even mentioned me in three months to her either. What does that say? Does Josh even love me like he says he does? I just don’t know anymore.

  A tightness forms in my chest as my thoughts create havoc in my head. My eyes have welled with too many unshed tears that now my vision is severely impacted, and I need to find a place to stop.

  A small parking lot overlooking a lake appears just ahead. I pull into it,
relieved to see only one other car here. The less people to see my blubbering ass the better. I put the car into park facing the lake as I take in my surroundings. I glance over at the small building on the other edge of the parking lot and notice it’s an ice cream stand.

  Seeing as I have yet to eat, and ice cream calms the soul, I grab my purse and make the short walk to place an order. Wiping my eyes as I approach the stand, I see the flavor on the menu that I get no matter what, mint chocolate chip. I order my small cup with the high school girl behind the counter who looks less than thrilled to be working here on a weekend afternoon.

  With my ice cream in hand, I walk toward a picnic table resting near the water. Sitting down on the top, I continue to spoon my ice cream into my mouth and think about what transpired this afternoon. The soft clinking of steel on my wrist makes me pause as I stare at the charms on my bracelet.

  Why did I ever think leaving work early was a good idea? Duh, Sam! If you didn’t, how much longer do you think Josh would have kept you a secret from Sue?

  “Argh!” I painfully groan, slapping my palm against my forehead. I’m not sure if it’s from overthinking everything this afternoon or the brain freeze from the ice cream. Either way it doesn’t feel good at the moment.

  My phone buzzes inside my purse for the hundredth time since I left the Pages’ house. I have to assume Josh has been dialing me over and over again, so I’ve continued to ignore it all together. I know he’s going to try to apologize and tell me what I saw was nothing, and it probably was, but again, why am I the secret?

  I scoop the last of my ice cream onto the spoon before sucking on it just to make sure I get every drop. My ass is numb from sitting on the weathered bench for the lengthy period of time. I toss the empty cup into the nearby trashcan and wipe off any dirt from my ass before walking back to my car.