by C. C. Brown
He smiled and continued to stroke my face.
"I know I'm a very broken man, Cara, but you make me feel whole. Please, don't give up on me."
I looked into his sparkling brown eyes and shed a few more tears. I wanted him, I wanted him bad, but I was also afraid of my world being torn to shreds by him again. It hurt being with him and it hurt like hell being without him. I felt like I was in the middle of a very cruel game of tug of war, and I wanted nothing more than to break free of all of it, but watching the pain soar through him hurt me just as much. There was no doubt in my mind that he was being truthful, but fear paralyzed me, and kept me from jumping right back into his arms again. As much as I wanted to be with him, Stacey was a lingering problem, and not one that I wanted to pull back into my life at the moment.
"I love you, Jason. I've never stopped loving you, but I can't give one hundred percent of me and only get fifty percent of you."
"I know. And trust me, Gorgeous, you've got me. All of me."
He pulled me in for a hug and I buried my head into his well-toned chest. He held me there for a few minutes, kissing the top of my head, but not saying a word. It felt so right being in his arms again, and I didn't want him to let me go, but he pulled back, smiled, then planted a warm, soul bearing kiss on my lips. I felt the immediate tug that I normally experienced whenever Jason was affectionate with me. Shockwaves coursed through my body as we stood, lip-locked together. When he pulled back, I felt my erratic breathing slowly begin to work its way back down to normal.
"I won't keep you all night, but I needed to be able to get my side out in the open," He said, looking relieved that I hadn't pushed him away.
"I'm not promising anything, Jason," I said, my voice still a little shaky from the passionate kiss he had just supplied me with.
"I know, but knowing that you still love me is a good enough start."
He turned to leave, and pulled me behind him by my hand. When we got to the front door, he stopped, looking me in the eye again and whispered, "Don't give up on me." He kissed me softly and walked out the door.
I shut the door and leaned back against it, trying to replay what had just happened over in my head, but feeling completely overwhelmed by it all. I was in no way ready to thrust myself back into a relationship with Jason, but our physical, as well as our emotional connection, was still there, and the powerful feelings evoked when we were together had me feeling like an emotional mess.
Chapter 12
I went to bed last night after averting the onslaught of questions by Chelsea. The moment the door shut, she wanted to know why Jason was there and what had happened, since I was obviously a ball of emotions. With the way I was feeling, I decided that for once, I didn't want to delve into all of the details, and just told her that Jason and I talked about us and what we wanted to do from there on. Of course she threw in her two cents, but I cut her short. Honestly, I didn't want anyone else's opinions on the matter. I was well aware of everything that had happened and where things stood. Whatever decision I made would be my decision and mine alone.
I had spent too much time worrying about the feelings and opinions of everyone around me, and for once, I just wanted to make my own decision based on my own conscience. Seeing the affection and conviction in Jason's eyes made me feel for him; much like the way I had before everything blew up on me. While I was still very much afraid of jumping back into his arms, I saw a beaten down guy who just wanted to be loved. He had made some changes in his life, mostly ridding himself of the toxicity that was his family, and I was proud of him. Family should be everything, but for him, it was his biggest source of contention.
I finally dragged myself out of bed, knowing I had to get to work to spend another full day with Damian. Learning what I'd learned about him was also weighing on my mind. Stacey was a whore to me simply because she was still devilishly pining for Jason. But to know that she willingly slept with Jason, Damian, and Dev because she was so desperate for whatever she was desperate for, cemented that title for her. I would never know her appeal and frankly, didn't care to find out.
When I finally made my way downstairs, Chelsea was sitting at the table, eating a bowl of cereal and reading a magazine. The sound of my heels broke her focus, prompting her eyes to lock with mine. I lightly smiled, not saying anything to her, but her inquisitive stare told me she was ready to ask questions, and I wasn't wrong.
"You okay?" she asked, setting her magazine down on the table. "You look worn out."
I looked at her over my shoulder while holding the door to the fridge. What was I supposed to say? I'm okay. I just have an ex-boyfriend whom I still love very much, who has the family from hell, but is willing to change everything about himself to be with me? Or the fact that the one person that I despise more than anything in the world has ties to seemingly every man in San Diego and somehow it keeps coming back to me? I sighed and grabbed a bottle of orange juice and the cream cheese for a bagel.
"I'm alright. I just have a lot to deal with right now."
"I can see that. Hell, if I had a bunch of men after me, I'd be worn out too." She paused for a second and threw her long sandy colored hair into a hair tie. "Italian Stallion is a bright spot, though." Her wink made me frown.
"Damian is not a love interest. He has ties to Stacey. He's toxic."
Chelsea's mouth dropped. "What do you mean he has ties to Stacey?"
I went about toasting my bagel, in hopes of quelling the ache in my stomach.
"She's the reason Damian and Jason don't like each other. When Jason ended things with Stacey, she moved on to Damian, but then cheated on him with Jason." The re-hashing of all of this was starting to piss me off all over again.
"She's even more disgusting than I originally thought. That bitch is like a fucking revolving door for any dick that wants in and out." Chelsea frowned, setting her face into a deep scowl. I felt the same way, but didn't feel the need to say it.
"Well, I'm off to work." I said, taking my orange juice and warm bagel from the counter. Chelsea merely smiled and went back to reading her magazine.
When I arrived at the office, Amanda had a steaming mug of coffee sitting on my desk waiting for me. She also had a ton of messages, but the most important being that William wanted to see me, pronto. I didn't know what could be so important, and chills streaked down my arms as I walked over to his office, finding him in a rather heated telephone conversation. He looked up and signaled for me to take a seat in front of his desk, which I did--cautiously.
"Cara," he said in a rather brash tone after slamming the phone receiver down, "This photo shoot is very important to the campaign. I need to make sure that Mr. Rossi is happy with everything, so while I'm putting you in charge of it, you are in no way to make him unhappy with our efforts. You got that?"
I sat dumbfounded for a second, wondering if I had done something that had gotten back to William without my knowledge.
"Yes," I answered nervously, unsure if he was going to hurl some complaints my way.
"This is a large account for SDSM, and you are being granted a hell of a lot of responsibility with it. I just want to make sure everything goes smoothly." I was at a loss for words so I simply nodded my head.
A quick knock on the door had me turning in my seat to find a sharply dressed Damian standing in the doorway. William stood and buttoned his jacket, making his way over to Damian and giving him an overzealous handshake. I wondered if Damian had said anything to William about me, but then I thought about what he could have told him, and nothing came to mind.
"Are you ready, Cara?" Damian asked, his greenish-grey eyes lowered while smiling at me.
"Yes, just let me grab my stuff." I quickly moved to my office and grabbed my briefcase and purse, waving to Amanda who gave me a sympathetic glance on my way out.
William rode down the elevator with Damian and me. They made small talk while I stood there, curious to as to what had brought on such a shift in William since the last time I had spoken
to him. When we stepped out on to the lobby floor, William walked in between Damian and me, stopping at the entrance of the building and turning to me, while Damian walked out to his car.
"Remember, Cara. You need to keep Mr. Rossi happy." He placed his hand on my shoulder and leaned in even closer to whisper, "Your job depends on it." He gave me a wicked smile before turning to head back up to his office.
I stood flabbergasted for a minute. When I turned to look back at William, he was long gone, but my gaze was met by a look of fury from Sunny. She looked like she wanted to commit murder. I turned my head away from her and watched as Damian pulled up in his sleek BMW. He jumped out and opened the door for me, and I slowly made my way into the car. Was William threatening my job? Did Damian have anything to do with it? Questions were swirling around in my head, so I sat and pondered them, not saying a word to Damian.
<>
We drove up to the Del Mar Fairgrounds and then back down to Balboa Park, making small talk, which was mostly initiated by Damian. I was still reeling from William's words, and wondered how much of a part Damian had in all of this. The fact that I had to work so closely with him, William's cryptic words, and Damian's connection to Stacey had me wanting to throw my hands up in the air and just say, fuck it!
Damian said he was hungry, and pulled into the parking lot of Frank's Bistro. I couldn't decide if I was hungry or not. My stomach was rumbling, but I wasn't sure if it was from hunger or my nerves, so I didn't object. When we were seated on the outdoor patio, Damian removed his jacket and eyed me intently.
"You haven't been okay since our last chat. What's going on?"
I took a long sip of the water that had been placed before me.
"I'm fine. I just have a lot going on right now," I lied.
Damian pointed out something on the menu to the waitress, who nodded her head and scurried away.
"I can't help but think that I put you in this mood. It was certainly not my intention. I just figured Bradley worked his charm on you and didn't give you the full story." I looked him in his smoldering eyes as he said it, and watched as a wicked smile spread across his lips. For some reason, the look made me sick, and I downed the rest of my water.
"Look, work is not the time to talk about our personal lives. We are still on the clock, you know?"
He face fixed in a surprised expression at the sound of my blunt tone. Our meal was finished with a mix of Tide conversation and comfortable silence. I didn't want to talk about Jason and Stacey every waking moment. I definitely didn't want to while I was at work, and especially not with someone who had a vested interest in both. I couldn't be sure if Damian was being straight with me, so I didn't want to engage him any further.
When I returned to the office, William was out at a meeting with finance and Amanda had a pile of work-ups from the print guys for me to take a look at. I sat down in my chair, thankful for some alone time, when she knocked on my door and made her way into my office.
"I forgot to tell you. That hottie friend of yours stopped by while you were out," she said, smiling brightly in my direction.
"Who?" I asked.
"Um, I think his name was Chase. Yeah, that's it. He stopped by, saying he couldn't get in touch with you. I told him you were out of the office for the day."
I reached into my purse and found a turned off cell phone. I remembered turning my phone off, but had forgotten to turn it back on. When I powered up my phone, I found that Chase had texted me a couple of times, which I hadn't responded to. I also found a couple more text messages from him and even a couple of voicemails, including a message from Jason. After thanking Amanda, I waved her off and asked her to shut my door, as I listened to the messages.
Voicemail from Chase
Hi, Cara. Just wanted to check-in with you. Call me.
Voicemail from Chase
I hope everything is okay. I haven't heard from you and I'm wondering if I did anything wrong. Talk to you later.
Guilt rose inside of me. I felt terrible for not getting back to him. I just had so much shit going on and I was trying to handle my largest problems first. I made a mental note that I would call him when I had a free moment, but a mark on my phone indicated that I still had a voicemail from Jason, so I listened to it. It brought a much needed smile to my face.
Voicemail from Jason
Hey, Gorgeous. I can't thank you enough for takin' time to talk to me. You have no idea how that simple little act corrected and reaffirmed so much in my life. You turned me into a little cry baby bitch, but if that means getting' everything out in the open and workin' my way back to you, I'll cry all fuckin' day. I hope you know just how much I love you.
I sat like a grinning fool for a few minutes after listening to his voicemail. When I finally broke free of my thoughts, I got back to work on the print work that Amanda had left on my desk.
<>
Laughter greeted me as I strolled into our condo that evening. I sat my briefcase down by the stairs and walked into the living room, shocked to find Chase sitting on the couch with Hunter and Chelsea. I slowly walked closer to them, wondering why Chase was here, when he stood and spoke.
"Hey. Sorry about this. I just hadn't heard from you, so I stopped by after work."
I looked over to Chelsea who smiled over to Hunter before saying, "Time for us to get to dinner." He agreed, and gave a quick hug as he and Chelsea made their way out of the condo.
I turned my attention back to Chase, who eyed me cautiously, not sure how I would react.
"I'm sorry," I said, running my hands through my hair, "I got your messages, and I was going to call you tonight."
He let out a light sigh. "I just know you ran off with Jason at Chelsea's party, and then I didn't hear from you anymore. I wondered if he'd said anything about me or if I did anything wrong?"
I took off my shoes and crashed down on the couch.
"No, you didn't do anything wrong. I'm just so busy right now, that’s all."
He eyed me quizzically. "Are you two back together?" he asked, carefully.
I glanced at him for a second before answering, "No."
The muscles in his face relaxed and a smile crept across his lips. I tried to smile back at him, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Jason and I may not have been back together, but in my heart, I wanted nothing more than for us to be a couple again. It was my head not allowing it. I decided the best thing to do would be to change the topic.
"How is work going?"
"It's going." he responded, once again looking defeated.
"What's wrong? I thought you were excited about your internship," I said, curious as to what had gotten him down. I wondered if Jason was back up to his old tricks, and was making Chase's life miserable because he felt like he was making his way back to me and wanted to keep him away. "Is it Jason?"
"I wish," he smiled, "It's the new guy running the show. He's a dick."
Thoughts rummaged through my brain. Jason hadn't mentioned a new guy at work. By the looks of things, Chase was having it rough, but the fact that Jason wasn't the source of his sour mood did make me happy.
"There's a new guy?" I asked, hoping he would stop giving hints and just tell me what was going on.
"Yeah, Jason is in charge in name only. There's a new guy there running things--I think his name is Tran, or something like that. Anyway, the guy is a damn tyrant." He ran his hands over his head clearly indicating that he was not enjoying what he thought was going to be the opportunity of a lifetime.
"I'm sorry to hear that, Chase, but you are an intern, so sometimes you have to scrape the bottom before rising to the top."
"I know. I just thought my biggest challenge working there would be Jason and it turns out he is the least of my worries." He looked up and stared straight into my eyes. "Cara, I don't think I can hack staying there any longer. It's crazy to say, but with Jason gone, I don't see the point."
His words sparked a series of questions in my head. Why would it matter if Jason wer
e there or not? He wasn't making any sense and I was tired of the ambiguity. I wanted answers.
"What does Jason have to do with any of this? And what do you mean about him being gone?"
Chase looked at me as if he shouldn't have said what had just come out of his mouth. I widened my eyes, prodding him to speak. He stood and ran his hands over his face before speaking.
"He hasn't told you?"
I shook my head, awaiting his response.
"Figures," he mumbled. "Word around the office is the reason that Jason brought this Tran guy in is because he is going to let the San Diego offices of Bradley fall where they may. He's got some new job lined up that’s he's been putting all of his time and effort into." He stared at me and scowled. "What a prick. This is his family's business and he's just letting it get destroyed." A slight grin crossed my lips and Chase walked up to me and grabbed my hands. "Cara, he's the same prick he's always been, only he's showing himself to be a selfish prick now. I hope you don't fall for whatever he's told you."
I stepped away from Chase, unable to break the joy that was swirling around inside of me. He stood, flabbergasted as to how I could be so happy when things seemed to be crumbling around him.
"You don't know the details Chase, if any of that is even true." I said, handing him his things that were sitting on the couch. "Sorry, but I have some phone calls to make."
Chase watched me with a confounded look on his face, but didn't say anything further. I walked him to the front door and gave him a hug before telling him that everything would be okay. He shook his head slightly, not believing my words, and turned and walked out the door.
I ran back into the condo, grabbed my cell phone from my purse and called Jason. He picked up midway through the second ring.
"Hey, Gorgeous, you get my voicemail?"
"Yes, but that's not why I'm calling. What's going on with your job?"