Her eyebrows drew together as she stared at the floor. “I never felt like you cared about me as me, not more than one of your responsibilities. When you showed mercy to that murdering dog, I knew that you didn’t love me.”
She lifted her head, meeting my gaze levelly.
I fought back a sigh. She was right. I’d never felt the softer emotions until I tasted cream puffs. “Love? Is that what you’re after? Good luck. From what I understand, it’s a tenuous thing at best.” Love. Is that what I’d found in Violetta, the same thing Olivia chased after with Sebastian? In that case, we were both of us fools.
I turned and walked into the dark paneled living room, settling on a leather couch while I waited for Olivia.
She sat across from me, folding her hands demurely in her lap. “I’ve been hunting some nights independently. Patrolling the open corridors, nothing dangerous, but one night I stumbled on a Butcher who was bleeding badly, starving from hunger. When I dragged him to safety, I recognized that face, those eyes. It was the same boy you sent here to deliver your message. I fed him from the few baked goods I had on me, not Landry, but our Mildred. He healed fast. Once he could function, he took off.” She shifted and looked out the window, trying to contain her emotions, emotions that I could read as clearly as if she’d spoken them.
“He was different, so strong and powerful, but hurt. He was a real Butcher. I should have talked to you, told you about everything, but you’re right. I was being petulant and angry. I knew that you’d be furious at him, acting outside your authority, that you’d punish him, but he could be a great Butcher.”
“I agree.”
She nodded slightly, but her eyes didn’t believe me. “I’ve been searching for him since that night, haunting shadows, waiting for him. Finally, I tracked down their lair, and waited until he was alone. He wasn’t happy to see me at first, thought that you’d sent me, but the things he said about you, the way he spoke, it was angry, but still respectful. I think he wants to be your Butcher’s Boy, if you can just reach him.”
She pleaded me with her dark eyes, luminous, etc. I shrugged. “The other renegade Butchers, did you see any of them?”
She shook her head, frowning. “I saw four.”
“Four. That’s an impressive number of renegade Butchers who flaunt my authority. Maybe they’ll accept me if I join them. Keeping them all hidden, disguised, such leadership skills. I wonder why he doesn’t challenge me directly.”
“The leader?”
I nodded, glancing at her from the side. “He’s persuasive and cautious. He doesn’t engage directly. It actually sounds like Lance, don’t you think?”
She inhaled sharply. “Are you calling my brother a coward?”
I shrugged. “Let’s hope that he’s dead. Otherwise, your mother would kill him.”
She laughed, a sharp laugh that carried pain inside of it. I knew that pain. “That’s what you hope, that he’s dead?”
“I think that whoever slaughtered Tancetta’s parents is the one leading the renegade Butcher’s in the shadows. Who are you more attached to, Sebastian, the Butcher with burgeoning potential, or the brother who was never very impressed with morality? Tancetta will feel betrayed, murderously angry I imagine. How did you feel when I showed mercy to someone you suspected of killing your brother?” I shrugged and stood, straightening my coat. “I would try to infiltrate them using one of my Boys, but with those persuasive abilities, I’m sure he’d be able to turn whoever I sent. I’ve never had connection.”
She shook her head. “That’s not true. You have our loyalty, our respect, even our love. You are the perfect Butcher. It’s just…” She looked up at me, pleading. “Sometimes perfection is too hard, too unforgiving.”
I sighed. “That’s what the C.M. is for—understanding. Thank you for speaking with me, Olivia. I’m sorry that I’ve allowed this unpleasantness to develop. I’m sorry… that I didn’t love you,” I added, turning and walking briskly away from my past.
Chapter 28
The Baker
School on Monday felt a little bit weird. A lot weird. After English class the red headed Mal cornered me and asked if I wanted to hang out some time, leaning towards me until his chin brushed my cheek. I jerked back, completely weirded out.
“Dude. I have things to do,” I muttered.
“You know that Orion’s not the only Butcher,” he said after me, for some reason making the hairs on my neck stand on end.
I stopped to stare at those greenish hazel eyes. He nodded at me significantly as though we’d had a meaningful exchange before he turned and let the surging tide of boys between classes carry him away.
Had I blown my cover? I’d been so careful, showering at night and wearing the hideous wig constantly.
After that, I headed to my room, to do the terribly hard awkward thing I’d been putting off. I picked up his coat, long, black, smelling like spices, like him. I held it in my arms. It had enough heft to almost feel like a person when I closed my eyes and inhaled like a truly stupid in love person. Which I wasn’t, remotely. It had been terribly sweet of him to insist I keep his coat when he dropped me off at the botanical garden.
I’d expected him to come by for the coat. Surely he’d know that Sebastian would have it, but it had been business as usual, violin, glances in the hall, and that was all.
I straightened and smoothed down the black fabric before I left my room, tucking the bundle casually under my arm as I tried to be unobtrusive in the wing for single rooms like Orion’s. I would demand my clothes in return for the coat. Surely he would finally give me my sweater back.
I knocked, heard his low voice, “It’s open,” and almost chickened out, abandoning his coat on the threshold.
He opened the door and looked out at me, smiling broadly when he saw who it was. “Sebastian,” he said with a nod. “Come in.”
I walked reluctantly inside, shifting from foot to foot as he closed the door behind me.
“I’m here to trade your coat for her things,” I said, handing it to him. “My sister wanted to tell you thank you, but I don’t think you should see her anymore.”
He raised an eyebrow. “What does your sister think?”
I tightened my jaw. “You’ve been in love with Olivia your whole life. Violetta’s a passing thing. Fine. Let it pass. Don’t follow her again.”
Orion wasn’t smiling anymore. “I wanted to have a word with you about your newfound love, now that you mention it. Olivia has always been a self-absorbed beauty queen with a penchant for darkness and death that a squeamish boy like you certainly couldn’t handle.”
I inhaled feeling the anger beneath his words. He really did care about Olivia. Otherwise, why would he say that? “I have no intention of dating her now or ever. She’s your perfect match. What I don’t get, is why you follow my sister when you never even bothered to deliver your notes to Olivia in person.”
He blinked. “Maybe I liked the idea of Olivia better than the reality. Ideas are much more comfortable from a distance. They can’t disappoint you that way.” He nodded like that made sense. “Tell your sister,” he said, leaning towards me and putting a hand on my shoulder. He felt so warm I wanted to fall into him, to kiss the skin of his neck for the rest of my life. His chocolate eyes looked soft and soulful.
“I had a wonderful time getting to know her a little bit. I look forward to being her friend first, last and always. Like I want to be your friend,” he added pulling away.
I opened my mouth, couldn’t think of anything to say and closed it again. “I can cope with that,” I finally said.
“Good. Sit down. Have some chocolate.” He gave me a slight smile that made my heart thrum.
I collapsed on the couch, remembering to sit like a guy on the first try. I closed my eyes and tried not to notice the smell of chocolate and spice beside me, him smelling far better than any chocolate ever could. I should have kissed him in the cemetery, dragged him with me into the garden to make out under the gaze
bo. I’d noticed some optimal make-out spots on my therapeutic stroll. I shook my head slightly as I opened my eyes, took the chocolate, and shifted towards his weight slightly until I felt his warmth against my arm.
I drank chocolate, feeling pretty buzzed by the time I was done, from him or the chocolate I couldn’t be sure.
He stood up leaving me feeling cold and alone. “I’ve got to get going,” he said with a smile as he stood by the door, waiting for me to go. I wanted to kiss him, to touch his skin and his lips, his hair and his throat, but instead I slid off the couch and slouched past him.
“Yeah. Later, man.” I brushed past him, trying not to notice the way I felt at that slight contact. I didn’t realize until I was in my room that he hadn’t given me back my sweater.
The next day, after class, I slipped out of school and headed towards the metro. It wasn’t more than a mile, and then I rode the train downtown. I didn’t want to, but I had to talk to Armand about my parents. I’d run away like a complete idiot. Both him and The Greek must think that I was mental. Well, I probably was from cramming myself in my brother’s body.
Soon enough, the train stopped and I climbed up to the street, heading towards The Greek’s hairdressing salon. I slowed down as I got closer, aware that it was getting dark. Finally, I was there. I hung back, staring at the shop for a few minutes until I saw The Greek’s face in the window, and he gestured me in.
I took a deep breath and pushed open the door.
“Hi. How is your shoulder?” I asked, staying close to the door while I tried to see into the back room.
“He’s gone,” The Greek said, waving his hand. “I told the owner that I’m not going to board a wolf that is so rude as to bite the hand that feeds it. There’s profundity in that, don’t you think?”
I nodded and edged a little bit closer to him. “Are you sure you’re okay? It looked terrible. Animals can be so vicious.”
He nodded, his soft features frowning at me. “Sit down. You need a trim.”
“I do?”
“It won’t hurt you. Maybe help you relax.”
“Where is Armand?” I asked, settling into a chair with my backpack on my lap.
The Greek took off my wig and tossed it on the counter before he began massaging my head. “Armand? What do you want to see that disagreeable mutt for?”
“I…” I took a deep breath. “I wanted to talk to him. He’s an animal control specialist, isn’t he?”
The Greek looked surprised, then nodded. “That’s right. I’ve never heard his title quite like that, but it captures the spirit of what he does magnificently.”
“Do you know where he is? He always seems to be here.”
He shrugged his large shoulders. “He sniffs around here, making sure I’m not getting into trouble. He’s nosy like that. Rude, too. Are you sure you want to find him?”
I nodded. “Yes. I need to talk to him.”
His hands stilled on my head. “We’ll order pizza. He always shows up if I order pizza.”
He grabbed a phone attached to the wall, an old rotary that looked as ancient as the building. He ordered a pizza with anchovies then hung up, smiling at me broadly.
“Fifteen minutes for pizza and Armand. So tell me, fair Violetta, who was that strapping young man who was so kind as to help us wrestle the wolf back into his cage? He didn’t seem to be a passing stranger, but someone who knows you in your female persona.”
I bit my lip and tried to look casual. “He’s the guy I was talking about, the one I’m supposed to hate because of my brother.”
“But how can you hate someone who looks like that? He sweeps in with that glorious coat swirling around his ankles, burning black eyes, fearless in the face of any danger. He’s like a dozen romance novels rolled into one.”
“What do you know about romance novels?”
He wiggled his eyebrows at me in the mirror. “Enough. So, you still like him? Did he ask you out? Is he stalking you? Is he a good kisser?”
I laughed. “It’s really awkward, because I’m not sure how to act around him. When I’m trying to be girly, I come off as straight-up crazy.”
“But, he likes crazy?”
I shook my head, frowning. “No. He’s in love with another girl. Olivia. She’s perfect.”
“You should have her come in here, and I’ll cut her hair,” he said with a wicked gleam, snipping the air with his scissors. “She won’t be so perfect after I’m done with her.”
I shook my head, laughing. “I don’t think she can look bad no matter what you do to her hair. No, she would be sad to lose it, I think. She loves to flip it around. She’s saying that she’s dating my brother, but of course she couldn’t be, because he’s on a boat in the middle of the ocean. So whatever mind games she’s playing, I don’t know. I can’t confront her, because I’m supposed to be the guy she’s dating. It’s really uncomfortable that I’m crushing on a guy who’s crushing on a girl who’s crushing on my male persona.”
He nodded. “It’s the ultimate love triangle. So, for a guy who’s supposed to be in love with another girl, how does he kiss?”
I sighed and relaxed. It was really nice to finally be able to talk to someone about the important things. “It’s like plugging in to an electric socket, charging my energy up. It’s pure energy and life, but it’s more than that. It’s like falling and flying and finding myself all at the same time. He’s so strong, but I think there’s a lot of pain beneath the strength.”
“Ah, a tragic hero,” The Greek said, striking a pose with his scissors.
I laughed and shook my head. “No. He doesn’t let things happen to him. He’s always ready, never hesitates, except with this girl. He doesn’t even hand deliver his messages to her, make her listen to him. He’s really strangely passive about her. Maybe he’s afraid of love, afraid of rejection.” I shook my head. “He kissed me. It’s confusing when I know that he loves someone else, but at the same time, I didn’t want to stop.”
“I can’t imagine how difficult it would be, unplugging from a source of energy, power, strength. Sounds very intense.”
I sighed. “It was like you said, straight out of a romance novel.”
“Too bad about the other girl. He doesn’t exactly sound all that in love with her.”
“He is. She’s the one. He’s always known that they would be together. He’s never even questioned it until she started playing mind games with him. She seems angry at him for her brother dying, but how can it be his fault unless he went fishing with him during the accident?”
“Pizza is here,” Armand announced, stepping in through the back doorway on silent feet, carrying two pizza boxes in his hands.
I jumped and exhaled, forcing myself to stay calm, to not run out screaming like last time. I couldn’t quite meet his golden brown gaze.
“I only ordered one pizza.”
“One pizza for three people? What are you smoking? Here, Violetta,” Armand said, dropping a pizza box on my lap. “If you don’t mind, I get the anchovies.”
“If you get the anchovies, what am I left with?” The Greek said, lifting the lid of the pizza box in my lap. His face fell. “Veggie pizza. Are those carrots? You’ve got to be kidding me.”
I picked the carrots off a piece and handed it to The Greek while Armand started inhaling slice after slice of anchovy pizza. I stared at him, the witness to my parent’s death. So strange I’d been close to him all this time. After he’d finished, he looked directly at me, his face inches away from mine.
“What?” he asked in a low growl.
“Violetta has some words for you, Armand,” The Greek said, taking the pizza boxes and going to the back, leaving me alone with the weird guy.
“Do you know what self-control is?” he asked, cocking his head as he studied me.
“I think it has something to do with not eating all the pieces of pizza that somebody else ordered.”
He smiled. “Touché. What did you want to talk to me about, Vanill
a?”
“Vanilla? Why would you call me that?”
His smile broadened. “ Vodka and vanilla beans. What a heady combination.”
I closed my eyes, trying to concentrate on where I wanted this to go. Talking with Armand was always like talking to someone who was having a different conversation than I was having. “Did you witness my parents deaths?”
Silence spread between us until I opened my eyes, searching his for clues. He stared back at me, his eyes impossible for me to read. “No. I didn’t see the animal attack. I did find their bodies afterwards.” He reached out and brushed my cheek with the back of his fingers, only a brush, but my response was strong, something pulled me towards him and pushed away at the same time.
Was that attraction or something else? I did not want to be attracted to some freak who smelled people. I was just too desperate. “You saw their bodies. Were they already…”
“They were both gone. Yes. They were ripped to pieces in such a public place. I can still see it when I close my eyes.”
He shut them, and I saw his eyebrows draw together, a deep frown on his face.
I touched his cheek, and his expression instantly calmed although his eyes stayed closed. I closed my eyes and tried to see what he saw, brushing his cheek with my fingertips, feeling that strange push and pull.
I heard a crash and swearing from the back room and opened my eyes. Armand was staring at me, his gaze intense and unnerving. I pulled my fingers away from him, curling them into a fist.
“I’m sorry that you had to see that. Were you there when they caught the animal?”
He shook his head, no. “Tell me about your boyfriend. Don’t you think he’ll be jealous, you spending so much time with The Greek?”
“My boyfriend?” I stared at him.
“The idiot who followed you in here the other day. He’s your boyfriend, isn’t he?”
I shook my head. “He’s in love with someone else.”
“Then why is he following you around? Isn’t he the one you made those delicious muffins for? You shouldn’t be baking for people who give you no affection in return.”
Butcher, Baker, Vampire Slayer: A Retelling of Shakespeare's Twelfth Night Page 23