by Nikki Chase
It’s okay. I know I’ve gotten the message across. I’ve piqued her interest. She may not admit it, but she may find her panties wetter than usual today .
I want her to beg me to fuck her. I can already tell we’re going to get there, sooner or later. I just need some patience .
Daisy
I pull on my hoodie, hoping it would help reduce the bite of the chilly night air. At least it’s not a long walk from the bus stop to my apartment .
I can’t stop thinking about Caine Foster .
After our little encounter tonight, I couldn’t concentrate on my work. Every time I talked to another nurse, or a doctor, or even a patient, I wondered what they’d think of me if I were to disappear for one month .
Would they think I was going on a vacation ?
I don’t hide the fact that I’m broke due to family problems from my co-workers, so that probably wouldn’t be their first guess. I don’t even have the money to join them for drinks after work, and suddenly I’m jet-setting to Paris? Yeah, unlikely .
Or would they think I was quitting ?
Nurses in this city are paid well above the national average, so competition is stiff and vacancies are few and far between. Someone as broke as I am wouldn’t quit this job, which pays really well .
If I continue on this career path, I can almost be guaranteed a six-figure income in a few years. God, that would be nice. That day couldn’t come fast enough .
I wouldn’t quit. I never would. Unless… Unless, like a handful of nurses who have quit, I found a wealthy man to marry .
Suddenly, an image of Caine Foster, dressed in a three-piece suit, looking handsome at the end of a church aisle, pops into my head .
What the hell is wrong with me ?
So my body does funny things when he’s around. That doesn’t mean we’re going to get married. Ugh, stop being such a virgin, Daisy .
I should hate him. I should hate him, but I don’t. Why don’t I ?
He’s rude and condescending. He’s arrogant and domineering .
But I can’t deny there’s something between us. When he’s around, it’s like everything else within my field of vision blurs away until only he remains in focus. And when he touches me …
I’ve never been touched like that before .
To be fair, only Michael White has ever attempted to do that. It was after prom. His tongue was spreading slobber all over my face and his bony fingers were poking into my thighs and my stomach .
I guess I could’ve given him some directions, but it was just so painfully awkward. I pried him off my face and asked him to take me home .
That was a far cry from the way Caine Foster manipulated my body. With just his fingers on my face and his breath on my neck, he made me ache between my legs. Even before then, when he was just looking at me, the open hunger in his gaze made me weak in the knees .
Just thinking about him excites me. I can’t stop thinking about his lips kissing me, and his skillful fingers exploring my untouched body for the first time .
I thought he was going to kiss me in the hospital room, when he leaned in. I was more than a little disappointed, but what he said after that made my blood rush .
Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to let him take my virginity after all ?
I’ll have a mature, experienced man who knows how to do the job the right way, the way I’ve always wanted it. He did promise me I’ll enjoy it .
The money would just be a perk, albeit a huge one. $100,000 is more than twice my annual take-home pay. It can solve all my problems at once, instead of me having to fight this drawn-out battle for years to come .
I’m tired of struggling, to be honest. I’m ready for life to get a little easier .
It would all be fine and dandy if all Caine wanted was sex. I don’t even know if I want a relationship anyway. It would just be like a regular hook-up, except longer and I get to come home with six figures, instead of only last night’s clothes and regret .
But he wants something even beyond that. What does being his “pet” mean anyway? What kind of sick kink is he into ?
Besides, I have Jack. I can’t just leave him for a whole month .
Sure, there’s also Katie in the apartment. She’s a great friend, but I don’t think she can take care of my brother the way I can. I’m all he has. What if he needs me and I’m not around ?
I hasten my pace as I near my apartment complex. It’s windy today, and I can hear the leaves of the trees around me tremble and crash noisily against one another. I want to get home and lie under the covers where it’s warm .
I walk past a black sedan and go up the stairs leading to the main door of the apartment building .
“It’s not safe to walk home alone at night,” says a familiar voice behind me
I turn around, but I already know who it is. I scowl when I see Chad Murray standing by the open back door of the black sedan. An older man inside quickly leans over and yanks the door closed when he notices me staring .
As usual, Chad is wearing a white tank top with yellow stains on it. The loan shark obviously has so much money there’s extra to lend out, but he can’t afford a clean shirt. How gross is that ?
“I haven’t seen you in a while,” Chad says as he slowly climbs the stairs .
The way he stares at me with his beady eyes makes me wish I had more layers of clothes. He can clearly see every little curve of my legs under these skinny jeans .
“Yeah, I’ve been busy,” I say flatly. I know why he’s here, and I wish he’d leave soon. I can’t just tell him to leave, though. That could make him angry, and I don’t want that .
“Too busy working?” Chad stands one stair step below me and sneers. “That’s good. Maybe soon you’ll pay up .”
“I’ve given you everything I have. As soon as I get my next pay check, I’ll give you more .”
“It’s not enough, sweetheart.” He looks at me menacingly. “At this rate, you’ll never clear your $45,000 debt .”
“$45,000? Last time we talked, you said it was $40,000. And I’ve already made another payment after that .”
“Interest, sweetheart. It adds up .”
I frown. There’s nothing I can say. The interest is whatever he says it is. He’s never going to let this debt go. I’m going to be stuck with him for the rest of my life, giving up all the money I earn, with my hard work, to him .
“If you want to be sure the entire debt is satisfied, you’re welcome to make a lump sum payment for the entire balance,” he says. Stale cigarette smell hangs in the air .
“Of course, you don’t have to pay with money if you don’t have it. There are always alternatives, for girls as pretty as you.” Chad looks me up and down, his gaze lingering on my chest. I feel violated, although he hasn’t actually touched me .
“I’ll give you more money as soon as I have it .”
“Too bad.” He continues to gawk at me, ignoring my glare .
Hey, asshole, my eyes are up here , I want to say. But I keep quiet. Getting him all worked up isn’t going to do me any good .
“Next week. Or I can’t promise you I’ll keep this between us,” he says .
“What does that mean ?”
“You have a pretty roommate, and a brother.” His casual tone makes his threat sound more potent. I’ve heard stories about what Chad has done. I don’t doubt that he’s capable of carrying out his threats .
Shit. I should’ve known better than to borrow money from Chad Murray, but I was desperate at the time. I didn’t know what else I could do, who else would have such a lot of money .
“Leave them out of this.” My voice sounds shaky despite my effort to appear stoic .
“Like I said, sweetheart. I want to keep this between the two of us. It’s more intimate this way, don’t you think? You don’t really want to share me with your roommate, do you ?
“But if you keep failing to pay off your debt, there’s nothing I can do. My hands are tied. I can’t just
let you off the hook. My other clients would start a riot. And then I’d be out of business. That wouldn’t be good, would it ?”
I swallow, forcing my eyes open to gaze at some random tree in the distance, trying to quell my tears. I can’t cry in front of Chad. No way. I can’t show him any weakness, or he’ll use it against me .
“That’s all I wanted to say tonight, sweetheart.” Chad reaches up and touches my cheek with his fingers, and I flinch away instinctively. Gross .
“I’ll see you again soon.” Chad grins, exposing his uneven teeth, stained yellow from all the cigarettes he smokes .
That’s a threat. Next time won’t be this pleasant, he seems to say .
Daisy
A s soon as Chad turns around to leave, I walk briskly toward the door, fumble hastily with my keys, and quickly enter the apartment building .
I collapse into the old couch in the lobby. My legs are shaking. I take a few deep breaths to calm myself down. I can’t show up at home pale and shivering .
When the door opens, I almost jump from the shock. I’m still high-strung from all the adrenaline .
Katie walks into the lobby. The sound of her high heels hitting the tiled floor echoes throughout the lobby. She’s off today, so she’s probably home from a dinner downtown .
She starts for the elevator. When she sees that it’s me on the couch, she takes a second look and stops .
“What are you doing here?” Her friendly smile disappears when she realizes how anxious I am. “Hey, is something wrong ?”
I shake my head, but she knows me too well to buy that. Or maybe it’s too obvious I’m in distress .
“What just happened? Is something going on with Jack? Is he okay?” She takes a seat on the couch across from me and looks at me with concern in her eyes .
“No, Jack’s fine,” I reply quickly. When it comes to Jack, I get a little paranoid. Just the mention of something bad happening to Jack terrifies me. I’m afraid of tempting fate with that kind of talk .
“Then what is it?” Katie lightly rubs my arm in support .
Tears prick my eyes. I can’t stop myself from letting it out anymore. I’ve been fighting this alone, on my own, for too long. The pressure has built up, and the dam is breaking now .
“It’s okay, Daisy. I’m here,” Katie says. “It’s all going to be okay .”
“You don’t understand.” My voice is barely intelligible. The world around me has become a blurry mess, thanks to the tears drowning my eyes .
“Tell me. You know you can tell me anything,” she says .
I start to sob. I take the tissue Katie offers me and blow my nose. I must look like shit right now. I bet my face is all red and blotchy. I catch my breath compulsively, audibly, as the muscles in my throat contract from the ugly-crying .
Slowly, I tell Katie everything. From the beginning .
Katie already knows about my mom. She knows why I have to adopt Jack, my half-brother from a different father .
My mom is not a horrible human being, but she has a shitty taste in men, and she shouldn’t have had children. Her boyfriends always drink too much, work too little, or have too many girlfriends on the side .
One thing they have in common, though, is a gambling habit. For as long as I can remember, Mom always spends a few nights out of the week at the casino .
When I was nine, I had my first sleepover at a friend’s house, and I was shocked to see her mom prepare an actual home-cooked meal and stay home to tuck us in .
My mom, on the other hand, would blow her entire pay check on the blackjack table. She often runs out of money to pay the bills. She can’t even borrow money from anyone anymore because she never pays her loans back .
Her life is a train wreck, and I’ve worked hard to escape that situation .
When I moved out, Jack was still living with her. Mom would call me at random times, asking for money to pay the bills, because, as she’d say, “They’ll shut off the water/gas/electricity and Jack can’t deal with that .”
I offered to take Jack into my apartment. I knew Mom would be happy to get him off her hands, so I was hoping it would happen without a glitch .
I forgot how greedy she could be, though. And this is the part I haven’t told anyone—not even Katie. Until now .
“You know how hard my mom fought me when I tried to get Jack to move in ?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, she… She kinda blackmailed me into paying her. She said she was going to report Jack as kidnapped if I didn’t pay her .”
“That bitch!” Katie curses .
“At the time, I thought it was a good idea to avoid taking the legal route because everyone told me lawyers were expensive,” I say .
Katie gives me a look. “That was a mistake, right? You know she’s a money-sucking vampire who wouldn't stop until she's snatched the shirt off your back .”
“I know that now. But it seemed like a good idea at the time. I don’t know .”
“A lawyer would’ve been cheaper, I bet .”
“Yeah. That was my next lesson. But then I also couldn’t have legally adopted Jack until I turned twenty-one a few months ago. As soon as that happened, though, I hired a lawyer. That was also about the time I realized my mom was never going to leave us in peace .”
“You paid both your mom and a lawyer? How did I not know this ?”
“Well, I’m pretty sneaky.” I smile, even as tears continue streaming down my face. “And you were pretty busy with your own stuff .”
“When was this ?”
“When we first started to work at St. Peter’s. My mom kept asking for more and more money, saying she knew nurses made a lot of money .”
“Why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve helped you .”
“You were already helping me enough. You covered my portion of the rent sometimes, remember ?”
“Well, yeah. But if I knew you were in that kind of trouble, I would’ve gone out less, maybe take a bagged lunch every day to work. I don’t know. I would’ve done more .”
“You’ve done enough, Katie. And I’ll make it up to you someday .”
“So you had enough to pay everything? I know you save up a lot of your money, but damn. I earn about the same amount as you do and I don’t have any savings, even though I don’t have lawyer expenses, or crazy-mom expenses .”
“I didn’t .”
“You didn’t what ?”
“I didn’t have enough money. Lawyers are expensive, Katie. Plus, by the time I got a lawyer, I’d already wasted so much money paying my mom .”
“So you got a loan from the bank, right? Or used your credit card ?”
“Yeah. I did both, but that still wasn’t enough money .”
“Daisy, what did you do?” Katie gives me a grave look. She knows I must’ve done something stupid .
“I borrowed some money from Chad Murray,” I say quickly in one breath before I can change my mind about telling Katie .
“Fuck.”
“Yeah. Fuck .”
“How much do you owe him ?”
“A lot. But I don’t want you to worry. I’m making my payments and I should have it all paid off in no time,” I say. I’m lying again, but what can Katie do to help me anyway? She’s just told me she has no savings .
Katie looks at me incredulously. She frowns and studies me with her brown eyes. She sighs, knowing she can’t make me tell her what I don’t want her to know .
“Tell me if it gets overwhelming, okay? I’ll do anything to help you,” she says as she pulls me into a hug .
“Okay.” I force myself to smile so Katie doesn’t worry .
* * *
I ’ve been tossing and turning in my bed for hours now .
I feel better after talking to Katie, but a conversation can’t solve my problems. I still have a huge, debilitating debt, and a violent loan shark still wants to hurt me—and my family .
One thing the conversation did, though, was make it painfully clear
what my options really are .
I can stay chained to my debt forever, with the risk of failing to satisfy Chad Murray anyway, or I can take Caine Foster up on his offer .
Between Chad Murray and Caine Foster, I’d pick the latter in a heartbeat .
Sure, he’s hardly a knight in shining armor, but he’s obviously the better option here .
One month, instead of years. Someone I’m actually attracted to, instead of someone who repulses me .
If I have to lose my virginity to either one of those two anyway, I’d rather pick Caine Foster .
Besides, he mentioned something about a negotiation. Maybe if I play my cards right, I can get enough money to put Jack through college. That way, he’ll have a better start in life, without any debt weighing him down .
This is not the time to be sentimental. Virginity isn’t anything real. It’s just a thin membrane in my vagina. It’s just sex. I need to be practical here. Katie and Jack’s safety depends on how I handle this situation .
I get up from my single bed, careful not to make any sound. I pick up the trash can by the desk and take it outside, careful to slowly open the door so it doesn’t creak too loudly .
Jack is sleeping and I don’t want to wake him up. The last thing I need right now is more questions. I’ve told enough secrets tonight .
I sit on the couch in the living room and sift through the trash. The whole apartment is quiet, except for the sound of paper rustling in the trash can and my own loud heartbeat .
I can’t believe I’m actually doing this .
Finally, I find it. Caine Foster’s business card. For once, I’m glad Jack never empties the trash .
As I pick up my phone, I realize my hands are shaking. This is, by far, the craziest thing I’ll ever do. Not even Katie would go for something this nuts. But desperate times call for desperate measures .
I enter Caine’s cell number into the phone and type a message. I stare at the letters until my eyes lose focus. It feels like time stands still .