by Cook, Glen
I wondered what the connection might be. If there was any.
* * *
“I’m getting really tired of this hike,” I told Thai Dei as we headed across the valley in response to a summons from our Supreme Commander. Not far away from us Shadowlander volunteers were helping take in a grain that was a cousin of barley, working for a share of the harvest. Croaker had a notion that the locals would resent us less if we helped them out. I had a feeling their own crops were not so bad and we ought to be stashing our surpluses inside Overlook. Sure as winter follows summer the day would come when we would need every kernel of reserve.
The Old Man insisted that I had been scarred too deeply by my past, that I would never outgrow Dejagore. Maybe he was right. We are all the sum total of our pasts, good and evil.
Thai Dei said nothing right away. He was more reticent than ever this morning. A mile down the path he said, “You knew Uncle would not die.”
“Yep.”
“You meant to manipulate him.”
“Yep. So tell me. What’s the Key?”
“Something that should have been destroyed long ago.”
Did I say he was not talking anymore? I checked to make sure I was with my sidekick of many years. “Big mojo, eh?”
He understood the word in context. “Big trouble. All prophecies, all articles and tools of prophecy, bring nothing but trouble.”
“This Key wouldn’t tie in to Hong Tray’s prophecy, would it?” I had not gotten that pinned down yet, despite being part of it and married to part of it. Sarie always claimed that she did not know, she was just a woman.
Thai Dei had found his center, his silence, again. He refused to say anything more.
* * *
“You been talking about me?” I asked when I pushed into Croaker’s place and found sudden silence and stares my only greeting.
“Perhaps,” Lady said. She eyed me speculatively, evidently wondering what was going on inside me these days.
Otto, Hagop and a couple other Old Crew guys were there. Isi and Sindawe were present. Numerous senior Taglians were noteworthy for their absence, as was Blade. We had not seen much of Blade lately, though he and Lady had worked together for years. There seemed to be a shift in the tides of trust.
“What’s up?”
“What’s your readiness state?” Croaker asked.
“Not bad, actually. A good blowup like the one last night will make guys want to put an edge on.”
“No sign of Catcher?”
“No. You ask me, Uncle got her good and she’s somewhere licking her wounds.” I had not seen a single crow since before Sleepy returned. Talk about your basic good omens.
“Thai Dei talking any more?”
“No. You haven’t said—”
“I’m going to go recon the plain.”
“I thought—”
“Now’s the time. Catcher is weak. I know how she heals. We’ll have a week before she’s strong enough to cause us more grief. We need to dive through that window of opportunity. If we put together a balanced force and pack train and push it hard, we should be able to travel seventy or eighty miles before we have to turn back. That ought to give us a good idea where we stand.”
I did not like the idea but did not argue. Lady was the Lieutenant. It was her job to expose the flaws in the Captain’s reasoning. She said nothing so I supposed their discussion was complete.
“I’m thinking fifty men for the first probe,” Croaker said. “All the old guys who followed us here to get to Khatovar. Plus the best new men. All volunteers.”
Not many recent recruits wanted to go to Khatovar. The old terror still held some power even though now they were part of the Company.
“What’s happening in Taglios?” Croaker asked.
I shrugged. “I’m only having normal dreams these days. In fact, I hardly slept the last couple nights. Sleepy mumbles all night. I tried to get him talking but he didn’t seem to hear me.”
“We’ll take him with us. A good long hike might bring him out of it.”
I sighed. “When do you want to do this?”
“As soon as we can get it together. Catcher’s already getting better.”
I sighed again. “I was getting used to not traveling. I was really getting attached to the idea of staying in one place.” And waiting for my wife. Or maybe even going back to meet her if I could get Sleepy to tell me what he had done with my horse.
Croaker harrumphed. Really. The son of a bitch was turning into my grandfather. He said, “You know what this means? Standardbearer?”
“I got a bad feeling it means some dumb fuck name of Murgen is going to have to go be out front again.”
“With no Goblin or One-Eye to cover your back.”
“Shit. Yeah.” But my back was covered, for now until forever. “I see a problem, boss. The Nyueng Bao will insist on sticking with their guys from Dejagore.”
“I’m counting on it. Every one of them who goes up the mountain is one less Taglian I have to worry about getting behind me and maybe wrapping one of those silk dinguses around my neck.”
“What? We haven’t had any trouble with those characters since last winter. There aren’t any left.”
“Ready to bet your life on that? I mean to take the living saint and the rest of our pals along with us.”
“Why you want to do that?”
“So we don’t get any surprises while our backs are turned. You want Howler getting loose, or Longshadow, when none of us are there to round them up again? You want the Prahbrindrah Drah on the prowl again? Or that panther bitch?”
“No. But if I was running things we’d just kill them and burn their bodies. Then we’d mix what was left up good and throw it all in about six different rivers.”
Lady gave me the sort of look that would have made me shit my knickers a few years back. She did not much scare me anymore.
Croaker ignored my opinion. “Once we’re up there and see what it’s like I might set up staging camps so we can move the whole mob in steps.”
“I don’t think I’m ready for this, boss.”
“Not ready? This is where we’ve been heading for the last ten years.”
“There’s a big fucking difference between being on the road and getting there, chief. You go out in the camp and ask, every guy out there will tell you he’s perfectly happy to be on his way to Khatovar. But I bet you you won’t get the same answer about getting there.” I do not believe Croaker ever understood that nobody was as enthusiastic about our quest as he was.
“What do I got to do?” I asked.
“Pack up and get ready. Get your protégé whipped into shape because I expect him to trudge right along with the rest of us.”
There was something there.… Something that left me on the outside. Something, maybe, that had something to do with the sudden silence that had fallen when I walked in.
“Then I’d better go pack up and get ready, hadn’t I?”
The Old Man glowered at me as I walked out but did not raise a finger to stop me.
Something was going on.
“Another damned wasted trip,” I told Thai Dei. “Only this was the worst one yet.” I was getting mad. I was being used somehow.
96
“It ain’t my fucking idea,” I told Rudy. For the third time. “You don’t like it, go join Goblin and One-Eye. Wherever they are.”
“I just never thought we’d really do it.”
“Nobody but the Old Man did. Me included. But he says we’re going, we’re going. That’s the way it works.”
“Never said I wouldn’t go,” Rudy grumbled, more to himself than to me. He went off to scream at his sergeants. He would need to decide who to leave in charge while we were gone.
I was working on that myself. I had sought recommendations as soon as I got back from the Old Man’s place. We would learn a lot about our southern recruits. The Old Man wanted to leave no Old Crew or Nar behind.
Ochiba, Isi and Sindawe were the
only surviving Nar.
Bucket came by. In practical terms, he was my assistant. He did most of the work. I did not interfere unless he got headed in a direction I knew would get the Captain after me. He said, “You really squeezed Rudy’s nuts.”
“The man is driving me bugfuck. What do you want?” More than Rudy was making me cranky. Sleepy was getting worse. Thai Dei was being a pain in the ass because I had not bothered to visit Uncle Doj while we were across the valley.
“Hey, Murgen, it’s all right to be scared. But you don’t need to make everybody else miserable because you are.”
I started to bark but realized that would not change the fact that he was right. I grabbed up a stone and threw it as far as I could, as if the fear would fly away with it. The rock clattered around amongst some boulders. Half a dozen crows flapped into the air, cursing in their native tongue. “Shit.”
“Not a good sign,” Bucket agreed. “We haven’t seen any of those for a while. Want we should take them out?”
“They weren’t close enough to hear anything. But have somebody check the area.” I considered the sun. There were a few hours of daylight left. I had time to start the recon that needed doing before we took a bigger gang up the mountain.
Bucket sent men to the crow site. One held up what might have been a ground squirrel when it was alive. He held his nose with his free hand. Bucket told me, “Maybe they weren’t spying at all.”
“All things are possible,” I said. “But some are more likely than others. Thai Dei. I know you got some pretty determined ideas about what you owe me but you really don’t need to take risks just because I do.”
The Nyueng Bao squatted not far away, sword sheathed across his back, waiting, a ragged little man who did not look dangerous at all. He looked me in the eye, grunted his go-ahead-and-explain grunt.
“I’m going through the Shadowgate. Wait! It’s all right. I’ve got the key. The Lance. As long as I’ve got that I should be all right.” If Croaker really had guessed correctly.
I would have felt more confident had I had a chance to study those earliest Annals.
Thai Dei climbed to his feet wearily, like his knees hurt him. He sighed, made a “let’s go” gesture.
“Look,” I said, “you don’t have to.”
He gestured again.
I would get nowhere arguing. Thai Dei was two steps beyond being stubborn. All Nyueng Bao are at least one step beyond. My wife …
I grabbed the shaft of the standard, started kicking rocks away from its base. It had stood undisturbed, right there, for half a year, becoming a fixture nobody much noticed anymore.
“Wait,” Bucket said. “Use your noggin, Murgen. You can’t just tighten your jaw and go charging up there. Take some bamboo. Take a canteen. Take a loaf of bread and some jerky. And let me set some guys up to cover your ass.”
“All right. You’re right.” This business had me more rattled and scared than I realized.
I let Bucket take over. He did not have to go through the Shadowgate so he could remain calm and rational.
The Standardbearer is always the first guy into any Company scrape.
* * *
I was as far uphill as any of us had gone. The standard shivered in my hands. I leaned on it and stared at the ruins, trying to pick the path I wanted to follow. Bucket stood a few paces behind me, relaying instructions to Rudy. Rudy was posting observers. I did not want to be out of sight for an instant, ever. If the boogies got me the rest needed to know how, when, why and where.
“Anytime you’re ready,” I growled. I had a feeling I was not going to get less frightened for a while.
“You’re set,” Bucket yelled. “Tie a rope to your ass and go be a hero.”
Be a hero. Not something I ever wanted. I gave him the high sign with both hands, grabbed the standard before it could topple. “See you in hell, mudsucker.” I headed up the hill.
Thai Dei shouldered a bundle of bamboo and followed. He did a better job of hiding his fear but he let them tie a rope to his belt, too. In case he had to be hauled back through the gate.
The standard almost hummed in my hands.
I knew the precise instant when I crossed over. It felt like I had fallen into a cold pond that was nothing but surface. The chill ran over me, then was behind me, yet I was in a place where it was cold all the time. You might be able to fry eggs on the rocks but it was cold.
I took only a few steps. I paused. I waited. Minutes passed. The cold did not go away. I stared up the slope. And, gradually, the road became more clear, a thin black line like polished coal meandering up the hill like the trail of a snake just barely not drunk enough to wander off into the barren wilds. I waited some more. Nothing jumped out at me. No shadows came to wriggle up my legs.
The standard seemed very much at home. It seemed to pull me uphill.
“You all got a good fix on me?” I yelled at Bucket.
“Got ahold of the rope, too, buddy.” Bucket’s reply and laugh sounded like they had come to me through a long metal tunnel.
“I got a rope for you, Bucket.” I took another three steps. Thai Dei dragged after me. The man lacked enthusiasm.
Nothing happened. I took a few more steps. The road up the hill gleamed like polished darkness, calling me onward. The fear began to drain away. Fast.
Thai Dei said something but I did not catch it.
The rope tautening stopped me.
I had moved farther uphill without realizing it. I had reached the end of my tether. Bucket gave me a tug. “Far enough for now, Murgen.”
Yeah. I was way past where I had intended to go. But there was nothing to be afraid of—Bucket gave me another tug, with greater vigor.
I backed downhill reluctantly. Thai Dei said something again. I looked back. Then I understood what he wanted.
He pointed northward.
The world looked kind of shimmery, as though we were seeing it through a curtain of heat.
“Let’s go, Murgen!” Bucket yelled. “We want you back and the gateway sealed up before it gets dark.” He gave my tether another yank.
The man was getting nervous.
Still reluctant, I stepped across the boundary. This time was like stepping into summer out of winter.
Thai Dei sighed. He was pleased. The hill held no attraction for him.
My world had changed. Just the slightest. I could still see the penstroke of polished darkness meandering down what once had been a road. Dirt and fallen stone concealed most of it but adequate evidence remained if one but had the eye.
I felt I was a different man after having crossed that line.
“You all right?” Rudy asked. “You look strange.”
“It’s strange over there. The same but different.”
“Huh?”
“I can’t explain. That’s the way it feels. You’ll understand once you go up there.”
Bucket joined us, wrapping rope into a coil. “You all right? You look like you saw a ghost.”
“It’s just weird over there.”
“Weird? How? You didn’t do anything that strange. Except kind of forget yourself. And your sidekick didn’t do that. He just stood there and shivered.”
“That’s part of it. It feels cold. Only not physically cold. More like the cold Blade would claim you’ll find in a priest’s heart.”
I must have looked puzzled. Bucket said, “You’re telling me you had to be there to understand.”
I told Thai Dei, “The man acts as dumb as a stump but he’ll fool you sometimes. You got it exactly, Bucket. Get some fresh dust up here. And make sure those ropes are all taut and the shadowtraps are all set. I want a full complement of—”
“Calm down,” Rudy told me. “You set it all up before. Remember?” Soldiers were at work making sure of our protection already. My fuss was a waste of worry.
“Tell you straight up, that was scary. It’s gonna take me a while to wind down. You got a messenger ready to go? I’ll jot a report for the Old Man.
Then I’m going to crawl into my bunker and get intimately acquainted with my last jug of One-Eye’s medicine.” I had one jug of the little wizard’s most potent distillate squirreled away for use in a medical emergency.
This seemed like an emergency to me.
97
One-Eye’s elixir did not kill the fear, it only pushed it away briefly.
The fear was amazing. It was not the sort that paralyzes, nor was it strong enough to impair my thinking, but it was there all the time, unfocused, not growing numb the way an ongoing battlefield fear will eventually if nobody pops up to wale away at you with a piece of nicked-up iron. I did not like it. It abraded my temper.
I glared at Sleepy. “You ever going to be good for anything but turning food into shit?”
Sleepy just sat there in the gathering darkness, on what used to be Mother Gota’s pallet, staring into infinity. Not only was he not coming back from whatever fairy kingdom had captured his mind, he could hardly move anymore. He did very little of anything. When he did it seemed to hurt him a great deal. If he kept on without exercising he was going to have to hope one of his Company brothers liked him enough to carry him.
I liked him better than anybody but Bucket, but I did not like him that much. See you when we get back, little guy.
We are not a march-or-die outfit. Not quite. We try to take care of our own. But there is an underlying assumption that our own will try to manage for themselves first. There are plenty of precedents for ending the misery of a brother who becomes too great a burden or risk to the rest of the Company.
Sleepy did not respond. He never did. I rolled onto my pallet. I tried not to think about having to go up the mountain again tomorrow. The heebie-jeebies got worse if I did.
* * *
I felt Soulcatcher somewhere nearby. The darkness was total, though. I could not find her. Maybe it was my good fortune that she was not interested in finding me. Though she did not seem interested in anything at the moment.