by Nikki Chase
“Sure, if you need to talk.” I flash him a casual grin in the mirror as I take my time wrapping the cord around the handle of my hair dryer and store it inside the vanity drawer .
“I do,” he says. “I want to talk about what you were doing in the bathroom just now .”
“I told you. I took a shower. You saw how my hair was wet from the shower.” I don’t always put on my face creams. But I find myself pulling out a white jar and opening it on the table. I can’t face Ian—not without distractions .
“Right.” Ian pauses. “What else did you do ?”
I let out a nervous giggle. “Ian, ladies don’t discuss what we do in the bathroom .”
“Sometimes, you have to.” Ian stares at me in the mirror and directly asks, “Were you puking ?”
“I wasn’t feeling very well, but I’m okay now.” I dab on a few small dots of cream on my face .
“The way you say that makes it sound like something that happens regularly .”
“I have a sensitive stomach.” My voice is getting defensive. I try to distract myself by blending the cream with my fingers, but there’s only so much time I can spend on it .
This is not good. I’m cornered, and Ian’s going to figure me out soon—if he hasn’t already .
“Is this something that has been going on since before you met us?” Ian asks again. He stares at me sharply with eyes that demand the truth out of me .
I hesitate, but I can’t escape him. I know it. My heart is about to burst open and scream out the truth .
I nod .
“Does this happen when you live with us in the city?” he asks again .
He has figured me out .
I shake my head .
Ian gets up. In the mirror, I see him walking closer until he’s right behind me. Bending down, he wraps his arms around me .
“I hate seeing you like this,” he says, pain in his voice. “But it makes me happy to hear that you feel better around me and my brothers .”
I listen to Ian’s steady breath. It calms me down, somehow .
“Please tell me you’re coming home soon. You belong with us, and you know it .”
I put my hands on Ian’s arms and lean my head against him .
Emotions war in my chest. There’s nothing I want more than go back home to the Archers. I kind of miss Rocky, too .
But I can’t leave my mom alone with Ted again, can I ?
* * *
“M om, Christmas is just a few days away, and there’s a lot of work to be done. We sell toys, you see, so this is the busiest season of the year,” I say softly to my mom, later that night in the dimly-lit dining room, after the Archer brothers have gone home .
Ted’s sitting in the living room, watching the game on TV, giving us a little privacy .
“I understand.” Mom nods. “You want to go back to the city. That’s okay. I’m better now, as you can see. Good as new.” She raises her two arms and flexes her biceps like a bodybuilder .
I laugh despite the worry that’s spreading its roots all around my heart. “Are you sure ?”
“Yes,” she says sagely .
“Mom . . . I don’t know how to say this, but . . . I want you to come live with me in the city. With the Archer brothers, too,” I say .
“I can’t do that .”
“Of course, you can. I’ve spoken with them, and they tell me you’re welcome to live with us .”
“That’s really sweet of them, but I can’t burden them like that.” The skin around her eyes crinkles as she smiles. “I’m glad you’ve found them, though. They’re good boys .”
“They are.” Pride blooms in my chest .
“I can see how much they love you. And I can tell that you return their feelings, too .”
I stare, slack-jawed, at my mom. She knows . . .? She knows they’re not just my bosses and friends ?
“Don’t look at me like that,” she says, laughing softly. “I may be old, but I’m not blind. Not yet, at least .”
“You’re not old, Mom.” I pause. “You can still start over, you know. Leave this life and start a new one .”
“And, I suppose in this new life, I’ll be living with you and the Archer boys, being the . . . what, seventh wheel?” Mom teases me. She shakes her head. “No. This is my parents’ house, and I’m not leaving .”
I swallow my nerves. “You can . . . You can make Ted leave instead .”
“You think I haven’t thought about that?” Mom asks, surprising me once again .
“You have ?”
“I know he’s not the best partner in the world. I’ve seen the way your men treat you, and it’s just so different from how Ted . . . There’s just no comparison,” Mom says, making me blush with her reference to “my men .”
“Then, why won’t you leave ?”
“Oh, I don’t know.” Mom draws a deep breath. In a barely audible whisper, she says, “I keep hoping things will get better, but they haven’t. I was worried about you because you were working for him. After you moved out, I was worried because he could still find you and find a way to hurt you. He’s a vindictive man .”
I nod. I already know what Ted’s like, but if Mom’s ever thought about leaving him, it’s news to me. I can’t believe she was worried about me when it’s her who’s really in danger .
“Go,” Mom says. “Go live in the city, and don’t worry about me .”
I stare at her grimly. “Mom, what if something were to happen to you? Why did you really faint? You can tell me .”
Mom shakes her head. “I don’t want to talk about that. But I hear you. I can see that you’re safe now, that you don’t need him, and you have no reason to fear him .”
“So, you’ll leave?” I ask, hopeful .
“I think I’ve finally gained some strength,” she says. “It may be stupid, but I still think I can change him .”
“Mom . . .”
“I know, I know. But this is my decision, honey.” Mom rubs my arm. “You should go and live your life .”
I let out a heavy sigh, but my burden remains .
Mom reaches into her pocket and pulls out my phone. “See? I even got you back your phone .”
“Where did you find it ?”
“It’s been stored in his desk drawer,” Mom says .
“Mom. He stole my phone. He took it without my knowledge or consent. How can you not see that you need to get away from him ?”
“I can, and I do. I just need more time. I want to give this another chance, now that I feel strong enough .”
“He’s seeing another woman,” I blurt out .
Shock registers in her eyes, but Mom says nothing. She purses her lips. “You should leave tomorrow,” she says before getting up and going into her bedroom, signaling the end of our conversation .
Emma
I ’ve been tossing and turning in my bed for the past two hours .
It’s past midnight now, and I still haven’t yawned once. My eyes are wide open .
I stare at the ceiling once again, wondering what I should do .
If I stay here, it may hurt the Archer brothers’ business. They tell me they can afford to spend time driving here and back to the city every night .
But, I know they have tight deadlines, and they’re probably sacrificing their sleep and health, not to mention their business because I’m sure some things slip through the cracks when they’re spreading themselves too thin .
On the other hand, if I leave . . . Then, what about Mom ?
She tells me not to worry about her, but I can’t help feeling like I’d be failing her .
What if she gets sick again? What if my suspicions are correct and Ted’s the cause of her “illness”? What if Ted’s abuse escalates and I come home next time, only to find Mom lying lifeless on the floor ?
What then? I’ll have to live with the guilt for the rest of my life. I can’t live like that. And I can’t live with the fear of that happening .
I pull out my p
hone and turn it on .
As I expected, there are tons of missed calls and text messages from the Archer brothers .
But also, Piper tried to call me some time last week. I wonder why. Should I call her back ?
Piper.
She’s had experience dealing with a parent whom she’s had to leave behind in Rockvale. Maybe I can talk to her. Get some good advice .
It’s late . . . but I don’t know who else to call .
I’ve already discussed this issue with the Archer brothers more times than I can count. They tell me I’m only going to hurt myself by staying. But maybe they’re too fond of me to tell me this is something I have to do anyway .
I check the time. 1 a.m .
This is not my brightest idea, but something in my gut tells me I need to talk to her and listen to what she has to say .
My heart pounds so hard I can hear every pulse as I press the Call button and hold the phone up to my ear .
“Hello,” Piper says from the other side .
“Piper, it’s me. Emma .”
“Hey, I was looking for you.” She doesn’t sound annoyed. That’s good .
“Yeah, I saw. I hope it’s not too late for me to call .”
“Oh, don’t worry about it. I’m nocturnal.” She laughs. “A hot guy came here, looking for you. I was worried something had happened to you. I’m glad you called. Good to know you’re okay .”
“Thank you,” I say. “I was wondering why you’d called. Are you sure you don’t want to go to bed ?”
“Are you kidding me? I’m always up for some adult conversation. I love my daughter, but it’s not like we can have a real conversation yet, you know? I can’t wait until she grows up.” Piper laughs. “But I’m sure, once she’s all grown-up, I’ll be wishing I could turn back time to when she was a little girl .”
I smile. “Yeah. Kids, they grow up so fast .”
“So, what’s up?” Piper asks. “Who was that hot guy who was looking for you ?”
“Oh, that was Ian. One of the Archer brothers. You said you knew them .”
“Oh. Of course. I didn’t recognize him because he was on his own. Have you spoken with him yet? He seemed pretty anxious to find you,” Piper says from the other end of the line. “What happened ?”
“Yeah. I have. I went back home to Rockvale and couldn’t go back to the city in time .”
“Oh. How’s your mom doing?” Piper asks excitedly. “It’s been so long since I last saw her .”
I let out a small sigh. “She’s the reason I had to come home, all of a sudden. She was sick.” I quickly add, “But she’s okay now .”
“Oh. That’s great,” Piper says .
I hesitate. I can’t call her and end up not telling her anything. I need some advice right now. “Um . . . Piper, can we talk? I mean, really talk? I, uh, I have a decision to make, and I don’t know what to do .”
“Of course .”
So, I tell Piper everything, starting from the time I graduated college and moved back in with Ted and Mom, to the conversation we just had earlier tonight in the living room .
I’m careful to leave out the part about me and the Archer brothers being in a relationship. That’s not what I need advice for, and it’s way too distracting to mention now .
Piper listens quietly and finally says, “I think you should leave .”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Really. If you stay, you’ll only be repeating what happened right after college. Neither one of you will be free—not you or your mom. Both of you will be under Ted’s control.” Piper pauses. “But if you leave, at least you’re free and capable of helping your mom when she’s ready to leave, too .”
“I feel bad for leaving her alone, though .”
“Don’t be,” Piper says firmly. “Your mom wants what’s best for you. I say this because I’m a mom now. It’ll break her heart, knowing she’s keeping you away from what you should be doing. It’ll hurt her more than anything. Believe me .”
I fall silent, letting Piper’s words sink in. “Thanks, Piper. I know what to do now .”
“No problem. I’m here any time you need to talk to someone,” she says .
“Is your husband back yet from his business trip?” I ask, feeling guilty about dominating the conversation with my problem .
“Yeah. Rafe’s home and encouraging Olivia to make a mess everywhere with her water colors.” Piper laughs. “When he’s home, I wish he was gone. And when he’s gone, I wish he was home .”
I smile in the darkness as Piper tells me all about what her husband has been doing to make her life more difficult. Even if he exasperates her, I can tell she genuinely loves him and he’s a devoted husband and father .
Maybe not all men are destined to be cheating, absent, deadbeat partners .
* * *
A fter a tearful goodbye with my mom while Ted’s at work, I hop onto Ian’s bike, and we ride toward the city .
The roaring engine means we can’t chat on the way, which is just as well. As much as I miss Ian, I’m also dealing with a lot in my head .
Not one person has died, but this feels like grief. I’m saying goodbye to the hope that I can get my mom out of her toxic relationship if only I try hard enough for long enough .
Sandy has already told me that leaving has to be my mom’s own decision, not mine. But last night’s conversation was the thing that really cemented that fact in my mind .
There’s nothing I can do to help her. Nothing at all .
At the same time, I’m glad to be coming home to Sandy, Austin, Hudson, Fraser, and Ian .
Is this what survivor’s guilt feels like ?
I wrap my arms around Ian a little tighter, trying to draw comfort from his warmth and his strength .
As I feel tears roll down my cheeks, I tell myself this is the last time I’m going to cry over this .
My mom wants me to be happy, so that’s what I’ll be .
* * *
“S o, I’ve been keeping a list, and you’ve been good.” Hudson says .
“Huh?” I give him a blank stare .
“You’ve been distracted all night, beautiful. How about I help you with that?” Hudson asks, grinning as he reaches over to grab Rocky, who’s been lying contentedly on my lap .
The dog barks in protest as Hudson picks him up and puts him back down on the couch cushion, but Hudson just chuckles in response .
“Your time is up, buddy. She’s ours now,” Hudson says .
Ours? Who else is he talking about ?
Just as I open my mouth to ask the question, I see someone out of the corner of my eye. He picks me up before I can identify him .
I shriek. But just as Hudson did, he just chuckles. That’s when I recognize the voice. Ian .
“Where are you taking me?” I ask as Ian carries me down the hallway on his strong arms, my cheek smushed up against his hard chest .
“Oh, we just have a little something to show you,” Ian says .
“Excuse me,” Hudson interrupts. “It’s not little, and it’s not one thing .”
“Okay, fine. We have some large things to show you,” Ian concedes .
I laugh. “What are you talking about ?”
Ian kicks open the door to Hudson’s workshop and puts me down on the floor. My jaw drops .
This room is every kid’s Christmas wish come true. The five brothers must’ve worked hard to decorate this place, in the midst of their busiest season of the year .
The ceiling light is turned off, but the workshop is perfectly bright. Strings of tiny lights hang on the walls, casting a warm yellow glow all over the room .
A Christmas tree stands tall and proud in the center of the room, heavy with red ornaments and ribbons .
A train track, along with miniature stations and houses, runs along the perimeter of the room. A little, colorful train approaches me and stops at my feet, a pile of striped candy canes on one of its cars .
“Pick one.” Sandy grins
, a black box in his hands, which I realize must be the remote control for the train. He laughs. “Or five .”
I bend down and take one of the candy canes, unwrap it, and try to take in all the little details in this workshop .
I notice a few identical rockers around the Christmas tree, about the right size for a toddler, and turn around to look at Hudson .
“Those are . . . the new toys?” I ask .
“Yeah.” Hudson cocks a crooked, smug grin as he leans against the doorframe. “I’ve been fine-tuning the design, and I think I have just enough time to produce about ten limited-edition Christmas rockers .”
I walk toward the rockers, touching the smooth wood with my fingers, marveling in the fact that Hudson made them with his hands. “They’re perfect .”
“You’re perfect,” Hudson says without missing a beat .
I smile .
“Unfortunately, Austin and I don’t have anything showy to impress you with,” Fraser says, slinging his arm around Austin’s shoulders. “But we do have some good news, too .”
Austin removes Fraser’s arm, casts him an annoyed glance, and says, “We’ve got an investor .”
“What? That’s amazing!” I rush toward Fraser and Austin, throwing my arms around them .
“Ahem.” Hudson clears his throat. “I should add that the investor agreed to sign the contract after seeing my new creations .”
“Wow.” My chest fills with pride to the point where there’s no space for air. I let out a big exhale, my gaze flicking between the five men. “You’ve done a great job while I was away. I should’ve been here to help you out, instead of — “
“Shut up.” Ian puts a finger over my lips. “You were the one who made these rockers possible. You were the one who suggested that Hudson work on them .”
“I don’t like to . . . toot my own horn—” Sandy grins as he pushes a button on his controller and the train whistles, letting out smoke from its little chimney “—but I believe the model train also helped sell our idea .”
“That’s true,” Austin admits. “The investor’s kids loved Sandy’s toy trains. When Hudson told him he could make wooden model trains in the same style and quality as all our other toys, they were sold .”