by Nicole Dykes
I walk into the living room that is now empty. Guess everyone either went home or to their room. Hannah’s probably hanging with Cass while she waits for Luke. I’m about to grab my bag to take it to Luke’s old room and call it a night, when Brooke walks out from the hallway and into the living room.
She quickly scans the deserted room and then looks to me. “Where is everyone?”
I shrug, flinging my bag up off the floor and over my shoulder. “Beats me. Alex, Luke, and Chris are all in the kitchen, but that’s all I know.” I offer the explanation, hoping she didn’t notice the slight inflection of my voice when I said Chris's name.
Brooke nods her head knowingly. “Ah, so that’s why you are sporting that sour-ass look on your face.”
Fuck. I try my best to make myself appear fine, but I suppose it’s too late for that anyway. “I’m fine, Brooke. Not sour at all. Sugary sweet.”
She just glides past me, dismissing my lies and sits on the couch in her living room. “Aren’t you kinda tired of lying? To yourself and everyone else.”
I take a seat in the oversized chair across from her. My posture is slouched, but I’m anything but comfortable. “I’m not lying, and I don’t have a problem with Alex.”
Brooke scoffs at that folding her arms as if she’s cold. “Please. You’re in love with her.”
I stare at her dumbly. “What?”
A heavy sigh comes out of her mouth in disappointment, I assume. “Shriller, we’ve known each other for sixteen years. We dated. I know you and I see the way you look at her. I mean seriously, tonight at dinner you looked you were in actual physical pain watching her with Chris.”
I swallow what feels like bile in my throat at the thought. Why the fuck can't that asshole keep his hands to himself? I know I can’t blame him, if Alex were mine I’m pretty sure our friends would file a missing person’s report because I would lock us in a bedroom and not come out. “Brooke, I really don’t want to talk about it.”
She nods. “I know, but I think you should. It could help.”
“She’s with Chris. He makes her happy and she’s my friend. I want her to be happy.” I almost buy that lie myself.
“She is happy with Chris.” Gee thanks Brooke. She continues before a smartass comment can escape my mouth. “And they are perfect for each other. He’s strong and confident enough to handle a woman like Alex and he truly likes her for her. It’s obvious he has no desire to change her.”
“All right, Brooke, I get it. They’re a match made in heaven. They’re gonna get married and have babies and live happily ever after, and I need to get okay with it.”
She rolls her eyes at my small temper tantrum and asks, “Are you finished?” I nod begrudgingly and let her say what she wants to. “I was going to say that despite all of that, I’m not sure if they are right for each other. Looking back, I’m not sure it wasn’t always you that was Alex’s match.”
I literally scratch my head, trying to dissect what the hell Brooke means by that. I give in and ask finally, “What are you talking about?”
“You guys were always partners in crime. Always had each other’s back, even back when she was my friend and you were my boyfriend. You two just clicked. I mean, hell, you even kissed her when we were dating.”
“No, you told me to fuck off and went to make me jealous with Jimmy Spiker. We weren’t together.”
She waves that off. “Still you kissed her. And I remember you pinning Evan to his locker when you found out he was cheating on Alex, and he was your best friend since you were what, five?”
Alex still doesn’t know about that. She thinks I encouraged him to fool around, but truth be told I threatened to fuck him up if he didn’t stop. “We were friends. I didn’t want to see her get hurt or catch some nasty disease.”
Brooke shakes her head. “Just admit it. You love her and you always have.”
My eyes drift toward the kitchen, I can’t see them, but I think about Chris and Alex as they do the dishes together and then look back at Brooke. “Fine. I love her. I’ve always loved her, but I’m not sure what that means. I didn’t grow up in a loving home, Brooke. At least you lived with your grandma for most of your life. Affection and that lovey-dovey shit makes me uncomfortable.”
She stands up and pats my shoulder. “It does the same thing to Alex and she did grow up in a loving home. Hell, her upbringing is arguably the most normal, and she just may be the most emotionally distant of us all.” She smiles wistfully and says, “Remember when Rebecca Frazier gave her a hug to congratulate her on winning that art contest our junior year? Alex shoved her backward so hard she landed on her ass.”
I laugh at the memory. I laughed so hard that day I thought my sides were gonna split. “That was funny.”
“You two can figure it out together, but you have to tell her how you feel.”
“Brooke, I have. She found something wrong with the way I said it.”
She nods. “I know. She’s scared. Tell her again.”
I’m about to continue this pointless argument when Chris and Alex walk out of the kitchen with their fingers interlocked. Alex meets me with an icy stare before addressing Brooke, “Dishes are done. We’re going to get out of here, but see ya tomorrow night.”
“Okay, thank for your help,” Brooke says as she walks them toward the door.
Their hands have separated but Chris’s hand has found its way to the small of Alex’s back. My mind goes back to what Alex said about them fucking before they came here tonight.
The thought makes my stomach lurch and I escape the living room, taking shelter downstairs in Luke's room.
Brooke is right, Chris seems perfect for Alex, and it won’t be long before he takes her away from me for forever.
Now, I just have to decide if I need to step back and let that happen for her sake or step up and make her mine.
Chapter 30
Alex
B
y the time of the party the next evening, I’m still shaken by my encounter with Shriller. What the hell was he thinking? Even worse why did I bait him?
I just need things to go back to the way they were before we screwed everything up. Things with Chris are amazing. I will not sabotage things.
I smile as Chris makes his way back to our table, filling out his tux nicely and carrying two glasses of champagne.
Everyone is here and mingling, except for Shriller. Part of me wonders if he fled back to California, but I’m not going to worry about that now. Instead, I focus all my attention on my hot-as-fuck boyfriend who takes a seat next to me. He hands me my champagne and then wraps his newly-free hand around my knee.
“Thank you,” I say as I give him a brief kiss on his lips.
“No problem. You did a good job planning this thing.”
I beam proudly as I scan the room and spot Cassie and Hunter, dancing closely out in the middle of the room. They both look so content together, complete and ready to take on the world. They’re so young and yet it seems like they have everything figured out. I feel a pang of jealousy deep down inside.
My attention is drawn back to our table when Jax and Charlotte join us. Charlotte is a former beauty queen. Although, most of the time, you wouldn’t know it because Jax brought her over to the dark side of t-shirts and jeans, but at these events she really shines. She’s decked out in a sparkling silver ball gown with her blonde hair pulled up and flawless make up.
Jax pulls a chair out for Charlotte and I snicker to myself at her astoundingly perfect posture. The woman does not slouch, she just wasn’t made that way. Now Jax, on the other hand, sits down and it’s a stark contrast to his girl. I shake my head and lean on Chris's broad shoulders and greet them happily.
Charlotte flashes her perfect white smile, glancing at the blissfully happy couple and then back to me. “You and Brooke did a fantastic job of planning this event, Alex. I’m sorry I couldn’t help.”
Charlotte is a trust fund baby, but she is anything but lazy. She spent all
week out of town helping victims of the most recent natural disaster. I wave that off easily, “There wasn’t much to do, and really Brooke did most of it. You know how she is.”
Chris's hand is still gripping my knee as my head lies against him. Jax nods to us as we sit comfortably. “So, are you two finally an official thing or what?”
Charlotte shakes her head at him, seemingly disappointed by his bluntness, but I know she secretly loves that about him.
“Yes, we are,” I answer simply.
“Yup, she finally gave in and agreed to be all mine,” Chris adds in more details than I would have liked, but I suppose it wasn’t a huge secret that I was holding back for a while.
Jax takes a drink from his whiskey and then says, “Good. Now I don’t have to worry about walking in on you and Shriller banging anymore.”
My eyes go wide and I kick his shin hard under the table. “Shut up,” I say horrified, my heart pounding as I feel Chris stiffen next to me, on full alert.
Jax jumps back slightly, but is grinning. He continues to fuck with me, just being himself. “Or after, like I did on New Year’s Eve. I mean how big of a hurry were you in when you left Shriller's hotel room if you left your panties and bra behind?”
I’m frozen. I seriously cannot move as I stare dumbly at Jax who I don’t think just meant to out me. I feel Chris's hand move off my knee and I lose his shoulder as he pulls away to look me in the eyes.
Shit.
“You fucked Shriller on New Year's?”
Charlotte is wearing a horrified expression and Jax just looks confused when he asks Chris, “Wait you didn’t know?” He then turns to me, “You didn’t tell him?”
I shake my head at Jax, willing him to shut the hell up. I turn to Chris as he climbs out of his seat. “I can explain,” I say, nearly begging him with desperation.
“Don’t fucking bother,” he says as he walks off.
I turn back to Jax, “Why the hell would you tell him that?”
He shrugs and looks slightly guilty. “I thought you would have told him. Since when do you lie about shit? I’ve never known you to be ashamed of anything.”
“Maybe you can still catch him,” Charlotte offers kindly. I don’t waste time and go after him.
I catch up to him in a small room off the kitchen that must be the staff’s break room. It has a small sofa, a table and a counter, but nothing else.
He’s sitting at the round table next to a guy around our age, taking a drag off a cigarette.
“You smoke?” I question having never seen him with a cigarette.
“Haven't in years,” Chris says, his tone dark and angry and it sends a chill down my spine. He’s really pissed.
The other guy puts his cigarette out in an ashtray on the table, saying nervously, “I better get back to work.” He stands up and quickly leaves with only a grunt from Chris.
I take a step toward the table, but don’t sit down. “Chris, please let me explain.”
He puffs smoke out in front of him calmly, holding the cigarette between his fingers. “Did you fuck him?”
I nod my head yes.
“Then there’s nothing to discuss.”
I shake my head and finally take a seat next to him, grabbing his empty hand with both of mine. “We weren’t exclusive yet. It didn’t mean anything.”
He jerks his hand away, furiously. “I don’t give a fuck about you screwing him. When I asked you if anything happened, you lied right to my fucking face. Why?”
“I’m not sure. I guess I was afraid you wouldn’t understand and wouldn’t want to be with me.”
“You knew I can’t handle lying. I’ve had enough of that for a lifetime.” He pounds the cigarette into the ashtray and stands up from the table. “I can’t do this, Alex. I wanted an open, honest relationship. Not a chick who is in love with someone else and fucking lies about it.”
“Please can we just start over?” I beg.
“We could have, if you would have just been honest with me. I’m not doing this Alex. What if I wouldn't have been able to come tonight and he made a move on you? Would you have fucked him?”
I stare at him, horrified by how he thinks of me now. “No of course not. We weren’t official the last time I slept with him. It made me realize that he and I needed to be friends and that I needed to make it work with you.”
Chris looks frustrated as hell as be bring his hands up to his temples as if his mind is blown by my words. “Do you even hear yourself? You shouldn’t have to force things with me, Alex. If it were right between us, you wouldn’t have to fuck someone else to figure that out. Jesus, how fucked-up are you?”
He may as well have physically slapped me, it would hurt the same as those words. “I’m so sorry,” is all I can manage.
His hands drop, defeated. “This is done, Alex.”
I wipe away a tear as I repeat, “I’m so sorry.”
I’m left in deafening silence as he turns and walks out of my life.
There goes my last hope of a normal relationship, my happily ever after. Maybe Shriller was right and I don’t really want that after all.
Chapter 31
Shriller
I
walk into the crowded country club ball room, filled to the brim with college-aged kids and all the Monroe clan.
I’m at least an hour late. Truth be told, I just couldn’t get my ass motivated to come here and watch Chris and Alex all over each other. Fuck that.
I’m going to need a shitload of liquor to get through tonight. Good thing I had the sense to let Michael drive me. He’s new to driving so he didn’t mind, and he wasn’t in a hurry to attend the engagement party. It also gave us some time to talk about his wanting to get into racing. We made plans for him to come out to Cali this summer. Now that I’m back out on the track, I feel a hell of a lot more confident about being his mentor. Although, he better believe his training will be intense and not half-assed.
Michael takes off to hang with Luke and Cam, and I spot Jax and Charlotte sitting at a table by themselves. Jax’s arm is around her shoulders, but other than that they are being pretty well-behaved for being alone. No sign of Alex and her boyfriend.
I reach the table and greet them. Jax, being his usual self, says loudly, “Where the fuck have you been?”
I chuckle and adjust my bowtie. I’m with Jax on the whole “Fuck tuxes” thing. These are the most badass people I know, but every fucking event they host takes place in a stuffy country club. What the hell?
“I'm not that late. I spent some time with Michael.”
Jax accepts that answer just as Chris comes blowing past our table looking full of rage. It’s a look I’ve never seen on him. Alex is nowhere to be seen. I look to Jax for an answer. “What’s that all about?”
Jax shrugs, but then Charlotte nudges his massive shoulder with her miniscule one. “Jax let it slip about you and Alex.”
I stare at her trying to decide what she us talking about. “What about me and Alex?”
Jax clears his throat gruffly, “Uh, New Year’s Eve. Apparently, Alex lied to him and said you two didn’t fuck.”
My eyes narrow down the hallway that Chris just exited in a huff. Fuck, I knew she left him in the dark about everything pertaining to us. That’s so unlike her. This is the chick that told my friend Evan, who she was dating at the time, that she blew his nemesis in the locker room our senior year of high school. To be fair she had just found out he was fucking about three other girls, but that’s not the point. Alex is always brutally honest and never used to apologize for being herself. Somewhere along the way she’s lost herself.
“Shit,” I say and don’t wait for Jax to say anything else before taking off down the hallway in search of Alex.
I walk past the bathrooms hoping she’s not in there, heading toward the kitchen. I stop when I spot her inside a small break room that’s about the size of a walk-in closet.
I stay in the doorway and take in her appearance. She looks beautif
ul, dressed in a classy, form hugging black gown with a long slit up the left side. Her red hair is pulled up and styled into some sort of French-braid bun, but it’s apparent by her smudged eyeliner that she’s been crying, which pisses me the fuck off.
I take one, semi-fearful step inside the room. “Alex.”
Her head lifts and as soon as she sees me, she wipes at her face with both of her hands and I’m met with animosity. “Go away, Shriller.”
“No,” I say and take another brazen step toward her even though she looks like she wants to harm me in some very creative ways.
“No? Why not?”
“Because I’m not leaving you in here crying your fucking eyes out all alone. What happened?”
She scoffs angrily, “Well, you came looking for me, so I’m assuming you already know.”
I pull out the chair next to her and sit down so I’m facing her, no table between us, knee to knee. “I know that Jax told Chris about New Year’s Eve. I don’t know what happened with Chris other than him storming out and you sitting here crying. Just talk to me.”
She sniffs from crying and her voice is broken when she says, “I messed up.”
I shrug, trying to lessen the pain she’s feeling. “So, he can’t handle the fact we slept together. You guys weren’t official, he had no claim to you. Fuck him.”
She shakes her head, sadly. “He’s not mad about us screwing. He’s pissed because I lied about it.”
Jax was right about that. “Why?” I ask.
She bites her lower lip nervously as she answers my vague question. “I’m not sure. I’m starting to think you were right when you said about me not wanting to be happy. I mean Chris is so unbelievably perfect for me. He’s gorgeous and sweet to me, but has a seriously sexy edge to him. I mean he’s a badass. He tattoos for a living. That’s fucking hot!”
I hold my hand up, stopping her from her gushing. “He must not have been that perfect for you since you couldn’t wait to fuck me.” As I’m saying that, I know it’s a mistake, but when could I ever keep my mouth shut.