“Yes,” Lance said.
Ellen made one of those dramatic faces she often did for the camera. “The last time I had you boys here, you were the adopted sons of King Arthur, and now you’re, well, what should I call you, boyfriends?”
The boys exchanged a look and Lance deferred to Ricky. “We like to say we’re two parts of the same boy.”
The audience went wild, clapping and cheering, and Ellen grinned. “I like that. It’s poetic. But tell me, does it feel strange to go from brothers to two parts of the same boy?”
Lance smiled shyly. “To quote myself, Ellen, damn straight.”
That got another big laugh from the crowd, and from Ellen.
“It’s awkward,” he went on gingerly. “Probably more for the rest of the family and the other knights. Though we found out later, it looks like they all kinda knew we were in love before we did.” He blew out that nervous breathy laugh. “I mean, we are one spirit in two boys, but, yeah, it does take some getting used to.”
Ellen accepted that answer. “So, would you now call yourselves gay?”
Lance pulled a face. “Me? Hell, no. Am I happy all the time, Ricky?”
Ricky shook his head. “Emo as hell, Ellen, this one.”
Lance reached over and shoved the other boy. “Am not. I’m just a little moody, I guess.”
Ricky grinned at Ellen and winked. “Emo. Trust me.”
She laughed.
“What this fool is trying to say, Ellen, is I’m not happy all the time so I can’t be gay. You happy all the time, Ricky?”
“With your emo-ass around, hell no!”
That drew another laugh from the crowd and another shove from Lance. Both boys wished they could see the face of Ellen’s assistant each time they cussed.
Ellen gazed at them with a smile, obviously wondering what they were up to. “After that kiss, though, you don’t call yourselves straight, do you?”
Lance instantly rose to his feet and assumed a rigid posture. “Am I straight, Ricky?”
Ricky smirked up at him. “Look straight to me, fool.”
Lance slapped his arm. “No, fool, stand up and check my posture.”
With a heavy sigh, Ricky stood and rolled his eyes. They’d rehearsed this part well.
Lance eyed him. “Okay, do I look crooked or deformed?”
Ricky ran his hand up Lance’s rigid back. “Nope, straight as an arrow.”
Lance relaxed. “Now you, fool. Stand straight.”
As rehearsed, Ricky stood at military attention, his posture perfect. “Am I straight, fool?”
Lance grinned. “Damn straight.”
Ricky cracked up and the audience hooted with laughter and applause.
The boys resumed their seats. Before Ellen could say anything, Lance said, “Have I always been straight with you, Ellen? Told you the truth?”
Ellen pulled a confused face. “As far as I know.”
“Thank you,” Lance said with dramatic relief. “On the streets growing up we had an expression, pura paja, which means pure BS. On the streets that’s pretty much all you get. But since I been with my dad, I try to be straight with everyone, and so does Ricky. I mean, I’m not perfect–you saw that this year–but most ’a the time I’m straight with people. So to answer your earlier question, yes, we’re both straight.”
Now Ellen grinned even as the audience laughed and clapped some more. “I get it, Lance. You boys are playing with words.”
“No, Ellen,” Ricky said this time. “The country is playing with words. Our mom is an English teacher and she taught us the power of words.”
Lance sighed. “I know the word ‘gay’ is the accepted term these days, but we don’t want that label. And we aren’t crooked or deformed, and we tell the truth, so it’s an insult to say we’re not straight.”
“And what about ‘queer’?” Ricky interrupted before Ellen could speak. “We got invited to something at the state capital next spring called ‘Queer Youth Awareness Day’. Can you believe that? Politicians and grown-ups calling us queer? I admit, we’re both kind ’a weird in our own way, but isn’t everyone? I don’t wanna be called something insulting like ‘queer’. Do you?”
Then Lance leaned in just as Ellen was about to open her mouth. “And what about ‘tolerate’? Don’t you just love that word, Ellen? Don’t know about you, but I tolerate things that are annoying if I have to, but I don’t want people tolerating me. I’m just like everyone else.”
“And then there’s ‘acceptance’, “ Ricky said, jumping right in the second Lance finished. “Why should somebody ‘accept’ me? Aren’t I a real person just like they are? Isn’t that putting me down by saying, oh, all right, I’ll accept your ass? Hell, no!”
Ellen finally held up a hand and the boys fell breathlessly silent as the crowd went wild. She grinned broadly and turned to the excited crowd. “Now you know why these two are taking over the country.”
The audience laughed and clapped some more, a few whistling enthusiastically.
“We’ll be right back after these words from our sponsors,” Ellen concluded, and clapped along with the audience.
When the camera lights went out, signaling a break in the filming, Ellen just stared at the boys and shook her head. “You guys are good, and I like your approach.” She grinned and the boys high-fived each other.
There were a few calls from the audience for autographs and one boy called out, “Kiss each other, you guys!” The boys reddened simultaneously, causing Ellen to smile. She let them know she wanted to continue this discussion of words and labels when they resumed, and then she’d open up the floor to questions from the audience. They agreed, and the three chatted amiably while Ellen occasionally mugged for the studio audience.
When the producer’s voice came over a loudspeaker saying “Five seconds to air,” the boys settled back into their comfy seats as Ellen turned to look right into the camera.
“And we’re back live with Sir Lance and Sir Ricky,” Ellen began, tossing a smirk in the direction of the boys, “who were just giving us an English language lesson.”
The audience laughed and clapped.
Ellen grinned and turned to the boys. “Okay, you made your point about those words, and now that you put it that way, they probably are inappropriate for any of us to use.”
More applause and whistles.
“So tell me, then,” Ellen went on, “would you call yourselves ‘homosexual’?”
Lance and Ricky exchanged a look, and Ricky gestured for Lance to field that one. “Well, let’s see, that means ‘likes the same sex’. Yes, I do like other boys, most of ’em, anyway, unless they’re jerkwads. But I also like lots of girls, Ellen, like you and Reyna, so I guess I’m heterosexual, too, right?”
Ellen shook her head in amazement. “You two are something else. What are you trying to say here?”
“That these are all labels, Ellen,” Lance went on soberly now, all trace of banter gone from his voice, “and labels only do one thing–separate us out from each other.”
“Our mom told us,” Ricky said, picking up the thread, “that when she was teaching in the public schools, every year she had to list how many black kids, how many brown, how many white, how many everything and turn that information over to the government. What difference does it make what color we are? Are they gonna start counting how many boys fall in love with other boys next?”
Ellen looked mystified. “I didn’t know that was done in schools.”
“Well, it is,” Lance went on almost breathlessly. “And all it does is put us kids into those little ice cube trays people keep in their freezers. Separates us instead of bringing us together. We’re all individuals, but we’re all more alike than we are different. I first learned that from skating, and then big time in the Round Table.” He finally stopped, running out of breath. Ricky grinned and shoved him playfully.
“Everybody wants to call us Latino, too,” Ricky added, “but we’re American, same as you. We were born
here. What does the rest matter?”
Ellen threw up her hands. “Well, you’ve got me. If you don’t want to be called Latino or gay or homosexual, what do you want to be called?”
Lance looked her right in the eye. “Human.”
Ellen’s face fell in shock and the audience let loose with a thunderous roar of approval. Ellen grinned broadly.
“Human, it is,” she said with a wink and turned to the audience. “How many of you out there would prefer to be called ‘human’ over the other labels people have for you?”
The “Yes!” from the crowd was deafening.
Ellen turned back to the boys. “Now I know why you have an anti-labeling amendment in your bill of rights.”
That drew more laughs and a chuckle from the boys.
“I understand,” Ellen went on, “that you’ve gotten lots of offers from magazines for interviews and from various gay activist groups wanting you to support their causes. Is that right?”
Lance nodded. “Tons.”
“Are you planning to get involved in any of them?”
The boys didn’t even glance at one another before both said simultaneously, “Hell, no!”
Ellen appeared visibly taken aback by their response and mugged again for the camera, a look that said, ‘uh oh, I just opened a can of worms, didn’t I?’
“Why not?”
Lance glanced at Ricky and Ricky frowned. “Hey, it’s your turn, fool. I been doing all the talking.”
“Okay, fool,” Ricky replied, generating another laugh from the audience. “We’re not gonna be anybody’s poster boys, Ellen, for gay marriage or Queer Nation or GLA––what is that, fool?”
Lance tossed off a slight smirk. “GLAAD, fool.”
“Yeah, that one, either,” Ricky went on. “Those are probably all good groups, but see, our goal is to help every kid in this country, just like our campaign here in Cali. We represent kids all over America, and we’re not gonna let anybody with group-think exploit us to make money or push their agenda, even if that agenda is good. We’re not, period.”
“Well said, fool,” Lance said with a shove.
Ricky shoved him right back.
“I’ve heard that this show,” Ellen went on, playing to the crowd, “is the only place you plan to discuss your relationship. Is that right?”
The audience cheered again.
When they quieted, Lance said, “Yeah, Ellen, cuz we think yer cool.” That got another rousing response from the crowd. “See, these magazines that wanna interview us, they wanna make us poster boys too. They wanna put us in that ice cube tray that’s labeled ‘gay’ and leave us there. And worse, they wanna us posing together with no shirts on.”
Ellen raised her eyebrows seductively. “I bet a lot of these kids today would like to see that, wouldn’t you?”
The crowd whooped and hollered and cheered.
Lance felt his face grow hot.
When the audience settled back down, he eyed Ellen reproachfully. “You’re doing the same thing, Ellen, joking about turning underage boys into sex objects for disgusting adults to drool over and stuff. It’s nasty. People call us nasty or sick cuz we’re two boys in love, but those adults, male or female, who wanna have sex with boys our age or get turned on by boys our age, they’re the sick ones. Ricky and me’ve had way too much experience with perverts like that!”
Ricky could tell Lance wasn’t acting this time, that he was upset over Ellen’s joke, and placed a calming hand on the other boy’s arm. Lance flicked his gaze over and locked eyes with him. Ricky gave him the ‘look,’ and Lance calmed down.
Slightly taken aback by the response, Ellen took that moment to announce another commercial break and when the cameras shut off she turned apologetically to Lance. “I’m sorry, Lance, I didn’t mean anything. It was just a stupid joke.”
Lance’s thumping heart began slowing. “I know. But selling kids as sex objects to grown-ups isn’t a joke, Ellen.”
“You’re right. I apologize.”
She spent the rest of the commercial break prepping the audience to ask questions of the boys, admonishing them to keep the questions clean and not too personal.
Within a few minutes, the producer signalled the resumption of the show and Ellen looked directly into the camera. “Before we open up the floor to questions from our studio audience, I wish to apologize publicly to Lance and Ricky for my previous joke. They are right – any media outlet that markets minors as sex objects to adults is deplorable and adults who lust after minors need serious help. These boys have had more than their fair share of traumatic experiences in that area, as most of you no doubt know. So please accept my apology.”
The boys nodded and the audience clapped loudly.
Ellen turned to the boys. “You guys ready to take on our teen audience?”
Lance grinned. “Bring it on.”
Ellen laughed. “Anybody with a question for our guests?”
Every hand flew into the air as the kids waved them frantically. Ellen pointed to a boy near the front. The excited teen, with pink hair and several facial piercings, almost squealed with delight. “Are you guys, you know, having sex yet?”
Ricky’s face collapsed into shock, and Lance’s mouth fell open.
“Oh, God, no,” Lance exclaimed, even as Ellen held up a hand.
“Just a minute, Lance,” and she turned to the pink-haired boy. “I told you no personal questions like that. It’s none of your business.”
Lance put a hand on her arm, surprising her and causing her to look over at him. “It’s okay, Ellen, I’ll answer him.”
He turned momentarily to Ricky, who gave him that look again. Suffused with warmth and calm, Lance turned to eye the obviously excited boy.
“How old are you?”
The boy stood tall. “Fifteen.”
Lance looked soberly at him. “Are you a grown-up yet?”
The boy tried to stand even taller. “Almost.”
“‘Almost’ doesn’t cut it,” Lance said with authority. “We just spent a year here in Cali getting childhood back for kids like us, for everyone under eighteen, and you wanna go pretend you’re grown up and have sex? What other adult stuff are you ready for? Paying bills and working full time and raising a family? You know something, childhood is the shortest part of our lives and it’s over real quick. Ricky and me barely got two years left. We wanna stay kids till we hafta be adults. Does that answer your question?”
The boy looked puzzled. “No. I mean, if you’re in love you’re supposed to have sex, right?”
Lance sighed, exchanging a quick glance with Ricky. “Ricky and me are in love. For now and always. And we have our whole lives to explore sex. For now, we’re just loving being in love. That’s what you should explore too. I know kids our age all wanna jump right into sex, but what good is that without love? I’ve had plenty of sex without love. Ricky too. And it sucks, let me tell you. Do yourself a favor, kid, find somebody who loves you that you can love back. Learn love first, and save the sex for later.”
Now Ricky leaned forward. “Do you wanna know what’s the sexiest thing this fool does for me?”
The pink-haired boy nodded expectantly.
Ricky held out his hand to Lance. Smiling lovingly, Lance took it, intertwining their fingers and just holding on.
“This,” Ricky finished, almost breathless with excitement. “I could hold this boy’s hand all day, every day. His hand fits perfectly in mine. Try it with someone you love, and maybe you’ll understand just how amazing that can be.”
The audience roared its approval, and Lance and Ricky smiled at one another. They released each other’s hand to await the next question.
More kids waved their hands frantically and Ellen pointed to a girl with short hair wearing overalls and a t-shirt that said, “Being Gay isn’t a choice, but being a bigot is.”
“Is one of you more feminine than the other?” the girl asked, her voice strong and deep.
Lance and Ri
cky exchanged a ‘wtf’ look and Ricky indicated that Lance could take this one.
Looking at the girl and feeling the beginnings of anger, Lance fought for control and gave her a steady gaze. “What is it with people wanting one or both of us to be feminine?” he began. “We been seeing that on the Internet too. Both of us are boys, okay? We may have long hair, but there’s nothing female about either one of us. Back in the day growing up I’d punch out anybody who called me a girl. And I can still kick anybody’s ass who says it now. So can Ricky. But that’s not what a real man does. We learned that from our Dad. A real man stands up for what’s right, not what’s easy. He has honor and integrity. That’s the kind of man I wanna be.”
“Me too,” Ricky echoed with passion.
Lance looked out at the expectant teens. “If it makes any of you out there feel better about yourselves to pretend one of us is feminine, go for it. We know who we are. We don’t call each other baby or honey or girly stuff like that. I call him fool and dumbass cuz that’s who he is.”
The audience laughed.
“And I call him fool and dumber-ass, cuz that’s who he is,” Ricky added with a grin.
He and Lance did the fist bump while Ellen and the audience laughed again. “So to answer your question,” Lance concluded, “Ricky and me are pure boy all the way.”
The girl smiled at that and sat down while the other teens, especially the boys, whooped and cheered.
Ellen signalled to another girl, holding hands with the girl next to her. She leapt to her feet excitedly, yanking her apparent girlfriend up with her.
“I can’t believe I’m getting to talk to you guys,” she gushed, causing the boys to redden again with embarrassment. “Oh, God, this is so exciting,” the girl went on, fanning her face frantically with her hand like she might faint if she didn’t.
Ellen and the boys laughed.
“Okay,” the girl went on, “what’s your opinion on same sex couples having children?”
Lance and Ricky were momentarily taken aback by the question. They’d discussed this issue prior to the show, but only because they thought Ellen might ask it, not one of the kids. As previously agreed, Lance leaned forward to answer.
And The Children Shall Lead Page 8