by Nikki Chase
He’s still restless, but he’s no longer running around or barking. He just stares at me like he expects me to do something .
Does he expect me to find Emma and drag her back home or something? She’s a grown-up; she can go wherever she wants to .
“I can’t leash her or put her in a cage like I can do to you, boy .”
I mean, it sounds super kinky and some people may be into that, but I don’t think Emma would be happy if I just suddenly did that to her without prior discussion .
“Look, it’s just the two of us, so let’s just chill and take a nap together, okay ?”
I stretch out on the couch, which is just long enough to support most of my body. My feet dangle off the edge, but it’s okay .
Rocky sits up beside me, his muscles tense. He’s staring at me like he’s judging me for letting Emma leave the house .
“Okay, okay. I’ll call her .”
I pull out my phone from my jeans pocket and find her number, then press the Call button. While listening to the dial tone, my heart starts to race .
Rocky doesn’t usually get this anxious. Could there really be something going on here ?
“Hi, this is Emma,” I hear a familiar voice at the other end of the phone line and let out a sigh of relief. But before I can open my mouth to reply, she says again, “I can’t take your call right now. Leave a message after the beep and I’ll call you right back .”
Damn it .
“Hi, Emma. This is Hudson. I found your note and, uh, Rocky’s super worried about you, so call me back as soon as you can, okay? I miss you already, beautiful .”
When I hang up, Rocky stares at me like he’s judging me, as if he’s asking me why she’s not back here yet .
“It’s the twenty-first century, boy. Women are free to go anywhere they like. She’ll be back tomorrow, okay ?”
I put my hand on Rocky’s head and rub his soft fur. At least he’s not barking and yowling anymore. Slowly, I let my eyes close and drift off to sleep .
Ian
I pace around the living room with Emma’s note in my hand. It’s crumpled now, the creases deepening and threatening to tear .
Where is she ?
I glance at my watch yet again. It’s two in the afternoon now .
I woke up early in the morning and took care of today’s orders. Normally, this is the time of day when I go back home to take a nap .
But, when I went out on my bike this morning, I was expecting to come home to Emma’s smiling face, welcoming me home. I was even hoping I could get her to join me in bed before I fall asleep .
Yet, there’s still no sign of her. I’ve already asked my brothers and they haven’t received a phone call or even a text message from her .
Where could she be ?
My brothers are worried, too, but they’re still busy working right now, so I’m the only one freaking out right now .
Technically, she’s not late. The note only says she’s coming back today, but it doesn’t say what time .
I assumed she’d be home in the morning because she seems to take her work seriously. It’s possible the bus is late or something’s come up to delay her. But in either one of those scenarios, she would’ve at least made a phone call, right ?
Calm down, man , I tell myself. It’s still Monday. She could still come home today .
I check my phone again, for the forty-seventh time today .
Still no phone call or message from Emma .
Should I call her again ?
I must’ve called her at least nine times since yesterday, and I’m sure my brothers must’ve done the same, too .
If she’s not responding, perhaps she doesn’t want to hear from us. Could it be that all the stuff we did in the bedroom, the way we shared her . . . Could it be that all those things freaked her out ?
Maybe, now that she’s gotten some space away from us, she realizes how crazy things have been .
Fuck. I can’t take this anymore. I have to find out what’s going on .
As I grab my keys, I wonder if she’s already on her way here with her phone out of battery or out of range. What if she gets home while I’m out there, looking for her ?
I walk down the hallway and open the door to our home office .
“Emma?” Sandy asks as soon as he hears the click of the door. He swivels on his chair faster than one of the wooden dreidels Hudson made for Hanukkah. When his eyes focus on me, his face falls. “Oh. It’s you .”
I understand how he feels so I won’t take it personally .
“Yeah. It’s me. Why? Has she called or texted you yet?” I figure if Emma’s going to reach out to someone, it would probably be Sandy because he’s the one who’s always home and awake at this time of day .
“No.” Sandy sighs .
“That’s it. I’m going .”
“Where?” he asks, frowning .
“To find Emma .”
“Do you know where she is ?”
“She’s probably at her mom’s . . . right?” I ask, suddenly unsure this half-cooked plan is going to accomplish anything. If anyone has any idea how to find Emma, Sandy’s probably the guy .
“Yeah.”
“Okay. I’ll go to her mom’s place, then .”
“She could also be at her friend’s apartment. You know, the place where she stayed her first few days in the city,” Sandy adds, right before I shut the door .
“Good idea,” I say as I swing the door open again. “I’ll check there first .”
“Great. I’d join you, but someone has to be here to hold down the fort. There’s so much traffic on our website it might crash if I don’t — ”
“You lost me at ‘traffic,’” I say, cutting him off before he spouts off more things I don’t understand or care about. “I’m leaving now. Let me know right away if she comes home, okay ?”
“Sure thing,” Sandy says .
I close the door and walk outside, my heart pounding .
If Emma’s at her friend’s apartment, that means I won’t have to travel too far to find her . . . although that also means she probably has access to a charger and her phone probably has signal. If she’s there, that means it’s likely she’s avoiding us on purpose .
Or, maybe . . . It’s possible she’s just preoccupied with something else to the point where she forgets to check her phone. Girls tend to get carried away when they get together and start chatting, right ?
I guess I’ll find out soon .
* * *
I turn off the engine and get off my bike .
I already checked Emma’s friend’s apartment, but she wasn’t there. Unless Piper was lying to me, Emma’s probably here, at the house her mom shares with her long-term partner .
If I’m told she’s not here, I don’t know what my next step will me .
At the same time, I’m confident I’m about to see her, even though there’s no sign of her at all out here .
If I’d brought Rocky along, he could probably tell me right away if Emma’s here. But then again, I’m not as good as Sandy at knowing what Rocky tries to tell me .
It’s already dark .
I check my phone one last time in case there’s word from Sandy about Emma being home already—and by “home,” I mean in our house in San Francisco instead of here because that girl belongs with us .
My heartbeat speeds up when I see there’s a text from Sandy. I quickly open it, expecting good news. Instead, I see this :
Found her yet ?
Disappointment floods my chest and my face probably falls the same way his did when I popped my head into the office earlier today .
I respond with a negative and put my phone back in the pocket of my leather jacket .
As I pace down the walkway in front of Emma’s mom’s place, I prepare myself to hear Emma tell me she doesn’t want to come home with me, and she doesn’t even want to ever see me or any of my brothers ever again .
I raise a finger to press the doorbell button.
But, before I touch it, I hear voices from inside .
I can’t make out what they’re saying, but these aren’t conversational voices. These voices are angry, aggressive, argumentative .
What’s going on here ?
Could Emma really be in trouble ?
Sandy and Austin have told me what they saw here on their visit, and I’ve seen that Ted guy myself .
Is Emma being held here against her will ?
I change my mind about ringing the doorbell and sneak around the house, carefully peeking inside through the windows while keeping myself hidden .
Every once in a while, I check that the coast is clear. Any neighbor who sees me acting this suspicious is probably going to call the cops, and they’re probably not going to believe me if I tell them why I’m here .
Rockvale is a small town, after all, and cops working in a place like this tend to trust the townsfolk, instead of an outsider like me .
Never mind that I used to live here myself. That was years and years ago, when I was a teenager. Besides, all my credibility will evaporate as soon as they check my history and find my drug-related offenses .
And when they figure out what I do for a living, they’ll probably think I use children’s toys to hide drugs to sell to junkies—or worse, to get kids hooked on drugs .
The urban legend about the drug dealer who gives kids free drugs is ridiculous, by the way, and not just because that sounds like a great way to get caught. Drugs are way too expensive to waste on kids who don’t even know how to use them anyway. When I started using, I needed friends to teach me how to do it .
Finally, when I reach the back of the house, I get a visual .
Warm light fills what looks like the kitchen of the house, through which I can see the dining room .
Ted, the guy I saw at the music festival, is standing with his face red and full of anger. I can’t see Emma, but I can hear her voice, saying something that appears to make Ted grow even more wrathful .
Emma
“C ould you tell me what happened to Mom?” My heartbeat is going fast enough to break speed limits, but I keep my voice as steady as I can .
Getting angry isn’t going to help anyone, least of all Mom. If Ted gets aggressive, it’s not like there’s anything I can do .
As Sandy told me the other day, almost all men are stronger than almost all women. Even top female athletes are physically weaker than mediocre male athletes. He also said something about percentiles but I can’t recall .
The details don’t matter. Not now. All I need to keep in mind is I can’t let this turn physical .
“I have no idea.” Ted shrugs. “She probably fell or something. I don’t know. I was at work .”
I resist the urge to scream .
Ted told me nothing the whole ride back home from the city. Then, he dropped me off at home and disappeared to god knows where. Tonight, just before dinner time, he just waltzed in, expecting to be served .
I still don’t know what happened to Mom .
“Didn’t this happen on the weekend?” I ask .
Mom was fine on Friday when I visited with the Archer brothers. Then, Ted picked me up on Sunday. Which means that whatever happened, happened when Ted wasn’t even supposed to be working .
“Some of us have to do actual work, Emma,” Ted jeers. “I had things to take care of over the weekend .”
“And they were so important you had to leave Mom alone to fend for herself when she was unconscious ?”
“Of course. Why would I have done it otherwise? I had my own considerations,” he says .
I want to answer his question and tell him it’s because he’s a selfish jerk who doesn’t care about anyone else but himself .
I want to tell him I know about his girlfriend he keeps on the side and how I think he probably spent all weekend with her .
I want to remind him I worked with him for two years and I know most people in the industry don’t normally work on weekends, so he was probably lying every time he spent his Saturdays and Sundays outside “to take care of business .”
I also want to ask him why, if he works so much, doesn’t his business make much profit? Maybe he should stop playing at being a boss and accept that he needs to get a job like most people .
But, instead of speaking my mind, I clam up. As usual .
“Okay. I’ll take the soup up into Mom’s room.” I put Mom’s bowl and spoon on a tray .
“What, do you think I deliberately wanted her to suffer?” Ted asks menacingly .
“No, of course not.” I try to stay calm even though my fingers are starting to shake. I let go of the tray and hold my hands behind my back .
“Then, why did you have to ask me why I left her alone? Why were you quiet just now? What were you thinking?” Ted takes a step closer, towering over me .
“Nothing. I was just thinking about how the soup was getting cold .”
“Bullshit,” Ted spits out. “You think I don’t see the way you look at me? You think I can’t see that you blame me for your mom’s fall and all her problems ?”
“I don’t. I really don’t,” I say, trying to placate him .
“Where do you think you’d be without me? You and your mom, both? I’m the one who pays the bills around here. That soup you made, who do you think paid for it ?”
“You did,” I say, biting my tongue before I blurt out that he’d be homeless without Mom because he’s living in the house she inherited from her late parents .
“That’s right,” Ted says smugly .
“Can I take the soup to Mom’s room now?” I ask. If this stupid argument goes on any longer, Mom’s going to starve. And she needs all the nutrition she can get right now so she can heal .
Ted stares at me as he decides whether I’m worthy to receive his permission before he nods. “Go on, then. Cold soup won’t be any good for your mom .”
The nerve on him. How could he even say something like that when he’s the reason why she’s not already eating right now? And let’s be honest, he’s probably also the reason why she wasn’t able to cook herself .
I steady my hands and pick up the tray then leave the dining room without making eye contact with Ted. Still, I can feel his stare all over my body, and it feels gross .
When I enter Mom’s room, she’s already sitting up, leaning on a stack of pillows behind her. As I carefully place the tray on her nightstand, her frail, blue eyes dart anxiously between me and the doorway, as if she’s expecting someone—Ted, obviously—to barge in at any time .
“You must be hungry, Mom.” I close the door and pull up a chair next to her bed .
As the door is shut, Mom appears calmer. “I’m sorry for keeping you here,” she says. “You should be back in the city, working .”
“Don’t worry about it, Mom. You need me more than my bosses do.” I pick up the bowl and pick up some soup with the spoon before I raise it up to her mouth .
“I can feed myself.” Mom laughs weakly .
I smile, then I put the bowl back on the tray and hand it to her .
She scoops up the soup, then she blows on the spoon before she puts it into her mouth. “Are your bosses okay with you missing work ?”
“I . . . Uh, I think it’s going to be fine .”
“Oh, they haven’t told you if they’re okay with it ?”
“Well, when I left the city yesterday, I told them I was going to be back today.” I wave a hand, regretting telling her about this at all. “It’s okay. Don’t worry about it .”
“Oh, honey. I don’t want you to lose your job over this. Have you called them ?”
“I have,” I say, lying .
Truth is, as soon as I got home yesterday, my phone went missing and I haven’t been able to find it. It’s probably somewhere in the house, and I’ll chance upon it any time now. There’s no need to worry Mom over this .
“But they haven’t given you an answer?” Mom asks. She’s persistent .
“I . . . uh,
left them a voice message. It’ll be fine .”
The room is silent, for a few moments, except for the ticking of the clock. Even when she’s ill, Mom eats like a lady—not a slurp is heard .
My heart pounds as I consider the wording of the question I’m about to ask. I take a few deep breaths, then I open my mouth. “Mom, what actually happened? Are you sure you don’t want to see a doctor ?”
“Oh, no. There’s no need. It’s probably my low blood pressure acting up again,” Mom says .
Mom does have a history of low blood pressure, and I guess it’s possible for it to cause fainting. Maybe Ted isn’t the bad guy here . . .?
I’ve been trying to think of a way to check Mom’s body for wounds, in case it was Ted who caused this whole thing. A doctor’s visit would be even better, but Mom’s not cooperating. She never does when it comes to Ted .
Does she really love him that much? Does she love him more than life itself ?
We make small talk about safe subjects like her vegetable garden and her books. We can’t even talk about her friends now that Ted’s stopped allowing her to see them .
When Mom’s done, I take the dirty dishes into the kitchen and load them into the dishwasher, completely aware that Ted’s watching my every move, looking for any excuse to find fault with me .
I turn on the dishwasher then walk toward the bathroom as fast as I can without drawing Ted’s attention .
In the bathroom, I turn on the shower and the tap over the sink .
Then, I kneel in front of the toilet bowl and let myself go. I let out the contents of my guts that I’d been holding in for hours since Ted got home .
That man makes me feel so sick this is the only way I can calm myself down around him. This is the only way I can function when I’m living in this house. I used to do this almost every night .
When I moved in with the Archers—no, as soon as I left the house and moved in with Piper—the heaviness in my gut went away on its own. Gone. As if it was never there .
I’d had it for so long I thought it was just some kind of a stomach condition. Ted never paid me enough money for me to afford a doctor’s visit, so it just never happened .