With everyone being so weird I sure don’t feel any better about winning. I’ve been thinking of ways to celebrate, but I can’t think of anything. I still haven’t said anything to Dad or Nicole or Luke. I don’t even want to think about it, but then I have nights like tonight when I can’t sleep and my mind won’t stop thinking and I have this knot in my stomach that won’t go away. Any ideas on how to get rid of it?
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
• • •
From: Arthur Bean ([email protected])
To: Kennedy Laurel ([email protected]
Sent: May 4, 11:16
Dear Kennedy,
I haven’t talked to you much lately, and I just wanted to say hello! I know you’ve been really busy with the play and homework and stuff, but I miss hearing from you. How are you doing? I’ve been pretty busy. My novel is pretty close to being done, so that’s going to be good. It’s very deep and philosophical. But I still have to write a short story for Ms. Whitehead’s class. I’m glad she’s back. I hated our substitute! Anyway, I just wanted to say hello! And May the Fourth be with you!
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
• • •
Peer Tutoring Program—Progress Report
Session: May 5th
Worked On: Comic Strips
artie found a graphic novel version of R&J for me to look at.
twas awesome, dost thou know it?
—Robbie
We mostly read comic books. It was a research session.
—Arthur
Assignment: A Day in the Life Comic Strip
By Arthur Bean
Arthur, you’ve done a nice job using different sizes for emotional effect, although this is a sadder version of your contest win than I expected. I hope you had some real celebrations for your success, and perhaps learned a lesson about the power of humility?
Ms. Whitehead
• • •
From: Kennedy Laurel ([email protected])
To: Arthur Bean ([email protected])
Sent: May 6, 22:43
Dear Arthur,
I know I haven’t written much lately. I don’t have ANYTHING good to talk about! For one thing, Sandy broke up with me. Again. He’s such a jerk! I hate him sooo much! He said that I was “too busy being Kennedy that I didn’t have time to be Kennedy AND Sandy.”
Is that not the STUPIDEST thing you’ve ever heard?? It’s not MY fault that he just wants to sit around the house watching TV and playing VIDEO GAMES! I actually want to DO something with my life! Can you believe him??? To think that I was in LOVE with him! GUYS SUCK! I’m done being sad about him!
Then, to top it off, my DAD spent like an HOUR telling me that I have to do better in science! He can be such a jerk! Not EVERYONE wants to be a doctor or something! I just want to punch something!
This year sucks! I can’t believe how much it sucks! I can’t wait until this school year is OVER and I don’t have to deal with anyone for TWO months!
K
PS I don’t get it. What’s so special about May 4th?
• • •
From: Arthur Bean ([email protected])
To: Kennedy Laurel ([email protected])
Sent: May 7, 10:20
Dear Kennedy,
I’m sorry that life sucks! I hate Sandy too. I’ve always hated him! I’m not surprised he’s being a jerk. I don’t think he understands what people like you and I want in life. We are dedicated to being better people and being famous. You don’t need him. Your boyfriend should be someone who understands that you like to be busy and that you are talented and fun. Your talents are wasted sitting on the couch! I mean, any guy in the school would be so lucky to have you as his girlfriend. I promise that we don’t all suck—I’m a pretty good guy… :) If you want someone to talk to, I am here always for you. Maybe we can go to a movie or the mall this weekend, and we can talk about it.
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
From: Kennedy Laurel ([email protected])
To: Arthur Bean ([email protected])
Sent: May 8, 12:30
Thanks Artie. I’m totally just going to stay in my pajamas all weekend and waste my talents on the couch LOL!
I don’t care! I’m taking time to be KENNEDY!
Screw you Sandy LOL!
Kennedy :)
From: Robbie Zack ([email protected])
To: Arthur Bean ([email protected])
Sent: May 8, 13:22
artie did u here that kennedy broke up with sandy? how awesome is that??
im totally going to make my move in rehersal monday.
any smooth moves u can pass on LOL?
• • •
May 8th
Dear RJ,
I need to move in on Kennedy FAST! Robbie is going to tell her he likes her and I need to beat him there.
I KNEW I shouldn’t have given up being Romeo. That was so stupid, RJ! What can I do? I tried asking her out this weekend and she said no. So now what? I want it to be romantic and special and show that I understand how great she is.
Any great ideas, RJ?
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
• • •
May 9th
Dear RJ,
Okay, I talked to my dad and to Nicole about what I should do. Nicole said that I should write her a poem.
Dad said that he didn’t know but he thought the poem was a good idea. So I made a list of words that could rhyme with Kennedy:
kennedy
remedy
lemony
heavenly
secondly
tremendously
extremity
melody
As you can see, I didn’t get very far.
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
• • •
From: Kennedy Laurel ([email protected])
To: Arthur Bean ([email protected])
Sent: May 9, 17:24
ARTHUR BEAN!!!!!
How could you CHEAT like that?? Are you so low that you STEAL from your friend?
I can’t believe I thought you were a good guy!!! What the HELL is going on?
YOU SUCK!!! ALL GUYS SUCK!!
From: Robbie Zack ([email protected])
To: Arthur Bean ([email protected])
Sent: May 9, 17:24
artie i need to talk to u cuz i might have told kennedy today about my storey. can u call me? kennedy was really really mad.
From: Arthur Bean ([email protected])
To: Robbie Zack ([email protected])
Sent: May 9, 17:26
YOU TOLD HER???? WHY WOULD YOU TELL HER???
From: Kennedy Laurel ([email protected])
To: Arthur Bean ([email protected])
Sent: May 9, 18:03
AND ANOTHER THING…
I’m going to tell Mr. Everett and Ms. Whitehead what you’ve done! I can’t believe you would do this!!! I’m just sitting here and I’m so mad I don’t even know where to start! I wish you were right HERE—I would punch you in the face! In fact, I still might PUNCH you! Maybe I will come to your house! Robbie seemed SOOO upset that he told me but he should be mad AT YOU! What were you thinking?? He said you NEEDED it! I thought YOU wrote YOUR story! You said that everything was perfect! You LIED to me and you STOLE from Robbie and you CHEATED!!! YOU ARE A TERRIBLE FRIEND!!!
From: Robbie Zack ([email protected])
To: Arthur Bean ([email protected])
Sent: May 9, 18:19
artie u need to answer ur phone. i need
to tell u what happenned cuz it just slipped out. r u mad at me? u gotta call me. u gotta hear what happened. She cornered me! I got all nervous and we were talking and i wanted to tell her that i like her and i told her that my storey was about her. and she was all like “what storey” and i said “the one in the newspaper” and she said “artie rote that storey” and i said “no i did but i gave it to artie 4 the writing contest” and she didnt kno that. then she got all mad and stormed off and i still didnt tell her i like her. it was a disaster man! call me!
From: Arthur Bean ([email protected])
To: Kennedy Laurel ([email protected])
Sent: May 9, 18:22
Dear Kennedy,
I wish you would answer your phone or text me back! But whatever you do, please don’t tell Mr. Everett and Ms. Whitehead!
I can explain everything! I would rather explain it in person though. It’s very complicated, but there’s a good reason for it, I promise. Believe me! I never meant to cheat! I had no other choice! I feel so terrible! Please let me explain!
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
• • •
May 9th
Dear RJ,
This has been the worst birthday EVER.
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
• • •
Assignment: What If…
We all have a tendency to think about the “what ifs” in our lives. I would like you to focus on one moment in your life, and think about the “what if.” Your moment can be as big as “What if my family had moved to France?” or as small as “What if I had been given a hamster when I was six?” Write three paragraphs as though your “what if” had come true. How is your life different? Has it changed for better or for worse?
Due: May 16
• • •
From: Arthur Bean ([email protected])
To: Kennedy Laurel ([email protected])
Sent: May 11, 01:24
Dear Kennedy,
I looked for you at school today but I didn’t see you. Well, that’s not true. I did see you, but you seemed really into the conversation you were having over lunch. Then I looked for you after school, but Mr. Tan said that you were in the theater setting lighting cues and couldn’t be disturbed. I waited for you after rehearsal, but I didn’t see you leave with everyone. I want to explain what happened with my story and the contest.
I really wanted to win. My life has sucked since Mom died and I wanted something to go right. Then the story contest came along, and I thought that I could win it and win the money and be happy! I knew your story was really great and I wanted to write a story that was as good as yours. I thought you would want to hang out with me if I was more talented.
I just couldn’t write anything good. I tried. I really tried, and then one day when I was tutoring Robbie I read his story and it was everything I wanted to write! So we made a deal. I used his story in exchange for my part in Romeo and Juliet. You probably don’t get it, but it’s really important to me to win the contest and be in print. I always told my mom that I would be famous. Now that she’s gone, I have to be famous so that my dad and I can live in a big house and have stuff and my dad will be happier and we won’t even miss my mom at all!
I just can’t write a story as good as your story right now. I loved your story. You’re an amazing writer and actress and person and I can’t keep up. I just want to have one thing that you have.
Anyway, I never meant for you to find out.
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
• • •
Peer Tutoring Program—Progress Report
Session: May 11th
Worked On: What Ifs
What if we quit these stupid tutoring sessions? They’re a waste of time for both of us, and Robbie doesn’t need me around. He has lots of good ideas. All he needs is spell-check on his computer and maybe a thesaurus. I’m not making things any better for Robbie, just more complicated.
—Arthur
don’t mind artie today. hes in a bad mood
—Robbie
• • •
May 11th
Dear RJ,
I don’t understand how this could have gone so wrong! I have no idea what Kennedy has done or if she told anyone! I can’t sleep. I should be mad at Robbie, but he feels so bad that I couldn’t even stay mad at him. I guess one good thing about it is that Kennedy isn’t really talking to him either. He said that in rehearsal yesterday she just said her lines and talked only to Mr. Tan.
I just don’t know what I should do. What if I get suspended? Famous writers don’t get suspended from school!
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
• • •
From: Arthur Bean ([email protected])
To: Kennedy Laurel ([email protected]
Sent: May 12, 02:42
Dear Kennedy,
Did you get my email? I’m not sure if you told anybody about my mistake with the story. No one’s said anything to me, so I hope you decided not to tell. I would be so happy if you could just keep it a secret. I didn’t mean to make you mad at me, and Robbie is so happy to be in the play with you. I can’t tell what you’re thinking! Please just tell me what you’re thinking!
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
• • •
From: Arthur Bean ([email protected])
To: Kennedy Laurel ([email protected])
Sent: May 13, 19:33
Dear Kennedy,
You must be very busy getting ready for the play since I haven’t heard from you or seen very much of you at school. I will be there on opening night to see you! Maybe if you get a chance you could call to let me know that you got my last email?
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
• • •
From: Arthur Bean ([email protected])
To: Kennedy Laurel ([email protected])
Sent: May 13, 23:57
Dear Kennedy,
Please, Kennedy, please let me know what’s going on. I haven’t heard from you at all! I just want to talk to you!
Arthur
• • •
What If I Didn’t Win the Writing Contest
By Arthur Bean
I didn’t put in a story for the writing contest, because I didn’t have a story to tell this year. So instead of writing a story, I tried out for the badminton team. I didn’t make it onto the badminton team. I tried to start a movie club, but there weren’t any teachers who wanted to give up their lunch hours to watch movies.
Luckily, I got to be in Romeo and Juliet anyway. I knew all my lines perfectly, and I even improvised a line that made the show better.
My performance was very moving and almost everyone in the audience was very sad when Romeo died. Onstage I could hear them sniffling and blowing their noses. It was like being at a real funeral.
Then after the play, the girl playing Juliet would be so overwhelmed by my performance that she would ask me out and we would become boyfriend-girlfriend.
The saddest thing about not winning the contest is that it was my only chance to be famous really soon.
I will always wonder, What if I won? and I will be sad about it. I will feel like I have lost all my writing talent and I will end up working as a used car salesman or something terrible like teaching math.
Arthur,
This is a thoughtful reflection on a recent event. You’ve done a nice job looking at both the positives and negatives that could happen if you did not win. However, your verb tenses are muddled. It would be best for you to choose a time frame (past, present, conditional past) and stick with it throughout.
Ms. Whitehead
• • •
&
nbsp; From: Arthur Bean ([email protected])
To: Kennedy Laurel ([email protected])
Sent: May 16, 16:15
Dear Kennedy,
How are you? Robbie said that the play is almost ready and that you look hot in your costume. I can’t wait to see it! He also said that you are really good at playing dead.
I would love to hear about the play from your point of view. Maybe we could do an interview for the newspaper! I could interview you! Let me know—I promise I will do a really great job!
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
• • •
From: Arthur Bean ([email protected])
To: Kennedy Laurel ([email protected])
Sent: May 17, 20:04
Dear Kennedy,
Please talk to me! I know you’re mad at me, but I really miss you as my friend. I don’t know what else to do!
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
From: Kennedy Laurel ([email protected])
To: Arthur Bean ([email protected])
Sent: May 17, 21:56
Arthur.
STOP WRITING ME. I don’t need cheaters and losers in my life. LEAVE ME ALONE FOREVER!!!!!!
Yours ANGRILY,
Kennedy Laurel
• • •
May 19th
Dear RJ,
Kennedy hates me. It’s official. She emailed me telling me so, and she told Catie to tell me to leave her alone—which she did, loudly, in front of everyone before science today. It sucks. Now I’ve lost everything, and the only person left is Robbie Zack. He’s the only person who still seems willing to talk to me.
I’ve tried everything, RJ.
I can’t tell Luke what I did, because he thinks I’m pretty cool, and I don’t want him to think that I’m not.
I can’t tell Nicole, because she’ll freak out and tell my dad.
And obviously I can’t tell my dad, especially since he’s actually started leaving the house again to go on walks and stuff, and I don’t want to stop him from doing that.
I’m all alone in this mess. Well, all alone with you. At least you’re never going to get mad at me! HA-HA! You can’t! You can’t even talk!
But imagine how creepy it would be if you started writing back to me…that would be an awesome horror story!
A Year in the Life of a Complete and Total Genius Page 14