by Anne Fraser
‘It’ll have been a shock for Jamie,’ her mother said placatingly. ‘After all, you had almost nine months to get used to the fact you were going to be a mother.’
‘You always did defend him,’ Sarah replied, hurt.
‘I’m not defending him. How could I defend any man who hurt my only daughter as badly as he hurt you? You’re better off without him, Sarah. One day you’ll find someone to love you who is worthy of you. Someone who’ll love Calum as if he were his own.’
‘I don’t want anyone else. I mean…I don’t want anyone. I’m never going to let a man get under my skin again. Least of all Jamie Campbell. And I certainly don’t want Calum to have a father who flits in and out of his life, like mine did. Never knowing if or when he’d turn up…’
And usually he hadn’t. Sarah winced at the memories of her childhood self, sitting waiting eagerly for her father to take her out for the day. She would have been up for hours, getting dressed in her best dress, hair neatly brushed, almost giddy with excitement. And then, as the hours had passed, she had gradually given up hope until at last she had gone to bed to sob her eight-year-old heart out.
Jean Carruthers looked at her daughter sadly. ‘I’m so sorry, Sarah. Your father was a weak man. But…’ she shook her head in puzzlement ‘…Jamie Campbell never struck me as being weak.’ She pulled on her coat ready to leave.
‘Weak—no. Selfish? Perhaps. Whatever. He has no place in our lives.’ Sarah wondered just who she was trying so hard to convince. She kissed her mother goodbye. ‘Unfortunately we have to work together until he returns to Africa. I have to be professional about this, but the sooner he goes back, the happier I’ll be.’
* * *
Jamie placed the tourniquet just above his elbow. Using his teeth, he pulled on one end to make it tight. He tapped at a swollen vein with a finger before inserting the needle. Blood rushed into the tube. As he released the tourniquet there was knock on the door. Jamie carefully placed the vial to one side before answering it. Robert stood there, right on time.
The two men exchanged small talk while Jamie poured them two large measures of malt whiskey.
‘You didn’t ask me over here to talk pleasantries,’ Robert said astutely.
‘No.’ Jamie admitted. Then he quickly explained what he wanted Robert to do and why.
When he had finished, Robert looked thoughtful.
‘I had no idea. You never told anyone, did you?’
‘There was no reason to. It was nobody’s business except mine.’
‘Until now.’
‘Until now.’ Jamie agreed flatly
‘I always did wonder why you let her go. We all thought you’d found your match in Sarah Carruthers.’
‘I had. That’s why I had to let her go. The other women didn’t matter. They knew that I wasn’t in it for the long term. But Sarah—Sarah was different.’
‘Why didn’t you tell her? She’s a doctor. She would’ve understood—if she truly loved you.’
‘How could I tell her? I’m not the kind of man that would prevent a woman from having the children she wanted. The type of man who would tie a woman to him, to have her look after me. Give up her career, her future. No, I could never ask that of any woman. Least of all Sarah.’
‘But you could have had the test before now!’ Robert continued to insist.
‘No,’ Jamie said quietly. ‘I decided a long time ago that if I had inherited the disease, I’d rather not know. I’d rather live in the here and now. Live every day as if it might be my last. It’s the way I am, Robert, for better or worse.’
‘Surely you have to tell Sarah now? She has a right to know.’
‘What’s the point in telling her now? It’s too late. If the test is negative then she’ll have spent the time worrying unnecessarily. If it’s positive…’ Jamie shook his head despairingly. ‘Well, of course she’ll have to know then.’ He stood up, indicating the conversation was at an end. ‘But this is getting us nowhere. I appreciate your concern but what I need you to do is to take the blood specimens and expedite them through the system as fast as possible.’
‘They normally like you to have counselling in advance of the results,’ Robert reminded Jamie as he pocketed the specimens and made for the door.
‘It’s not counselling I need, Robert. It’s answers. Just do your best.’
CHAPTER THREE
SARAH was feeding Calum his breakfast next morning when her mother arrived. They’d had a tug of wills over the teaspoon Sarah was using to feed him. Calum had made several attempts to pull it from Sarah’s hand and most of his breakfast had landed in his hair. He was delighted with this new game, smiling up at his mother to reveal a single tooth.
‘What am I to do with you? Just as well I haven’t had my shower yet.’
Calum responded by kicking his legs out in front of him in delight.
‘You’d better jump in the shower, Sarah Jane,’ her mother advised, eyeing the gloop that clung to one of Sarah’s eyebrows. ‘I’ll finish feeding this young man if you like. I’ll give him a bath after you leave.’
After months of searching, Sarah had managed to find a small house for the three of them near the hospital. It was small, but it had a garden and a small granny flat with a separate entrance for her mother. It meant that her mother could always be close at hand to help, but Sarah was also aware that her mother was getting older and if there came a time when she might need Sarah to help her, she would be able to return the favour.
When Sarah arrived at the hospital, the department was already mobbed with patients, although it wasn’t quite eight.
She hadn’t slept well. Despite her exhaustion it had taken her a long time to fall asleep. Unsettling thoughts of Jamie had tumbled around her head. She still couldn’t quite believe that she’d be working with him, seeing him every day. How would she cope, knowing now that the time apart had done little to diminish the feelings she had for him? She had believed that she had got over him, although the daily sight of her child had been a constant reminder of his father. And if she hadn’t been ready to see Jamie, she had been less prepared for him to find out about Calum. It had all happened too quickly. Could she really blame Jamie for being shocked and dismayed? When she had at last fallen into a restless sleep, it had only been to dream of him. A Jamie who looked at her with angry, disappointed eyes.
She wanted to find out what was happening before the junior doctors arrived for rounds at eight-thirty so she went in search of the night shift. She was unsurprised to find a dark head bent over case notes.
‘Oh, hello, so we didn’t scare you off?’ Jamie said, looking up.
‘Of course not. Yesterday was a fairly typical day, wouldn’t you say?’
‘Not in every aspect, no.’ Jamie returned.
‘No, er, well, perhaps not,’ Sarah had to agree. She supposed, certainly hoped, it wasn’t every day that Jamie found out he was the father of a child. ‘Anyway, let’s get started, shall we?’
‘I’ve already been around. There’s nothing that the juniors can’t handle. I was about to go up to the wards to see our two from yesterday. I’ve already spoken to the medical staff on Postnatal and Cardiology and apparently all three are doing fine.’
‘It would have broken Lucy’s heart if she’d lost the baby. Do you mind if I come up with you? I’d love to check up on them for myself, as well as see more of the hospital. We don’t get to see the positive results of our work, do we? Patch them up and send them home usually.’
Sarah followed Jamie up to four flights of stairs to the labour ward.
‘You wait for the lift if you like,’ he offered. But Sarah didn’t want to appear a wimp. Besides, she thought, thinking of the couple of extra pounds she wanted to lose after giving birth, she could do with the exercise. Exercise was something else she had to add to her to do list!
Jamie waited at the top of the stairs for her to arrive. He looked amused as she tried to disguise her laboured breath. ‘Do you still climb
?’ Climbing and hill walking had been a shared passion. But Sarah had never taken the risks he had. He had seemed to always push himself. It had been as if he’d been driven. He had always looked for more difficult climbs, higher mountains. He had refused point blank to take her along on his more dangerous expeditions. She had argued with him that his attitude was patronising and sexist. But he had refused to be swayed. Sarah knew him to be a stubborn man once he had made up his mind. Just as he had made up his mind that he didn’t want her, she thought bitterly.
‘I don’t exactly have the time!’ she retorted. ‘What, between a young baby and a full-time job.’
‘Of course you don’t. Sorry, that was stupid of me.’ He flashed her one of his heart-stoppingly gorgeous broad grins and her heart lurched. She felt a surge of desire that warmed her body to the tips of her toes. Damn the man that he could still make her feel like that.
‘We really don’t know that much about each other, do we?’ she replied coolly. ‘Do you know which room Mrs Croy is in?’ Sarah peeked into the room opposite the nurses’ station where the patients recovering from surgery were always put and, sure enough, she could see Lucy sitting up in bed, holding her tiny baby. What she didn’t expect to see were the tears that rolled down the young mother’s cheeks.
‘Perhaps you could let the staff know we’re here?’ she suggested to Jamie, nodding her head in the direction of the weeping woman. She wanted a few moments alone with Lucy and, besides, it was hospital etiquette to inform staff that visiting medics were present.
She tapped gently on the door. ‘Can I come in, Lucy?’
Lucy sniffed away the tears. ‘Dr Carruthers. It’s good of you to come and see us.’ Sarah slipped over to the side of the bed.
‘May I?’ she said, holding out her arms for the baby.
Wordlessly Lucy passed her daughter to Sarah. Sarah pushed back the blanket wrapping the baby to reveal a tiny face with rosebud lips. Blue eyes fixed on her face for a few seconds before scrunching up as the infant started to wail.
‘Oh, dear,’ said Sarah, ‘I think I’ve unsettled her.’
‘It’s not you,’ Lucy replied, joining her baby in loud sobs, ‘it’s me. She’s hungry and I can’t get her to feed. I didn’t manage to breastfeed Neil,’ she hiccuped, ‘and I really wanted to feed this baby myself. But I can’t.’
‘It’s not easy these first few days. It took me quite a few goes before I could get the hang of things,’ Sarah confided softly.
‘You?’ Lucy said disbelievingly. ‘You look like someone who manages to do everything perfectly first time.’ But she looked interested and her tears were beginning to dry up.
Sarah laughed. ‘That’s just because people think doctors know everything but we don’t. We’re just the same as everyone else underneath. I promise you, I shed a good few tears when I first tried to feed my baby. But you know what? I had someone who spent quite a bit of time showing me how it was done and sat with me until I felt confident. Would you like me to help you?’
‘Could you? I mean, are you sure you’re not too busy?’
‘Too busy to help a fellow mum? Never. Here, let me help you fix baby on.’ Sarah perched on the bed beside Lucy and her infant.
Within a few moments and after only one or two false starts the baby was sucking contentedly at her mother’s breast.
Lucy and Sarah smiled at each other. ‘There you go! I’ll come up later and see how you’re getting on.’ Sarah noticed Lucy’s eyes drift towards the door. She turned around to find Jamie standing there, his expression inscrutable. She had no idea how long he’d been watching them.
‘I can see you have your hands full, Mrs Croy,’ he said. ‘I’ll come up and see you another time.’ He nodded to Sarah. ‘Ready?’
As Sarah and Jamie were about to leave, one of the nursing staff came bustling over. She was small and curvaceous with dark hair tied in a thick plait that fell down her back.
‘Jamie, are we still on for tonight?’ She touched him on the shoulder with a familiarity that set Sarah’s teeth on edge. Was this woman the reason he hadn’t called last night? Not that his love life was anything to do with her, she reminded herself.
‘Sure. I’m on call, so we can’t eat anywhere too far from the hospital.’ Jamie slid a look in Sarah’s direction. ‘By the way, this is my colleague and the accident and emergency’s new head of department, Dr Sarah Carruthers. Sarah, this is Annie Walker, midwife in charge of the postnatal ward.’
Annie looked at Sarah appraisingly. ‘Pleased to meet you. Nice work yesterday, by the way. I’ve never seen such beautiful stitching,’ she said warmly. ‘Lucy has a lot to thank you and Jamie for.’ Annie looked at Jamie with blatant admiration. ‘Let’s not go out. Why don’t I cook and we can have a lazy night in?’ Her eyes twinkled, leaving Sarah in no doubt as to the kind of lazy night she had in mind.
‘Nice to meet you, but if you’ll both excuse me, I have work to do.’ If Jamie thought she had nothing better to do than be a witness to his love life then he was much mistaken. ‘I’ll see you back in the department once I’ve been to see Mr James.’ She was aware she sounded a little frosty, but couldn’t help herself.
Jamie glanced at her, amusement warming his eyes. A half-smile played on his lips. ‘I’ll be along in a minute.’
Grief, he couldn’t possibly think she was jealous. Sarah glared at him before turning on her heel.
Mr James was still in Intensive Care, but the nursing staff expected him to be moved out to the cardiology ward in a day or two. His wife, an elderly lady with bright eyes and a shock of white hair, was by his bedside.
‘This is Dr Carruthers, Mary.’ Mr James’s voice was raspy from the tube that he’d had in earlier to help him breathe, and Sarah knew it would take a couple of days for any residual swelling to dissipate. ‘She saved my life.’
Mary wrapped Sarah’s hands in hers.
‘Thank you so much, Doctor. He’s a grumpy old so and so, but he’s very precious to me.’
‘We were only doing our job. But although he seems to be doing well, he’s not out of the woods quite yet.’ She didn’t want to frighten the elderly couple, but a ruptured aorta, serious enough in a younger man, could be devastating in a man of Bill’s years. She turned to the old man. ‘You had us a little baffled for a while. Luckily for us, Dr Campbell picked up on your husband’s condition in time.’
‘Where is that young man of yours? I want to thank him, too.’
‘Young man of mine?’ Sarah said, puzzled. Just what was he talking about?
‘Your young man—the other doctor. We’d like to thank him, too.’
‘You mean Dr Campbell?’ Sarah laughed nervously. ‘He’s not my young man. Whatever gave you that idea?’
‘I wasn’t so out of it that I didn’t notice the way he was looking at you,’ Bill insisted. Sarah felt her cheeks redden.
‘Shush Bill,’ his wife cautioned. ‘You’re embarrassing the young doctor. I’m sure she doesn’t want to discuss her personal life with an old fool like you.’ Despite the words, Sarah could see the very real love that existed between the couple. She sighed. Some people were so lucky. To find love and be able to hang onto it.
‘How long have you two been married?’
‘Fifty years.’ Mary smiled at her husband ‘And it seems like yesterday. When you meet the right one, dear, you hang on to him for all you’re worth. Real love doesn’t come along more than once. I almost lost my Bill during the war. If he hadn’t come back to me, that would have been it. I would never have married anyone else.’
Bill looked over Sarah’s shoulder. ‘Oh, here he is. Your young man.’
Jamie raised a quizzical eyebrow as he entered the room. ‘Whose young man?’
Really, the man had the most annoying habit of arriving at the most inopportune moments! Sarah thought irritably.
‘I can assure you both that while Dr Campbell has plenty of lady friends, I am not among them.’ Now what was she doing? She sounded like som
ething out of a nineteenth-century novel. She could see by the glint in Jamie’s eyes that he was enjoying her discomfort.
‘And what makes you so sure I have plenty of lady friends? One at a time has always been enough for me,’ he replied
‘Too much in some cases,’ Sarah muttered under her breath to him. ‘Anyway,’ she said, moving towards the door, ‘I really must go and see the patients in the department. You both take care of yourselves. Let me know if you need anything.’
Leaving Jamie chatting with the elderly couple, Sarah found her way back to the emergency department. Lizzie greeted her with a smile.
‘How did you find Mr James? And Lucy? I heard that you and Jamie had gone up to see them.’
Sarah brought Lizzie up to date. ‘I’m still a little concerned about Bill. He and his wife seem to think that everything’s absolutely fine and that he’ll be gone home in a few days. I just hope they’re right.’
‘It’s up to the cardiology staff now. We’ve done our bit. Oh, by the way, Housekeeping brought up some theatre greens for you. It’ll save your clothes from getting stained. You know where the changing rooms are.’
‘Thanks, Lizzie. Is there anyone I need to see first?’
‘Just the usual run-of-the-mill twisted ankles and sore throats. Dr Thompson, Keith, is stitching up a young man who had an accident with a tiling cutter and Karen is supervising the medical students at the moment. We have a couple of patients waiting for X-rays and one in the plaster room,’ Lizzie said as she checked the board on which all the patients being seen were logged. ‘That’s it. Between us we have everything under control. The juniors know to call you or Dr Campbell if they have any concerns and before they discharge anyone home.’ She looked at Sarah speculatively. ‘By the way, how do you and Jamie know each other?’
It was a question Sarah had been dreading. ‘We trained together,’ she said evasively. Although she liked and trusted the young nurse in front of her, she wasn’t ready to divulge too much of her private life. Hospitals had always been hotbeds of gossip and the last thing she wanted was for her and Jamie to become the main topic.