Her dark gaze held his. “I know.”
He said, “It was so—futuristic. I had this feeling that Big Brother was watching on spy cameras.”
She nodded, gave him another slightly sad smile.
“Oh, God, Briana,” he said with a catch in his voice. He kissed her, long and searchingly, and she kissed him back. It was as if words were too weak to say what they felt. Their feelings could only be conveyed by touch.
Gently, she broke away. She said, “What can I tell you? I love you for having done this.”
“I love you, too,” he said. “Come here. Just let me hold you.”
He put his arm around her, and she collapsed against his shoulder, putting her hand on his chest.
“I feel like we’re doing this backward,” he said against her hair. “First I get you pregnant. Now I get to touch you.”
“Maybe you got me pregnant,” she murmured. “We don’t know.”
He touched her cheek, which was cool and smooth. “I would pay any price right now to know if there are three of us in this car.”
“So would I.” She rubbed her forehead affectionately against his shoulder.
He stroked her silky hair. “Lord. The things that went through my head in there.”
“Me, too,” she said. “I felt like Dorothy stepping into Oz. We are definitely not in ordinary reality here.”
He rested his cheek against the top of her head. “I’d look at the doctor, fiddling around under that damn sheet, and I’d think smart-ass things, like that catheter’s doing the job I ought to be doing, and then—”
“And then?” Her hand slipped inside his open parka, toyed with his shirt button.
“And then I’d think—I’m watching a miracle here.”
She nodded. “Me, too. One second I’d feel like a lab experiment. The next I’d feel this incredible sense of wonder. Then I’d feel naked and helpless. And then a surge of—of something like joy. It kept changing. Like a kaleidoscope.”
“It’s hard to think that people do this every day,” he mused. “I feel like we’re the first.”
“I know.”
“In our lifetime, the impossible has become possible. Ten years ago, this couldn’t have been done.” A dark thought crossed his mind. And a child like Nealie would be doomed.
Meditatively she said, “And ten years from now, they may have a different way to help people like us. So innocent children won’t suffer.”
They were silent for a moment. He felt as close to her as if they had just made love again. In a way, he supposed they had.
He said, “Now we have to go back and pretend nothing’s happened.”
“That will be fun,” she said wryly.
They fell silent again. At last he said, “Briana, if you’re pregnant—what are you going to tell your father? And when?”
She drew back, her eyes holding his. “What I want to tell him is that we got married again. Because I will marry you—if you still want me.”
He was stunned. He put his hands on her upper arms, gripping tightly. He said, “I’ve never wanted you more. Briana, are you sure?”
“Yes,” she said. “I knew it when I was resting in that room, just holding your hand. It’s the right thing to do. If I’m not pregnant this time, we’ll keep trying until I am. But we’ll be a family.”
“What about my job?” he asked. “You hate what I do.”
“I’ve got to learn to cope with it,” she said. “I’m older now, and I try with all my might. Do you think you could deal with my family?”
“I’ll learn, too,” he said. “Whatever it takes, I’ll do.”
“But,” she said, “I’d still like to keep it secret a while. I’m going to have to break this slowly to Poppa. He’s not completely well yet.”
“I might have to go soon,” he said. “They might call any day now.”
He saw the glitter of her tears.
She said, “You may not be here when they test to see if I’m pregnant.”
“Briana,” he said, “in my heart I’m always here with you. I always have been. I always will be.”
THE NEXT DAY, Leo was in the greenhouse, helping Briana repot. Inga had convinced him that a little activity each day would be good for his heart. As soon as Inga cleaned up the luncheon dishes, she would join them. She said she had always wanted to learn to work with plants.
Leo had not done such work since his first heart attack long ago, when Briana was pregnant with Nealie. He realized how he’d missed it. He liked the feel of the damp soil, the complicated scents and heavy warmth of the greenhouse.
It made him feel almost young again and in charge. He had lost four pounds under Inga’s care and was eating better than he had in years. His house was becoming orderly and cheerful.
But his children worried him. Larry was still sick. Glenda said he laid about all day crabbing that the boys didn’t behave.
And Leo was fearful about Josh and Briana. Why had Briana stayed home night before last? Josh hadn’t left until long past midnight. Leo knew because he couldn’t sleep and kept rising to see if Josh’s car was gone. It was unsettling. At first Leo was too upset to mention it to Briana. She’d been acting so strange lately.
He decided it was time to speak his mind. “Something’s going on,” he said. “That man stayed until all hours the other night. And the two of you have been making eyes at each other since you went to St. Louis.”
Briana gave him a calm look. “Poppa,” she said, “I love you. I don’t want to upset you. But yes. We still care for each other.”
“C-care for him?” Leo sputtered. “I think you would have learned your lesson the first time!”
She said, “We’re older now. When we got married, it was too headlong, too fast. But I still love him, Poppa. So the best thing you could do is accept it—and him.”
Leo’s hand was black with dirt, but he clasped it to his chest. “I’m an old man who’s recuperating, and you spring this on me?”
“You knew it was happening,” she said with the same repose. “You just said so.”
“I hoped I was wrong,” Leo retorted. He took his hand away from his chest. He’d left a black print on his apron front, and his fingers trembled. His heartbeat was fast, but it was steady and strong.
Nevertheless, he decided to let her know how disturbing he found her words. “I think I need a nitroglycerin tablet,” he said.
“Do you want help?” she asked.
“No,” he snapped, going to the sink. “You’re right—I saw this coming. My sincere hope is that it blows over.” He washed his hands, then fumbled for the vial of pills in his shirt pocket.
“Poppa,” she said, “I know you don’t like the idea. But please remember—he’s Nealie’s father.”
“And I’m yours,” Leo retorted.
“Yes. And I adore you. Just as Nealie adores Josh. But I have the right to live my own life.”
Leo opened his medicine vial and popped a pill under his tongue. “Hmph,” he said. But he took the cup of water Briana offered.
“I don’t choose to discuss this anymore,” he said loftily. “I’m supposed to avoid stress. Talk about something else. I’m going to repot the rest of those yellow brandywines. I forgot how soothing it is to repot.”
He moved to the worktable. “Tomatoes are so much more comforting than children. They never talk back. They never defy you. They don’t run around with some other tomato that’s no good for them.”
Briana said nothing. She gave him her dratted Mona Lisa smile.
The door opened, and Inga breezed in, her cheeks red with cold. “Hello,” she chirped, as she hung up her coat. “My, don’t you two look busy? I would have been here sooner, but I stopped at Larry’s to see if he and Glenda needed anything.”
Briana said, “How are they?”
Inga took one of the work aprons from a peg and put it on. “Larry’s better, but the boys were making him cross as a bear with a sore head.”
“They’
d make anybody cross as a bear,” grumbled Leo, but he was glad when Inga came to his side. She exuded competence, as usual, and he found comfort in her presence.
Inga said, “Poor Glenda was near tears, and she said she just didn’t know what to do anymore. I said to her, Glenda, your boys are just normal boys. But children always test limits, so those limits must be firmly set.”
Inga watched Leo repot for a moment, then said, “I think I see how you do it. I read about it this morning in that book you left out for me. You picked a very good one. The directions were so clear.”
Leo tried to keep a smile of pride from his lips, for Briana had put him in a bad mood. How pleasant that at least Inga, a woman of uncommon intelligence, maturity and perception, appreciated him.
Inga took a scoop of soil and put it in a container, patting it around the bottom and side. She’s got a good touch, Leo thought approvingly.
“So anyway,” Inga went on, reaching for a young plant, “Glenda said that she thought Larry wasn’t consistent when he disciplined the children, but he blames her because they don’t behave. She said she was ready to go to a counselor, but he refused. He thought it wasn’t manly.”
Leo snorted. “That’s because it’s not manly. Sitting around telling some headshrinker your feelings. Phooey.”
“Oh, Leo,” Inga said, “that’s not the way it works. There’s no stigma to getting expert help when it’s needed. The world is so much more complicated than when we were young.”
“You can say that again,” Leo said with feeling.
“My goodness,” Inga said, “Larry and Glenda married so young. Three children, now a fourth on the way. They both work hard—it’s no wonder they feel the stress.”
“I certainly understand stress,” Leo said gloomily. He shot Briana an accusing look, but she only gave him another of those cryptic smiles.
“You certainly can, poor man,” Inga said. “At any rate, I told Glenda I’d talk to Larry. She said she’d be happy if I did. Would you mind?”
“I don’t know about this counselor business,” Leo muttered.
“Oh, Leo,” Inga said, eyes widening, “it’s the enlightened thing to do these days. Even I’ve done it.”
“You?” he said in disbelief.
“I’m not ashamed. When my husband died, I was grieving so hard, I knew I needed someone to help me through that terrible time. I mean, my whole life had been taking care of that man. Counseling was a godsend.”
“Hmm,” mused Leo. If someone as sensible as Inga would use counseling, it must have some merit.
“Excuse me,” Briana said, glancing at her watch. “I’ve got to clean up and go pick up Nealie at school.”
As soon as she was gone, Leo said to Inga, “I was right. She and Josh are warming up to each other again. She admitted it.”
A strange expression crossed Inga’s face. “Yes. I suppose it’s been—inevitable. We just didn’t want to see it.”
“Well?” Leo demanded. “What do we do?”
Inga had been oddly quiet on the subject of Briana for the last day or so. She surprised him by saying, “We shouldn’t do anything. It was probably wrong to interfere. It was certainly wrong for me to interfere. Josh is the father of your grandchild. To shut him out, to work against him—it can only make for bad relations between you.”
“There’ve always been rotten relations between us,” Leo countered. “I’ve tried to keep them apart, but he foils me. Lately he’s been hovering over her like a vulture. At least he’s gone today.”
Inga looked thoughtful. “Yes. I saw him leave right before lunch. Where’d he go?”
“I don’t know. I wish it was Timbuktu.”
But Josh was not in Timbuktu. He was at the courthouse of the bustling tourist town of Branson, Missouri, buying a marriage license.
MISSOURI HAD a three-day waiting period for marriages. Exactly three days later, Josh and Briana married for the second time. They took the license to the nearest city of any size near Illyria, Springfield.
They were married in the chambers of an elderly judge named Arthur O. Stanhope. His secretary and the court reporter were the witnesses.
Briana’s knees shook throughout the ceremony, and Josh held her hand tightly. At last Arthur O. Stanhope said, “I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”
Josh said, “Come here, bride.” He bent and kissed her so long and so yearningly that the secretary giggled.
Briana felt joyous, but it was a different sort than the first time she had married him. This wasn’t the swooping giddiness of a young woman eloping with a man who had bewitched her at first sight. This joy seemed stronger and deeper.
There were other differences. The first time they’d wed, she had been fearless. Now she was full of anxieties, about Nealie, about whether she was pregnant, about Josh going away again.
He kept hold of her hand as they left the courthouse. In her other hand she clasped a small bouquet of crocuses and hyacinths he had bought her at the florist’s. It was the only weddinglike thing they had done—except for the wedding itself.
They had not dressed formally. They had wanted to awaken no suspicion when they left. Briana wore a dark blue jumper and a white turtleneck. Josh had on cargo pants and his Scandinavian sweater. They had not exchanged rings. They would wait.
But if the act had not been festive, the day itself was, sunny and balmy, with the sky a deep and perfect blue. There was an exciting tingle in the air that whispered that winter was old and dying, that spring was pushing to be born.
They took a walk in a small city park that, in spite of the weather, was almost deserted. Most adults were still at work, the children in school.
The snow was melting rapidly, and Briana could see patches of grass showing the first hints of green, and there were buds on the forsythia bushes. A pair of cardinals flew across their path, a darting, zigzag flight so spirited Briana wondered if they were practicing mating.
Josh gazed after them, then looked at her, one corner of his mouth quirked in an ironic smile. “This is pretty strange, you know. I’ve just turned the former Mrs. Morris into the present and future Mrs. Morris. I hope Mrs. Morris has no regrets.”
They stopped by a pond that was still frozen. Mirrorlike pools of water had formed on its surface, blazing in the sunlight.
She reached up and adjusted his shirt collar, which peeked above his sweater. “I have one regret, Mr. Morris.”
He toyed with a lock of her hair. “What’s that?”
She smiled sadly. “There won’t be a wedding night.”
His smile turned into an expression of stoic resignation. “I wonder if you can possibly regret it as much as I do. This is killing me, Briana.”
“I know,” she said. “Me, too.”
After the implantation of the embryo, they had been told to abstain from sex for two to three weeks. The contractions of orgasm might interfere with the delicate placement of the fertilized egg.
He took her face between his hands and tilted it toward his. “This is going to have to do for now.”
Her lips parted beneath his, and their tongues played a complex and intimate game that made her want to sink against him and slide her hands underneath his sweater, feel the warm, hard flesh of him.
“I wish you didn’t have on that damn coat,” he murmured against her mouth. “I wish you didn’t have on anything at all. Or me, either.”
“This is a municipal park,” she said. “We’d be arrested.”
“If I’m called away before we can have sex again, when I come back, I’m going to lock the door and ravish you repeatedly.”
She shook her head. “I don’t think that would be good for Junior, either. You can only ravish me once or twice at a time.”
“Damn!” he said, clenching his hand into a fist like a foiled melodrama villain. “Another fantasy shot to hell.”
She put her fingertip on his lips. “Watch your language. There may be a child present.”
> His face went serious. He took her hand and held it to his chest. “I’ve asked you this four hundred times in the last four days. Do you feel pregnant?”
“I can’t say.” She could feel his heart beating beneath her fingertips. “The doctors have me on another hormone now, so if I have any sort of twinge, I don’t know if it’s a good sign, a bad one or just a side effect.”
“Poor woman,” he said, looping his arms around her shoulders. “You’re as full of drugs as a pharmacy.”
She laid her head against his shoulder and looked at the dazzling surface of the icy pond. “Not even an ordinary pharmacy. A very jumpy, emotional pharmacy. I’m sorry my feelings have been so—turbulent.”
He moved behind her, wound his arms around her so his hands rested on her flat belly. In her ear, he said, “You’ve been a rock. Most courageous girl in the world.”
She leaned against him, her hands atop his. She wondered if their unborn child rested beneath their joined touch. “I’ve had my ups and downs. And they’ve been doozies.”
He drew her closer. “Just so you don’t feel that today is one of the downs. I hope you’ll never regret this, Briana. I love you.”
“I love you, too.” But even as she said it she felt a wave of fear wash over her. She feared for the embryo within her. As always, she feared for Nealie. And she dreaded the call that would take Josh away from them again.
She sighed and closed her eyes against the glare of sunlight on the lake. As if he sensed her thoughts, Josh kissed first her ear, then the spot behind it. “This time I want to stay married to you forever. I know I’ll be gone a lot, but I’ll be as good a husband as I can. And as good a father to Nealie and the baby.”
She turned her face to him, looked at him earnestly. “I wish you didn’t have to leave again.”
“So do I, babe.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “But it won’t be for long. And after this one, I’ll try to schedule my assignments so we have as much time together as possible. I promise.”
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