“I’d always thought about being an actress, and so I decided to start looking for small roles that would help with the bills. But of course, nobody knew who I was, and I had no credentials at all behind me. Then, one day, I came across a job. A job that paid very well. I went in and auditioned, and I got the part. I couldn’t believe it. It was only when I went in the following week to start that I realized it was for a porn movie. I didn’t want to do it. But as soon as I tried to walk away, they told me how much they were going to pay me if I went through with it. And Brady, it was so much money. I’d have to waitress for at least six months to get what they were going to give me up front. So, I did it. I hated it, and I hated myself for doing it. But I did it. And I paid my mother’s bills. And it wasn’t the only one I did. I did three. Three awful movies doing three awful things to get three big paychecks. I hated myself more and more each time. But I told myself that I was doing it for my mother.”
Brady didn’t say anything, and I was too scared to look at him. I took the last sip of the tea and wondered where the magic had gone. “And then she died, Brady. She died. She died, and I did everything for nothing. I failed her, and I failed myself. The only thing that I’m grateful for is that she never knew what I did.”
Again Brady didn’t say anything, but now that I had started talking I could seem to stop. “And after that, I tried to get into the acting business again. But this time, as a real actress. And somehow, I got lucky. I’m not sure why. Maybe it was my determination to prove to my mother that I could do something with my life. Maybe they saw that in me. But someone gave me a chance, and I slowly made my way up the ladder. I didn’t tell anyone about my past. I made it seem like I had never known poverty, that I had gone to Yale, that I had never done anything as awful as those videos. I didn’t want anyone to know about the poor girl with the holes in her shoes who did the only thing that she thought she could at the time. And now, just like that, everyone knows.”
“How do they know?” Brady asked, speaking for the first time in ages.
I shrugged. “I don’t know. All I know is that word has gotten out. No, not only word. The videos have gotten out, too. My agent fired me. She said she no longer wanted to work with someone like me. I’m too scared to talk to Roger in case he doesn’t want the film to come out anymore. Although this scandal will probably be great publicity. I don’t know. The only thing I know is that I couldn’t be there anymore. So I came here.”
I heard Brady breathing deeply beside me. He couldn’t seem to find the words to say anything, and I knew that I had lost him, just like I had lost my career. I put the empty cup down and turned to face him.
“Brady, I’m so sorry about everything. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you. It wasn’t because I didn’t trust you; it was because I trusted you so much. It was because I didn’t want you to know about this side of me. I didn’t tell you because it felt so good to be liked for just being me, and not Sloan the actress, or Sloan with the scandals. But I should never have treated you the way that I did. I should’ve told you. I came back today to say thank you for everything that you did for me. I will never forget it, and I will never forget you.”
I stood up, my legs shaking so much I could barely stand. I was just about to walk away when Brady stopped me. He took my hand and I turned around.
“Stay.”
“What?”
“Stay,” he said again. “It’s not just you that needed me. I needed you too. Hell, I still need you. I don’t know what’s going to happen. But right now, I just want you to stay.”
I looked at him. Brady looked like he hadn’t slept in days. I reached out and touched his face, and I nodded.
“I’ll stay.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
Brady
“Come on, let’s go home,” I said to Sloan.
She smiled. “You don’t hate me?”
I laughed at that. “Are you kidding me? Why would I hate you? You’re amazing, Sloan. I know you’re not happy about your past, but it’s your past. And you’ve done everything to rectify that. You made a mistake, but you did it for all the right reasons. You were thinking of your mother instead of thinking about yourself. Come on; you have to stop hating yourself. You’re going to be fine. You have to just own up to what happened and say ‘screw you’ to the rest of the world. Don’t let this one thing define you. I’m glad you told me, Sloan.”
She beamed at me. “I’m glad I told you too. And yeah, let’s go home.”
We got into the car and just before I was about to leave, Sloan turned to me.
“Do you know where Harold stays?”
“Harold? Yeah, just down the road. Close to the ranch. He used to stay on the ranch, but I think it was nice for him to have a bit of distance from it when he needed it. Why?”
“Mind if we just pop in on the way home? I want to say thank you to him. He’s been incredible to me.”
I smiled. “I think he’s going to like that a lot.”
We made our way to Harold’s place. Harold was in his garden, watering the flowers, and he beamed when he saw the two of us walking toward us.
“Have the two of you made up?” he asked.
I laughed. “We’ve made up.”
Sloan walked forward. “I think it was your tea. Brady and I have both decided that it is magical.”
“Oh yeah? Have I turned you into tea drinkers now?”
“Not quite. We’ll only drink tea if it’s made by you,” she said, and Harold laughed. “I hope you don’t mind us stopping by like this. I just wanted to say a big thank you to you for everything you have done for me. Just like Brady, you have treated me with so much kindness. More than I’m used to from people. I can see why Brady likes you so much.”
“Brady admitted to liking me?” Harold said and grinned at me.
“I said no such thing!”
“Oh yeah, Brady loves you,” Sloan said. “And honestly, Harold, I love you too.”
“Sloan, don’t make an old man cry. I love you too. And I’m so happy for the two of you. Whatever happens, I’m glad that you have figured out your differences. Speaking of, I think you’re both a lot more similar than you think you are. And you’re both great people. You know, I don’t think you realize how lucky you are.”
“Lucky?” I asked.
“Oh yeah,” Harold said and nodded enthusiastically. “You’re lucky. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find true love? Most people never get that opportunity in life. When you find it, you have to hold onto it.”
I turned to Sloan and squeezed her hand.
“We are lucky,” I said.
“The two of you going back home? I hope so. I already told you that I’d tell you when to come into work. And today was not the day. It’s Sunday, after all.”
I laughed. “Yes, sir. We’re going back home.”
“Good. Go and enjoy yourself. You’re young and free. More than you realize. Come on, my girl,” he said to Sloan. “Give an old man a hug. Never before did I ever think I would get a hug from a girl this pretty.”
She giggled and wrapped her arms around him in a warm embrace. The hug was longer than usual, and when he pulled away, he gave her a big kiss on the cheek. “Always be yourself, you hear me?”
She nodded and wiped away a small tear. “Sorry, I’m just so emotional lately.”
“That’s okay. And you,” Harold said as he turned to me. “You look after this girl, okay?”
I nodded. “I will.”
“But look after yourself too. And thank you for everything that you have done for me and this farm.”
I wasn’t sure why he was thanking me for the farm, but I nodded and told him that I would never leave it. “It’s in my blood now.”
“Ah, to hell with it, come here,” he said and pulled me in for a hug that was surprisingly not as awkward as I thought it would be.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said as we walked off.
Harold smiled sadly and gave me a halfhearte
d nod.
When we got into the car, I turned to look at Sloan with concern
“Was it just me or did Harold seem a bit strange to you?”.
“I’m not sure. I don’t think so. I mean, you would probably know better than me, but I think he was just glad to see you happy, Brady. He’s a good man. I think he sees you almost as a son.”
“Yeah, I suppose you’re right,” I said and put the thought out of my head.
When we got home, I made Sloan something to eat, and the two of us went to sit outside like we had done on so many occasions before.
“I’m glad you’re here,” I said. “I’ve gotten used to cooking for two.”
She grinned. “How could I leave? There’s a life of salads and skinny lattes waiting for me if I go back. I’m happy to be here too.”
I wasn’t sure what she meant by that. Did that mean she was staying? Or was she still going back to that life? I felt too mentally tired to ask her. We’d have to cross that bridge when we came to it.
“Uh, Brady, can I ask you a question?” she suddenly asked.
“Of course you can,” I said as I took a bite of my steak.
“I hope you don’t mind me asking this question, but it’s been a day of revelations, and I feel this is probably the best time to ask. What’s the deal with you and your father? Your real father, I mean.”
I looked at her and frowned. “Why do you ask?”
“Uh, I sort of came across your photo album the last time I was here. I’m sorry but I was too curious not to look. And I could tell that something wasn’t right. There are no photos of the two of you. Your mother was beautiful by the way,” she added.
The photo album. I looked toward the book shelf and saw it. I hadn’t looked at it in a very long time, but I was always aware that it was there. I couldn’t be mad at Sloan for looking through it. I would’ve probably done the same if the roles had been reversed.
I thought of the photos. My mom smiling into the camera. “She was, wasn’t she? I wish she was still alive.”
“Yeah,” Sloan said. “I know the feeling.”
“Well, you’re right about my father. We haven’t been close in a very long time.”
“Will you tell me what happened?”
I looked at Sloan and sighed. How could I ask her to tell me about her life and not tell her about my own? I owed her more than that.
“I’ll tell you,” I said, but it took me a while to finally start talking about it. Just as she hadn’t spoken about her past to anyone, neither had I spoken about mine.
“My father wasn’t a bad man. At least not when my mother was alive. Oh, back then he was a happy man, a good father. But all that changed when my mother died. He retreated into himself and left us boys to fend for ourselves. He started going to pubs every day and would come home drunk. I hated those nights. We’d all be sitting at home trying to watch TV, but none of us would actually be watching. We were all waiting to hear that door open. When he was drunk, he turned into someone else.”
“Oh Brady, I’m so sorry,” Sloan said.
“Yeah, me too. It wasn’t nice. He wasn’t nice. And he took it out on me more than anyone else. It’s my fault. The other brothers kept to themselves and tried to stay out of his way. But one day I went up to him and told him that our mother would’ve been so disappointed in him. He hit me for the first time that day. After that, hitting and whipping seemed to become a monthly occurrence. Then, after that, it was weekly. By then, the other brothers were so busy with their own lives that they didn’t even notice what was happening. I didn’t say anything, and neither did my father. But he’d come home, and walk straight to my bedroom each week. He hated me, and I hated him right back. But I let him do it because I didn’t want him to do the same to my brothers. I’d rather let him take his anger out on me. The only person that saw what was happening was my brother Ryan. He walked in one day and saw the whole thing. I guess that’s why the two of us are so close. He knows what I went through.”
“Oh, Brady. And the scars? They’re from your father, aren’t they?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Memories of what happened.”
“Do your brothers see him now?”
“Yeah. They all see him. Even Ryan. I was so angry about that. I mean, I understood the other brothers seeing him. They didn’t know what happened. They knew some stuff, but they didn’t know quite how bad the whole situation had gotten, so I didn’t blame them. But for a while, I was so angry at Ryan.”
“Did he explain himself?” Sloan asked.
“Yeah, he did. He said that my father is not the man that he used to be. He said he’s a good man, with a good heart, who did a bad thing once upon a time. He said he’s changed, and that he’s now a whole new person.”
“I heard he had cancer recently?”
I nodded. “He did. Wait, how did you know that?”
“Ryan told me. But that’s all he said. He didn’t tell me anything else.”
“I’m not surprised he told you that. He’s been trying to get me to see my father for a while. So has Grant. But Grant . . . he doesn’t understand. He’s my father’s favorite. The two of them have always been close. At least Ryan doesn’t push it when I say that I don’t want to see my father. No matter how changed he is. I’m just not interested. Maybe if he’d apologized a long time ago, I would’ve been okay with it. But I feel like it’s too late now. It went on too long, and there’s no going back. He’s not my father anymore.”
Sloan took my hand. “Thanks for telling me.”
“I’ve never told anyone that story before. I mean it, Sloan, I’ve never told anyone. Not even my brothers. Nobody. Ryan knows because he was there, but I’ve never said a word to anyone. Until now.”
“I love you, Brady.”
I looked at her in surprise. We’d spoken a lot about falling for each other, and we both knew how much we cared for one another. But neither one of us had yet dared to say those words.
“I love you, Brady,” she said again.
“I love you too, Sloan.”
“How about we forget about everything for a little while,” she said.
“Oh, I’d like that a lot. I know just the thing for it.”
I stood up, took her hand and led her to the bedroom.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Sloan
Brady was a gentle lover. We’d had sex in strange places, passionate sex, explosive sex. But no matter where we were or how we were doing it, it always ended up being a thing of beauty. I wasn’t used to being with someone in this way. Usually, sex was just sex. It was great while it lasted, but afterward I didn’t feel the need to hang around. And neither did the guy. It had taken me a long time to want to have sex again after the porn videos. I didn’t feel like I deserved a normal sex life anymore. And I didn’t seem to want it, either. But after a while, I met some guys at various clubs and pubs and found myself taking them to bed. I enjoyed the sex, especially as a form of escapism, but I didn’t love it the way I knew that I should. And then, when I started getting more and more famous, I stopped having sex altogether. I felt that men only wanted to be with me because I was famous. For a while, I thought that I might never have sex again. I just didn’t want to anymore. Nobody seemed worth the effort.
Then I met Brady.
Brady took my hand and led me to the bedroom. He kissed me and slowly took off my clothes, and then his. We stood naked in the middle of the room, kissing and touching each other. Whenever I was with Brady, it felt like I was touching him for the first time. Every part of his body felt new to me again, and I didn’t want to let him go.
“I love you,” he said, and he took my hand and lay me down onto the bed.
“I love you too,” I whispered. I’d loved him for a while already, but it was the first time I was saying it out loud. I now wanted to say it over and over again. “I love you.”
We lay on the bed. It was a cool day, and the windows were wide open. We had no clothes on, and the breeze shoul
d’ve made us cold. Yet I had no desire to get under the covers. With Brady next to me, I felt warm. We were lying next to each other, facing one another. Our hands were running up and down each other’s bodies as we kissed. Neither one of us seemed to want the moment to end, and we were savoring the feel of being so close.
“So, what exactly do you love about me?” I said.
“Hmm, that’s the easiest question in the world. For now, I’m going to ignore your personality traits. I have a long list for that, and I’ll tell you another time. I’m going to tell you what I like about you physically. How about my top three things?”
I giggled. “Okay.”
“Your nose.”
“What? My nose?” I crinkled my nose up and laughed.
“Oh yes. Especially when you make that face. You do realize that you have the cutest nose in the world, surely?”
“No,” I said and chuckled. “But thank you.”
He reached down and placed a kiss on my nose, then he looked at me and bent down again to kiss my mouth. “Your smile. Definitely your smile.”
I beamed at him. “You make me smile.”
“I’m glad to hear that. Now, let’s see. What’s the third thing about you that I like so much? Can you guess?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know.”
He reached over and grabbed me. “Your ass.”
“My ass?” I said and laughed.
“Oh yes. It’s perfection.”
He held onto me and pulled me closer. I kissed him while he stroked my backside with one hand. With his other hand he reached down and opened my legs, slipping his fingers inside me, teasing me until I was wet and groaning for more. Eventually, when I couldn’t take it anymore, he rolled me over until I was only my back, and climbed on top of me.
He kissed my nose again and then moved until he was inside me. I arched my back and pulled him deeper in. He leaned in and kissed me hard, crushing his lips against mine as he pushed slowly against me. With each thrust, I found myself losing more and more control. His lips remained locked onto mine as he slid back and forth, pushing me to the brink of total ecstasy. Then, just before we were both about to come, he stopped kissing me and looked into my eyes.
Dirty Roomie_A Maxwell Family Romance Page 88